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A small, crumbly narrative. (self.GamerGhazi)

colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto が 投稿

this isn't all that important but i thought it was quite humorous and would share with you.

so once gaters noticed i was a mod here again (slow response time, took them hours longer than kiwifarms), they started campaigning in KiA and on twitter about me being a notorious doxxer and bad person.

the latter is undoubtedly true but in the former, what's interesting is how they've had a post up for the last seven months in SGS containing a link to an archive of what they're calling my doxxing of AAA devs.

so, they've been username summoning me in KiA and flooding my twitter mentions to tell me how doxxing is bad and i'm a notorious doxxer, but...they sticky'd a post containing an archive of what they're calling dox?

https://twitter.com/_lifestyled/status/719971917936095233

(for those who want to know what they're talking about, and find out why I accept that I'm a bad person, click through to read here.)

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[–]BelmontBrosDylan 8ポイント9ポイント  (26子コメント)

What do you hope to gain with this post?

For that matter, what do you hope to gain with any of this shit?

Jesus, Colby, take a step back. It's like you haven't learned a thing since you posted that rant after the "dox". This shit was terrible for you then and as far as I can tell you're even worse off now.

[–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 6ポイント7ポイント  (19子コメント)

IAWTP.

Dude, maybe it's time for you to take another break.

[–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (18子コメント)

can you explain why?

[–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 5ポイント6ポイント  (17子コメント)

I dunno, dude, I think it's just... making this weirdly personal and proud. Your rant a while back pointed out a pretty strong obsession with stuff like this, and while I think it's important to care, I think a little distance might be healthy.

[–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (10子コメント)

it is personal. the people campaigning have published a lot of personal information about me, putting me at risk. they've also done so to several of my friends, some of which include people you know who haven't spoken up about it for several reasons.

what am i proud of? all i've done is post something funny i noticed, that being that gaters pretend to be concerned about dox but rehost that dox for seven months in a sticky'd post about me.

your immediate reaction was to attack my mental state and tell me to leave. what's fair about that?

[–][削除されました]  (3子コメント)

[removed]

    [–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    i've been back for a month and nobody had any issue. people liked my posts, including ones from my blog.

    so you'll have to pardon me if i feel a bit attacked when, after a month, someone suddenly tells me they think i'm mentally unstable and need to leave, or try to tell me i'm trying to accomplish something or do something i'm not.

    there's no "jumping back in", because i never left my friends when i stepped away from ghazi, and those friends are still getting harassed, attacked, and doxxed.

    literally all this post was doing was saying, "hey, remember that reason i left the mod team? here's something funny about gaters trying to campaign against me."

    but somehow you and two other people are reading wildly different things from it, and each one involves commenting on my mental health for no reason. if they were concerned because they care, why not PM me? why hang out in public and talk about my mental health and tell me to leave?

    [–]KarateSquidsGators, Please 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    literally all this post was doing was saying, "hey, remember that reason i left the mod team? here's something funny about gaters trying to campaign against me."

    Yeah, that's what I got from it if I'm honest.

    At the same time, I don't envy you in the slightest for being under the GG microscope like this, and I'm sorry they're hassling you and ramping up their faux outrage machine against you.

    It's awful and hypocritical and just plain shit.

    [–]othellothewiseВоин социальной справедливости СССР☭[M] 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I removed this post because I'm not okay with people gaslighting, especially from people who post in hate subs.

    [–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 4ポイント5ポイント  (5子コメント)

    See, this is what I'm talking about. My comment was meant to be constructive and out of concern, not attacking anyone or "telling you to leave." But you took it that way.

    You, of course, know what's best for you, but I'm just suggesting that it might be a good idea to unplug for a while, if you can.

    [–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (3子コメント)

    because i don't find it constructive when, after i've been here for a month with no problems, suddenly my mental health is brought up when i make a post about a campaign against me, and people are attributing things to the post that i'm not seeing, i never intended, and i can't fathom why they're being attributed.

    that makes me feel like either i'm being attacked, or i'm doing something i can't even see and i'm the mistake and i'm the problem and there's something wrong with me. especially when it happens in public, instead of voicing your concern to me in a private message where i won't have to see all the upvotes agreeing with you, telling me that there are others out there who apparently think something's wrong with me and i should leave but don't want to speak up.

    i did unplug. for months. and i still saw friends being attacked, doxxed, harassed. i came back here because i missed the community and discussions, and felt enough time had passed and that i was doing something good. and for the last month, it seemed nobody had any issue with me being back, and people liked my writing when i posted it.

    but what else am i supposed to do to unplug? stay away permanently? stop supporting my friends who get hurt? leave the internet? leave the only support network i have when i'm living in a town where everyone i know moved away and i spend most of my day taking care of my grandfather?

    because that's the only way to get out of everything. these people have published an address, a list of family and friends, and dug through years of my online presence to find anything they can try to shame or attack me over. and when they did that, i went private and stopped engaging. that didn't stop it. it kept going.

    so what am i supposed to do? why is it wrong that, to vent, i make a single post saying, "hey, gaters are saying X, but the funny part is they don't care about X"? where was this concern about my mental state with any of my writing i posted, any of the other comments i've left here?

    [–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

    I don't know what to tell you, man. This particular post... I think it struck me as odd because it was about you, and granted, the topic was about you, but the tone struck me as weird. You're one of the most prolific posters on the sub, which isn't a problem. I don't think I'd describe anything you're doing as a 'problem' per se, certainly not in comparison.

    I don't have any issue with you "being back," and I'm not attacking you. Idk, this post just felt weird to me. Sorry :/

    [–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] -4ポイント-3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    well i'm sorry for getting upset. it's just frustrating that i can't talk about this topic without a repeat of people commenting on my mental health. the last month alone has been full of kiwifarms trying to convince me nobody wants me and i'm all alone, so when i post something on ghazi and people tell me to leave it's...deflating, you know?

    like, i'm well aware my mental state isn't good. i've written about it, i've talked about it, i'm fully aware i need to be back on medication and seeing a psychiatrist. but i'm in a position of bureaucracy where that's become impossible, as every avenue i've explored either requires insurance or requires paperwork that i expected the SSA to be able to obtain but if they can't find it then i have no clue where i'm supposed to get it.

    it just hurts to have people remind me that my brain doesn't work right, and then tell me i should leave because of it.

    and maybe you didn't mean it that way. that's just how i received it. and i could be wrong, obviously.

    [–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I think it was the topic at hand, tbh. I was never happy with your 'doxxing' - even if it wasn't that, technically, it skirted that line too closely for my comfort. So I think, rereading this, it came off as you celebrating something that made me uncomfortable in the first place, which was the source of my "yo, hold up". So that's likely where that comes from.

    Dude, you sound like you're going through some rough shit and I 100% empathize. I'm not going to tell you how to deal with it, but I question if throwing yourself into the culture war 24/7 is a good idea.

    A while back I decided I'd only check Ghazi once every few days and that'd be it, because I recognized I was getting too deep into it, too. Maybe that might help.

    [–]Meshleth -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    My comment was meant to be constructive and out of concern, not attacking anyone or "telling you to leave." But you took it that way.

    Intent doesnt matter in this case.

    [–]othellothewiseВоин социальной справедливости СССР☭ -3ポイント-2ポイント  (5子コメント)

    I think you should avoid armchair diagnosing people.

    Also like, I don't understand how someone can distance themselves when they have ppl constantly harassing them.

    [–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 5ポイント6ポイント  (4子コメント)

    I haven't armchair diagnosed anyone.

    [–]chewinchawingumPokémon Nintendo killer cop -4ポイント-3ポイント  (3子コメント)

    That's pretty much exactly what you just did. If you want to say something to Colby out of personal concern, use PM.

    [–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 6ポイント7ポイント  (2子コメント)

    No, I really, really, didn't. "Dude, I think you need some distance" =/= diagnosing anyone of anything.

    I don't think this is a helpful post. For literally anyone.

    [–]GlassNewspaper -4ポイント-3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Your rant a while back pointed out a pretty strong obsession

    This reads very close to gaslighting to me. "Diagnosing" was maybe the wrong word, but your comment was not exactly kosher.

    [–]EditorialComplexActual GameJournoPro 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    I mean, I'm pretty sure that was how he himself would have described it.

    [–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (5子コメント)

    What do you hope to gain with this post?

    to point out that gaters are bad at faux outrage

    For that matter, what do you hope to gain with any of this shit?

    please clarify, as i'm not sure what shit in particular you're talking about. do you mean explaining what happened and lead to me leaving since people have brought it up almost daily ever since it happened? do you mean responding to over a dozen username mentions in a single day on reddit as well as dozens of notifications on twitter within a period of a couple hours?

    or, in general, defending myself against people who claim to be super concerned about what happened but not so concerned that they don't remove an archive of what they claim is dox from a post that's been sticky'd for seven months now?

    This shit was terrible for you then and as far as I can tell you're even worse off now.

    seems a bit unfair. mind explaining why you believe this?

    [–]BelmontBrosDylan 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

    please clarify, as i'm not sure what shit in particular you're talking about.

    Okay.

    do you mean explaining what happened and lead to me leaving since people have brought it up almost daily ever since it happened?

    Yes.

    do you mean responding to over a dozen username mentions in a single day on reddit as well as dozens of notifications on twitter within a period of a couple hours?

    Yes.

    or, in general, defending myself against people who claim to be super concerned about what happened but not so concerned that they don't remove an archive of what they claim is dox from a post that's been sticky'd for seven months now?

    Yes.

    You want to know what "shit" I'm talking about? All of it. GG, anti-GG, Twitter beefs, modding this sub, all of it.

    Colby, this is not healthy behavior. All of this shit... it's like a way of life for you at this point. I've only watched from the sidelines, but even I can tell.

    You swear like you absolutely have to participate in this mess when you don't. At all. You can walk away whenever you want, and you did for a while, but now you're back at it harder than ever and apparently none the wiser.

    I don't think you're able to engage with this stuff in a moderate and healthy way, and for that reason I think you should stop participating entirely.

    [–]othellothewiseВоин социальной справедливости СССР☭[M] 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    You can walk away whenever you want

    Hey so normally I would remove this comment and ban you for this but lifey insists that I do not.

    Do not tell harassment victims to just walk away. Some people are dependent on things like writing and social media for their income. Moreover, disappearing won't stop harassment.

    So basically I would strongly urge your reconsider your post.

    [–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] -3ポイント-2ポイント  (2子コメント)

    You swear like you absolutely have to participate in this mess when you don't. At all. You can walk away whenever you want, and you did for a while, but now you're back at it harder than ever and apparently none the wiser.

    so i shouldn't defend myself, even after a campaign has been run against me that has resulted in the publishing of a physical address, a list of my family and friends, a publishing of a satellite photo of that address, and a top 5 google result for my name that states i'm a pedophile apologizing woman abuser.

    and i shouldn't try to defend and support friends i've made who are still getting victimized and harassed whether or not i walk away.

    is that what you're saying here?

    I don't think you're able to engage with this stuff in a moderate and healthy way, and for that reason I think you should stop participating entirely.

    right. you're able to make that assumption because you've admittedly watched only from the sidelines, but otherwise know nothing about me, what i do, or what state i'm in.

    and all of this is because i made a post pointing out that gaters were presenting faux outrage.

    tell me, who's the person that has trouble engaging in a healthy way? I made a simple post explaining something funny, and you responded by attacking my mental health and telling me i should get off the internet.

    [–]BelmontBrosDylan 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

    ...you do what you want, man. Good luck to you.

    [–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

    thanks.

    [–]Sandflapjacknotable jew liam nessun 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Hey, I was a mod of ghazi!
    Where the hell is my hate mob??

    [–]dog_obgyn 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

    I guess you can make "doxxing" as broad a term as you want if you need to make people look bad.

    [–]colbyklausi'm bad holoy sto[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

    another interesting thing has been kiwifarms latching onto this and calling me a doxxer, while absolving themselves of responsibility for posting and spreading names and addresses of rapp's family members.

    it's a strange narrative:

    they say that i doxxed by posting information from the user's blog, which they advertised themselves, even though i posted nothing identifiable that they hadn't already disclosed themselves on twitter. anything potentially identifiable was blurred out, and i had the admin who removed my first post vet the post before i posted it, only posting it when they approved it.

    but then they say that everything they've posted of rapp's family members (and all the other people they've doxxed over the years) isn't doxxing because it's publicly available information.

    the motive is clear. they want to make sure anyone i'm associated with takes it all at face value and assumes i'm a doxxer, thus removing my support network and isolating me.

    now, the post the admins DID remove, as i outline in the tweet chain above, wasn't removed for being dox. it contained information from the three KiA threads about each of the AAA devs. the admin removed it because it was an aggregation of that information, and could be seen as a witch hunt.

    now, obviously, i've felt bad about the second post. it went too far. i reached out to that person after leaving ghazi and apologized to them. they know i did that, because they replied, but then they deleted their replies almost immediately after and talked about how i ruined their life by posting blurred screenshots from their own advertised blog.

    so, yeah, it's a strange narrative. if they were so concerned and certain what i did was dox, why would they sticky a post for seven months that links to an archive of what they're calling dox?

    [–]Romney2008not the Romney you're thinking of 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

    I don't think people have a problem with you coming back or anything, it's just weird that you're a mod again after your epic flameout (I'm sorry but I don't know what else to call it). Meowstic hasn't touched KIA mod tools since she abused them, and The Hat stepped down after he was caught doxing himself.

    Obviously people in this community value your contributions, but why were you put back into a position of authority when you clearly still have some stuff to work out?

    I'm a kia user who only visits occasionally, so take this as you will. Ultimately I don't think this thread will help much of anything.

    [–]othellothewiseВоин социальной справедливости СССР☭[M] 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Lifestyled has been quite an excellent mod, and we were all disappointed when he decided to step down. So we're definitely glad he's back.