上位 200 件のコメント表示する 500

[–]pyrowipe 1109ポイント1110ポイント  (62子コメント)

So, 1 black guy... how many white guys!?

[–]Jah_Ith_Ber 235ポイント236ポイント  (27子コメント)

If this actually happened... then I guarantee it wasn't one time and it wasn't with a condom.

[–]beartheminus 97ポイント98ポイント  (14子コメント)

I dunno but I think the condom part is kinda irrelevant at this point. "Honey, I cheated on you" "WHATTT???" "I used a condom though" "ohhhh okay."

[–]mattinthecrown 1460ポイント1461ポイント  (41子コメント)

It's neat to have the best and worst moments of your life back to back like that, but I think you'd generally prefer it go the other way.

[–]toeofcamell 411ポイント412ポイント  (28子コメント)

Back inside?

[–]iPlowedYourMom 139ポイント140ポイント  (21子コメント)

"Let's see if something else comes out instead..."

[–]GrizzledBastard 500ポイント501ポイント  (36子コメント)

I guess get a DNA test just to be sure.

[–]jonathanaltman 292ポイント293ポイント  (28子コメント)

*Paternity. Different.

[–]CSMom74 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well, um... not to be picky, but DNA does confirm paternity to within like 0.0002%

[–]NoobuchadnezaR 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

A paternity test is still a test of DNA...

[–]Epicurus1 16ポイント17ポイント  (3子コメント)

Even if it was ops I'd have a hard time keeping a cool head.

[–]Silver_Dynamo 2324ポイント2325ポイント  (294子コメント)

Holy fuck. No way.

[–]punking_funk 1250ポイント1251ポイント  (141子コメント)

Went through OP's history, turns out he's kind of inactive on this site, so we have no evidence against him. Innocent until proven guilty I guess...

[–]jarious 532ポイント533ポイント  (102子コメント)

just sharpening my pitchfork |o3----, just in case...

[–]KittyKatKatKatKat 137ポイント138ポイント  (6子コメント)

(°-°)ψ Ready.....

[–]MuonManLaserJab 118ポイント119ポイント  (5子コメント)

ψ_(ಠ_ಠ)_ψ

[–]a_grape_bushy_beard 53ポイント54ポイント  (3子コメント)

ψヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノψ raise ur forkers ψヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノψ

[–]MuonManLaserJab 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

(╯°□°)----E Onward and upward with the forks!

ψ_[T]_ψ Fork the sun!

[–]mrjobby 210ポイント211ポイント  (73子コメント)

Damm, son - that's some rusty-ass fork.

Bro, do you even pitch? ----{

[–]jarious 89ポイント90ポイント  (69子コメント)

)--- better?

[–]fizzman123 326ポイント327ポイント  (65子コメント)

Wtf they aren't pitch forks... -----E You guys got ripped off.

[–]Mistaken-Identities 183ポイント184ポイント  (28子コメント)

I bought mine from an authorized Steam sale distributor! I had to pay an international transaction fee, but the product is the same!

-----€

[–]Doom2508 140ポイント141ポイント  (26子コメント)

I got a fancy Japanese fork.

¥
|

[–]schlonghair_dontcare 88ポイント89ポイント  (21子コメント)

Picked mineup from the Bent'n'Dent store.

E------

Not the most efficient fork in the world, hell, it's actually probably closer to the least efficient. It'll get the job done, though.

[–]MrClimatize 38ポイント39ポイント  (5子コメント)

Works well if you swing it onto their back and pull toward you.

[–]onetake1der 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

From the right angle, it's more of a garden rake

[–]Mr_Industrial 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Mine reads "some assembly required", someone help

  • I / ?

[–]nootrino 92ポイント93ポイント  (19子コメント)

Well then wtf is this thing I got?

-----8==D

[–]EchoSolo 24ポイント25ポイント  (1子コメント)

----£ I bent mine on the last mob.

[–]tommytrain 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

-----฿ Pitchspork?

[–]digitalOctopus 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is reddit, we can release the hounds for OP making a hypothetically bad joke at a hypothetically bad time

[–]gregny2002 39ポイント40ポイント  (2子コメント)

Nothing like heartbreaking marital infidelity to motivate someone to meme greatness.

[–]LynLacroix 26ポイント27ポイント  (3子コメント)

Innocent until proven guilty only applies when a claim is made against you. OP, however, is the one making the claim here, therefore the burden of proof falls on him.

Or none of that matters since this is reddit and not a court.

[–]regect 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

The court is in your mind, after all you're trying to judge whether it's truth or falsehood.

[–]yumyumgivemesome 41ポイント42ポイント  (5子コメント)

I don't think "innocent until proven guilty" applies to extraordinary claims. Instead, I think we should default on skepticism when the evidence is not sufficient.

[–]sakamake 54ポイント55ポイント  (3子コメント)

It's more entertaining to believe this stuff is true. And if we're wrong who gives a shit.

[–]TheNudibranch[S] 1800ポイント1801ポイント  (145子コメント)

I wish i was lying...

[–]stoopid_dummy 559ポイント560ポイント  (32子コメント)

Christ! Hope the best for you and your new son, dude.

[–]Assbadger 423ポイント424ポイント  (28子コメント)

His new son. FTFY.

[–]inssein 109ポイント110ポイント  (21子コメント)

This is going to sound shitty but go get a DNA test as soon as possible. If you wait too long even if you are not the father you will be legally till the kid turns 18. Had a close friend who found out his son wasn't his when his kid was 1 years old, his wife took him to court and the judge said even if he's not the biological father he is legally the father . She left him and went to live with the kids biological father my friend had to pay child support. Was the worst luck ever.

[–]rdco 33ポイント34ポイント  (7子コメント)

What the fuck? She can pull that shit on your boy? Fuck that...

[–]grandmalfunk 19ポイント20ポイント  (4子コメント)

It's worse than that. He is legal dad since the child was born within the marriage. Good luck, OP!

edit: I would suggest calling a divorce attorney and then arranging a DNA test ASAP. Even if the child is in fact biologically yours, it doesn't change the fact that your wife betrayed your trust.

[–]whyalwaysm3 129ポイント130ポイント  (8子コメント)

What are you going to do man? Fuck man I have strep throat and have been acting like a little bitch all day and then I see this post and it makes me realize I really don't have it that bad right now.

I wish you the best man, personally I wouldn't be able to stay with someone who I now know cheated on me, especially in the way you found out. I don't know ya but I truly wish ya the best bro!

[–]crotchfruit 33ポイント34ポイント  (3子コメント)

This is a really fucked up situation. How could someone stay in this relationship when trust has been destroyed?

Good luck dude. Don't make any hasty decisions.

[–]RecoilS14 17ポイント18ポイント  (0子コメント)

damn bro, I'd give you a hug if I could.

[–]Shabobo 107ポイント108ポイント  (7子コメント)

Yeah man if I just discovered I was cheated on after having a newborn I would IMMEDIATELY head to the internet to make memes.

[–]_hipsterdoofus 35ポイント36ポイント  (1子コメント)

People cope differently. Have a bunch of strangers side w you certainly wouldn't help you feel worse.

[–]detectivesonnybonds 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Some people drink their troubles away. OP shoots up karma till he's numb with those addicting Internet points.

[–]TheMightySGK 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

That sucks. I'm sorry bro

[–]uhgglw 880ポイント881ポイント  (27子コメント)

[–]IdunnoLXG 312ポイント313ポイント  (20子コメント)

[–]Shockum 194ポイント195ポイント  (14子コメント)

[–]DMKarwoski 115ポイント116ポイント  (8子コメント)

More jpegs

[–]Jps1023 15ポイント16ポイント  (4子コメント)

I know you're joking. But more jpeg might break people's eyes.

[–]J_andyD 55ポイント56ポイント  (3子コメント)

[–]wydra91 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

The contrast in quality between this gig and the one it responded to is... Shocking to say the least.

[–]mobrn 797ポイント798ポイント  (105子コメント)

Most newborn babies of color are very pink the first 12-24 hours. However, their genitals and ears can have darker pigmentation at birth (I'm an L&D RN)

The fact that she confessed the infidelity and whether or not you are the father of this child has to be killing you. I am so sorry this happened :(

[–]lemondropPOP 220ポイント221ポイント  (9子コメント)

Can confirm. My aunt cheated on her husband with a black man. The baby came out light colored and at first she was able to play it off because we have a very strong Indian bloodline and her husband bought it. By the time the baby was 6 months it was very obvious that the baby was black.

[–]Music-Is-Math 59ポイント60ポイント  (6子コメント)

By then I imagine she'd duped him into signing the birth documents...

[–]BowsNToes21 24ポイント25ポイント  (2子コメント)

Still have a year to contest.

[–]CSMom74 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

In my state, you can contest forever!!! The sooner the better though, because you don't want to pay for a kid that you were lied to about. You can disestablish paternity any ol' time here.

[–]couldntthinkofaname5 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

That reminds me of this podcast from This American Life about a women who isn't sure who the father of her child is and everyone just kind of turns a blind eye that looks like he is part black.

[–]thiney49 453ポイント454ポイント  (53子コメント)

I assume if he told it as a joke, there's probably little question that he's the father. The infidelity, however, still stands.

[–]mobrn 278ポイント279ポイント  (48子コメント)

Her answer is the concerning part (to me, and I inferred that from him as well)... A person who confessed to that in such a way is probably not telling the whole story. Only once? With a condom?

[–]SpeCSC2 138ポイント139ポイント  (31子コメント)

yeah why confess if there is "0%" chance of the black guy being the father?

[–]ExcelMN 118ポイント119ポイント  (7子コメント)

"Oh my god, he's black!"

"Thats impossible, it was one time with a condom! CHECK AGAIN."

[–]mechesh 184ポイント185ポイント  (14子コメント)

well, she had just pushed a baby out of her vag, was possibly doped up, stressed, exhausted, in other words, not thinking clearly.

[–]Landrin201 35ポイント36ポイント  (4子コメント)

Because condoms aren't 100% effective. Everyone says that, but it can happen. So she may have heard him joke, but thought he was serious and panicked because it's vaguely possible.

[–]whyalwaysm3 41ポイント42ポイント  (2子コメント)

Agreed. What is almost every cheaters first answer when getting caught? "It was only once baby I swear", then days or weeks or sometimes months later more evidence surfaces and you find out it wasn't just "one time".

[–]jerslan 10ポイント11ポイント  (1子コメント)

Condoms aren't foolproof "use these and you won't get preggers!!!"...

They just reduce the chance of pregnancy by an insane amount.

[–]DeeBoFour20 22ポイント23ポイント  (13子コメント)

My friend had a baby several months back. Black mother, white father and the baby is super white like if it was the other way around (white mother, black father) they'd be thinking someone cheated. Apparently my friend is just so white it took over even though the mother was born in Africa lol. Idk genetics are weird.

[–]pirarchy 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

You uh. You kind of have a skewed idea of how genes work.

[–]mobrn 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Rare, but not un-heard of

[–]Feroshnikop 250ポイント251ポイント  (19子コメント)

I'm just here for the relationship "advice".

[–]mcgillycuddy412 505ポイント506ポイント  (26子コメント)

Get a DNA test. You need to be aware of your options because if this isn't your child, that significantly changes this already fucked up situation.

[–]BashfulTurtle 23ポイント24ポイント  (6子コメント)

You can seek annulments and...there's one other that escapes me right now...that can leverage infidelity into separation.

It's not a pit.

[–]Zoriar 78ポイント79ポイント  (1子コメント)

If this is true, I don't know what to say... You're in a ridiculously shitty situation, OP. Do not envy at all. Good luck.

[–]IWaaasPiiirate 127ポイント128ポイント  (69子コメント)

Ex wife?

[–]punking_funk 105ポイント106ポイント  (68子コメント)

Yeah, is your wife single, OP?

[–]TheNudibranch[S] 304ポイント305ポイント  (64子コメント)

She just had the baby last night, it's been very awkward to say the least. I haven't brought it up yet.

[–]BBA935 34ポイント35ポイント  (2子コメント)

I would quietly ask the doctor that was present for the birth for a DNA test. I'm sure he would understand. Hang in there man. Don't say anything or make any decisions until all is clear about who the father is. Also, best not to make any decisions until you have calmed down about things. Too many emotions right now.

[–]Banana_blanket 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

Even if it is your child, would you really want to stick around? Obviously I'm not OP, and I don't feign to know what I would do in terms of parenting at the moment, but for certain I would be dumping her. Some people may be able to look past cheating, but that's a one and done for me. Im sure many feel the same as well. Its just such bullshit. Is it really that hard not to cheat? And then when you do, expect sympathy? Please.

[–]MayBeADinosaur 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Update when you can. Best of luck & congratulations anyways.

[–]doogie88 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

Atleast you have your priorities straight. Rushed home and put it on reddit.

[–]2102105 30ポイント31ポイント  (1子コメント)

I hope you haven't brought it up because you've been spending all your time talking to lawyers. Act first, put your ducks in a row, secure your finances as much as possible, paternity test ASAP. If you have joint bank accounts, get your money out of there yesterday!

And remember, she will cheat again.

[–]digitaldemons 134ポイント135ポイント  (14子コメント)

OP, not to step on you during your bad time, but until a DNA test can be done do not act as a parent for that child. There have been many cases where a make had played father and supplied needs for a cold that was not his and they were issued child support because they had acted as a father to the child.

http://huffpost.com/us/entry/child-support_n_3672474.html

http://townhall.com/columnists/rachelalexander/2013/03/25/jailed-for-nonpayment-of-child-support--but-its-not-his-child-n1548325/page/full

[–]Sun_Stealer 23ポイント24ポイント  (0子コメント)

Seriously, this. I had a similar situation come up in my life. It was not my child. Bullet dodged. Although I love seeing people's reactions when I say it was because the baby came out black.

[–]PumpkinQueenxXx 27ポイント28ポイント  (0子コメント)

ah.. congrats?

[–]sanchezkid 85ポイント86ポイント  (12子コメント)

Good for you. At least she opened up.

[–]EmeraldKnight92 33ポイント34ポイント  (1子コメント)

She only opened up when she thought she was caught. That's the issue. You can trust someone who tells you that they screwed up without prompting, but someone who keeps it a secret until they're certain they've been found out? That newly-found distrust will taint every aspect of your relationship. Even if you make up and you're sure they're repentant and they're being honest, there will always be that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that maybe, just maybe they're hiding something from you.

If the OP and his wife can work this out, then I'm happy for them, but there will definitely be a lot of difficulties to overcome along the way.

[–]mMounirM 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's the problem

[–]gohikhierookal 17ポイント18ポイント  (1子コメント)

Ok so the time span between the kid coming out and the mum seeing the kid is not the time span when the mum has time to cry and explain, or even have energy to say anything really. This must be bullshit.

[–]SKS81 201ポイント202ポイント  (10子コメント)

[–]Scrubtac 45ポイント46ポイント  (4子コメント)

Do you not make a fresh new meme for adviceanimals after all your traumatic life experiences?

[–]no-sweat 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do you not joke about the race of your child seconds after his birth?

[–]earthboy17 28ポイント29ポイント  (4子コメント)

That's horrible. Sorry man.

She's had this on her mind, obviously.

What are you going to do?

[–]Popensquat 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

Damn. Sorry bro.

[–]Palifaith 12ポイント13ポイント  (9子コメント)

[–]MelloxDrama 17ポイント18ポイント  (6子コメント)

Did she get the test done in the end?

[–]RaVashaan 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

It appears she did, but she deleted the followup post so I don't know what the contents are. Comments said OP's husband's mother was being an interfering bitch but that's all I can glean.

[–]YOLOSW4GGERDADDY 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

WTF you can't just give us a month-old cliffhanger like that.. that's like recommending Firefly to someone!

Not cool mate.

[–]skipper14 13ポイント14ポイント  (3子コメント)

When my first was born I yelled out, "oh my God, he looks like the UPS man!" Everyone laughed, even the doctor who was still holding the baby and my wife who had just been through three hours of pretty difficult childbirth. Took a good minute before everyone settled down.

The only mic drop moment of my life. I didn't have a mic though, so I dropped the baby and walked out of the room.

[–]showyerbewbs 12ポイント13ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wait two weeks and make a scumbag stacy about it to triple your karma and possibly get GOLD!

But seriously, if true, this sucks

[–]robinthehood 26ポイント27ポイント  (1子コメント)

If you are too cheap for a paternity test you can see if Donald Trump will kiss your baby.

[–]MuonManLaserJab 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

If he eats the baby, a bountiful harvest is ensured.

[–]JJStryker 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Get a DNA test just in case. Drop her ass too.

[–]DovenDeath 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

Get a DNA test just because he isn't black doesn't mean he isn't yours, and any way you should leave her.

[–]NoFunHere 17ポイント18ポイント  (3子コメント)

So, if you have had sex with her in the last several months it isn't true. You can go back.

Good to know.

[–]Marinator3324 301ポイント302ポイント  (54子コメント)

This never happened.

[–]sgthombre 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

I hope it is. No one should have to go through this.

[–]SuperSatanOverdrive 397ポイント398ポイント  (26子コメント)

Reddit in a nutshell:

"I went to the grocery store-"

"Bullshit. That could never have happened in a million years. Fuck OP" Upvote

[–]misterTaco 42ポイント43ポイント  (2子コメント)

This from the guy who makes up stories for memes, posts them, gets mass upvotes, then deletes everything. Thanks to RES for tagging you.

[–]Pulchy 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well, least he'd know. I mean it sounds like he's a professional at karma grabbing.

[–]LadyinOrange 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

And now I have him tagged as "guy who makes up stories for memes". :) Thanks stranger!

[–]JazzerciseMaster 7ポイント8ポイント  (3子コメント)

Are you saying people wouldn't be on photoshop making memes and posting them on Reddit within 24 hours of their wives giving birth?