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raisedbynarcissists

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This is a support group for people raised by a parent with toxic, self-absorbed or abusive personality traits, which may be exhibited by those who suffer from cluster B personality disorders.
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submitted by Rdyplyrone
It seems there are lot's of trolls who are slipping through the Moderator's nets and taking advantage of these blind spots. Scaring people away from RBN whom probably would appreciate support, because these trolls firmly believe that all of us are entitled and overly dependant and treat us such.
Edit: Nothing irritates me more than them claiming they've posted to RBN before and have conveniently "deleted" all their posts when you bring their subscription to RBN into question.
Edit: please do not pm me about what subreddit this is, they don't deserve the traffic or exposure, /u/seaturtlescanfly has been very clear on that.
all 41 comments
[–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar![M] [score hidden] - stickied comment (2 children)
If you see troll comments/posts, please hit the report button. At any given time, maybe there is just 1 or 2 moderators awake and online. There are 91,576 subscribers. See the imbalance? We rely on our members to report things that aren't right. There is no way that we can read all the posts or comments in this group. It's not possible.
Reports are completely anonymous. We have no idea who sends reports in. The only thing we get on a report is the text you type into the box. It doesn't give us your username or anything like that.
We have an additional difficulty right now in that one of our very active moderators is on vacation right now. She'll be back soon, but it means that we have had less coverage for a week and a half, now. I've been trying to be online more to make up the gap, but I have very young children that need me, so there is only so much I can do.
So, please please please please use that report button. The mods depend on our users to report things.
[–][deleted]  (1 child)
[removed]
    [–]Mr_Phishfood 21 points22 points23 points  (11 children)
    Possibly a narc parent knows their children are using this sub to talk about them and but don't know which account, so they're just lashing out at anything that seems mildly related to them.
    [–]MorriganLuna 8 points9 points10 points  (7 children)
    This was a thought I had
    [–]Rdyplyrone[S] 5 points6 points7 points  (6 children)
    What were you thinking Morrigan?
    [–]MorriganLuna 7 points8 points9 points  (5 children)
    That some Narc parent found out their kids were on here but can't find out which one of us it is. So they go trolling all over
    [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar![M] 9 points10 points11 points  (4 children)
    It has happened a few times.
    Whenever the mods catch a n-parent here or a flying monkey, we ban them right away.
    We have a few posters set on auto-report, because their n-parents have hijacked their account before and we want to make sure their posts in RBN seem to have actually been posted by the person who created the account and not the abusive parents.
    [–]InvaderChin 5 points6 points7 points  (1 child)
    Holy shit.
    Thanks for all of the things that you do behind the scenes like that. You can't possibly have 100% coverage all the time, but damn you'd never know it from casual browsing (or fervent browsing during a panic attack, really). You do good work.
    [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar! 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
    Thank you.
    We have a really good team of mods here and I feel very grateful to work with people who come up with the awesome ideas that keep this place working.
    [–]MorriganLuna 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
    That's messed up
    [–]baitaozi 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
    That's sad
    [–][deleted]  (2 children)
    [removed]
      [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar! 3 points4 points5 points  (1 child)
      This comment has been removed because it might sent traffic to the group that you mentioned. They don't deserve our traffic.
      I have seen a lot of the behavior going on over there, because we have a bot that reports everything that they link to. I wouldn't be surprised if there were some n-parents over there. I wouldn't be surprised at all. Some posts are written just like a narc parent would write it: minimizing the abuse, minimizing the effects of abuse (PTSD, depression, etc) and making the abusers out to be victims, martyrs or heroes. It's really gross. I'm not saying that I know that any particular person is a narc over there. I really don't know that. I can say that the behavior in some of those posts are straight from the narc playbook.
      Now... before anyone goes there, remember there is a rule about "drive-by diagnosis" here. Everyone should avoid diagnosing the people over there. If any comments go there, I will have to remove them.
      [–]Rdyplyrone[S] 5 points6 points7 points  (0 children)
      Okay Seaturtles.
      [–]chasing4r 5 points6 points7 points  (17 children)
      I've noticed that too. I've encountered them all over Reddit, honestly, and they've left me very nasty comments in unrelated subs. I'm sorry you've been running into them too :(
      I hope everyone is reporting them to the mods, and hiding them so you don't have to see their comments once you do!
      [–]Rdyplyrone[S] 8 points9 points10 points  (4 children)
      They're telling me that I'm abusive and narcissistic because I show anger and hatred towards my NMother, claiming that I'm not a real victim and make "real" victims look like shit.
      [–]chasing4r 14 points15 points16 points  (1 child)
      Ignore them completely. Don't engage them in any way. That sort of thing is not allowed on this sub for a very good reason.
      [–]Rdyplyrone[S] 7 points8 points9 points  (0 children)
      It's hard, because they attack my soft underbelly which I expose to RBN because I feel alone and need some people who are going through same thing to talk to. My NMother makes me feel insane as it stands, I don't need THEM adding to the confusion and Identity problems I already have about myself. They make me feel bad for posting a lot.
      [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar![M] 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
      Those people are toxic and they aren't worth listening to. Right now, they are being particularly active. They aren't worth our time or attention. I recommend just ignoring the toxic echo chamber. Let them wallow in their own filth, if that is what they want.
      If they are harassing you via PM or by following you to other subs, please report this to the Reddit admins (I am not an admin and the mods of this sub are not admins). Here's a link to do that.
      If you tell them to stop PMing you or to stop following you and they continue doing it, I hear that the admins will take action. But, it is important that you do not engage. Do not reply after you tell them to stop. Do not try to harass them or bully them back.
      You can also just choose to block them. There are many ways to block them. I believe there is a new option in Reddit preferences now to do it or you can use add on tools like Reddit Enhancement Suite.
      [–]FunBraveCuriousKind 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
      I'm sorry that's happening to you. It sucks, its rude, and its totally wrong. You probably already know this but I want to double up on it for you: Anger is a normal response to violated boundaries, to injury, to crushed dreams. I am angry about the abuse that happened to me, too. Its ok to be mad. Hugs.
      [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar![M] 6 points7 points8 points  (11 children)
      If you are being harassed via PM or being followed to other subs, please report this to the Reddit admins. Here's a link to do that.
      If you tell someone to stop and they don't, tell the admins. I hear they will take action for it.
      Just make sure you don't engage or try to harass them back. That will make your case look a lot weaker to the admins. Tell them to stop. Collect the links of them doing it anyway and don't respond. Then report it.
      [–]Rdyplyrone[S] 4 points5 points6 points  (10 children)
      Is there nothing we can do if they use our content as a source of entertainment on other subs?
      [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar! 2 points3 points4 points  (9 children)
      There doesn't seem to be. We have had many conversations with the admins about this behavior.
      There are only a few things that the admins will act on... brigading, harassment, commenting in our group with a new account after being banned... that's all I can remember off the top of my head. We have gotten people shadowbanned by reporting this behavior, so it's not like no consequences at all have happened, but we can't make them stop linking.
      [–]IAmASolipsist 2 points3 points4 points  (8 children)
      I'm not sure what subreddit has been mentioned as doing this, but aren't there bots that will auto ban anyone from a specific subreddit/s or even just those who've posted in a specific subreddit. Seems if it's a subreddit innately opposed to this one that it may be worth just saying no to it.
      [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar! 5 points6 points7 points  (7 children)
      We don't want to ban every single person that participates there, because sometimes the participants are our very own RBN members who go over there to try to tell that group to stop it. It happens a lot.
      We do ban anyone who links to us and we ban anyone who participates in the conversations in those posts. We read the comments one by one to make sure we dn't inadvertently ban a RBN OP who went there angry to defend their post.
      When a post of ours is linked in a hate group, we try to watch that post more closely. We try to catch brigaders. We report potential brigaders to the admin. Sometimes we get people shadowbanned by getting brigaders caught by the admins. However... this last bit really depends. It takes a lot of time and effort to do this. Somedays, there simply isn't enough mod coverage to do this work, but we do manage it a lot of the time. We are unpaid volunteers after all. Most of us have day jobs. All of us are insanely busy, but still make time for this group somehow.
      [–]IAmASolipsist 2 points3 points4 points  (6 children)
      Yeah, those auto bans are always a bit controversial and I understand the problems with them, I was just mentioning it in case it helped. I'm new here and haven't seen any trolls yet so apparently you guys are doing a good enough job that when a posts a few hours old most of the bad stuff is out of there.
      This just seems like the oddest sub to hate. This isn't a political sub and from what I've read 95% of the posts are basically about extremely abusive situations and 5% are about less abusive situations that have followed decades of extremely abusive ones.
      [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar! 7 points8 points9 points  (5 children)
      I think the problem is that a lot of people don't believe that emotional abuse is real and a lot of people think you can't get PTSD from it. Then there are people who don't think you can get PTSD unless you have been in a war.
      There are people who are abusive and want to stand up for abusers. I think that is a lot of what is going on in that hate group. Some of the people might be enablers... but those are just abusers-lite, because they are still abusive. They just protect the abusers and use the abusers like a gun to shoot at people.
      There are people who think that all parents must be saints.
      There are people who are in denial about the abuse they have suffered and thus attack anyone who has their eyes open to the problem.
      There are so many kinds of people who have problems with us... it's crazy. But, there are 91K people here who do understand and we are growing by, on average, 110 new subscribers a day. Abusers, enablers and deniers can get upset about this all they want, but this group just gets bigger and more people are supported every day. We are thriving and they have no power to stop us. All they can do is jeer from the sidelines.
      [–]IAmASolipsist 1 point2 points3 points  (4 children)
      Yeah, I have PTSD from an abusive ex and a lot of people don't really believe it because I'm a guy who was abused by a woman and has never been to war. I've been diagnosed, it's not really a question to the medical community but these internet scholars seem to know what's up.
      I just find it interesting this group is targeted. I have bipolar and narcolepsy and have been involved in support groups for those on here and elsewhere before and none of them experienced much trolling despite bipolar people generally seen as just having a lack of self control and narcoleptics being seen as just being lazy.
      I'm wondering if it's worse for everyone now since there's an increasing number of rabid anti-SJW's who seem to think anything related to caring about people or struggling in adverse situations is an SJW issue.
      Anyways, congrats on growing the sub. I've not known many people in real life that can match my Dad for insanity and narcissism so it's been interesting to see how many people here have had similar experiences.
      [–]SeaTurtlesCanFlyGot questions? Use the message the mods link in the sidebar! 3 points4 points5 points  (3 children)
      I think part of the problem is that Reddit is the home for so many hate groups. RBN is grouped on the same sight as racist groups, anti-semites, homophobes, sexists, etc. And, hateful posts make it to the front page regularly. It's gross.
      I stay on Reddit and RBN stays on Reddit, because there are also wonderful groups here and there are a lot of people who want to be supportive and who need support. So, we stay... despite how being on Reddit leaves us open to hordes of assholes. My dream is to open a RBN off Reddit (while leaving Reddit RBN open at the same time), so that people who want a community better protected from trolls can have it. I hope we can manage it this summer... or at least within the next year. It would be a big project and we're strapped for time - that is the hold up.
      If anyone gives you shit for being a man who was abused by a woman in this group, let us know. The mods here come down hard on that kind of bullshit.
      Thanks for the compliment. :)
      [–]Birdy1001 4 points5 points6 points  (2 children)
      Just wanted to say I am very sorry about trolls attacking you. We were attacked our whole childhood, leave us alone!!
      [–]Rdyplyrone[S] 5 points6 points7 points  (1 child)
      Thanks Birdy. They made fun of me because they humiliated me and they had the guts to call me sick? When they're laughing at me after inflicting more pain?
      [–]Birdy1001 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
      They don't know anything else, and use you. They are the ones who are sick. Chin up, you have support.
      [–]888frog 3 points4 points5 points  (2 children)
      Yeh, it probably is a narc parent of a teenager. It is incredible that people would take the time to go onto a subreddit and spew their hatred. I ignore them (though in the times I've been trolled) fellow RBN'S total shut that troll down with their responses =P
      [–]Rdyplyrone[S] 6 points7 points8 points  (1 child)
      I am so SICK of it. They just come here purposefully misunderstanding and they think the abused cannot display some abusive traits? Apparently this subreddit wants to start another RBN clone subreddit. Then do what? Insult and bully every victim that doesn't meet their criteria? Soulless assholes, acting as though they're doing the right thing because RBN isn't bullying the people who seek support.
      "Oh you're a narcissist because you don't care about your NMother" yeah, saying she wishes I was aborted doesn't exactly make me want to love her.
      [–]888frog 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
      Think about it. These fools are crashing a SUPPORT group and invalidating and shaming left and right. That is the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. Just remember, most people on RBN are actually RBN..furthermore we believe you and support your choice not to be silent about abuse you have endured. We believe you! We know what it's like to be in an unbalanced volitilw relationships. It sucks! It doesn't matter that it's your mom, nobody should treat u that way and expect 2b I'm your life!
      [–]FinallyForMe 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
      Reddit is a troll paradise, they're in every sub I've been to - some seem to attract more than others. I generally don't say anything here, but broke my own rule by commenting the other day, so I'm back to not saying anything, and reporting the more obvious ones.
      [–]InvaderChin 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
      A certain political sub is making trolling a mainstream behavior and now people think it's okay to be assholes because they were given a "political asshole" safe space, and like most politically motivated safe spaces, they were given an inch and tried to take a mile.
      I know it's easier said than done, but do your best to ignore them. They're the same self-important "hooray for me and to hell with you" shits that we were raised by. If anyone knows how to handle their childish entitlement, it's us.
      [–]SublimeEntity 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
      What are these people doing? I've noticed that it seems only high drama stuff rises to the top and lots of lower level support stuff gets unnoticed. Some of it could be Ns themselves. When you think about it, an N would love a reddit like this because it's essentially all about them.
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