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gaybros

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all 49 comments
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[–]QuestionSign 12 points13 points14 points  (0 children)
my heart aches for kids like Drew. i just don't understand the brutality at all. fucking hell man
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[–]QuarianOtter 5 points6 points7 points  (0 children)
I hope Drew is alright and happy somewhere.
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[–]jpw5x4 32 points33 points34 points  (13 children)
While many of us walk around as adults with painful memories of being in his victim's place, that pain is not in any way salved by seeing a former bully walk around with this much raw guilt weighing on his soul. Maybe there is a Hell for people like him, and maybe it's having to live the rest of his life with this hanging over his head.
But as a once-bullied gay person, I don't wish that on him or anyone else. I don't celebrate his pain. No one should celebrate anyone's pain. It's that kind of thinking that enables bullying in the first place. The best way to break the cycle is to be above hurting others, above gloating and laughing while others writhe around on the ground in misery.
I can't laugh at this guy's pain, because I'm not a bully.
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[–]nightpanda893- Paul Woodbro 10 points11 points12 points  (5 children)
I can't imagine the pain he has caused the kid he attacked but at the same time I am a person that has really bad anxiety. And I know what it's like to have thoughts constantly weighing on you day and night. I really can't help but feel sorry for someone that is experiencing that, even if it is from completely justified guilt.
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[–]jpw5x4 7 points8 points9 points  (4 children)
Exactly. Those of us who know what it's like to have a pain that will never go away...we should be able to empathize with this guy, no matter what he's done to earn that pain. No one deserves to feel worthless or broken. No one deserves to hate themselves.
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[–]Manakel93 4 points5 points6 points  (3 children)
Bingo. And there is a disturbing lack of empathy in both of these threads.
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[–]jpw5x4 6 points7 points8 points  (0 children)
The former victims will say they're allowed to be non-empathetic to bullies. That they've earned the right to be vengeful and petty. But really, that's the worst part about all this. These are the very same people who should be the last ones on Earth to hurt someone else. They know what rejection and misery feel like, so they have even less of an excuse for being dicks when they grow up.
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[–]scientist_salarian1 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
People tend to be very vindictive. I'm just thinking: what is this guy's suffering going to change? I mean, if he were laughing about it, sure, fuck him. But if he truly 100% sincerely regrets his deeds, then this is someone who needs help. Some people might say "hurr durr, he deserves it" and yes, he deserves to feel guilt and regret it for a while, but he can't dwell on this forever and he doesn't deserve to get depressed over this forever.
Edit: I just don't understand how people could think they're better than who this guy was as they wish a regretful person infinite guilt and torment.
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[–]michaellicious 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
That guy who said that he was willing to hack him and frame child porn on him took it way too far.
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[–]KingofSuicides 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
This is how I feel as well. I went through a really awful, traumatic experience that robbed me of a decade of my life ... but the last thing I want from all of that is for my attackers to suffer. I want them to regret what they did, deeply, for it to horrify them, and for them to become better, kinder people who will never do anything like that again. I want them to become wiser, kinder and happy.
Their pain never would've helped me.
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[–]vanishingpoynt 5 points6 points7 points  (5 children)
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I do hope he never finds peace. I've done things for which I can never forgive myself, and I have come to terms with that.
It is my burden, and I don't have the right to feel absolved. I don't have the right to apologize. Especially through some anonymous Internet essay.
That's as far as my empathy for him goes. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing I "feel" for him otherwise.
All I can hope for is that his son grows up to be infinitely better than him.
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[–]pancakeses- Protein pancakeses! 2 points3 points4 points  (1 child)
I've never understood the idea of never forgiving yourself. You are not the same 'you' as a decade ago. We grow, learn, mature, change. Feel free to be disappointed in that idiot asshole or impulsive prick that used to exist. But understand that that person is no longer you. Leave him in the past where he belongs and focus on being better now.
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[–]vanishingpoynt 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I realize I've changed. But I also understand that at some point I was that other person. I allowed myself to be that other person.
That is part of the reason I can't forgive myself for some things.
Part of me realizes that I don't deserve to truly feel better about some things. I just have to move past it and realize that I'm not the same person, and I can make the future better. Not forgiving yourself is not the same as dwelling on the issue until it drives you into oblivion.
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[–]nervehacker 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
You phrased it perfectly. I couldn't agree more.
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[–]jpw5x4 0 points1 point2 points  (1 child)
But he's not asking to be absolved, certainly not by strangers on the Internet.
And you don't really know squat about him, other than this one story from his checkered past, so who are you to say he's a bad person? Well, I guess you're the kind of guy who is pleased that another human being is suffering emotionally, and who hopes it never ends for him. You're that kind of guy.
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[–]vanishingpoynt 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Where did I say he was a bad person? Wanting his son to be better does not imply that he is bad.
If his son doesn't stalk, beat, and rob another person for "fun" then he's already ahead of the curve.
You're that kind of guy.
I guess I am.
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[–]Writerblock17 10 points11 points12 points  (1 child)
I have such conflicting and confusing feelings reading that. Growing up as the gay kid in the small town, Drew could have easily been me (or, likely, many others in this subreddit).
I want to forgive this guy. I want to believe he's a better person than he used to be. But I wonder what level of atonement venting on an Internet forum really does; it could be fiction, it could be truth, it could be laden with the utmost sincerity it could be the ultimate unfunny troll.
Either way, the thoughts this story provokes for me are not positive. I don't know the merit of reading it, nor do I know the merit of sharing it.
It just makes my heart hurt.
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[–]nightpanda893- Paul Woodbro 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
it could be fiction, it could be truth
The thing is even if this particular person made up his story, it is still the unembellished truth that shit exactly like this does happen. So any reaction you are feeling isn't based on something fake regardless of if it happened to this particular person or not.
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[–]repohs 15 points16 points17 points  (12 children)
Holy shit that was intense. I feel bad for everyone involved in that story. I can't imagine what that kid went through or the trauma that he suffered. But I also can't help but feel bad for the OP. He's a product of his culture. Everything around him led him to believe that gay people were subhuman, and he acted on it.
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[–]mjeffm[S] 26 points27 points28 points  (9 children)
I don't feel bad for him. It took him decades to even feel any remorse. He graduated school, got a job, and got married without even thinking about a vicious attack he committed. He should have been charged with kidnapping, forcible confinement, and aggravated assault with a hate crime enhancement. If he didn't have a child he may never have even thought about this. He deserves to have this weigh heavily on him for his life. Many people are brought up in homophobic environments; very few do something as disgusting as this.
EDIT: also charged with robbery. He should have gone to jail for many years
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[–]Murican_Hero 10 points11 points12 points  (0 children)
I'm certainly not sad that that OP feels like shit here. He should feel like total shit for what he did.
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[–]repohs 5 points6 points7 points  (0 children)
I understand where you're coming from, as I got extremely angry and upset while reading his post despite never having experienced the kind of bullying he described. However, I think it's important now for this guy to move on. If he takes what he's learned from the horrible things he's done and works to make sure it doesn't happen again in some other small town in the South, that would be preferable to him just wallowing in guilt for the rest of his life.
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[–]turbochop 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
Depending on the state, he still theoretically could be prosecuted.
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[–]jpw5x4 5 points6 points7 points  (5 children)
It took him decades to feel remorse, but he did. Accountability doesn't have a time limit; what matters is that we feel it at all.
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[–]whompalicious 2 points3 points4 points  (4 children)
Accountability doesn't have a time limit;
Accountability would have him in jail for his crime.
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[–]jpw5x4 4 points5 points6 points  (3 children)
Well, he's not in jail, is he?
And would him being in there instead of out here make him any more repentant than he is today? Probably not. In there, he'd be surrounded by violence and rage and the sort of bullshit masculine pride that led him to bash this kid in the first place. But on the outside, he was able to get to know some gay people, get to explore the real world, have a son, and come to terms with how horrible a thing he did as a teenager.
Seeing this guy behind bars might make you feel better, and it might check a box on some karmic checklist of justice or vengeance or whatever, but incarceration does not in itself lead to redemption. That's assuming, of course, that you want guys like him to redeem themselves. If all you want is to see them rot in jail, that's a different story altogether.
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[–]whompalicious 3 points4 points5 points  (2 children)
But on the outside, he was able to get to know some gay people, get to explore the real world, have a son, and come to terms with how horrible a thing he did as a teenager.
I'm glad it worked out so well for him.
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[–]jpw5x4 4 points5 points6 points  (1 child)
There are two ways it "works out" for gay-bashers who make it to adulthood. Either they change or they don't.
Be glad there's one less violent asshole in the world, and be glad he took the time to write all this to Internet strangers who appear to offer him nothing but further bile and misery.
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[–]vanishingpoynt -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
Who did he take the time to write this for? Him or us? The fact that "bad people can change" is a concept already understood, especially when discussing teenagers growing into adulthood.
The fact that he's not bashing gays is good enough.
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[–]nightpanda893- Paul Woodbro 8 points9 points10 points  (1 child)
Yeah but at what point do you need to take responsibility for your own actions? Do you honestly think everyone in his town would have done the same thing because it was in their culture?
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[–]repohs 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
That's a good point. Of course just because someone was raised to be a bigot we shouldn't excuse them from reprehensible behavior. He made the choice to beat the kid up, no one forced him to.
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[–]live_wire_- AceBro 10 points11 points12 points  (2 children)
Well that brought up more issues than I'd care to admit.
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[–]coniferous1 6 points7 points8 points  (0 children)
me too.
It kinda hurts. I wish I didn't read it.
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[–]pancakeses- Protein pancakeses! 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
For real. Possibly the most difficult and sobering thing I've read on reddit. I was so fortunate to avoid full-on brutality, but I feared it for so long.
I remember in middle school some kid in just his underwear got a terrible wedgie in the locker room while several guys called him fag and taunted him. They totally ripped his underwear. I was only a few feet away, and have never felt so panicked in my life. That kid was no smaller or weaker than me.
Not sure why I'm sharing that, but I'm shaking a bit at the thought of that event 20 years later. And the actual bullying didn't even happen to me.
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[–]nbihrr 6 points7 points8 points  (0 children)
His kind is exactly what is wrong with the world , the mentality he describes is exactly the mentality of the nazis and isis. the only thing he can do to get close to make up for destroying this kid's life is to devote his life to prevent it from happening to other people.
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[–]0hwhataworld- Welcome to the neighbrohood 6 points7 points8 points  (1 child)
All I can really say is fuck that asshole and his friends and I hope it feels worse and worse until the day he dies.
I know he is remorseful and wanted to get that off his chest (for vindication or not), but It's how I feel and I can't help that.
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[–]pancakeses- Protein pancakeses! 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
Wishing pain on others does nothing to heal our own wounds.
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[–]nervehacker 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
I will be absolutely sincere, here: I don't care if he regrets it. Whatever he is feeling, I hope it gets 10 times worse.
 
He hurt a child. Even for his standards, as a teen, the boy was younger and smaller than he was. Do his feelings change anything about the trauma he caused? He "is hurt", but not hurt enough to face the consequences of his actions, only to complain about it on the internet.
 
I hope he rots in hell
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[–]ScrotoFaggins 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I hope his guilt never ends, and that it infects every other waste of a life who's ever made another human being feel unlike one.
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[–]rimagana 1 point2 points3 points  (2 children)
I get that we should all jump on the hating him bandwagon, but imagine how much good could be done if he was the guy who went to high schools talking about the horrible things he did to someone because they were a hated minority in his world. It would be the closest thing to justice to have him tell that story to millions of kids across the united states.
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[–]nightpanda893- Paul Woodbro 2 points3 points4 points  (1 child)
Yeah I don't think that would work. You can't just go around saying, "hey let me tell you all about the multiple violent felonies I committed against a child and was never prosecuted for." Maybe if he had done his time and faced his victim it would work. But I don't think it would be feasible in the current state of things.
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[–]scientist_salarian1 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Well actually, you could. We've had a former junkie come to our school talking to us about meth telling us not to even try it once. Ofc, this dude won't give gruesome details to kids, but he can tell the wanna-be-alpha-dudes in high school that he's been there and there's nothing cool about homophobia, etc. and that they'll just end up living their life in regret. When you hear a big tough dude say that, it might have an impact on you.
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[–]RVAPDX 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
I'm not a legal eagle, but kidnapping is a federal crime, obviously with no statute of limitations. Felony assault has no statute of limitations either. Can he not still be charged and convicted? His confession is right there.
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[–]Cuntankerous 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
I thank the powers that be every time I read posts like these what a supportive and safe environment I grew up in. I feel for my brothers and sisters in the LGBT community who have to deal with this kind of abuse at all. I almost started to tear up reading this.
I don't know how to feel about this guy. He did something truly heinous, but I hope he finds peace for the sake of him raising his son correctly, if nothing else.
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[–]Ragnarokcometh -2 points-1 points0 points  (3 children)
I saw that, and wrote this:
"That Sweet karma. "Was certainly in church the next day" ... Wow. So peaceful. Your soul will endure a hefty price , think the start now is bad? Lol. Wait till your next life mate. You'll probably end up a house fly in a constant state of paranoia."
People need to realise that karma comes from within not from external sources. I don't really care if it was a different time back then, they still knew what they were doing was wrong. What makes it worse is the way they think going to church will save them from their evil deeds to ease the guilt.
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[–]Manakel93 -3 points-2 points-1 points  (2 children)
TBH you're just as hateful as he was.
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[–]whompalicious 6 points7 points8 points  (0 children)
You're joking right? Do explain how writing some snarky BS on an anonymous forum that the guy won't even read is as hateful as tormenting and assaulting an innocent kid to the point that he ends up in the ER without feeling literally any remorse for fucking years? I would like that line of reasoning laid out for me. Thanks.
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[–]nightpanda893- Paul Woodbro 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
Nope. I disagree with that perspective as well but lets not push it. He tortured, kidnapped, and assaulted someone.
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[–]Gentleman_Jimmy 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
On the one hand, he helped torture and brutalise a young boy who had no means of defending himself.
On the other hand, he's realised his mistake, and is now doing everything he can to make sure his son doesn't turn out the same way.
Honestly, there's nothing else we can expect of him.
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