TL;DR TRP way of living has only recently become embraced

I'm in my late 20's. I dated a woman that works at a bar I frequent for about a year. I ride a motorcycle and am a good-looking guy so it wasn't difficult to pick her up. Things started out well. I did my thing, she did hers and we went out every now and again and hooked up often. Then she started to get emotional and manipulated me a bit to open up to her. I didn't "open up" to her for nearly a year. I did the things I love and she was into me for that because I was in control. I made the decisions and she went along with what made me happy because that made her happy. Those are literally her words, not mine.

Without thinking I caved into the emotional rope pull. I am a veteran and was in the parachute infantry. I served in Afghanistan and Iraq. I saw/did many things that I do not discuss with, quite frankly, anyone. She basically begged me to tell her why I am a bit distant, unemotional, stubborn, small group of friends type of person. I didn't spill my guts to her but I told her these dark things and it turned into me telling her that I cared a lot about her and had strong feelings for her. A few days later I made a decision to stop seeing her because her knowing those things made me feel entirely too vulnerable. And feeling vulnerable is not something I take well. It mentally puts me back into situations I was in overseas.....the feeling of vulnerability. Whether it be physically, mentally or what have you.

I stopped by her house and broke down a little (first mistake). I got emotional (second mistake). I cried (third mistake). Ended up not breaking it off with her because she was supportive and bawling and asking me to stay in her life (final mistake). Throughout the next two weeks I didn't hear much from her. She even blew me off on a couple nights we were supposed to hang out. Then finally, "I don't think we should see each other anymore. I'm unsure of where I stand right now blah blah blah."

I was heartbroken. I was torn up because I shared things that I can't even share with my own father. It wasn't about her breaking it off, it was about me sharing deep, solo, shit about my life and then her leaving very quickly afterwards. After a week I did not contact her. I didn't answer her calls or texts.

I went back to what I was doing before, being Alpha without even realizing it. I took a 2 week long trip on my motorcycle...didn't bring my cell phone. I slept on the sides of roads with a pup tent set off the side of my bike. By the time I got back I ended up with ~4000 miles ridden. Best two weeks of my life.

I started getting back into metalworking (I'm a welder). Making things out of metal from flowers to wine racks to motorcycle trailers. I love turning scrap metal into artwork. It's extremely satisfying.

I started reading about WW2 fighter pilots again which has always been one of my biggest passions and interests. Those guys were the definition of TRP. Men being men and not giving a fuck about what people thought of them. I've always looked up to Hans Marseille and recommend his book. One of the original red pillers if you ask me.

I always hit the gym but started hitting it harder than before. Making hard progress quickly.

We have mutual friends and obviously she heard about all these things because that's simply how the grapevine works. I really dig this girl so I decided to stop back in that same bar. I hadn't been in since we stopped seeing one another. We also hadn't talked in quite a long time. I'd venture to say 10 months after the breakup.

She was there and I gave her a friendly, nonchalant hello. Sat down drank my beer. I was leaving and she ran out to my bike, told me she had a 15 minute break and to "take me somewhere away from here quick". Obviously the rest is history.

I have only discovered TRP recently. I've lurked here for about a month. Only now did I realize how I was acting. It never occurred to me to embrace this way. I was raised in a household with my mother and two sisters. I was the man of the house and mostly acted as such when I was of age. But being Alpha was only really embraced while I was in the military.

This isn't the first time this situation has happened to me. Any time I open up or get emotional with women is when things begin to go downhill whether I realize it or not. I was married once...stupidest mistake of my young life. Won't go into detail but I will say she fucked some guy while I was deployed (shocking I know /s).

I can say every time I embrace my masculinity and being a man is the only time I can be happy with a woman. I don't cave into "feeling". It's not that I don't care for the women I'm with or don't have feelings but I try to never let it be the #1 thing in my life. I concentrate on myself and let the women in my life enjoy the ride. If they don't like it, the exit is always open.

Only now, after having discovered TRP do I realize how effective living my life this way can truly be. I've been seeing this same woman for 5 months now and things are great. She wants sex more than I do FFS. We're back to how things were before I let myself get all emo. I don't let myself get tied up with emotions. I stay true to myself and she compliments me all the time for it.

I did reciprocate "I love you." because I do love her. But I don't believe in being "in love" and especially do not believe in "needing" someone. I made that fully clear to her. It surprised her and yet she still embraced it.

Some of you guys may disagree with the whole "love" part but I think I've found a happy balance with it. I'm simply not a full blown red piller. I always stay true to myself though, regardless of how involved I am with a woman. I'm glad I got a marriage and divorce out of the way because it taught me that exact life long lesson.

I just wanted to share this with you guys. Thought at least some may enjoy it. I welcome negative and positive thoughts. I know not everyone will find this to be Red Pill material.

Biggest lesson I've learned is to never let a woman take priority of what I truly want/need to make myself happy.

Thanks for reading.