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Sean Anderson, a dumbass, was one of the final Bundy militia dumbasses to surrender to the FBI and thus cease fightin’ tyranny at the Malheur Wildlife Bird Refuge Thingie in Oregon. And he is like so sorry for what he did, which was be a dumbass, and also he made some really insane videos like the one above when he was at the refuge, which subsequently went viral. Seriously, so sorry, his bad, will not happen again:

Oregon standoff defendant Sean Anderson apologized Wednesday for his video rants that went viral when he was one of the last occupiers at the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. […]

“I was very embarrassed,” he said, when earlier this week he watched the videos played in court for the first time.

“I am very ashamed of it,” he said.

ICYMI

FBI Video Conclusively Shows Oregon Militia Guy Shot Dead By Cops Was Not Unarmed Black Teen
But you see, he was very scurred! Poor LaVoy Finicum had been murdered in cold blood by the feds, just because he was reaching for a weapon at the time. Anderson thought they were going to murder him in cold blood too! Specifically he said he “heard the FBI was going to come in and kill all of us.”

Related

Oregon Standoff Ends In Arrests, Disappointment At Failure To Spark Revolution
And as yr Dok Zoom was live-tweeting the final, ultimately peaceful standoff and eventual surrender, it does sound like Anderson was in severe danger of making #OopsDooky in his overalls.

He saw a helicopter. It made him a-feared. Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore told him it was a Medevac helicopter. He knew it was probably for his dead body!

He saw a bird. It was a scary bird, unlike all the other birds in the fucking bird sanctuary, which Sean Anderson enjoyed. “Chirp chirp!” they would say, and he took it as an understanding between them that he was also saving THE BIRDS from tyranny.

But this was a crow. Crows are not just regular common birds. They are also #Omens. Sandy Anderson, Sean’s wife, explained the symbolism of the moment when she pointed out that a group of crows is called a “murder,” which is what the feds were about to do to them, probably.

Anyway, the point is he was scared. But the judge says he can go home now to Idaho while he awaits trial, as long as he doesn’t use TwitterFace or make YouTube videos, and he’s not allowed to “intimidate” his wife, who also faces charges.

Oh, and he’s also not allowed to play with ANY militia groups up there in Idaho, how is that even fair? Didn’t he say he was REAL sorry?

[OregonLive via Talking Points Memo]

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  • dslindc

    Nope sorry, stupid actions have consequences.

  • lucidamente

    Second Amendment solution, meet Sixth Amendment solution.

  • limberrat

    I’m sorry I publicly called on people to kill federal agents who went above and beyond being patient.

  • Oneofthebobs

    More deeply held beliefs.

    • arglebargle

      Derply held.

      • kareemachan

        VERY deep.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Great…an incipient wife-beater as well. Why does this not surprise me?

    • kareemachan

      From what she says, could be a hubby-beater.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        We can only hope…

  • beatbort

    Did they take away his arsenal of guns? In my state, someone who has made violent threats must be relieved of their weaponry until AFTER their day in court, and the only way they can get the guns back is by being not guilty.
    This man is not not guilty.

  • limberrat

    SQUIRREL!!!!

  • Malmborg Implano

    He’ll love federal prison. There’s tons of neo-Nazi types there just like him. They can write fanfics and do LARPs and just sit around and dream of Helter Skelter all day..

    • Belasaurius

      MANSONS LIBELZ!!!

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Without all the sex.

  • FauxAntocles

    OT, but I dreamt about Justin Trudeau last night (nothing kinky, SHADDUP!). I blame Evan.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      That really is not very OT to me….ever.
      I have no regrets.

    • deanbooth

      I dreamed I went to the race track and put a bet on the horse Roosevelt to win. He won, but I didn’t have my bet receipt thingie. Um… Hillary wins but we don’t take the House?

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    It’s unpossible for him not to play with no militia types in Idaho: his wife is one, and she has been a stirrin’ up crap on social media pretty much non-stop.

    Judge done gone got snookered.

    • jmhm

      I think Oregon just wants them gone.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I pray to God there is a court order forbidding these two Neanderthals from breeding.

  • Jay Vaughn

    In fairness birds are fucking scary. Those fucked up eyes.

    • Little feathered dinosaurs always eyeing you… “we used to eat your kind,” they think. “Offer us your food to appease us, mammal.”

  • onedollarjuana

    Just to be clear, was it the “person” Sean Anderson or the “individual” Sean Anderson that was allowed to go home?

    • FauxAntocles

      In a Solomonic move, person stays in Oregon, induhvidual goes home.

      • FauxAntocles

        With an assist from the Dementors…

  • anwisok

    Should’ve kept him in. Who knows if he’s gonna show up for trial?

    • limberrat

      Well now he’ll go home, buy equipment with money he doesn’t have, and play fortress for when the feds come to pick him up.

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        The judge should order a limit on the number of couch cushions he has to build his fort.

        • limberrat

          No Girls allowed!

  • HanBarbara

    It was a three-eyed Raven…..

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      “For the Watch!”

      • Lizzietish81

        SNOWBOWL HYPE!

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Does Anderson need more Bran?

    • The Wanderer

      Hugin and Munin?

    • PubOption

      Knock knock knocking on my tarp…

      • SuspectedDemocrat

        Quoth the judge, “Nevermore.”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It was a government crowbot drone!

      So, not a real #omen, but still a harbinger of death in another way.

      • limberrat

        You called?

    • kareemachan

      Nah, it was NANKIL’SLAS, Raven the Trickster.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Sorry? Sorry excuse for a Human, I’m afrai—no, wait, that’s your job…

  • Treg.Brown

    “I am very ashamed of it,” he said.

    Brave fucking Patriot. That’s just what Thomas Paine would have said too.

    • Msgr_Moment

      “If this be treason, keep your options open.”

    • Oneofthebobs

      Tough guys who can’t take the heat.

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      “I regret that I have but one apology to give to my country.”

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      I regret that I have but one pair of underwear to give for my country.

      • Pickwicknext

        But it’s his lucky pair!

        • Blank Ron

          Bought ’em off a Mormon.

  • Rick Hill

    I smell a marketing opportunity, here(no pun intended) Someone get Depends on the phone…

    • Msgr_Moment

      Winnie the Poo undies?

      • Pickwicknext

        Whiney the Pooh. FTFY

  • Lefty Frizzell

    He was embarrassed. Well that’s OK then, let him go!

    Seriously though – this is not over until Jesus forgives him. That’s the chain of command: citizen<-county sheriff<-Jesus

    • Rick Hill

      citizen<-county sheriff<-Jesus
      Gotta say the magic words first: "I'm sorry, Jeebus"

  • Msgr_Moment

    He saw a bird. It was a scary bird, unlike all the other birds in the fucking bird sanctuary, which Sean Anderson enjoyed.

    My own little birdie. I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him.

    • Me not sure

      “Of Ducks and Monsters”

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        No fair. I didn’t get to keep my George *pout*

  • Behold the mighty Red Dawn cosplayer in his native environment: huddling in a corner in shit filled underwear.

  • limberrat

    “He saw a bird. It was a scary bird, unlike all the other birds in the fucking bird sanctuary, which Sean Anderson enjoyed.”

    Well, considering what he did to the sanctuary, I get the impression he didn’t like birds that much.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    There must be some factory farm in Idaho where they grow these white supremacist/sovereign citizen/Patriot shitbags hydroponically, then ship them to other states where there’s a shortage.

  • The Wanderer

    Bets on how long it takes for him to violate his pretrial release?

    • limberrat

      Within a week.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I had no idea the Feds could see that youtube video I made of me hanging out with my militia? Don’t they need a warrant?”

        • Villago Delenda Est

          What is frightening is that they probably would actually say this.

    • Me not sure

      What time is it now?

    • Barnaby_Rudge

      “Dude, hold my beer!”

    • Pickwicknext

      Yesterday? On the jailhouse steps

  • Lefty Frizzell

    This pussy sounds like one day in solitary would get him to denounce the entire sovereign citizen movement, in detail, live, on Blitzer, Matthews, Hannity, Beck, Blaze and Jones simulcast.

    • The Wanderer

      Jones would say that the CIA and the Washington Post sprayed chemtrail juice on him.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        The dirty bastards

  • Gayer Than Thou

    OMG, I am so going to start a theme park/adventure camp where you can pretend to be under siege by federal agents and live out that fantasy. I’m going to be a very very rich man.

    • Antimassacree

      Especially if you charge extra for the adult diapers.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The Last Standoff Thrill Ride will be a big hit.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        “You must be this dumb to ride this ride.”

        • nightmoth

          Please include a hilly ATV track where safety helmets are forbidden.

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        Not to forget the every Friday Dildo Roundup!

    • SuspectedDemocrat

      Of course you’ll have to include this ride, painted black.

      http://www.quassy.com/files/8313/6872/8535/rides_family_Helicopters.jpg

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Except that the “ride” part is crawling around on the ground under them.

        • willi0000000

          throw another foot or so of shit under there.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You’ll be able to save on overhead by not having to provide trash pickup or restroom facilities. More authentic that way!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I can’t wait to visit the Deface Native American Artifacts interactive exhibit!

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        And the always festive Fire Induced Animal Drive!

    • limberrat

      Are tinfoil hats included?

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        For the professional wingnut: http://www.stopabductions.com/

        • limberrat

          How do I know he isn’t one of THEM??? He isn’t wearing that hat at ALL times!!! OMGGGG!!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “Only one failure since 1998.”

          Well, that’s quite a track record. Of course, where the eff is the track…

          • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

            Actually, my elephant repellent has a perfect track record…

          • Blank Ron

            Can I buy some off you? There’s a suspicious number of peanut shells in my back yard.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Nothing is “included.” What is that, socialism? Everything is extra, because free market.

        • limberrat

          You are right! Free market FTW!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      I would very much like to work for you. You could put me in charge of the photo booth

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Anybody working concessions for the park will have to be in costume as a Jack-Booted Federal Thug.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      Will there be a daily re-enactment of the Shootout at the OK Finicum Truck?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Characters are not available for photos one half hour before the show, so that they can prepare. We hope you understand.

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      ^^^ This is what’s going to make America great again!

    • SadDemInTex

      We need more up votes and a Kickstarter campaign!!!!

  • Belasaurius

    i’d be embarrassed too, the lighting in that video is just awful

  • Lizzietish81

    I saw a bird…in a bird sanctuary.

    • FauxAntocles

      Shocking!

    • Pickwicknext

      Oh FSM, next you’ll be telling me you saw a cloud in the sky!

      • willi0000000

        i saw it . . . and i yelled at it too!

        [ damn kids and their… ]

        • proudgrampa

          Get that bird off my lawn!!

      • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

        When I was a child
        I caught a fleeting glimpse
        Out of the corner of my eye
        I turned to look but it was gone
        I cannot put my finger on it now…

        • SeeTrain65

          Comfortably Dumb. (The Bundyite, not you, Thatsitfor Theotherwon, obvs.)

    • Belasaurius

      seems legit

    • Mary Sandoras

      It was a bird spy drone, no doubt. Confirmed by the bird shouting, “The FBIs coming to take you away, hehe,haha, to the funny farm

      https://www.google.com/search?q=american+spy+bird+drone&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiphJ_X2MXMAhXMcz4KHR7uDmUQsAQIIw&biw=1366&bih=651

  • Scooby

    If I were him I would have gone with “It’s Obamas fault”

  • Oneofthebobs

    A group of crows is called a murder, a group of idiots is called a militia.

    • limberrat

      I thought a group of idiots is called a Bundy?

      • Oneofthebobs

        That’s a sub-species.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        A turd-trench of Bundies

      • Pickwicknext

        I thought it was a Trump rally?

      • hollydturner

        “hey look at that bundy”,”don’t even waste your breath on it – it’s a bundy”. … Bundy is an adjective to describe a “idiot,” who typically wears a wife-beater, shit kicker boots, and a gun in a side holster.

      • Wonkaholic

        A group of dildos is called a bundy. Sighting a bundy of dildos is rare, however, as they normally don’t travel en masse (except in Oregon and sometimes Nevada and Michigan).

  • It seems like now is the time to FINALLY get my heavy metal “A Flock of Seagulls” cover band off the ground. Yes, we will be called “A Murder of Crows”, why do you ask?

    • Thatsitfor Theotherwon

      You’ll need to fix the hair…

  • fawkedifiknow

    Who among us has not used firearms to take over a wildlife sanctuary, holed up in the place for weeks on end, trashed it, got a friend kilt, and made a dumb as fuck youtube video? Judge not, lest ye be judged, I always says.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      It’s not as if he was trying to sell cigarettes without a license or changing lanes without signaling or anything.

    • jmhm

      I think ‘judge not lest you be judged’ is a little more literal when these people say it.

    • limberrat

      I knew I forgot to do something the last several times…next time I’ll make a youtube video when I occupy a preserve! That’ll get people’s attention when I occupy a preserve protesting the tyrannical government!

    • AnOuthouse

      That’s when I learned never to mix vodka with gin.

      • nmmagyar

        Gin is the Devil’s semen

  • kareemachan

    Well, that didn’t take long.

    Lulz.

    And hey, crows are smart animals. I like corvids. So don’t get all “ooooo, this is a BAD omen!” about a crow, sweetie.

    Also, STFU, you sniveling coward.

    • Helena Handbag

      Crows are amazing. I’d pit a crow against a Trump supporter in a problem solving exercise any day.

      • Rick Hill

        Someone posted yesterday about a traffic jam near a Turnip rally. Seems those flks didn’t know how to stay on sidewalks and were wandering among traffic to cross the road.

      • Pickwicknext

        I would use a headless chicken, but same outcome

      • Paganish

        Odin had a pair of ravens: Hugin and Munnin (“Thought” and “Memory”)

        • Helena Handbag

          Thanks, as a descendant (probably) of Vikings I should know these things. I thought it had something more to do with Huggin’ & Kissin’ but that’s just me.

  • LesBontemps

    He didn’t see a bird; he saw America flipping him the bird.

  • Rick Hill

    Ok, I mentioned the product tie in opportunity, the copy is starting to just write itself: “When yur in tha wilderness, overthrowing tyranicall gubments, you can’t just haul yerself to the nearest tree to take care of nature’s bidness. That’s why I use Depends. Keeps freedom safe while keeping me comfortable. Oh, Crap! What was that? Oh, just a chipmunk…not to worry. My depends worked just fine….”

    • junior friggster

      I need a pair after reading that wonderful comment!

      But I’m not ashamed!

  • Lizzietish81

    I’ll tell you what I saw…a blue canary on the outlet by the light switch

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFfmNQbcucw

    • Pickwicknext

      Does it watch over you?

  • Belasaurius

    let’s all just be glad this guy didn’t make an amateur porn video

    • nmmagyar

      …yet. They have to do something since GoFundMe no longer allows folks to raise money for criminal defenses.

  • wurman

    Speculative “anti-conspiracy hypothesis” that may become a theory: FBI counsels with the judge. Judge lets this maroon loose and back into the community. FBI watches their pet lunatic and they suss out all of his contacts as he visits the various militias, cammy jammy commandos, and assorted seditionists around his Idaho habitat. Yahoodies. Got names, locations, cell phone numbers, and computer sites for follow-up.

    • sw19womble

      BUT THATS WHAT “THEY”! WANT YOU TO THINK!!!!

  • Jen_Baker_VA

    He’s not allowed to intimidate his wife?
    Is…there a thing in there? Is yet another SovCit a serial abuser of family members?

    • limberrat

      I thought they were in love???? That’s what they were bitching about when they didn’t want to be arrested!!!

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        I am assuming love to these nuts is do what I say or I’ll fucking beat you. Just based on other stories about how these USA Americans treat their children and spouses.

        • limberrat

          Seriously though, it wouldn’t surprise me if behind the scenes he is an abusive dick to his wife. I knew a guy very much like him who was a massive tool to his wife and was just hostile to all women. I also think he was massively closeted as well (I wish I was kidding).

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            I know you are not kidding. I know those guys as well.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            By definition, anything that Sean Anderson is, he is massively. How much of that French vanilla creamer did he ingest?

  • artem1s

    Good on this asshole that he can admit he is ashamed of himself. Now go home and tell all your gun humping friends that they are all A Idiots. That throwing out your chest and bragging about how you are going to take on THE FEDs and water the tree of liberty does not make you a Patriot, it makes you look stoopid. Your pals that militia cosplay on the weekends in their garages are putzes. Go find some new friends. Spend your free time at a library or community college learning some history from the nice liberal librarians and teachers there. They are nice. And they will never, ever ask you to sit in a shit filled ditch with them for freedum.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Perhaps they might consider actually joining the military and getting their shit together.

      Naw, they’ll be all “you’re not the boss of me” and back out on the street again, being dumbasses.

      • Malaclypse

        even with the relaxed physical rules, I doubt many of the artists in residence at Malheur would make the cut.

  • Randy Riddle

    Eating crow? I thought guys like this had no shame.

  • TheBidenator

    Sean Anderson looks like a Walrus that got de-tusked….

  • witsended

    I think I have found a way for him to occupy his spare time while he is waiting to go to court, it might even bring a smile to his wife’s face.

    MS-13 GANG MEMBER DIED TRYING TO GOLD PLATE HIS GENITALS.

    An L.A. gang member, Nazario Conchuza Gonzalez, who is part of the infamous Ms-13 gang, also called Mara Salvatrucha, has died of medical complications after attempting to gold plate his own genitals to celebrate his 21th birthday.

    The young man that is originally from El Salvador and is an active member of the MS-13 crime family is believed to have attempted to gold plate his own genitals with a professional automotive gold plater stolen from a local garage after first painting his genitals with a lead-based paint, believe experts.

    The 21-year old man who was allegedly a fan of the 2002 American comedy movie Goldmember, which is a loose parody of the James Bond films Goldfinger, had taken the Spanish nickname of “Pelotas de oro”, or golden testicles, before attempting to gold plate his own genitals to his ultimate demise.

    http://police4life.info/2016/05/04/ms-13-gang-member-died-trying-to-gold-plate-his-genitals/

    • willi0000000

      that! is! so! beautiful!

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      Darwin just jumped up and howled at the moon.

    • Logic of Color

      Picts or it didn’t…no wait nevermind

      • Jen_Baker_VA

        SAY!!!! You know who else likes yoooge and classy genitals?

        • Logic of Color

          Mrs Of Color?

          • Jen_Baker_VA

            Ok, you win, that was smooth.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not a fan of Game of Thrones, I take it.

    • nightmoth

      Darwin Awards Committee—we have a winner!!!

    • Jon Sussex

      He should’ve known that machine only works on TruckNutz.

    • Nockular cavity

      “I had an unfortunate smelting accident…”

      • sw19womble

        “Shmoke or a pancake?”

      • nmmagyar

        My grandpa lost an eye in a smelting accident. I never asked if it had anything to do with his junk.

    • nmmagyar

      If there is a God, he would have been electroplating

    • Sally Johnson

      It’s a bullshit story: http://www.snopes.com/gold-member/

      • witsended

        Did edit and say that just after posting.

  • TheBidenator

    Nothing beats Jon Ritzheimer angrily handling the care packages that were stuffed to the gills with dildos…..that video needs to become synonymous with these idiots and their occupation.

  • Jason M

    I hope Mr. Anderson lives a long and fruitful life, I really do. But whensoever he should finally meet his Great-Libertarian-In-The-Sky, it will be a crime against nature if his headstone doesn’t read:

    Sean Anderson
    A Dumbass

  • OddMan

    As much as I think this asshole is . . . well an asshole, he is ashamed of what he did. (Or at least says he is).
    Not like that real asshole tow truck operator.

    Shame is the first step in redemption, maybe.

    • sw19womble

      Fear of prison, more likely.

      • zanzibar_buckbuck_mcfate

        Right — is he genuinely contrite, or is he terrified of the reality of what he’s done playing soldier. It seems like the second reality hit and he figured out that he could die because of you know, treason?, he suddenly wanted to back out.

    • Jen_Baker_VA

      The cynic in me says “Let us first see if he shows up at trial, says guilty, accepts his punishment and turns his life around before I believe he is actually sorry.” The idealist in me says “Hush, you cynic, maybe he really is sorry?”
      They are fighting in my head right now and I can’t send either to their room

      • yyyaz

        Watch his feet. They’ll tell you everything, and probably sooner than you might think.

    • nmmagyar

      Is it shame or a plea for leniency in sentencing?

    • Shibusa

      He was “ashamed” like that asshat in Ohio who threw dollar bills and screamed insults at the pro-reform advocate (who had Parkinson’s) at a health care reform rally back in 2010. That hateful d-bag was “ashamed” that he got caught.

    • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

      But you know he and his ilk all have the “don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time” mentality when referencing incarcerated browns.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    You can be really sorry in stir for a while, Sean, and live with your shame for a while.

    Actions have consequences.

  • mardam422

    I have never seen so many fucking idiots out in public in this country as I have in the last year or so. Does anyone else think this is what the zombie apocalypse looks like?

    • nmmagyar

      Is this any worse than the “Tea Party”? I think not

      • Land Shark

        The “Tea Party” IS the zombie apocalypse.

  • Blackest Noobs

    here’s the thing, when i was kid all i ever wanted to be was an Army Ranger…i thought that was the life for me and maybe it shouldve been my life but when i realized that if i wanted to be a Ranger i had to be willing to kill. I know it would be the enemy but nevertheless it was still killing. I don’t think I could really handle that and i am always surprised by those that do ( well try too).

    and i’ve known soldiers all my life, my dad being one, and he has killed the “enemies” and though he believed it was right, still believed it was right, those deaths he caused still haunted him.

    so my point? these dumbfucking idiots with their guns and pretending to play war are fucking clueless. they have no fucking idea. when someone like a Donald Trump says flippantly he would murder the families of terrorists it tells me that fucking rich boy coward would pee his fucking pants if he had to pull the trigger.

    and i am not saying we should never use violence because war is in our nature, it’s hard to weed out, but we all need to understand the consequences of going to the gun, we need to stop being small picture about things, and see the bigger picture.

    ok, nuff said, im off my soapbox.

    • nightmoth

      Stay on that soapbox, while I holler “Amen!!!”

    • MarkM

      We need more leaders who recognize that killing is not the only solution to problems. Who appreciate and wrestle with the moral dimension, and understand that the casualties of war are much more than the physical.

      “What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?”

      Gandhi

    • Villago Delenda Est

      ACTUAL soldiers, not pretend ones, wrestle with this shit all the time. These wannabees, not so much.

      A good use of time on the soapbox, BN.

    • proudgrampa

      I have this discussion with my sons all the time.

      I think, if it really had to happen, that you had to kill someone, even in self-defense, it would haunt a person. I’m pretty sure I would have nightmares.

      My sons just think I’m a pointy-headed liberal.

      • Blackest Noobs

        there’s a difference between saying a thing and doing a thing.
        IMO…doing a thing weighs much much heavier on you.

    • Courser

      Well said.

      That’s why I don’t concealed carry a handgun. I’m certainly qualified to, but guns escalate tense situations, not DE-escalate, which is the best option.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        But its a polite escalation of tense situations.

    • Land Shark

      Many WW2 veterans, such as my father, are proud of their service but don’t talk about it too much. They understand that they served to protect the US, but would not seek that level of confrontation again.

      Those who are unqualified who seek out armed confrontation are stupid and/or delusional. Patriots protect liberty … they do not seek to destroy it. I have zero tolerance for those who think armed insurrection is the way to adjudicate the perceived injustices they have suffered. Butthurt is not an excuse to brandish weapons of any kind … grow the fuck up.

    • CJTX

      Both upz ^ and downz V are right on. If you ever talk to soldiers that have actually killed people in combat, they typically don’t talk about it, brag about, and definitely don’t like what they had to. My dad was Vietnam vet. He did everything he could to keep me out of the military,.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i had the same with my Dad….

  • AnOuthouse

    Speaking of birds, a pair of blue birds moved into the house I hung up two weeks ago for them. Success!

    • MarkM

      Finally some good news…

    • MrBlobfish

      Eastern, Western or Mountain? Where you at?

      • AnOuthouse

        Eastern I assume. Upstate NY, near Buffalo.

        • MrBlobfish

          Yup. Beautiful little critters.

          • nmmagyar

            But dive bombing assholes when they have chicks

          • ahughes798

            Them and the Red-Winged Blackbirds. My backyard has turned into “The Birds.”

          • nmmagyar

            I have finches fucking like drunk fratboys in my front yard. Noisy little bastards, but they are better than the pigeons/doves that I torn the hose on.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I bet you give them free bird seed too, right libtard? Why do you enable these shiftless avians? What’s next, a free Obamaphone?

      • CJTX

        Look, they’re using the Obamaphone to tweet!

      • AnOuthouse

        They seem to be bringing food to the hole so it looks like its been sexy party time in there and the layabouts have popped out the next generation of takers.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          When are you going to break this cycle of dependency?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Oh! I love blue birds. Especially sauteed in garlic butter. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

  • rosenbomb

    A CROW?!? Dark wings, dark words– that’s what I always say.

    • nmmagyar

      They are blah, after all

    • Shibusa

      Sean Anderson was mostly afraid he’d have to eat crow.

    • CynicalOptimist

      Crow is also symbolic of (harp sounds) Transformation!

  • Portia McGonagal

    Shorter: “Mommmeeeeeeeeeee”

  • MrBlobfish

    Give me Liberty!!!!!!!!! or let’s call the whole thing off.

    • Blackest Noobs

      SNACKS!!!!! or DEATH!!!!!!

      SNACKS OR DEATH!!!!!

      • sw19womble

        CAKE LIBEL!!!

      • nmmagyar

        Lube also, too

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    No innertubez, no patriot cos-playing . . . why are they punishing his wife?

  • hollydturner

    OK – Let him go but with a few caveats:
    1. Pay the entire clean up bill for trashing the joint.
    2. Pay every citizen for time lost enjoying THEIR bird sanctuary.
    3. Pay for the police and every other agency that was called in to protect the general population from your hateful behavior.
    4. Do 1,000,000 hours of community service at the Malheur Sanctuary.
    Or….rot where you sit asshole.

    • nightmoth

      Absolutely! He needs number 4 at the very least—maybe physical labor outdoors in a wilderness area would help him grow emotionally. Right now he’s about 6 years old inside.

    • Shibusa

      Word. They should pay by working off the debt by working for the BLM. Otherwise they’ll GoFundMe their way out of it.

      • nmmagyar

        They can’t. GFM told folks like this to fuck right the fuck off in their fuckholes

        • Land Shark

          with rusty fucking votes.

    • CynicalOptimist

      Don’t forget the damage they did to the archaeological excavation areas…

  • Malaclypse

    “Oh, and he’s also not allowed to play with ANY militia groups up there in Idaho”

    So he’s effectively on house arrest? IIRC, he’s from Emmett, a little town full of “III%” ‘ers. (no idea why they’re using roman numerals, but I thought it was funny seeing it when I was last in town)

    • Jennifer R

      I assume because military units at some level are done in Roman numerals instead of Arabic.

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    That judge is LETTING HIM OUT?!?!?!!1!1?

    IMPEACH!!!1!!1! (for real)

  • nightmoth

    I managed exactly 47 seconds of big scared shouty man.
    If the FBI HAD come for him, it wouldn’t have been a bloodbath, but a lard harvest.
    No offense intended to hefty readers. It’s just that if you want to be in the military, you do have to meet some fitness standards that do not match those of the Bundy militia.
    Waving a gun around doesn’t make you a soldier.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m a hefty reader now, SUBSTANTIALLY heftier than when I played soldier, for reals. Doing 4 mile runs every morning, lots of pushups, etc.

      • nightmoth

        Good for you!! I like it when commenters take care of themselves.
        We need to maintain our numbers.

        • nmmagyar

          Does drinking so much coffee I vibrate count?

          • nightmoth

            supposed to keep away mental decline, so yes

          • nmmagyar

            That part isn’t working

          • nightmoth

            HA!

          • Land Shark

            Check yer Fitbit …. vibrating probably counts as steps ….

          • nmmagyar

            As if I would allow one of those shame monitors within 100 yards of me

          • OppressedMass

            Stealing “shame monitor” ….

        • baconzgood

          Baconz is thin…but of course I smoke over a pack a day and drink a lot of booze.

          • nightmoth

            Baconz!! Naughty boy! Ima have a talk with yr. doctor!

          • baconzgood

            I see Dr. Zoom 3 at least 3 times a day and he never mentioned anything about it.

          • CJTX

            I hope you’re a younger man than me! Docs are all over my admittedly fat ass about my blood pressure. Apparently the smokes (i love ’em) and the beers (they are my wife) are soooo bad for the bp.

          • baconzgood

            When the doctors talking blah blah quit smoking blah blah eat healthy, I just tune out.

          • CJTX

            My doc is about 3 years younger than me. I really appreciate how much he cares; he’s seen me enough that he actually likes me (and few people do). But seriously, sometimes I wanna say, “Dude, if it was so fuckin’ easy, nobody would smoke!”

          • baconzgood

            I caught my Dr sneaking a Butt next to the dumpster once.

          • CJTX

            My old man was a smoker, he ended up working at a hospital (long story). But yeah, if you head out to the parking garage or ambulance receiving area you’re gonna see folks in scrubs puffing.

          • OppressedMass

            NEEDS MOAR BACON, obvs.

            I’m just jealous

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Meal Team Six has different standards.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Meal Team Six! Jeebus, I love y’all.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Wish I could say I was the one that first thought of it.

        • Querolous

          Potato platoon.

          • Querolous

            Carbo cadets.

      • Objectifer

        Ride to eat, eat to ride.

    • Courser

      None taken – I’m a big girl, but nowhere near those dimensions.

      I LOL with the rest of you when a bunch of out-of-shape lardasses try pull bullshit playing as if they’re soldiers. I just laff my generous ass off!

      • Land Shark

        The Ribeye Brigade.

      • nightmoth

        >hugs< I have a feeling that your generous ass is as comely and appealing as your generous spirit.

    • ahughes798

      As a “curvy woman,” or whatever the proper euphemism is these days, I was going to make a very mean remark about his physique….oh, fuck it. He’s a tiny-dicked, big mouthed, cowardly fat ass.

      • nightmoth

        You great, big beautiful doll! (If that’s ok) Yes, that’s our militia hero in a nutshell!

  • Jenny

    So he’ll be back in jail in about 14 day?

    • Erik Lonnrot

      How long do you think anyone could be in Idaho and not associate with militias? He has been set up for failure.

  • Tommmcatt

    What are the omens given by other birds? Like, if I see a chickenhawk does it mean I will be visited by Denny Hasturt? Is there one for “felatio”?

    • atheistinafoxhole

      If he sees a mockingbird, it means a story about him will soon appear on Wonkette.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I thought that the buzzards were the ones to look out for.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhTayEY-Z0Q

        • atheistinafoxhole

          “When I see buzzards circling, I put on my boots and go out looking for the road kill.” Sen. Tom Cotton, R-AR

    • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

      I think a woodpecker denotes felatio.

      • ahughes798

        I think a goatsucker would do, also too.

        • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

          And don’t even get started on those majestic swallows.

  • baconzgood

    I guess he thought this was all a game and he could quit at anytime. Now he’s beginning to understand that he has to atone for his deeds and being in jail really really sucks.

    • AntiDerpomeme

      Tyranny (and tranny) have consequences?! Who knew?

    • SessileRaptor

      It’s all fun and games until you realize that all the internet tough guys who talked revolution with you from the comfort of their homes are not showing up, and the few fellow idiots you had with you have abandoned you, leaving you sitting in a field with the full weight of the feds about to kick your ass.

      • baconzgood

        If Baconz had a nickel….

        • Land Shark

          … you’d share the wealth with your fellow Wonketeers?

      • AnOuthouse

        AT least he’s got a life supply of vibrators and dildos.

      • rachelmap

        “…and the few fellow idiots you had with you have abandoned you…”

        Or have got their own dumb asses slung into the pokey as well.

    • Erik Lonnrot

      He’ll be back soon. I don’t think it’s physically possible to not associate with militias in Idaho.

      • Grokenstein

        Plus, I imagine the second he’s out in the open air and not cuffed, the “I’m real sowwy, I wuz jus’ skeert” melts away into spiels about watering the Tree of Liberty and entering the Halls of Valhalla.

        “What the hell are you doing? What about the court order?”
        “I ain’t ‘member nuffin’ ’bout any such thing! I ain’t recognize no court, I ain’t never apologized and I ain’t never skeert a’ nuffin’!”

    • Hardly Ideal

      It really is a pathetic caricature. Like, what part of “defend to the death” do they not understand?

  • Hemp Dogbane

    A murder of crows, a bundy of loons.

    • VirginiaLady

      A duggar of rabbits.

      • weejee

        dead rabbits

      • chimichanga

        A climax of dildos?

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        a quiver of duggars

        • Master Contrail Program

          All arrow straight, I’m sure.

        • Whollyholeyholy

          a shudder to end all shudders

      • Mehmeisterjr

        A duggar of fingers, also, too.

    • Land Shark

      A loon of Bundys?

    • tehbaddr

      CORVID LIBELZ!!!!111!!1!1!!11!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!

  • Hemp Dogbane
    • AnOuthouse

      Very nice. Not a death metal band after all.

  • Vienna Woods

    I seriously thought that someone had shopped in this to the main picture. I see that I was wrong.
    https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/2c/c1/e6/2cc1e65ad8e35fe04cc1e099264b339f.jpg

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    An AUSA really dropped the ball. This guy is being allowed to go home — to one of the most remote towns in Idaho. There are 2 cops within 40 miles of the place, and the county sheriff is an outspoken “Constitutionalist.” Someone didn’t do their homework.

    • Jennifer R

      Maybe they are using him, or perhaps giving him more rope with which to hang himself from.

      • ahughes798

        One can only hope. I wonder why he wasn’t considered a flight risk?

        • Tansy Geek

          He was too dumb to leave before the shit hit the fan,ergo; unlikely to leave the country?

  • tehbaddr

    The cray and stupid is so deep there that it hurts my brain!

  • NoGoodnik

    Some dedication he has. As soon as the going gets a little rough resisting tranny for the rest of us ungrateful traitors, and it looks like this guy might face some serious jail time for his “beliefs,” what does he do? He claims he is sorry and embarrassed. That’s not patriotic. Sorry ain’t in the Constitution. Was Washington embarrassed at Valley Forge? Was Sherman embarrassed during his March to the Sea? Was Paine embarrassed and sorry when he proclaimed, Give me liberty or give me death? I mean and this guy is curling up like some kind of fetal baby and crying for his mama because he might go to jail?

    • Hardly Ideal

      “I was very embarrassed,” he said, when earlier this week he watched the videos played in court for the first time. “I am very ashamed of it,” he said.

      I’m speaking as a friend when I tell you…

      *deep breath*
      *skin turns Stop Sign Red*
      *molten steel drips from mouth*

      YOU GODDAMN FUCKING BETTER FEEL ASHAMED, YOUR PLAYTIME SCARED PEOPLE AND RUINED THINGS AND GOT ONE GUY KILLED FOR NOTHING

  • dshwa

    A judge actually let him loose? Without disarming him? Guess we know what the script for Bundy III, the Derpening is going to be.

  • malsperanza

    Eagerly anticipating the apology for desecrating ancient petroglyphs.

    Shorter version: ass in jail, throw away key.

  • Jennifer R

    His wrap sheet is almost as long Blain Cooper’s how did he get out pre trial.

    • eddi

      Having made a total idiot of himself the court figures nobody is going to help him escape to a free nation. Or even give him a lift into Boise.

  • smr06va

    #OopsDooky.

    That is all.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Huh, usually I have zero problem with people getting bail. Usually the bail getter is not an idiot terrorist who doesn’t recognize the legitimacy of the bail granting body. Also glad he’s not my neighbour.

  • eddi

    The ‘heros’ of the Rebellion are turning out to be whining children up past their bedtime.

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