gameofthrones 内の toplegs によるリンク [TV] I gave my mom my HBO password like a week ago. She's having a meltdown.

[–]AtTheEolian 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I feel like her first sentence should be our hover-over text for this sub...

TrueReddit 内の yuvallevental によるリンク More than a third of the revenue for ASAN, an organization that claims that Autism is a "Difference not Disability", was spent on employee salaries. ASAN's director made more money than the amount that the organization spent on autism acceptance.

[–]AtTheEolian 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

As someone who works in non-profit management, I completely agree.

I'm 35 years old, I have not been able to save for retirement, I often work 12 to 16 hour days, my health coverage is hilariously bad, and yet, when people find out how much we're spending on "overhead" they act like I'm kicking kittens in the face by asking for a paycheck.

A lot of my time is spent on the incredible red tape we have to navigate to get our jobs done. The rest of it is spent working on our programs and helping people.

We ask a lot of our employees, and we still get people complaining that we're paying them at all. Why not just get volunteers? And when we ask if they would be willing to volunteer extensively (including three to six weeks residential, where they're on the clock 24/7, followed by 40 to 60 hours per month) the answer is naturally, a gigantic no.

Should people be upset that some non-profit CEOs make a lot? Sure. But then again, a lot of those CEOs are poached from the business world (which everyone is always saying we should be more like). And we have to offer them real money to lure them away.

I am deeply, deeply devoted to non-profit work, and our cause in particular. I stayed in my job when two other people were eliminated, and I'm trying to juggle all three jobs. But I am now looking for a new job because I simply can't afford to keep doing this.

rage 内の yuvallevental によるリンク More than a third of the revenue for ASAN, an organization that claims that Autism is a "Difference not Disability", was spent on employee salaries. ASAN's director made more money than the amount that the organization spent on autism acceptance.

[–]AtTheEolian [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

So, a non-profit spent their money on salaries? That's what non-profits do with some of their money. Their employees and officers are doing the work of the non-profit, so a large percentage of their budgets go towards staff costs.

MensLib 内の AtTheEolian によるリンク On Trans Inclusive Feminism: Or, “Can Men Be Feminists?”

[–]AtTheEolian[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hey, I appreciate all the thoughtful work you've put into this. We have some pretty fundamental disagreements.

  1. I don't need you to tell me if what I say is fine or not.

  2. You can't replace "feminists" with geeks, because geeks are not an oppressed class, and they don't represent one.

  3. I really, deeply object to you trying to restate my own words and thus changing their meaning without asking me first. I do believe the comment is deeply changed in some ways, and it is intended to call out feminist men who are working in those spaces, they're not "outnumbered" generally, they're not speaking up - both in feminist spaces, and in the world as a whole.

Again, we are always working from the assumption that one person's experience is valid, and that has been my experience.

MensLib 内の AtTheEolian によるリンク On Trans Inclusive Feminism: Or, “Can Men Be Feminists?”

[–]AtTheEolian[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't think feminists are being "deliberately cruel" at all.

I appreciate what you are saying, though.

MensLib 内の AtTheEolian によるリンク On Trans Inclusive Feminism: Or, “Can Men Be Feminists?”

[–]AtTheEolian[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's not raising a stink, it sounds like you're just voicing a concern. That can verge on invalidating, but I don't think that's what you mean.

It would feel like othering to me if it hadn't happened to me, personally, a lot.

MensLib 内の AtTheEolian によるリンク On Trans Inclusive Feminism: Or, “Can Men Be Feminists?”

[–]AtTheEolian[S] -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

To a certain extent, it should be a "my way or the highway" approach to feminist spaces. If people want to participate, they should be expected to adhere to a certain standard of behavior and reciprocity. We can't just accept anyone with an agenda who wants to derail every conversation.

MensLib 内の AtTheEolian によるリンク On Trans Inclusive Feminism: Or, “Can Men Be Feminists?”

[–]AtTheEolian[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

So...are you arguing that feminists should be nicer? I think putting the onus/responsibility on them isn't fair at at all. And it isn't a "handful" of bad experiences, it's the patriarchy plus A LOT of horrible experiences.

AskWomen 内の bakedgoodslover によるリンク What good health rule does not work for you and why?

[–]AtTheEolian 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

  • Exercise is always going to make me feel horrible. Horrible while it's happening, horrible after. And it's a trigger for anxiety and depression. At no point will I experience anything positive with it.
  • Eating healthy aggravates my acid reflux. Otherwise, I only get it when I'm super-stressed out. But several days of healthy eating means painfully bad acid reflux, and if I go on that way, it only gets worse.
  • If I stop powering up with treats throughout the day, I descend into a brain fog that's really hard to come out of. I tried to do "only eating during mealtime" for like six or eight months a few years ago, and was a zombie a lot of that time.
  • I also have to eat a low oxylate and low protein diet because of my kidneys. Most of the reliable healthy foods are high in oxylates, and I have to eat low amounts of meat and meat substitutes...which means my diet ends up being kind of screwy and I'm hungry or eating junk food a lot.

BeautyBoxes 内の ballsdeep_in_lame によるリンク PSA: Target Beauty Box is Live!!

[–]AtTheEolian 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

And they are gone :( Any way to put a "sold out" tag on this post?

AskWomen 内の Anonymisss_ によるリンク Ladies do you have as much gas as guys do and if so how do you hide it?

[–]AtTheEolian 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Considering that IBS is twice as common in women, women would actually be much fartier than men.

However, there's a weird cultural thing where women can't be gross. So we don't talk about it as much. And also, it's considered rude, and we have more rules about how women shouldn't be rude.

MensLib 内の AtTheEolian によるリンク On Trans Inclusive Feminism: Or, “Can Men Be Feminists?”

[–]AtTheEolian[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

No, I actually think you're missing the fact that Alok (they identify as genderqueer, not trans, so they use they/them pronouns instead of he/him) is saying that everyone deserves a place in feminism, and that the gender binary, which is both a product of, and helps reinforce the patriarchy is holding feminism back. That's why the "Can men be feminists" part of the question is in quotes - it's the wrong thing to be asking.

AskWomen 内の MostlyALurkerBefore によるリンク What is one thing you wish you could stop having to explain about yourself?

[–]AtTheEolian 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

  1. Yes we can be friends.
  2. That's one of the worst things about invisible disabilities - that so many people want to believe that they are easily curable, because otherwise...they could get one too? Or something? It's so strange and presumptuous of people.

AskWomen 内の MostlyALurkerBefore によるリンク What is one thing you wish you could stop having to explain about yourself?

[–]AtTheEolian 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thanks for your kind words, I'm sending support and good thoughts in your direction!

AskWomen 内の moonshot66 によるリンク Women who are bosses/managers: how do you handle not being liked by your employees?

[–]AtTheEolian 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Same here. I establish a good rapport with my staff, and ask that we are all professional. Beyond that, I really don't care if they personally like me or not, as long as they're good employees.

Sometimes I end up particularly good friends with a colleague, but never a direct report.

Denver 内の TrentonB によるリンク How to get rid of large desk?

[–]AtTheEolian 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

oh, and we did have to repost some stuff that was pretty terrible a few times - especially if we weren't around to let people pick it up during easy hours.

Denver 内の TrentonB によるリンク How to get rid of large desk?

[–]AtTheEolian 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Throw in a six pack, or even offer $20 for the effort, and it should work!

AskWomen 内の assflea によるリンク What's the shittiest thing a family member has said to you?

[–]AtTheEolian 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Considering the fact that it's two kittens, it's never presumptuous.

MensLib 内の AtTheEolian によるリンク On Trans Inclusive Feminism: Or, “Can Men Be Feminists?”

[–]AtTheEolian[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

The oppressor/oppressed dynamic isn't actually a binary. It's a continuum, and to think it's black and white is overly simplistic, and yes, does help hold feminism back to fail to realize that (and that oppression is intersectional). However, we have to keep moving discussions forward. I find that the two inform each other. As we break down the gender binary, it becomes easier to talk about how the patriarchy does damage along a continuum as well. We have to move both discussions forward. Also, I've often worked with well-intentioned men who want to "go beyond the oppressor/oppressed dynamic" by ignoring it. I've also worked with men who really were sexist, making assumptions, and perpetuating patriarchal dynamics, but when that was pointed out to them, they say they're being scorned/mistreated/etc. and aren't actually internalizing the feedback they're being given.

To address a separate issue, bringing up how the patriarchy hurt men in feminist contexts - rarely have I ever seen a cis man bring this up on a feminist space that actually works with the conversation and space. So feminists right now are hyperaware of "what-about-the-menz" derailing that happens so often. Feminists are also super tired of telling men to do their own work before coming to feminist spaces, and that so rarely even happens. Because of the way we socialize men, we've also set them up to fail in a lot of social justice contexts. They also have to work harder to have legitimate conversations, as so many anti-feminist men are out there shouting, and so few pro-feminist men are working in those communities.

All that being said, the "Can men be feminists?" from the title of the article is actually in quotes, so they're rejecting the need to ask that question altogether.

BeautyBoxes 内の solskinnratel によるリンク What services do you wish more boxes would offer?

[–]AtTheEolian 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

  • A way to opt out of ALL THE NEON PINK. I've unsubscribed from two boxes due to the giant pile of unwearable neon pink lip colors, blushes, nail colors, etc.
  • A way to specify what your skin color is. They try to "play it safe" and give you medium to tan...none of which I can ever wear. Or they choose randomly and most everyone gets screwed.
  • Maybe the ability to skip foil packets for a while to get a larger size product? I don't know about you all, but a foil packet is almost never enough for me to decide if a packet is worth it. They might as well not send 80%+ of them.
  • A way to skip a particular type of product. For example, I have really recessed eyes and hypersensitive eyes, so I can't use most products. But I'll still get 715,889 eyeshadows. Or, I can't realistically use this much mascara.