Background: Currently unplugging. Read some of the sidebar material, still pecking away at it.

Her: Grad student for medical field degree (salary will cap out at ~$70k), intelligent, "feminist" (loves degrading, rough sex / name-calling), control freak

Me: Professional job in tech, lift, bring home > $100k ($40k from passive side job) - official position pays shit - loads of room for growth in other parts of the country, I pay 100% of the bills while she's in school. I've got a fairly IDGAF attitude about most things in life with the exception of my marriage.

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Some context: I finished work, had the wife pick me up (1 vehicle household for now, and she needs the vehicle during the day). I tell her I'm going to the gym sometime after we get home - just have to verify that I don't have anything else that needs to be tended to at the house. I ask what her workload is for school for the evening for the sake of logistics (she'll accidentally blow off schoolwork to hang out with me, so I have to make sure I don't enable it), and she informs me that she's booked pretty solid for the rest of the night.

Cool, only thing I have to do is dishes and some laundry - maybe some side work or guitar playing later in the evening. Gym time! Gotta do some upper body.

Me: "I'm going to the gym" (as I'm getting changed into gym gear)
Her: "You're going to the gym now?"
Me: "Yeah. I want to get it done early." - Probably shouldn't have explained myself.
Her: "Okay!"

A few minutes go by and I go back upstairs and find her getting her gym clothes on.

Me: "You planning on coming with?"
Her: "Yeah! I want to go, too."
Me: "Alright, I'm going to go inflate my bike tires." - I usually ride my bike to the gym.

So here's where I fucked up again. I waited for her. I had a set schedule I wanted to stick to so my night wouldn't be screwed up, but I let her take control of my most precious resource: My Time.

Fast-forward 20 minutes and we're still at home, my bike and body are ready to go, and she's just finally putting her shoes on. I'm definitely a little annoyed at this point. I ask if she wants me to inflate her tires on her bike and she tells me that she was planning on driving (it's a 5 minute bike ride...). Okay, whatever. I suppose I'll go ahead and catch a ride with her as well - might end up doing legs instead.

As you can see, I've already fucked up by relinquishing control over my plans and time at least twice by now. I didn't even realize it was happening until I started reflecting on why I was feeling annoyed. Negative repercussions incoming!

We get to the gym and I decide I'll do some arm, chest, and back to build up my stabilizers. She goes straight for an elliptical for like 30 minutes. I was pretty much done around 45 minutes in, and she hadn't even started what she came to do - core and some goblet squats. I told her I wanted to head out, but she protested that she wasn't done yet.

Again, I caved and decided to wait for her to finish her workout. I made the best of the situation by playing some basketball. It's not like I could leave - she had the keys to the car and house (oops).

After waiting like a good boy, she finally let me know she was ready to go and we left. Ended up having a nice little argument about bills being auto-withdrawn from my checking account because in that moment she saw me for what I was - a weak person who was as malleable as baby diarrhea. It only makes sense that she had to doubt my abilities to get shit done if she was able to completely ruin my plans for the entire night by dragging ass.

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Here's an overview of how I fucked up:

• I failed by letting her come with me instead of studying
  
• I failed by letting her control my time by waiting for her to get ready
  
• I failed by not riding my bike to the gym, resulting in less physical activity and calories burned (I've got a few pounds of that delicious visceral fat, ayyyy)
  
• I failed by letting her drive instead of biking with me. The car was the only form of transportation to get home unless I wanted to walk 30 minutes, losing more time from my night
  
• I failed by not bringing my god damn keys with me, so even if I did walk home, I wouldn't be able to get in the damn house
  
• I failed by letting her control my time and plans again by not telling her we were leaving at that moment since it was my activity that she was partaking in.
  

I'm sure I slipped up other times, but these are the ones that stick out clearly.

Me not leading and putting my foot down resulted in me being unable to do the things that made me happy/productive (making music, doing my side job, etc), made me look weak to her - possibly subconsciously, caused an argument, and left me feeling like I didn't accomplish enough that day.

When I play by her rules I lose, and I always will.

Moving forward, the solution to preventing this behavior in the future is pretty clear. If I give a time for when I'm out the door I'm going to stick to it - with or without her. I'll stick to my plans regardless of any kicking or screaming.

Thoughts? Obviously I've got a ways to go as I was so easily controlled into bending to her will on something as silly as going to the gym.