Okay you beta fuckwads.. I'm going to teach you idiots how to be truly alpha and get all the bitches.

First of all, all women are bitches. Men are wolves, hence the alpha, beta, etc mentality and women are the bitches. They exist only to be our fuck holes.

The Ten Commandments of handling bitches.

I. "No" means "Don't stop". They are asking for your persistence. Like those beta role playing dick bags over at TRP that couldn't get laid in a monkey whore house with a sack of bananas like to say: she can't say no ALL of the time.

II. Text messaging is for asking for nudes. If you don't demand tits within your first three messages, you're a fucking beta pussy. Get the fuck back to trp.

III. Sometimes bitches need a little chemical encouragement. Send the bitch to the bathroom by telling her that her nose is shiny or some other bullshit you don't care about and then use that opportunity to add a little something to her drink. Personally, I recommend Scopolamine, but if you are too beta to have the contacts to get it, rohypnol will work in a pinch. Not too much though. You don't want her to be a cold fish in bed.

IV. If she willingly comes back to your place, it's not rape. This one explains itself.

V. Tell her she's fat in new and inventive ways every chance you get without actually saying the words "you're fat". This is important. You need to break her self esteem and give her a complex about her body image otherwise she really will get fat and then you've wasted your time on the bitch.

VI. Make sure she knows she'll never do better than you. You're a fucking god and she should know it.

VII. Condoms are for betas. Alpha males have an obligation to spread their seed around. Make sure you blast a load in her, ESPECIALLY if she tells you not to cum in her. Bonus points if she won't fuck without a condom and you slip it off without her noticing and fill her up with your alpha seed.

VIII. Her body, YOUR choice. If you knock the bitch up, make sure she understands that an abortion is a sin against God and Trump and that you should decide for her because men always know what's best for a woman's body.

IX. She was asking for it. If she's wearing clothes that show any amount of skin, she's asking for it and it's not rape.

X. Men are studs, bitches are sluts. You can fuck as many bitches as you want, in fact you're encouraged to... But if she fucks anyone but you, make sure she knows how big of a slut she is and shame her every chance you get.

These are the Ten Commandments of the TRUE alpha male. This is why men make more than women, and should always be in charge in all situations because... Let's face it... They don't know what's best for them and their body. Men do.

(Please, for the love of fuck, do not comment if you cannot grasp that this is 100% satire intended to mock idiot TweRPs and their terrible misogyny.)