I just finally got around to Day Bang by Roosh and it's opened my eyes to my approach to conversation with my wife and how I was making some common mistakes. It showed me that the way she is wired has actually strengthened some of my weak areas. My wife is just naturally cold and quiet and isn't like some women who just offload their day on their husbands in machine gun fashion without much prompting. I've kind of always treasured this quality she holds, she's pretty humble and will assume nobody cares to hear what she has to say, and if someone needs to know something about a subject she's well versed in she comes to life in really good conversation. She's extremely sharp about health hacks, mathematical subjects, and generally anything scientific. Now let me explain how Day Bang is applicable, but I have some notes for those of you who haven't listened to or read Roosh's books.

First off, to my more moralistic followers here. Read the book. If you think you shouldn't because you think you actually need to seduce and bang other ladies then you're wrong. But you can easily fix yourself like I did. I was lacking an objective awareness of how I approach conversation with the wife due to a lack of understanding of conversation and it's meaning to a woman. You can still take away the lessons the books offer without closing the deal by fucking strange women. If the idea of learning this stuff brings you shame, you're not being loyal to yourself, and you'll never have value. Get the fuck over it and take every little tool you can find, abstaining from acquiring knowledge is not noble, it's feeble and shows how weak minded you are.

Second, if you use the techniques that Roosh uses make sure to stay away from the subjects of your value when you allow her to "help" you in conversation. Realize that you are not allowing her to help you because you're helpless, but that you have value and by allowing her to have conversation is her getting an opportunity to associate with that value. Realize there's a difference between sniveling for attention and feeding her need for validation from a man who needs no external validation for himself. The trick is to get her hooked on having a meaningful (meaningful to her not really you) conversation with you that makes her feel good instead of being a tyrannical prick that just barks questions at her and then gets to work micromanaging her based on the answers. That's not leadership or attractive.

I'm not going to get to into details about Roosh's techniques so much but more so give a bit of an FR in relation to my wife, what reading Day Bang showed me about myself, and some adaptations I've discovered as a result. I've realized first off that I'm a deep guy, and my self-awareness is pretty expansive and sometimes overwhelming to others. As I've gotten away from my addiction to external validation I've stopped puking on people with my internal journey and kept it internal. For some, talking on that level is exhausting and overwhelming, and they prefer conversation that's almost a casual fun experience. Its almost just a mindless pursuit like playing board games, it doesn't need to mean anything, because people can bond just by spent time together. Despite what the mainstream tells you, nobody cares about your problems, that's why they are YOUR problems not theirs. For this same reason stop trying to solve other people's problem in a desperate bid for external validation.

So here is how I was failing in my marriage. I have a shy, cold, and quiet wife. I didn't really ever give her openings to be a part of conversation. I didn't act like a leader by prompting her contribute somehow and priming her to feel good as a result of giving me things. My change after the book was to give her casual conversations that she could grab onto that aren't just logistical interviews. I wasn't giving her this and as a result when I would go do other stuff, she didn't care. I often just stayed separate from her at home believing that my absence would imbue value. But she has to see your value in person to see you as authentic. She sees that you're capable of having a casual fun conversation with it getting heavy or weird. I made this shift from the lessons Roosh laid out. Remember that your problems are YOURS she doesn't want them or care. You won't master this until you find mastery over your need for cheap unearned external validation.

Change your storytelling format, because who wants to hear a good story told in a run in paragraph? It becomes pointless and anti-climactic. Master conversation by asking innocuous questions, throw in pieces of bait where applicable and make her ask you to elaborate on the interesting thing you found out or saw. This works in conversation the way a good headline works on an article. You innocently toss the idea or event out there like it's no big deal and when they jump on it you elaborate upon it in a way where they become involved with the story. They ask questions and react and walk away from what would be a mundane blurb instead with a meaningful experience they got to be part of. This is part of how another dude steals your girl, he has more interesting stuff to say and he's a better storyteller then you. And by being interesting and knowing how to frame the conversation in a way that allows her to be part of an experience her view of you shifts from "my husband fishes sometimes" to her repeating a cool story you told her to her friends because you communicated in a way that shows value and she felt involved.

Women are wired to seek validation from men. If you're not capable of showing value even if you're high value, she'll find validation elsewhere. If you're not present even just sometimes, she can't miss you when you're gone. I implore you men who have not to read bang and day bang. And learn some perspective on how to sneak your value out right in front of her without vomiting it at her and turning her off with your pathetic need to be validated. Hijack that curiousity she has that makes her like those tv shows that leave her hanging and have her coming back next week because she has to know what happened. This makes YOU fun and exciting to talk to instead of being the boring beta that's good at paying the bills.