Swallowed the red pill in late December '15. Have read the suggested texts in the side bar/wiki. Have learned to STFU and dread and all that. Most of my life has improved - career, relationship with child, relationships at work, physically, my marriage to some degree.

But I digress.

Here is what I am seeking guidance about: last night I was on bath and bed duty for our 3 year old. Ran the bath, and then my wife came home after an after work event and my child went bonkers because mommy was home. At that point, my child wouldn't let go of my wife, making bath time difficult.

My wife seemed in a super bitchy mood, and glared at me while giving me the thumbs out motion for me to get out of the bathroom. As such, I went on with my evening and went to the garage for my workout. She came storming out as my mother in law did the bath duties for our child.

She was pretty heated and launched into a tirade. I didn't flinch and STFU. Tried to walk past her to go inside and she pushed me, not very hard but enough to warrant getting smashed if she was a guy. Took my shoes off to go in the house and she pushes me again. I try not to let down the poker face but lost frame a bit. Started to argue but stopped just before the words left my mouth.

Instead, I grabbed my keys and drove to the gym. Had an awesome workout and then went home.

She was talking to her mom when I got home but I didn't say a word. I wasn't angry but I did not acknowledge them and showered.

She approached me gently to "talk". As I was reading outside and did not want to talk, I said "no", firmly though not angrily without looking at her. She did not like this but didn't lose her composure...more of a threat. "We NEED to talk about this within the next day!"

I went to bed later and she was asleep. She was gone for work by the time I woke for work. I didn't initiate any contact throughout the day. She put a meeting on the family calander for 9pm.

When I got home from work, I was upbeat and cheerful. I jumped in and started the bath routine with my child. I debated doing this as I did not want to appear like I was apologizing. I did it because I wanted to spend time with my child and I enjoy that time with my child.

The "talk". She basically blamed me for her pushing me. I held frame and STFU....until the very end. I fucked up and started to debate with her.

2 hours later.....we walked around the neighborhood bickering. I have run out of fucks to give and I let her know what is up. I told her she is the worst part of my day and she is becoming the stereotypical angry housewife.

She told me how most men would kill for a wife like her. I told her she needs to be realistic...north of 30, ~50 lbs overweight and controlling. None of this went well...it progressed to both of us running out of fucks and lobbing grenades. Her about how sex feels only physical and empty. Me about how fucking awesome I am. Was not productive or healthy. Threats of divorce from both sides. Blah blah blah.

This has happened before. I try to leave a room/area because she is shouting at me --> we "talk" the next day --> she blames me --> I don't STFU --> we say all the shit we are too afraid to say normally.

I know this is a wall of victim puke.

I am only a sapling with desire and intention to be oak. I am requesting outside perspective.

The only reason I am still here is because of my child. I would have left for good by now. I don't think I can be happy married to my current wife. I'm willing to put my own happiness on hold or at least find a small way to be happy while my child is still young. A divorce would put time with my child at serious risk.

Financially, a divorce would mess things up for a while. We both make over 6 figures but have high overhead. Child support would not be too tough but 2 houses would. She will try to ruin me financially.

What the fuck do I do? I feel like a pussy for letting her push me and then allowing myself to get pulled into her frame.

I am afraid of divorce but possibly more afraid of waking up 20 years from now in an unhappy marriage.

Edited for format and typo.