TW: discussion of abuse, suicide, ridiculous drama

This is going to be a very, very long post. It's going to be complex, and full of drama, but considering that we all hate tankies here equally, this'll give you even more evidence of how tankies like SemiHollowCarrot (SHC) are incapable of empathy or actual care for human suffering.

If you're reading this and you're a part of the /r/socialism or /r/FULLCOMMUNISM modteam, or even think about defending this shit, fuck off. What I had to go through with all of this is indefensible, and how you've (the /r/soc team) defended SHC unapologetically is disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

I'll give a brief history of what has happened over the last half a year between me and the FULLCOMMUNISM (FC) moderators. All of this can be verified by /u/onlyordinarymen, /u/houseofpannekoek, and /u/comraderabbit, all of whom are a part of the commieclub (CC) family. I will also provide screenshots of every last interaction I've had in the last few days, because I have absolutely nothing to hide here.

Half a year ago, I still frequented FC, and by frequenting it I found out it had a skype group. I joined it, but a few weeks later there was drama and the FC skype chat and others left FC to create our own private community, /r/commieclub and its own chat server. During this drama, I had multiple altercations with the moderators of FC and our relationships soured. We had occasional bouts of drama, but over the next few months, we managed to calm things down. SemiHollowCarrot joined our chat server again, which had moved to Discord, an IRC/mumble mix of an application. SHC and me got along pretty well, we talked about our histories extensively. I got to a point where I'd say I trusted him to a degree. Then, when /u/onlyordinarymen was made moderator here, he left. This was about two weeks ago. Now let's skip to the parts that are relevant to this drama.

Four days ago, our chat had a drama that I'll have to again briefly explain for this to make sense. I promise this'll all pay off. One other FC tankie moderator Jake, who went by /u/BigGayTankie (who has now deleted his account due to this drama), bullied one of our members (who is 15) till they left the server. When I came to them about this, they simply left the server without apologizing.

Because we were all frustrated by this, I got the bright (read: stupid and immature) idea of creating a Discord server where we'd try to get FC moderators on, to get some idea of what they were thinking about the Jake situation, and also to imitate tankies because we thought it was funny. SHC joined, we made some overt tankie troll shit, SHC found out and got rightfully angry. Here is the entirety of the whole server's discussion. I'm both Anton and T-34. SHC didn't recognise me at first because I had changed my name to T-34, but now I've changed it back so what you see is my real username, Anton.

You should browse through and see that we were just making tankie memes, we did nothing abusive or hurtful to SHC. At worst we just lied to him, which was shitty and yeah I have apologized about this multiple fucking times after this. Keep this in mind as we go along.

SHC tells us to fuck off, and he messages /u/comraderabbit about this. He says, and I put weight on this because this is the core issue in this drama, that we gaslighted him by lying/trolling him on that fucking server for about an hour. Here's a quick definition of what gaslighting actually is, and what I as a victim of parental abuse have gone through; "Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting his or her own memory, perception and sanity.[1][2] Instances may range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim."

Take a look at that definition, take a gander at articles about what your mind feels like after gaslighting, what MY mind feels like, and then consider if this is language that should be okay to use casually like that. After I found out about this, I was actually triggered, because I had to think about gaslighting again. Just a mention of it is enough, but somebody misusing it and saying I'm doing it just sent me over the edge. But I still wanted to apologize and sort this situation out, so I sent SHC a message that had an invite to our Discord server so that we can discuss this. I also sent a message to /u/pseudojewboy, head mod of FC, as did /u/comraderabbit.

Here is the message, and SHC response. Just in case, let me quote the thing here:

Me:

https://discord.gg/0qA1AApmTIAOn7OP

In case you want to discuss things over before we start salty shit between CC and FC again. I admit that it was a dipshit move to lie and troll, but honestly I just wanted to get some kind of response from your side about this situation, plus I was just plain angry.

Also, as somebody who suffered about two decades of parental abuse, do not use the word gaslighting so lightly. It's extremely offensive to people who have actually suffered through shit like that. In regards to this:

"Yup. Humbert changed his name back to Anton. So yeah, keep that gaslighting and manipulative stuff over there please. I'm too old for that crap."

It's not gaslighting. At all. Thanks for literally triggering me though :-)

---

SHC:

lol Gonna try and turn your awful disgusting behavior around on your literal victims. You literally just tried to catfish me. How much of a scum bag are you?

Seems like the only thing to have come out of your own personal up bringing was learning how to also be a mentally abusive, manipulative, gaslighting asshole.

I'll never talk to you again. You're truly an awful and disgusting person. Please leave me alone. We'll both be happier for it.

Emphasis mine.

This is probably one of the worst things I've ever been told. It's my worst nightmare, being as bad as my parents, and that their upbringing made me a bad person, or manipulative. I am constantly afraid of being manipulative.

So after I had calmed down from a suicidal stupor, I sent /r/socialism this message, in which I asked them to demod SHC. I also included in the album the responses I got.

There is hidden the whole story of the background for this as well, but one important bit you should take away from the message I recieved from the moderators:

This is a personal conflict and has nothing to do with this subreddit. We have no direct association with your social groups nor with /r/FULLCOMMUNISM, nor do we wish to have one. You will be unbanned. SHC will remain as moderator.

However, if the modteam has reason to believe in future that you attempt to harass or even contact SHC in any way, shape or form and they take issue with this, you will be permanently and irrevocably banned.

Similarly, if SHC persists in contacting you or spreading any allegedly slanderous information, they will be demodded.

Again, emphasis mine.

Here are a couple of messages that I know of that Bonnie received from SHC and pseudo, showing how little they care about what's happened and how much I've suffered because of this inane fucking drama that should've ended with simple apologies like I tried to make it happen.

Also an extra that's just me salting over how pseudo decided to include a dipshit comment in the banmessage.

I let this be for a couple of days, but then, after seeing that I was still suffering actively, /u/houseofpannekoek sent SHC a message where he berated SHC for his actions. SHC decided to share this with the /r/socialism modding team, and in the sharing, he continued to claim that I had gaslighted/abused/catfished him. And none of the other moderators seemed to care at all, even when they had privately told me that they'd keep an eye on SHC's language. Because using language of abuse victims just to paint me as the evildoer here is not fucking okay. I will continue to fight against SHC and anybody who uses words like gaslighting this lightly. Abuse victims deserve respect, do not appropriate our language for your uses outside of abuse descriptions.

After some time had passed, I decided I was utterly fucking done with the humiliation, disrespect and tbh abuse that I'd been getting from SHC, and sent them the angriest message my BPD-addled mind could come up with. Which is, in other words, very angry.

After this, pseudojewboy apparently wanted to apologize. But not really, because he later sent Bonnie a message like this.

Later on, /u/comraderabbit was demodded from /r/socialism for leaking modmail. Which is very ironic, because rabbit was leaking modmail that was leaking a private discussion between SHC and houseofpannekoek. Fucking hypocrites.

And now I'm here, putting out all the dirty laundry for everybody to see, because I'm done with this shit. This post is the end of this drama, it's the recap, and it's also the reveal. /r/socialism and /r/FULLCOMMUNISM are moderated by people who do not care about victims of abuse, even when they directly come to them with how people in the team have called an abuse victim a bad person because they have been abused. That is a fucking horrible, intentionally triggering thing to say.

That's what really fucks me up here. SHC knows me, he knew I'd be hurt by what he said. He wanted me to suffer, and he shows absolutely no fucking remorse for anything here. While I have shown remorse for every step, on every step, and I have apologized for and admitted my fuckups. I have nothing to hide anymore, so every last question asked in this thread will be answered. Outside of this thread, no matter if it's SHC or every moderator of /r/socialism, I will not respond to anything. /r/soc, you had your chance. You fucked it up, and I will never, ever forgive any one of you. You are all despicable people for protecting this tankie motherfucker hurting me intentionally, and talking shit behind my back. Who the fuck knows what he says about me in private, where he knows he won't be held accountable.

Thanks for reading. Unless you're thinking even after this that SHC DID NOTHING WRONG, then go fuck yourself.

Fuck the FULLCOMMUNISM tankie clique, fuck pseudo for being a spineless coward, and fuck SHC for being completely void of regret.

Anton, signing off.