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The instructions on these chopsticks. (imgur.com)

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トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]Doctor_Griggs 170ポイント171ポイント  (14子コメント)

http://i.imgur.com/Us5Ck32.gif

[–]Ashybuttons 27ポイント28ポイント  (12子コメント)

What is this sorcery?

[–]GeorgeFromManagement 35ポイント36ポイント  (11子コメント)

Anime.

[–]Marsuello 5ポイント6ポイント  (10子コメント)

but which one?

[–]river_red 24ポイント25ポイント  (5子コメント)

Shiba Inuko-san (しばいぬ子さん)

Shiba Inuko-san is a 14-year-old girl who looks exactly like a Shiba Inu dog. One of her classmates, Ishibashi Chako, wonders about her appearance, but no one else thinks it is strange.

Episode 3.

Opening: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9vq-vSUS7U

[–]Tereboki 14ポイント15ポイント  (3子コメント)

I honestly can't tell if this is real or you just made it up.

[–]--Satan-- 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

I watched. I don't know why but I watched it last year. It's... something.

[–]Ubek 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

you know exactly why......

damn furry.

[–]Fuieken 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It looks like something that would be on the japanese version of treehouse.

[–]Marsuello 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

i watch a lot of anime and that one just weirded me out...but thanks for the sauce!

[–]Its_me_billy 7ポイント8ポイント  (3子コメント)

Shh bby is ok

[–]ImAzura 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

That's my favourite.

[–]Its_me_billy 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm getting downvotes for my shitty copypasta! I'm sorry, Reddit! I actually just didn't know which anime it was either! I'll get it right next time

[–]ImAzura 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

>complains about downvoted

>has +8 karma

[–]ksa7 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

They cut the next part where she asks how he does that without fingers

[–]theshamwowguy 83ポイント84ポイント  (29子コメント)

That's actually fucking hilarious

[–]mrackham205 74ポイント75ポイント  (28子コメント)

Here's an easy two-step method for holding chopsticks correctly.

  1. Hold the first one like a pencil.

  2. Hold the second one like a chopstick.

[–]dolemite_II 44ポイント45ポイント  (20子コメント)

Reminds me of this

[–]helgatheviking21 10ポイント11ポイント  (17子コメント)

I have a cold and that just made me hack up a lung from laughing

[–]Not_dead_yet_fred 7ポイント8ポイント  (15子コメント)

RIP

[–]brecka 7ポイント8ポイント  (13子コメント)

F

[–]Mr_Abe_Froman 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not yet, Helga has one lung left.

[–]Wistian 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ahaha, ah inhale haha, hkah HKAKA, cough cough, die

[–]IWillBeNobodyPerfect 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ayy

[–]giantfitnerd 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

/u/hallucinates_owls

[–]StopNowThink 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

Instructions unclear, sushi tastes like pencil graphite

[–]Karuteiru 2ポイント3ポイント  (4子コメント)

Can I use both hands?

[–]The-Lying-Tree 3ポイント4ポイント  (3子コメント)

No.

[–]Karuteiru 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

I don't believe you

[–]The-Lying-Tree 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well... I guess you could, but it probably wouldn't work very well and you might look kinda stupid trying to use both hands.

[–]DerRussinator 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think that was a reference to your username, mate.

[–]karspearhollow 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I still use the pencil holding method. It's actually pretty effective.

I think of it like a jaw. The top piece stays still while the bottom piece does all the work. (Zing).

[–]Omniscientcy 42ポイント43ポイント  (6子コメント)

This is funnier than most of the things in r/funny.

[–]h1_v2 26ポイント27ポイント  (4子コメント)

Not a hard achievement, btw...

[–]Its_me_billy 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Most of the time the bar is set extraordinarily low. I liked this one too, though.

[–]JDM713 11ポイント12ポイント  (25子コメント)

Damn rice is always the hardest part.

[–]theodopolis13 10ポイント11ポイント  (4子コメント)

that's why they have sticky rice.

[–]Tereboki 10ポイント11ポイント  (3子コメント)

Wouldn't it be easier to have sticky chopsticks?

[–]devilsephiroth 8ポイント9ポイント  (5子コメント)

Scoop, rather than grab

[–]JDM713 2ポイント3ポイント  (3子コメント)

Still hard!

[–]Tain101 14ポイント15ポイント  (2子コメント)

cook it first

[–]Tereboki 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Still hard!

[–]ahalekelly 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

If an erection lasts longer than 4 hours, seek medical attention.

[–]juandh 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

If only there were some kind of utensil shaped like a scoop that I could use instead of twigs.

[–]Its_me_billy 1ポイント2ポイント  (13子コメント)

I feel like the rice would just fall through, or you'd only be able to get a few rice with each iteration of the useChopsticks() method so it would just be pointless. Also I don't eat rice, so I am not an expert on anything rice by any means

[–]teriyaki_donut 4ポイント5ポイント  (6子コメント)

If the rice is sticky it clumps together and you can kinda scoop/grab it with chopsticks

[–]Its_me_billy 3ポイント4ポイント  (5子コメント)

What if it's not sticky? Am I just fucked?

[–]Darcsen 4ポイント5ポイント  (2子コメント)

If it's not sticky at al it's probably basmati rice, in which case you're probably eating something not meant to be eaten with chopsticks such as Indian curry. But sometimes jasmine rice doesn't get especially sticky, especially if it's used for fried rice. When that happens and you're not experienced enough with chopsticks to compensate (which is fine if you weren't raised around chopsticks) ask for a rice bowl, or if you had soup with the meal hold onto that bowl. With the bowl you can tilt it and scoop the rice into your mouth using the chopsticks. If it's already on a plate, you can use some excess sauce or gravy from another dish to make it clump a bit. If it's just regular brown rice and it's not clumping at all, don't eat it, they undercooked it and it'll taste shitty anyway. It you're eating at a Japanese place, there's a good chance you were given a spoon with your meal if you got a donburi (rice bowl) or curry. Feel free to use that spoon.

[–]Idriveithard 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

This explanation is a perfect example of the need for a ELIHADD subreddit.

[–]Darcsen 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Mind writing out that abbreviation for me? Just the HADD part is fine.

[–]teriyaki_donut 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

yeah pretty much. Then you gotta ask for a spoon

[–]unleashthepower 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

yes

[–]iostheme 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

This is why you use an infinite loop until rice bowl is empty and then break

[–]shinazueli 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Or just throw HandsUpAndSayFuckItIllGrabTheWholeBowlException();

[–]Its_me_billy 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well fuck! This guy has it all figured out. You are a titan of industry, sir.

[–]ADreamByAnyOtherName 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

try 
{
    while (true)
    {
        useChopsticks(bowl.getFood(rice));
    }
}
catch(emptyBowlException e)
{
    bowl.finish();
}

[–]karspearhollow 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

From what I've seen of East Asian culture (not an exceptional amount), when rice isn't sticky, spoons are often present. You can still use the chopstick-bridge tactic but it's pretty inefficient.

[–]GloryOfTheLord 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Native Chinese person here. Chinese table etiquette is very different partially for that reason. While we can grab rice easily with our chopsticks, it's a slow process. As a result, lifting up your bowl to your face and shoveling the food in (don't get it outside of the bowl or your mouth of course) is considered fine etiquette.

Also, if anything can't be eaten with chopsticks, the servers will provide other utensils. In principle though, all Chinese dishes should be eatable with a chopsticks save for a few.

[–]mvdonkey 9ポイント10ポイント  (8子コメント)

At what age do little Asian kids master these things? My 5 year old is still working on the proper use of a fork.

[–]MadMaudlin2014 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Kids get what are called training chopsticks.

http://trainingchopsticks.com.au/product_images/uploaded_images/PORORO3.jpg

fancier than the ones I've seen but that's basically what they are.

[–]helgatheviking21 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

My kid's Korean friend has a pretty fucking hard time with a fork

[–]heffalump25 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Around 6 or 7 for me, although I use mines incorrectly. Someone handed me a pair at 5 while I was a guest, so I just made do. I just made an X shape with them and squeezed, or I'd just skewer food with them.

[–]GloryOfTheLord 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Lol. Hopefully you don't skewer food with them now.

[–]maizecolon 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

5-ish I guess, though it takes a few more years to get good.

[–]the_noodle 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Forks might be harder, it's more of a multi-step process than "grab -> eat"

[–]MinisterforFun 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I learned how to properly use them when I was 22. Before that I developed my own style. Now I can't go back and prefer the correct way.

[–]GloryOfTheLord 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's actually really easy to use chopsticks. It's mainly because people aren't used to it and don't really have to think about it until they go to an Asian restaurant.

[–]owatonna 9ポイント10ポイント  (4子コメント)

Noodles & Company. Unless someone else has the same chopsticks...My personal favorite is probably "It is enough to know that one is superior to the fork people." Or something like that.

[–]stiff-vag 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

As a noodles-a-holic, it's totally from noodles. It's pretty bad when you can identify a restaurant by the utensils.

[–]tomsawing 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I managed one. This is us. Same table, same chopsticks. There are other funny sayings too. Collect them all!

[–]smallandperky 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I work there. Can confirm. Also one of our tables.

[–]Solyndros 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

Chop sticks are easy to use. It just takes a little practice.

[–]Hewitt110 10ポイント11ポイント  (1子コメント)

That's like when a professor knows they're about to fuck you on a test, they just want to hold it over you and condescend.

[–]CatDaddio 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Read that as "hold it over your head for a change ndescecond," then realized that's not an actual word but would describe a lot of situations.

[–]eatabigdonkeydick 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yup

[–]ModsHaveAGodComplex 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

My silverware never tells me good luck, I appreciate those chopsticks

[–]specification 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

don't need luck with silverware though

[–]hurdur1 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

Just impale your food.

[–]Kane00 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Noodles and company. I would know those chopsticks anywhere.

[–]Jeepersca 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oops.

[–]FUTURE-ECONOMICS-GUY 6ポイント7ポイント  (13子コメント)

It already knows that I, as a white teenager, have no hope of ever being able to eat food efficiently with these.

[–]Tehholyspoon[🍰] 11ポイント12ポイント  (1子コメント)

Taught Mexican girlfriend how to use em. She suffered for about 2 meals and then through sheer force of will (and hunger) she now knows how to use them. Keep at it brother.

[–]ptrckstwrt 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

I grew up in Germany and I've known how to use chopsticks for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure what makes them so difficult. My girlfriend picked it up after a couple meals as well.

[–]MisterWharf 6ポイント7ポイント  (5子コメント)

As a white guy with a DEX score of about 10, I've managed to mostly work chopsticks without much issue.

[–]bored_reddit_user 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

The fuck is a DEX score

[–]Tain101 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

DEX is short for Dexterity: 

skill in performing tasks, especially with the hands.
"her dexterity with chopsticks"

a DEX score is probably a reference to RPG's where you have different 'scores' for different attributes (Strength, Magic, Stamina, etc..)

"Roll initiative" is a reference to tabletop RPG's (like Dungeons and dragons) where you roll a die to see who acts first in combat.

[–]9xInfinity 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Roll initiative!

[–]TotesMessenger 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)

[–]Nattylight_Murica 2ポイント3ポイント  (4子コメント)

It's the easiest way to eat sushi. You do want to enjoy sushi don't you?

I'm 34 and damn near white trash and can use chopsticks.

[–]specification 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

I find hands to be quite an easy way to eat sushi

[–]Nattylight_Murica 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

I couldn't bring myself to eat sushi like a caveman.

I mean, do you just dip that shit in the soy sauce like it's a fucking nacho?

[–]backslashbunny 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

You do realize that it's most correct to eat sushi with your hands, right?

Also, you don't dip anything in soy sauce. It comes seasoned at the chef's specifications.

[–]slinkywheel 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

Wait a minute... those aren't instructions at all!

[–]how_is_u_this_dum -5ポイント-4ポイント  (1子コメント)

Wait a minute... your comment isn't at all funny!

[–]pyth1100 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's right, let it all out.

[–]J-wasp 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good ruck.

[–]Helios-Apollo 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sounds like a tip I'd find on the ground of Dark Souls right before an impossible boss. Or the Anor Londo archers.

[–]Randylicious956 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

I have a stubby thumb that makes it impossible for me to use chopsticks for some reason.

[–]ChopStickyIckyIcky 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

It shouldn't stop you. I seen a 70+ year old women with three fingers using chopsticks like a pro the other day, just practice more

[–]Avri54 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Are you sure it's not because you're white?

[–]milk829 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Written by dad

[–]HanglidingMinstrel 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't fuck this up

[–]Asi9_42ne 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I get way too angry when I'm using chopsticks and drop the same piece of food over and over. Usually end up resorting to using my hands if there are no other utensils.

[–]allen84 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Any motherfucker that can eat with 2 sticks has got to be a genius !

  • Richard Pryor

[–]You_all_are_shit 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I would instantly assume a wild pack of ninjas would attack. Leaving me with only chopsticks to survive

[–]ryuhyoko 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good Ruck!

[–]Its_me_billy 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's as if they enjoy knowing you're going to struggle immensely trying to use them, and eventually just cave and use something else anyway. Like a spoon. Or a fork. Because hey, you're a filthy casual.

[–]Its_me_billy 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This post is on a fast track to the front page. I just wish I was as witty as the rest of you. One day... one day I will rake in that sweet, sweet karma.

[–]rxninja 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dark Souls the Eating Utensil

[–]sloppyjoes7 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

This violates Rule 6 and will probably be removed.

[–]therafman 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Same instructions as your first day starting a new job.

[–]threetwenty 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Reminds me of playing Through the Fire and the Flames..

[–]bam-a-throwaway 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Should that say good ruck?

[–]pagsketti 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Haha, I got the strangest looks while using chopsticks in a rural area of Japan. (I'm a tall, white, blonde, 30-yr-old American). Japanese people were FASCINATED with the fact that I could use chopsticks, as if it was against my genetic code. "Yeah, I've been practicing, but I'm glad you think I'm the next Jesus"

[–]SirWaldenIII 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

/r/restofthefuckingowl

[–]ItsNeverSunnyInCleve 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I've always felt pretty confident in my chop stick use. But when I go to China for work, I always have the "don't fuck this up" thoughts when grabbing food from the table when it's my turn.

[–]MadMaudlin2014 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Instructions unclear murdered my entire family and the waiter...

Did I do the meme right?

[–]oedipus_fan 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Those are also the instructions in how to play Dark Souls.

[–]Eeeeeeeen 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

With the chopsticks or the food?

[–]neutronpenguin 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

No problem

Source: Am Chinese

[–]Habbadacter 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Good Ruck!"

[–]pakepake 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hai!

[–]davidmear 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

The "hold it like a pencil" advice throws people off, in my opinion. The main thing is getting the bottom one locked in against the crook of your thumb, the middle joint of your thumb and your fourth finger, leaving the rest of your fingers to manoeuvre the top one around that base however you want, pencil hold or otherwise.

They give you so much flexibility, especially when cooking, it's a shame the learning curve is so harsh. I reckon I could tie knots with a pair of chopsticks given enough time.

[–]hiphopscallion 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Chopsticks are stupid easy to use, most people just don't have the patience to eat with them.

[–]Dogalicious 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Round 1. FIGHT!

[–]MynameisWick -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Instructions not clear: Stabbed myself in the left eye.

Update: In ER, still haven't had my taco bell...

[–]stumpdumb -4ポイント-3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Are you about to eat fugu?