man, any good will you're trying to tell me you have goes to absolute shit when you start accusing othello of being some kind of warmongering asshole who doesn't care about me. you have absolutely no idea what our relationship is like. othello's been there for me when i've been on the brink of suicide, when i've been so overwhelmed i was having a panic attack, when i've been at my absolute worst lashing out uncontrollably, all of it.

maybe you should consider why in the hell you sorely want to make someone a pariah, and why it is that you and everyone else here has been flooding my inbox all day, obviously adding to my stress, while telling me how you're so concerned for poor broken me.

othello stepped into that thread with actual friendship and concern, because he's been around me long enough to know how i react and know when i'm getting overwhelmed. he stepped in to make sure i didn't do something rash.

you know why?

because behind the scenes, that part you know nothing about, i was in tears and breaking down when out of nowhere two people show up to a light-hearted thread i made and started telling me how i'm so broken, i'm so messed up, i need to go away and leave.

you know what i have to leave to? a grandfather that thinks psychiatry is bullshit and thinks i'm sick in the head but i'm still in charge of making sure he doesn't burn down the house or forget to take his pills or gets to the hospital when he's falls out of bed and cuts his head open. a mother who blamed me for my grandmother giving up the will to live, who reminds me every time i see her about how i failed out of college and have amounted to nothing. a town where everyone i know has either moved away to make a life for themselves or doesn't want to go near me because i'm sick and different and inconvenient to be around. i can't even get a job because everywhere i apply isn't hiring, my old job won't take me back, and even if i get a job i couldn't work it because grandpa will yell at me about taking care of the farm or won't have anyone to drive him to his appointments, and the thought of being back in a work environment after the last two lead me to break down and try to kill myself sends me into a crying fit of hating myself for hating myself.

and then you fucks spend all goddamned day summoning me here. you know what happens when i come here? i get another goddamned thread made about me an hour later, twenty messages telling me to kill myself, ten replies telling me what a waste of space i am, and one or two people who want to tell me how they totally don't hate me and feel sorry for me in the midst of it all.

so when i'm going through all that shit, and /u/othellothewise is willing to step in and say, "hey, back off with publicly telling colby he's fucked up and needs to abandon everyone because he's so fucked up", and you tell him he's just as bad as the motherfucking pieces of shit who published my address and threaten to attack anyone associating with me, you can fuck right the hell off.

you want to tell me you're super concerned about me?

last goddamned time you played this game, i PM'd you, explaining everything, willing to take up your help. then you went silent and i didn't hear from you again. meanwhile, almost every person you see on that ghazi mod list has been there to tell me when to calm down, tell me when i'm going to far, and none of them do so by telling me how sick and broken and fucked in the head i am. you think i don't already goddamned know that? i've known it for fifteen goddamned years and not a single person told me to go to see a psych. they told me to suck it up and get over it, until i ended up in a mental hospital for trying to kill myself and failing like i goddamned do at every other fucking thing.

so i'm not all that fucking appreciative of someone coming to me in public and trying to tell me what they think is wrong with me. i know what's wrong with me. and othello knows a hell of a lot more about what's wrong with me than any fuckstick in a ghazi thread or any shitass in an /r/drama thread.

and until you've sat with me for hours, watched me break to the point of questioning my own goddamned existence, and still been willing to offer me a fucking reason to hope tomorrow might be better, you have no goddamned right attacking one of my friends and telling them they're just as bad as the people literally trying to drive me to suicide.

and you know what? you don't have the right to tell me how fucked up i am, either. four times this year, i've taken care of people who came to ghazi with a suicide note. i stayed online almost 48 hours straight just to make sure one person didn't disappear, to make sure they kept talking and i kept listening so they'd be alright. and all four of those people are still around, still ok, still alive.

you know what i didn't do in those cases? tell them they need to isolate themselves because they're so messed up. start threads about them and offer compassion alongside dozens of comments mocking them. tell them people who associate with them are monsters.

maybe you should reflect on what you're doing, summoning people all fucking day from a thread making fun of how crazy they are and telling them how you're the helping hand who really cares about them.