(throwaway to avoid harassment by drama trolls)

Story Time: When I was a wee lad I nearly drowned in a swimming pool. It was a public pool and there were lifeguards and other families present. My own dad just watched me fighting for air with a stupid grin on his face. I eventually managed to recover on my own and gave him a dead arm. He said he thought I was just pretending.

Having mental health issues is so much fucking worse than that. You have the constant feeling of being smothered to death by things you can't see or fight, and even that isn't the real problem. People fucking hate the mentally ill. They leap to rationalise what's happening to us, or attack us to portray us as the cause of our own suffering. Something something we just need to man up. Anything to pretend our issues don't exist.

If drowning was like being mentally ill, people would be on the side of the pool, laughing while other people hold our heads under the water. Shit like that is why I live in a near permanent state of despair over problems that could be easily solved with some fucking acknowledgement and help.

Sometimes this sub feels like a hangout for neurotypical supremacists. Plenty of oppressive behaviour happens here and in the main sub that gets ignored under the AOP. I didn't think to catalogue it because I thought reporting it would be sufficient. Well that turned out to be a waste of fucking time, didn't it? I almost never see action taken against the people I report.

It's nice that the sub is suddenly concerned about the possibility of suicide, because the feelings of helplessness and worthlessness caused by the behaviour I'm talking about can also make suicide an attractive option.

Here are examples of behaviour I've witnessed. I won't be singling people out due to my mistake in not keeping records, but I've seen all of this at one point or another:

Denying the consequences of online abuse

• We've all seen the bullshit about 'hurt fee fees' and the like. To their credit, the mods do remove blatant trolling like that, but users who choose their words more carefully are often allowed to get away with similar behaviour. Users frequently get away with remarks that we're blowing things out of proportion or worrying about nothing. Users that deny the existence of racism or sexism would be dealt with, so give us the same consideration.

Telling people that their abuse is made up

• This is some seriously invalidating behaviour and a more severe form of the previous problem. Instead of an ignorant act of disbelief, it's an attack on the user who is being abused. This should be considered gaslighting behaviour. The Suzy X. image at the bottom of /r/@ implies the sub considers this an issue when it applies to sexism.

Telling people their mental health issues make their own judgement about the situation unreliable

• This is really fucking disgusting. It's an attempt to shut people down because the second they admit to having the problem they're regarded as being an untrustworthy source. I can only recall seeing this once, but I know the user who did it is still here. I didn't save the link so I won't waste time naming names (and yes, I did report it at the time). I just hope we can agree that it shouldn't be tolerated in future.

Telling people to see a therapist (in some contexts)

• Yes, therapy can help people. Many of us already do see therapists. Sometimes users suggest seeing a therapist as a way of denying the existence of the problem. It implies that the abused user just needs to go and get fixed because they're the real issue. In that context, the comment should be seen as an act of bullying.

Spreading lies about the reality of abuse

• This comes up occasionally. Spreading lies about our experiences makes it much harder for us to fight it and have the reality of our situations acknowledged. It also acts as validation for other users who want to deny it. Example: Back when we had the heated 'he called me a faggot' thread, there were users claiming that emotional abuse can't cause enough damage that makes violence a legitimate means of self-defence. This is just flat out gross and wrong.

Shaming users for seeking help

• Some users are allowed to get away with shaming people for looking for help in meta. There are users who have been given free reign to bully people who post here, calling them 'authoritarians' or 'Stalinists'. This is seriously toxic and mods needs to put a stop to it so people can use the sub as it's meant to be used. Shaming can have a real effect on people's behaviour. In the past I've refused financial help I was entitled to due to the stigma of accepting it. There are lots of peope who 'don't take charity' for similar reasons.

SUMMARY/TL;DR

Warn users for the following behaviour:

• Denying the existence of oppression or bullying (including online)
• Calling regular users liars about their experiences. (Obviously we get new trolls pulling that 'attack helicopter' shit, but people who have been here a while should be given the benefit of the doubt.)
• Telling users their judgement of their own experiences is unreliable due to their mental health issues.
• Telling users to 'get help'/'see a therapist' when used as a means of silencing them.
• Deliberately spreading lies about the reality of abuse. (Mistakes happen, but after correction by people with experiences the continued spreading of misinformation should be seen as malicious.)
• Shaming or insulting people who ask for moderator help. (i.e. claims of authoritarianism.)

And warnings are nothing without teeth, so ban users who repeatedly ignore warnings.

P.S. Won't be here to answer questions. I need a break from this place.