Ben Shapiro Betrays Loyal Breitbart Readers in Pursuit of Fox News Contributorship

Friends of Hamas could not be found for comment.

Shapiro, a Harvard lawyer and member of the State Bar of California, apparently violated virtually every clause in his employment contract during an appearance on The Kelly File last Thursday evening.

It was business as usual for the ambitious conservative gadfly, who is known to live on the edge, courting and then leaving a series of companies over the past several years.

Buzzfeed, a site that has been aiming to destroy Breitbart News since the moment Andrew Breitbart died, and which has predicted the demise of Breitbart.com for the past four years, rewarded Shapiro for his bravery by placing news of his resignation just beneath several other hot stories, including “This Wee Little Snake Taking Its First Breath Will Cure Anyone’s Fears,” and “2/26: How Two Llamas And A Dress Gave Us The Internet’s Greatest Day.”

The story ran next to a photograph of a baby snake hatching from its shell, apparently for emphasis. Somehow, Shapiro’s name was omitted from the headline on Buzzfeed’s home page.

Breitbart news editor-in-chief Alex Marlow was stupefied: “My friend Ben Shapiro broke the news on a website that asks its staff to drink their own urine? Impossible.”

Breitbart California editor Joel B. Pollak, Shapiro’s friend and fellow Orthodox Jew, expressed concern for his former colleague.

“I’m worried. I had enjoyed listening to Ben read Breitbart California stories, word for word, without attribution, on his morning radio show. Now what will he do for content?”

Breitbart News senior management issued a short statement: “Ben’s listicles will be missed.”

The mood was somber at Breitbart News’ Los Angeles office, where one staffer stared silently at promotional copies of Shapiro’s books, left behind on the shelves when the author stopped showing up for work, several years ago.

Alleged Fox News contributor Michelle Fields also resigned.