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Falling in love with a friend (self.TheBluePill)

iveranks が 投稿

I have been friends with this girl for a year now, but now I have developed feelings. Since our friendship has been based on honesty and trust, I feel inclined to tell her about my feelings. I also decided I no longer want to be friends. I want all of her or nothing. I find it cynical to start a campaign of trying to go from friend to lover, but the truth is this is ultimately my goal now. Confessing my feelings will not result in getting what I want since her answer most likely will be...I love you as a friend etc. So what actions should I take from this point onwards ?

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[–]OmLiLiEndorsed Manchild 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Tell her how you feel about her so you can move forward with it.

[–]pillowpantszThad Chundercock 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

I also decided I no longer want to be friends. I want all or nothing.

Please try to understand that just because you start a romantic relationship with someone, that shouldn't change your friendship or eliminate it entirely. My SO has been my best friend since high school. The only thing that's different since we started our romantic relationship is the fact that we get to have fun, enjoyable sex with each other.

I understand that fear of rejection is strong and very hard to overcome, and that feelings like that are hard to get over when they're completely unreciprocated. You may want space from her if her feelings don't align with yours, and that's totally fine. However, you're coming at this with an "all or nothing" mentality and...maybe you should step back and think about it. Something caused you to become friends in the first place. It would be a shame to lose a friend because they don't share your romantic feelings.

Sometimes it takes longer than a year for people to really develop feelings, too. If she doesn't reciprocate now it doesn't mean she will absolutely never feel the same way as you. Pining is unhealthy, though, and if you need to get away for your mental health, tell her so. If you're laying it all out on the line anyway, there's no need to just drop off the face of her world because she doesn't reciprocate your exact feelings for her right now.

Actual advice? Just talk to her, dude. It's going to be fine no matter how it turns out.

All that said, I'm not sure why you'd come here with this question, honestly, unless you're trying to set us up for a "WELL YOU DUMB BLOOPS I TOLD HER I LOVE HER AND NOW EVERYTHING IS RUINED, HOW CAN YOU CLAIM TO BE BETTER THAN TRP IF YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE SIMPLE ADVICE??!" troll post later.

Don't do that. This isn't a relationship advice sub and if you genuinely think there are only 2 sides to this coin, you're sorely mistaken. It's not "Red Pill advice" vs. "Blue Pill advice" in a battle royale for your friend's heart. Every person is unique and I think that hoping for some kind of magic, definitive answer is folly from the word go.

[–]iveranks[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sorry by all or nothing I meant more "space from her". Of course as a good friend she will understand that the dynamic will change and that I perhaps distance myself as a way of dealing with unreciprocated feelings. I do not see the point in confessing my feelings when it is likely going to be unreciprocated. On the other hand I don't want to be a friend with a hidden agenda binding his time.

[–]LaserFace77 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I will admit that I've never understood this all or nothing perspective. But go ahead and tell her. If the answer is no at least don't actively resent her for it.

[–]HelenBeck 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

I had a wonderful marriage. We started as friends, glad he said something. If she doesn't feel the same, at least you know. Words and truth are still the best form of human communication.

[–]iveranks[S] -2ポイント-1ポイント  (2子コメント)

I can safely guess she doesn't feel the same, so do I first improve my chances and then reveal my feelings or take the no now and just move on?

[–]HelenBeck 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

How would you improve your chances? She knows you. She either feels the same or not. I was in love with my husband long before he said a word. I never thought he felt anything but friendship for me. We both could have missed out if he never spoke up. I never would have. I just cried into my diary. You do need to find out.

[–]iveranks[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

My point is not about how to improve my chances but rather that I need to since currently they are pretty slim.

[–]WestsideMoonWalkerHe Ain't Even Stretch Doe 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Tell her you want to go on a date with her. Just be direct and succinct and don't fuck around with how you word it.