sigh Listen, I'm not going to pretend that I'm in your shoes, nor that society can't be super-cruel and indifferent to people and their problems.

But making your identity all about "I'm unwanted" and cherishing that, is not the way to deal with any of the above. Convoluted conspiracy theories are not the way to deal with the reality of human socialization. Holding on to your pain and hurt and dealing with it via anger is not a solution. To some extent we've all felt a small % of the rejection you're feeling and goddamn does it suck and sure circling the wagons and rejecting society before it has a chance of hurting you again sounds appealing.

But that just guarantees a lonely bitter life. Make of that what you will, and I'm sorry I'm only offering criticism instead of solutions.