Thinking of wifing up? Think again. Consider your bride to be and some factors about yourself before you do, and determine your score.

Age of Woman

• < 18 -3
• 18-19 -2
• 20-21 -1
• 22-24 +0
• 25-29 -1
• 30-34 -2
• 35-39 -3
• 40+ -2

N-Count

• 0 +0
• 1-3 -1
• 4-9 -2
• 10-14 -3
• 15+ -4

Marital Status

• Never Married +0
• Widowed -1
• Divorced -2
• Multiple divorces -3

Children

• 0 +0
• 1, >24yo -1
• 1, >17yo -2
• 1, 13-17yo -3
• 1, <13yo -4
• 2 -1 (in addition to above)
• 3+ -2 (in addition to above)

Age Difference (Hers minus yours)

• +1 to -3 +0
• -4 to -8 -1
• -9 to -14 -2
• -15 to -24 -3
• -25 or more -4
• +2 to +3 -1
• +4 to +5 -2
• +6 to +9 -3
• +10 or more -4

Education

• <High school -3
• High school -2
• Some college -1
• bachelor's degree +0
• graduate studies -1
• STEM +0
• social science (other than economics) -2
• gender studies and the like -3
• other fields -1

Total Score

• +0 You are a liar who fantasizes about being in your youth and bagging a 22 yo virgin with a STEM degree.
• -1 to -4 Congratulations, you have minimized your risks but still face about a 1 in 4 chance of getting divorced
• -5 to -9 You win a blue (pill) ribbon; your life is now a coin toss.
• -10 to -15 You are this guy
• -16 to -20 You are worse than that guy
• -21 to -25 You are totally fucked

Lesson Learned

Don't get married, you always score below zero.

PS: Feel free to suggest additional factors to consider.