全 21 件のコメント

[–]Violet_kitty 7ポイント8ポイント  (10子コメント)

Wow, this post reminds me of a quote from The Sound of Music, "Nothing is more irresistible to a man than a woman who is in love with him."

I do have some questions, though! What about women who are saving sex for marriage? Is there any hope for them? Is there a way to show passion without comprising their values/morals?

[–]LindenMairead 5ポイント6ポイント  (8子コメント)

That's all well and good until you hear about guys upset that a girl is "clingy" or "needy". Having been heartbroken by guys in the past who I had huge overwhelming feelings for and was doing everything in my power to please, it's not that easy. Trying too hard is, unfortunately, not irresistible.

[–]Whisper[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Clingy and needy doesn't mean "too passionate". It means "too demanding".

Demanding = passionate + selfish.

Selfish is unattractive to men.

[–]LindenMairead 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't agree, like in the cases I'm talking about. When I wasn't asking for anything in return, but courting like a "beta male" and then deemed annoying for effusive shows of affection. Guys are just as capable of being turned off by overeagerness as women are. You're not going to be able to convince me that I was right when I was obsessively planning all of these sweet romantic gestures to try to impress a guy, when that strategy has failed on numerous occasions.

[–]Themimose22,LTR,3Years 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Funny thing is is that our male counterpart subreditt dictates that they should do this to us

[–]GeminiEngine 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

I have to disagree with trying too hard is resistable.

Try everything that is acceptable to your morals to keep him but learn from each attempt. Don't do something because you ought to, do it because you earned from him a look or some attention. Do you know what he values in every circumstance? No. No man will care how much thought you put into each item of grocery shopping, but he will care if you say I believe I covered for or alleviated problem X.

Personal example. I could care less about you asking how may day went but if I come home and get straight to work on something (home/work) get me something to drink, usually my attention is broken in a way I enjoy. My partner remembering my physical comfort means more than any exchange of words.

[–]LindenMairead 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

You've never thought a girl was clingy or annoying because she had a huge crush on you and constantly did nice things for you? Getting doors, baking you cookies, buying you little gifts, offering help whenever you talk about a problem? Before I knew better, I was the paragon of "beta guy" behavior, supplicating and overly-invested. It drives men away like nothing else.

[–]lineofsanzu23 LTR 8 months 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think it's more like there is a difference from being overbearing/smothering and having an incredibly strong desire to please. the only comparison i can think of is a server at a restaurant (most of my friends are). Personally I'm impressed when my server is attentive and thoughtful like refilling my drink without me having to ask and little things like that. If a server is constantly stopping me to ask me how my food is, what he/she could get me, refilling my drink when i don't need to, hovering, etc. I get annoyed

if you make someone feel like you are hovering over them making little gifts while you wait for the chance to jump in and "make their day" i think its a step in the wrong direction. Be available as much as possible, be thoughtful, and be supportive but never center your day and life around that person so much that your actions do the opposite of what you want. There are many reasons both men and woman dislike the beta type but i find that the most popular reason is that beta types feel too dependent and no one wants a significant other who can't function without you. Everyone wants to be invested in but rarely do people wanna be your only investment for a happy life.

[–]Whisper[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

It drives men away like nothing else.

I disagree. In fact, the reason beta male orbiters behave like beta male orbiters is because they are doing for her what is attractive to them... because they are unaware of the highly different psychology of the sexes.

[–]GeminiEngine -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Damn wall of text.

I define clingy as she is pushing the relationship. Trying to talk to much about the future, it is one topic I believe the man should lead on. But this does not mean she cannot ask what he is thinking about it. Her responses in either situation should be respectful and short to avoid appearing clingy, she can let her emotions show so long as she abides the former.

A woman who is being annoyingly attentive is one who expects reciprocity from favors that never interested the man. Using your examples:

Such as if you open doors for a man you need to be mindful of his response. Some may not care, equality of the sexes, some may be humiliated that a women is doing a man's social responsibility. I would think she believes my time is valuable and wants to put on a public show for me and I am encouraged to get her outfits that compliment me and show her off how I want.

Baking me cookies? Well it has been long said the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I would be grateful the first few times but I would make a comment about a low-carb-bread/breadless multi-meat and veggie sandwich is preferred. The questions remains, are you attentive of his responses and adjusting accordingly. Cookies, sandwich, protein shake, are you making that because he wants that?

Gifts are a hard thing to do for women in my experience. Man or woman, I get tools, and I don't mean screwdrivers and drills. A couple of women became single mothers at the same time in my life, so I looked up pot/pan combos for cooking with lots of options. I picked up 3 of the same $45 deep well/layered skillet pot, it was good for frying, cooking sauces, and some boiling, and huge at a 1 gallon capacity. Everyone of them called me sexist pig, but all of them with in a year thanked me for it because they needed no other pan and only a large pot for boiling, they got compliments from other women and men about the utility of their kitchen. I don't do pretties as gifts, especially for men, we are very picky about what decoration is pleasing but will always appreciate tools.

As for women helping with a problem, it is not your fault specifically but it is women's. Unless I know a woman has spent time learning and studying something I second guess her about everything, as do the alpha/RP men I know. Women feel their way through a situation and can miss important facts, such as when advising someone to go get help from an agency but not fully aware of the approval process, she feels the problems are similar and assumes they handle it. My big topic is basic physics, none of the women where I live can apply one circumstance to another, i.e. use the tip of my sharp knife to cut meat like a hot knife through butter and then get pissed when they cut, not prick, their finger to see if it is sharp.

Men share there excess with those in their life, their investment. I think women should too, a woman who keeps her life together first and then gives me everything else is desirable, she demonstrates abilities beyond sex.

All of these can be trying hard in a good way so long as you take note of the situation and his reaction and then adjust accordingly the next time? Except helping with problems. Anymore all I want is are you there to take my blues away.

[–]aanarchist 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

you can do all the things you would do minus the sex, it's not hard to show off your love and passion in ways other than grinding your ass into his crotch.

[–]Ihatemost21, Looking for LTR 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Very interesting perspective. I've noticed with this that my problem in relationships is actually holding back too much, even though I'm really into the guy. This came with its sets of problems, where even months later I end up showing my love in every way I can, the guy doesn't entirely believe it. I'm looking forward to part 2!

[–]denszil 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

In fact, if a woman delays sex to avoid risk to her partner count, because a low count makes her more attractive, just who is this low count making her more attractive to?

"I don't want to risk being less sexy, or less commitment-worthy, to the next guy."

I found this particular perspective really interesting! Never thought of it like that.

But being "all in" without commitment is a surefire way to get, as I've seen on TRP, "pumped and dumped" (I feel dirty saying that). There are certainly some terms and conditions to this.

Also, maybe this is just my own perspective, but I don't think a woman's passion necessarily declines with the more partners she has. Because we have that "light switch effect", when the switch is on, its on. Or does it supposedly become dimmer with each partner or encounter?

But this was a good read, I'm looking forward to part two.

[–]Whisper[S] 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

But being "all in" without commitment is a surefire way to get, as I've seen on TRP, "pumped and dumped" (I feel dirty saying that).

It carries some of that risk. But the opposite approach has risks as well... putting the brakes on carries the risk of making a man think "she's just not that into me".

And if he thinks that, he doesn't always dump you right away. Sometimes he does, but sometimes he perseveres until he gets to sex, but then is less invested in you afterwards. Which leads to being dumped.

Also, maybe this is just my own perspective, but I don't think a woman's passion necessarily declines with the more partners she has. Because we have that "light switch effect", when the switch is on, its on.

In my experience (I'm a man who has had a lot of partners), women with lower counts seem to flip that light switch on more readily, more brightly, and it's less easy for them to turn it back off again.

Also, keep in mind that what's important is not exactly how true this is (totally, somewhat, slightly, etc), but how much men believe it to be true. (A lot.)

Because this is about how into him he thinks you are. If he's your first, and you tell him you want him to be your last, he'll believe you, right off the bat. If he's your fifth, he won't believe you when you say it, but if your actions bear it out, consistently, over time, you can convince him. If he's your twentieth, he's going to think, "Yeah, right, girl, suuuuuuuuure. How many other men have you said that to?"

But this was a good read, I'm looking forward to part two.

I'll discuss ways to mitigate risk when going "all in", how to maximize your appearance of being "all in", and how to avoid going "all in" in the wrong situation and setting yourself up for failure.

[–]delores_rose 1ポイント2ポイント  (5子コメント)

A woman who is passionate about a man does not consult her girlfriends about what an "acceptable" amount of time to "make him wait" is. A woman who is passionate about a man does not bargain the promise of her body for a wedding, like some jaded whore negotiating a "session". A woman who is passionate about a man will find a way to reach his bed. She will fly across the country, crawl under barbed wire, climb in through his second story window, do everything he desires...

SO TRUE! I had personally never experienced this type of passion until I met my ex who was my 5th LTR. I could feel fat that day, tired, annoyed with him, etc. but I just loved pleasing him (and he cared about my pleasure as well). I remember one time I even dragged him to a bedroom in his mom's house for a quick BJ. She knocked on the door asking if he was ok and he tried to stop me but I didn't let him and took off my shirt and shoved it in his mouth haha . He couldn't stop smiling all day long, and I loved that I gave him that happiness.

[–]Whisper[S] 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

He couldn't stop smiling all day long

Precisely. It wasn't just sex (although presumably sex generally put a smile on his face as well), it was the feeling of being wanted that much, that you were willing, no, eager, to risk embarrassment to please him.

Men don't usually get catcalled. Men don't usually get pursued. Men don't usually get chatted up in public places. Men don't usually get upvotes on "gonewild". You get the point. This means that women often have a good deal of difficulty understanding just how rare it is for men to be told they are desired, even if they are among the most attractive of men.

[–]lineofsanzu23 LTR 8 months 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Men don't usually get catcalled. Men don't usually get pursued. Men don't usually get chatted up in public places. Men don't usually get upvotes on "gonewild". You get the point. This means that women often have a good deal of difficulty understanding just how rare it is for men to be told they are desired, even if they are among the most attractive of men.

This is an extremely great point! Personally, I believe that my boyfriend and I are generally on the same level of attractive however, because I'm a girl I often get lots of attention when I'm all dressed up for a night out. I know he isn't bothered but I go out of my way to always tell him how great he looks and my friends will jump in for good measure.

I often go to clubs with my friends and you will NEVER see a man approached by a woman it's always vice versa. Then, rejection is almost instant in a lot of cases which I can imagine kills confidence in your looks after a while.

[–][削除されました]  (2子コメント)

[removed]

    [–]delores_rose 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Yeah...would never sleep with a married man. That's disgusting.

    [–]Whisper[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Having sex with someone else's husband is actually a terrible idea for any woman who wants commitment. In fact, there are few worse strategies.

    That's kind of the point. Examples of things women wouldn't normally do.

    [–]Themimose22,LTR,3Years 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

    gold gold gold gold