I was a classic beta for the majority of our 20 yr marriage. Crap sex life, I cracked from trying to make her happy. Sought out counseling, read NMMNG, and have started reading here. I have told my wife that I have not been happy for the past decade in our marriage, and that things need to change. I am working on myself, hit the gym, signed up for a 10k. She is trying to change to. When talking about our lack of sex life before, she actually admitted, in no uncertain terms, before, she was happy, felt secure in our relationship, so she didn't think she needed to worry about my needs, apologized, and is trying to do much better.
Here is my problem. I have seen on here several people express anger when they realize what a chump they have been. How much they allowed themselves to be taken advantage of. I was starting to get past it all, she was working on her end. Specifically wants me to take the lead in all aspects of the relationship. I should be happy. But I carry this resentment towards her. I have been struggling with this for quite a while, and was starting to get better. Then, for the first time ever, I confided a little in my sister about how I realize how I gave too much, and am making changes. She clearly had been holding back out of respect. Applauded me for the changes she is see. She can see the physical changes, and the happiness starting to show in my eyes. Shared how it has been hard to spend time with me and my wife because she saw how much she had been sucking the life out of me. Sucking me dry. She shared how her friend from our old church knew me and my wife, along with a circle of my wife's friends, all saying the same thing. She had it so good, but was sucking me dry. How people were sad for me because I was sacrificing for her, and she didn't even realize it.
I own my past mistakes, and am actively trying to make changes. I know staying married is best for me and my children an several levels. However, I am so angry, I don't even want to be around her. Last night she was coming on to me, and I said no. Emotionally, I just couldn't be with her when I felt like this. Any suggestions how to get past this. 2 days ago I ran for almost an hour trying to work through all of this (only the third time running since I started) thinking I could sweat through it.
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