(cache) SuB2007がMe [23M] been seeing this girl [21F] for the last month, she only just revealed she is trans, not sure how to proceed.について記入したコメント

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Me [23M] been seeing this girl [21F] for the last month, she only just revealed she is trans, not sure how to proceed.Dating (self.relationships)

thatsnotarocket が 3時間前 * 投稿

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[–]SuB2007 210ポイント211ポイント212ポイント 2時間前 (49子コメント)

[+]balloonwhale スコアが基準値未満のコメント-113ポイント-112ポイント-111ポイント 2時間前 (45子コメント)

[–]SuB2007 66ポイント67ポイント68ポイント 1時間前 (11子コメント)

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[–]SuB2007 40ポイント41ポイント42ポイント 1時間前 (0子コメント)

I don't see that as circular at all. On this sub, we constantly see people giving the advice that anything can be a dealbreaker.

In this case, we have something that, for a LOT of people, would be a dealbreaker. For some people, the issue would be transphobia. For others, the fact that their romantic partner has genitals (or used to have the genitals) that they are not attracted to might be an attraction-killer. For some people, the high incidence of mental illness in transgendered people would be the potential dealbreaker. I don't think the "why" is super-important to the issue at hand. Yes, it's something that should be disclosed because it's known to be a dealbreaker for a lot of people.

My advice doesn't just apply to people who are transgendered, either.

If you've got kids, you should tell your potential partners because it's often a dealbreaker. If you've been convicted of a felony, deal drugs, have a major mental illness, have a chronic physical illness, are a member of the KKK, or have any other trait that for lots of people is a dealbreaker, you should disclose that before you get too far into a relationship. Not doing so smacks of manipulation...of trying to get someone attached to you before disclosing unfavorable information so they are possibly more inclined to overlook it.

[–]Wraptor_ 18ポイント19ポイント20ポイント 54分前 (0子コメント)

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[–]Deeliciousness 4ポイント5ポイント6ポイント 42分前 (1子コメント)

[–]Kalazor 3ポイント4ポイント5ポイント 14分前 (0子コメント)

I can write a guideline: you should not have sex with someone before disclosing any information that you believe that person would want to know before having sex with you. Doing otherwise is disrespectful towards their feelings, even if their feelings are 100% irrational and unjustified. It's also good practice because it keeps you from wasting time on incompatible partners.

If you have sex with someone knowing that it's likely they would decline with full information, then you're creating a situation that's likely to upset them if they find out later. In many cases, there are assholes who would decline sex for stupid reasons that shouldn't matter. The response should not be to fuck them anyway and keep secrets (which is self denying and unhealthy), but to just not fuck them. In other cases, people have legitimate preferences that should be respected, in which case you should also just walk away and find someone compatible.

[+]balloonwhale スコアが基準値未満のコメント-50ポイント-49ポイント-48ポイント 1時間前* (1子コメント)

[–]Bosola 30ポイント31ポイント32ポイント 1時間前* (0子コメント)

I'm not sure if most cisgendered folk have ever thought long and hard about having sex with someone trans, and it's so rare, few would even think to mention it. That doesn't mean they won't feel uncomfortable in retrospect though.

There is an aspect of reciprocality, too: having sex with someone involves vulnerability. Will my body be good enough; will my tastes and the way I have sex be good enough too? When we have sex, we put ourselves at a small risk of feeling inadequate, and we expect our partners to reciprocate that by being transparent.

It's rarely clear-cut, but I think we have to make the judgement based on sheer probabilities. Is it likely this person has encountered someone like me? Is there a non-negligible chance this person might be uncomfortable? Remember, a lot of men (still) have great anxiety about discovering their own homosexuality, and might worry that sex with a trans partner puts a question mark over their straightness.

As partners we need to try and make 'best efforts' to try and protect others' feelings, within the constraints of what's safe for us. Is waiting until after oral the right time to reveal your biological sex? I don't think so.

[+]molstern スコアが基準値未満のコメント-49ポイント-48ポイント-47ポイント 1時間前 (5子コメント)

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[–]futurecrazycatlady 25ポイント26ポイント27ポイント 1時間前 (3子コメント)

I just did a quick google search, and a wiki page about sexuality in the USA tells me that 0.3% of the population identifies as transgender. I honestly think that it's still so rare that most people will never encounter having a relationship or sexual encounter with a trans-person, hence it not being on a list with things they ask before having sex.

In my personal opinion, I think it's safer to talk about this before having sex. If a trans person happens to be dating someone who has a less than favorable opinion about this demographic, I can imagine them being a lot more emotional/angry if they find out after the relationship became sexual. If they had sex with someone they can't stand (again, not condoning) it becomes more personal, and it's easier to react with anger as with introspection and doubting their own believes.

[+]molstern スコアが基準値未満のコメント-23ポイント-22ポイント-21ポイント 1時間前 (2子コメント)

[–]Deeliciousness 15ポイント16ポイント17ポイント 56分前 (0子コメント)

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[+]molstern スコアが基準値未満のコメント-27ポイント-26ポイント-25ポイント 1時間前 (1子コメント)

[–]winterd 21ポイント22ポイント23ポイント 1時間前 (0子コメント)

π Rendered by PID 3292 on app-78 at 2016-03-23 15:20:48.594813+00:00 running 51e0011 country code: JP.

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