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TwoXChromosomes

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submitted by personalthrowaway9
I didn't know where else to post this because reddit seems to be filled with pedo apologists. Yes that's where this is going. When I was 15-16 (I don't remember how old), at a church (it gets worse), 2 little girls came up to me and sat down and we started talking. I don't even remember what they were saying, but I remember being fixated on one of their thighs. The girl was very young. She couldn't have been older than like 10. I know.
At one point I put my hands on her thighs as she is talking. I remember not really caring about her well being and just looking for possible signals to go further. When I did go further slightly (never going past her inner thigh though THANK GOD) she tensed up and I retreated my hands back but I still kept my hands on her thighs. I eventually took my hands off, and when I did, they both got up and began to walk away, and their mom was walking in our direction, and she saw their faces, and I feel like immediately she knew, and she gave me an extremely worried look, like "what did you do," and I had just realized maybe what I did is more fucked up than I thought (I had learned the abuse from a family member). I'm 22 now and this still haunts me.
I am wondering if I should try to find them (I believe I can if I put in a ton of effort) and make sure they were not negatively affected or even traumatized and if they were I do my best to make amends.
I did some research on child sexual abuse and it said that victims of even non-genital abuse are 2.83 more likely to be addicted to drugs.
What do I do?
all 5 comments
Comments should contribute to the conversation. Report any comments that are rule-breaking.
[–]algegon [score hidden]  (0 children)
I'll be honest I find very disturbing. At the same time I do believe in the power of redemption. So I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
It appears you are remorseful for what happened. You also seem to have insight which is a sign you've reflected over what you did. Based on what you've said, you came right to the line of sexual assault. I don't think you crossed that line. When you first placed your hand it wasn't unwanted. As soon as it become unwanted you withdrew. You also didn't go past the inner thigh. Based on that I don't think your actions meet the legal definition of sexual assault.
But make no mistake you came very close to crossing that line. And while you may be in the clear legally, morally you're not. Let's hope this serves as an effective lesson.
Regarding whether to contact those girls, the answer is unequivocally no. You want to contact them to alleviate your guilt. Their welfare takes priority. If they ever reach out to you is one thing, but until that happens you stay the hell away.
[–]JoeCGC [score hidden]  (0 children)
In my opinion: Just leave it like that and don't do it again, at least you know better now that you are an adult. Trying to reach them out would be more confusing and victimizing than anything. Plus, it's not like you fucked them or made them do anything when they retrieved, nor continued the behavior. If you keep having thoughts and desires like that, just seek some psychiatric help.
[–]Tekaknight [score hidden]  (0 children)
Tracking down your still underaged victims. Can't see anything wrong with that. You should surprise them to prevent any anticipation and the anxiety it might bring.
Or..... NOT.
[–]swagaliciously [score hidden]  (0 children)
leave it as it is. even though you want to reach out to them in a good way to make sure they are okay, it might come off differently to them. it could confuse them or make them feel uncomfortable even though you mean well. just keep your thoughts straight and learn from your mistakes, keep in mind that everyone makes them
[–]DConstructed [score hidden]  (0 children)
It was creepy.
However it was fleeting enough that I doubt it harmed them You stopped, They went away. Kids are pretty resilient.
I think it might actually do harm to try and contact them so live with whatever guilt you have and try to do better in the future.
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