And now for something completely different! I'm going try submitting some original content here, some meta-satire sorta. If this is at all popular / not-banned, I'll likely keep working on an epic secret plan, code-named BUTTBREAKER, which is intended to be an exemplar of the satirical whitepaper style, of which the bitWSD proposal is a small taste. Enjoy!

Abstract

Weasel-dust (WSD), is one of the most common purchases on the darknet markets with Bitcoin (BTC). Therefore, this proposal suggests that we should implement a bitWSD derivative which will track the price of weasel-dust. This reduces exchange risk volatility between USD and BTC and WSD by allowing the addict to store value in a derivative which tracks their drug of choice.

Background

One of the primary usecases for cryptocurrency so far have been drug markets. It is commonly known that the drug of choice on Bitcoin drug markets is weaseldust. This potent combination of heroin, cocaine, MDMA, and a dealer's choice of baking soda or talcum powder is snorted by users to achieve a high said to rival that of jenkum.

However, this happy world has been marred by exchange rate volatility, for weasel-dust can vary wildly against both USD and BTC. So an addict can spend a day giving $5 blowjobs, and find that while an ounce of weasel-dust had cost $100 that morning, it now cost $225 and they would now only be able to purchase a half-ounce of weasel-dust tonight.

Solution

But this need not be the case! With bitWSD, pegged (*) to the price of an ounce of weasel-dust on the Chicago drug market, our addict could give blowjobs for 0.05 BWSD and know that they were steadily saving towards a full ounce each and every night!

This cryptoasset would build upon a proven, distributed base of addicts whose purchases would build value in BWSD. This value would be used to support the peg as well as provide a return to investors in BWSD development.

Disclaimer

No affiliation should be implied between the bitWSD project and the Bitshares project which manages bitUSD. bitWSD will be backed by the equity in Weaselshares, for which an IPO will surely be forthcoming.

Peg may not hold from Sunday through Saturday. Peg may not hold in months with between 28 and 31 days. Peg may not be pegged.

---

This article is a small homage to bitMarmot proposal.