Summary: Growth happens outside comfort zone, no doubt in that. Whether it's lifting heavy weights, running marathons, learning new skill, becoming more social or picking up girls - you have to be uncomfortable and you have to fail to learn. But you don't enter a comfort zone, it grows around you. And you might not notice it.

 

Some people are saying "you don't have to fail to learn, just be careful and make your way in little increments". Theoretically that could work if it wouldn't be huge waste of time. When you're learning how to drive a motorbike you just have to drop it few times (preferably during slow speed maneuvers). That's how you learn the limits, experience the imbalance and come out both unscathed and wiser. You could "be careful" and advance to the limit little by little never reaching it but you wouldn't learn your lesson that way. Maybe you will never lean your own bike that much but it's good to know how does it feel and what exactly are the consequences.

When you lift you inevitably load such weight that you cannot rack the bar after last repetition. Great, you've found your limit for that exercise for that particular day. You know your training couldn't be harder, you take full advantage of your time. Will you advance using smaller weights? Sure but once again - your time is too precious to waste it on suboptimal training. And this way you're sure where the limits are.

And I'm assuming you are not stupid - you have someone around as a spotter. Don't push yourself on your own (similarly: don't learn how to ride a bike knee down on public roads). Leaving your comfort zone should be done intelligently. There's no point in staying in it (boredom, not learning) but also there's no point in biting more than you can chew every single time (discouragement, not learning).

 

Problem with "learning" game & seduction is that you inevitably become moderately successful. You had one girlfriend a year? Now you date tens of women, even if you're sleeping with only few of them. Used to getting only duty sex? Now you're having wild first day lays. You're at least a womanizer which is huge improvement compared to being a beta clueless champ. So if it's all in all great why should you leave your newfound comfort zone?

It's too easy to just rest in that intermediate bubble enjoying your successes every now and then. But it's like running a marathon with the same pace every single time. No progression, no development, not really learning. You can rest when you can say "I've achieved everything there is to achieve" (or you become bored). And there are many ways to improve in seduction. You can aim for more notches, hotter girls, younger girls, faster sex, etc.

It's like winning first prize in an amateur competition over and over again. I'm sure it would feel great and in the beginning it's really something to brag about. But after tens of such victories people would start to ask "why won't you compete with someone your level"? And if they don't then you should ask this yourself. "Is this the best I can do or am I just avoiding hard work and inevitable failures?"

That's where guys (including me) fail to realize that they escape from one comfort zone only to fall into the next. I can approach a girl, get her on a date and sometimes seduce her all the way to the sex and then make her into a fuck friend or non-exclusive girlfriend. I'm feeling comfortable doing all this... and it's bad. I've never lost a girl while on a date. Not a single chick stormed out of my apartment nor ended the date prematurely. I wouldn't want offending girls to become my new norm but it's the equivalent of not dropping a motorbike and not training to muscle failure. I don't know what I'm capable of and I don't know where are the limits. Which means I'm still in the comfort zone. For me it's labeled "advanced daygamer". What's the name of yours?

 

Lessons learned:

• Growth happens outside comfort zone.
• We do like feeling comfortable and we might not notice when a comfort zone grows around us.
• We all do need to stop once in a while and think about our progress, our excuses and our capabilities.
• Pushing yourself to the limits is the best and fastest way to learn...
• ...but do it intelligently. Avoid injuries, practice in a smart way.

 

This was first posted to my blog in a daygame context. I edit reddit submissions so they are more general. If you're interested you can read the full version here.