9
10

My Anger Phase (self.marriedredpill)

jonny_napalm が 投稿

Told her to give me a blow job last night and she refused. It's a first. She: "so we're not having sex now just because of that?" Me: "no, you're boring me". Admittedly not the best way to handle it, but it's been a long time coming. I slept alone, which was fine, and took care of myself this morning. And sure, it's just one BJ, but it brought to light something I've sensed over the past little while. The past few months I've started to notice a decline in her enthusiasm, but now it's staring me eye to eye.

I've been lurking here for a while but still held on to NAWALT. Nope, forget the N. Logically, I can't blame her, but I guess right now I am in the anger phase. I know well enough that this is mine to deal with alone, but it hurts none the less.

It was about a year ago that I began to swallow the 'redpill' (though I wasn't aware of this community then). I was talking to my wife about how I felt that I didn't have anything for myself. I used to do martial arts, played guitar in a metal band, had jonny_napalm time. Instead of encouragement I got shit on because, "this family should be all you need!" WTF. She used to love going to shows being my 'rock star girlfriend'. That was my first realization that I was alone in this and, emotionally, I kind of cashed out. Acta non verba; started snowboarding again last winter. But the betaization process was still in effect.

Before I met my wife 12 years ago, I guess you could have called me MGTOW. I never really did relationships that well, but still racked up a a respectable n-count. It was my independence that attracted her in the first place. Hell, it was only 4 years ago that I allowed her to share the same room with me. Now I feel lonely when she doesn't sleep by my side. Betaization. I've been slowly slipping into her frame. I see that now.

I support two kids and a SAHM. I paid for her to go back to school. She loves the truck I bought her. But none of that can buy a blow job. Not that it should, just saying I feel a bit used right now. Yeah, I am angry right now. Angry at myself for getting into this situation. Angry that while supporting her in every way (because I do love her) I am, at the same time, losing her attraction to me. Comfort tests used to annoy me, but it's been a while since I've had to deal with that.

My marital situation is not that far gone; actually pretty good compared to most. However, good is not good enough for me, I want to be stellar! Thankfully, I found MRP and now can diagnose the problem, so...

Fuck this, I'm taking back my life. Gonna go do some deadlifts now.

全 28 件のコメント
並べ替え:
ベスト
トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]MRPguyMarried 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Take back your life by fixing yourself. You paying for a truck, working hard, doesn't matter to her. Eliminate the covert contracts.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 5ポイント6ポイント  (5子コメント)

Interesting contrast showing the range of guys we deal with. Yesterday featured a guy who had not had sex with his wife in 2 years. This guy gets turned down for a BJ for the first time ever and loses his mind.

Yet both of them were filled to the brim with covert contracts and anger. Interesting.

[–]MRPguyMarried 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

We are the more romantic of the sexes. We want partnership and submission. As has been said, if it was just about an orgasm we would jerk off and be done with it.

So yeah, a guy can have sex 5 times a week or once in 3 years and in both cases be lacking the submissive and feminine partner that his masculinity craves.

[–]What_is_real_anymoreUnplugging 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

It's because the anger we feel is us waking up to "I am living a castrated version of the man I thought I would be". Irrespective of sexual frequency, we want to have desire and femininity in our wives. We want them to want us, and we want to want them. When we unplug, we realize that the only way to get there is to want ourselves. And we're mourning our lost years and we're mourning our incompetence because deep down, we know we can be better. That's why reading the sidebar is so crucial - because it focuses that anger on ourselves to create a hot fire in which we can forge ourselves into men.

Seriously BPP, if you do nothing else in this life, go to your grave knowing you have given of yourself selflessly to lift up dying men. Cheers.

[–]jonny_napalm[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

I am living a castrated version of the man I thought I would be

Yup, and I think recently I've begun to resign myself to that fact. The above post was my wake up call. The "no bitch gonna tie me down" guy I was in my twenties is gone, but some of those lessons that guy taught need to be re-learned.

[–]PersaeusMarried 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

The only difference is calibration of what each will accept. A very important factor for all to consider .

[–]stonepimpletilistsHARD CORE NAVY RED 4ポイント5ポイント  (4子コメント)

/u/iratemd i believe talked about guys in AA. having epiphanies. They fall off the wagon jus as fast. the ones who stick are the ones who slowly but surely build successess after successes, small but sure.

Don't be a weekend warrior, just quietly build small successes. don't be a faggot and think you just need to go 8 rounds with apollo, without doing the montage before hand

[–]cj_aubreyMRP APPROVED 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

/u/iratemd i believe talked about guys in AA. having epiphanies. They fall off the wagon jus as fast. the ones who stick are the ones who slowly but surely build successess after successes, small but sure.

Maybe I can explain the causality a bit more. He's correct that epiphanies/spiritual experiences/moments of clarity are temporary. They generally give people a chance to recover and start in a new direction. The ones that make it do "slowly but surely build successess after successes". They do this by regularly and consistently doing the day to day things to maintain recovery (going to 3-5 meetings per week, daily readings, washing coffee cups, calling people), while also doing to 12 steps to systematically face their big scary internal problems and change. There are a lot of parallels with how people make progress here. Source: more than a decade sober.

[–]jonny_napalm[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I was thinking the same thing. My complacency has been a very slow process, and I know it's gonna take some time to get back to the place I need to be.

[–]RPNoober 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Montage is life

[–]stonepimpletilistsHARD CORE NAVY RED 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Can't remember who it was, his OYS posts over a 3 month period read like a montage, it was like watching him learn karate, even after the foot sweep hurt him

[–]kingslayermcnugget 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Anger communicates to her that you have broken your frame. That was the realization that got me out of the anger phase. You're not going to make any progress until you have a IDGAF grin plastered on your face. I'm sure there's some more nuance to that, as I'm only 4 months into this journey, but it's a step in the right direction.

Second tip: Before you give the "Fuck me or Fuck you" make sure you have damn close to a six pack. And also, I'd sell that truck of hers before the FMoFY as well (don't replace it with a beater, but it'll send a message).

[–]over60_stupid_lonerRP S.O.B. 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

I was talking to my wife about how I felt that I didn't have anything for myself.

Actions not words. This will never work for you, but will work great for her.

Instead of encouragement I got shit

It is not her job to encourage her little boy. Get rid of the your fantasies about "relationships" (puke).

I never really did relationships that well,

This appears to be an understatement.

It was my independence that attracted her in the first place.

Were you really that independent, or was she dependent and looking to settle?

only 4 years ago that I allowed her to share the same room with me.

This sounds a little autistic.

I feel a bit used right now

Did your BetaBux life backfire on you? Are you being used, BECAUSE YOU ARE ALLOWING IT.

I am angry right now

Nobody cares that you are angry. Your anger gives her power over you. You are not special.

while supporting her in every way (because I do love her) I am, at the same time, losing her attraction to me.

Well, Mr. Beta-Bux wuvs his girl and she takes advantage of his weak pussy ways. This is Red Pill 101.

OP you are just skimming the surface of MRP. Go back and quit just lurking and start with lifting and the side bar to do the work on you first.

You have made a start, Best of Luck.

[–]jonny_napalm[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (1子コメント)

Were you really that independent, or was she dependent and looking to settle?

I was that independent. Actually dumped her at one point because I didn't want to be tied down. She gave me the option to do ONS with other women, and I figured that was a fair enough deal. We did a threesome with an ex of mine. All this was long ago.

It's been a slow but steady slip into domesticity, but I let it happen.

You have made a start, Best of Luck

Thanks. Started lifting again last month.

[–]over60_stupid_lonerRP S.O.B. 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It will get better when you kill your ego that keeps you (anyone) in a beta mindset.

We have all been there, the next steps are yours.

[–]PurpleVeteran 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Instead of encouragement I got shit on because, "this family should be all you need!" WTF. She used to love going to shows being my 'rock star girlfriend'.

Married with 2 young kids? She's not your 20-something girlfriend/groupie any more, so stop looking for her validation. I bet there were plenty of things you did while courting that you don't do any more.

Me: "no, you're boring me" [...] I've started to notice a decline in her enthusiasm

Are you seducing her, or just demanding BJs? I can't imagine why she'd be dry and uninterested.

I feel a bit used right now. [...] Angry that while supporting her in every way (because I do love her) I am, at the same time, losing her attraction to me.

You're blaming her for a lack of enthusiasm, but it sounds like you resent her right back. You're the man -- supporting your family is the baseline. You don't get any bonus points for paying the bills and doing chores, you just lose them when you don't.

Comfort tests used to annoy me, but it's been a while since I've had to deal with that.

The lack of comfort tests should be a warning sign. Either (a) she's not worried about the relationship or (b) she doesn't care about it. What level of dread are you on? You clearly haven't started building frame. It's time to stop with the covert contracts -- including expectations for on-demand BJs -- and work through your own anger. If you want to do martial arts or play in a band, then find the time to do it on your own.

After you fix your own shit, then you can invite her into your frame, and she'll be happy to come.

[–]ex_addict_broDivorced 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

She loves the truck I bought her.

Oh, I bet she does. Mine SAHM used the SUV I bought her to travel to another city to see her ex a few times over 1.5 half year (but of course "nothing happened we just talked") and drove her another lover after fucking him to a casino. Funny, it was also about 12 years until I divorced. Ha, I returned to DJ-ing 2 years ago and bought a snowboard this year. Do you have a longboard? Man, we could be longboard brothers this weekend.

Marriage. Not even once.

You can fix it, you can take her back - maybe. Unless she is BPD. I somehow start to believe that guys success here does not mean a lot about them but it speaks a lot about quality of their wives.

[–]Aechzen 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

guys success here does not mean a lot about them but it speaks a lot about quality of their wives.

It's both them and their wives, but dread only works if the woman still wants the guy.

[–]jonny_napalm[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Highly doubt she's cheating, but I suppose nothing is out of the realm of possibilities. She's definitely not BDP.

I somehow start to believe that guys success here does not mean a lot about them but it speaks a lot about quality of their wives

If by that you mean that if I put the effort in, will she respond? Absolutely sure of it. I used to get things like, "I'm scared you're trying to replace me" from her all the time, but recently not so much.

[–]il-est-ressusciteFrenchy 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

I bet that the fact that you sound like you are about as far from a laugh riot as it is possible to be is a large part of your problem. Nobody like a crybaby. Don't be one. That goes for incendiary jelly too lol.

Also, family life, no matter how stellar is not enough to sustain anyone. That goes for your wife too. If she really believes that then help her see the error of her ways.

[–]CinnaMagisterMarried 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you're angry, be angry. Don't try to convince yourself you're not. Take the time to really process it.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

There isn't much Red Pill in your post, so don't get overconfident about where you're at on the journey.
Who cares what she thinks, do things you enjoy without worrying whether she approves, amused mastery, and maybe try going mink mode for a few months so you can practice not exhibiting a beta butthurt reaction when she doesn't give you the sex you want. Remember, she's telling you she isn't attracted to you. You sound like you had a solid thing going with being in a band and that's a great area to start again. Of course she doesn't want to go to those shows with you anymore you idiot! Too much competition for her to cope. So get back to inviting her to shows and going when she backs out. Then talk casually about all the great tail that comes out to those shows.

[–]jonny_napalm[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

I do miss playing music. When the kids are a little older and more self sufficient I have every intention on getting back into it.

all the great tail that comes out to those shows

Yup!

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just be wary of putting things off "until there's time" - make time and make routines. Demonstrate discipline of your schedule.

[–]JDRoedell 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I play the drums. Have since high school. About three years ago I got back into it after years away. I have two young kids and to be honest, unless you are waiting until they are in college you'll be disappointed. You've just got to make time for yourself. A year ago I found a group to jam with and we occasionally do open mics but that's it. The perfect amount of commitment for me now. It's been a great hobby I enjoy and is part of my dread MAP. Rock on, man!

[–]jonny_napalm[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Music tends to be a very encompassing hobby for me. Writing, rehearsing, gigging, recording all takes time. Kids are 10 and 9 right now. In a few years they will be more interested in spending time with friends than with me, but right now I don't want to deprive them. Agree about the music/ dread relationship, though. Rock on, bro!