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Saturday Morning Cartoons: Baopu #15

Profile photo of Yao XiaoPosted by on

Welcome to Saturday Morning Cartoons, a segment where four artists take turns delighting you with their whimsy, facts and punchlines on Saturday mornings! Our esteemed cartoon critters are Cameron Glavin, Anna Bongiovanni, Megan Praz and Yao Xiao. Today’s cartoon is by Yao!

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Illustrator based in New York City. A native of China, Yao Xiao is an enthusiast for queer fashion, vintage cabaret, collecting odd objects, and absurd science fiction with a flair of whimsy. Her personal artwork depicts a decadent visual world where internalized unspoken sentiments take physical form in surreal situations. Her autobiographical comics deal with thoughts on cultural identity, sexual orientation and experience of being an 'extraordinary alien' in America. Find out more about Yao on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram.

Yao has written 18 articles for us.

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    I read an article that made the same point one time. it’s such a smart way of looking at things. saying thank you is usually much more potent and meaningful than apologizing, and it allows you to be gentler to yourself as well.

    thanks for the comic!

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      I’ve seen similar articles as well. I’ve mostly seen them from the point of view that apologizing to someone rather than thanking them (“sorry I’m rambling” vs “thanks for listening” for example) can actually make them view us negatively. While they might not have thought we were rambling before, when we shine a light on it, it can often make the other person go, “Yea, that is kind of annoying.”

      Apologizing for unnecessary reasons can also dilute the meaning of our apologies. So, when we really do something we should apologize for (“sorry I broke your favorite coffee mug; I’ll replace it”), because we apologize so much it sounds insincere.

      So really, apologizing (when not necessarily needed) really doesn’t help anyone in these situations.

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    I am totally guilty of doing this, and so are a lot of people I know. One of my coworkers will always apologize after she sneezes. SNEEZES! She apologizes for this normal, involuntary bodily function!

    It’s a shame that we are so often taught to put ourselves down (“sorry for existing”) before we are taught to appreciate others for helping to raise us up (“thank you for being there for me”).

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        When people apologise for existing, I start getting really anxious and thinking – oh shit I exist too, I sneeze, I take up space, oh no, am I standing wrong, and then we all go into an anxiety death spiral together.

        Saying thank you instead makes the opposite of this happen! “Thank you for listening!” “Thank YOU for sharing!” “Thank *YOU* for existing!” “Thank **YOU** for taking up space!” etc.

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    I’ve been trying harder and harder not to do this lately for sure. No doubt that just saying it doesn’t make you not *think* it, and nobody should feel ashamed for saying the “wrong thing.” In my case, though, I find doing this does help a little bit – it makes me stop and wonder: why do I want to apologize when I’m not actually sorry? Thanks for the comic!

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    I actually have no idea what to say to this. A friend shared it earlier in the evening and it took my breath away. Especially when I reached the last panel and realised that, all the way through, I had read it as a censure of people like me who do this, and not as reinforcing intrinsic worth.

    I need to think about some things. Thank you.

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      Me too. I still feel more chastised than built up. Gonna read through again, but blah. Some of the commenters are talking about apologizing when they aren’t sorry; maybe that’s really who it’s aimed at. For me, I genuinely am sorry to have imposed or to have been an annoyance, or whatever, so telling me not to apologize when I feel bad for my behavior…feels insensitive, I guess. And chastize-y.

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    Sometimes you want to signal to someone that you’re very self-aware so that they don’t feel like you’re mindlessly taking advantage of their patience, but I like the idea of turning that into a thank-you rather than an apology. (“Thanks for listening to me, I know I often ramble.”)

    I was kind of surprised at the picture of the cartoonist. For someone whose cartoon is all about not apologizing for your existence, she sure seems unhappy with herself.

    I don’t mean that as an insult, just as an observation: someone who looks in the mirror, sees their natural hair and eyes and lips and thinks “Well, I’m gonna poke holes in this, change the color of all these things, shave off half of this here, and cover up with a winter hat” isn’t totally content with themselves.

    Maybe she took the picture, THEN had a realization and drew the comic. Hope she gains more confidence by following her own advice.

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      Appearance-based self-expression does not indicate a lack of contentment and it’s honestly a little insulting for you to imply that. As someone with many piercings, tattoos, and an ever-changing hair color, I don’t do any of those things because of a lack of confidence. I am confidently expressing who I am by the ways I present myself, everything from my clothes to hairstyle to jewelry choices. Don’t police women’s bodies and then cover it up with faux concern about them not having confidence or self-respect.

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        Calling it “appearance-based self-expression” masks the fact that it indicates a decision to alter one’s natural body, a decision that simply doesn’t happen when one is content with it.

        Calling it “policing” denies the fact that it was an observation accompanied by both a compliment (I liked the basic idea in the cartoon) and well-wishes (I wished the cartoonist contentment). There was no order or threat. There was no appeal to authority. There was no reference to any law.

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      This is the most condescending comment I have ever had the displeasure of reading on this website. You have NO place to comment on the appearance of anyone on this website or anywhere, period. You have NOTHING of value to say about someone who has given us an incredibly vulnerable, beautiful piece of work.

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        On this website, I may comment on whatever I like so long as I follow the commenting guidelines (which I read and made sure I was following, because I anticipated a negative aggressive response from certain Grinches). Anywhere period, I may say whatever I want so long as it is not a direct threat or an incitation to panic. So, you’re wrong on both counts.

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      Ah yes, winter hats. Universal sign of discontent and low self-esteem since…. never.

      On the bright side, I only clicked on this article and got to read the amazing comic (print is going on the wish list) and see the rad photo because I saw Rie’s reply to this ridiculous comment on the homepage and was intrigued. So, thanks for that!

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      I think the fundamental problem here is that you’re drawing an arbitrary line between which forms of self expression are acceptable and which are not, then making woefully uninformed opinions about the motives of those who’ve crossed it. When you choose what clothes to put on in the morning, or what shoes to wear, or how to cut or style your hair, you are, by *your* definition, not content with your natural appearance. That somebody’s idea of how they’d like to look on a given day includes a side-shave and a little bit of hair dye, and… a hat… shouldn’t register as anything more than, “cool, that’s how they like to dress.” If it seems “extreme” in contrast to how you like to present yourself, maybe it’s worth reflecting on possible biases or stereotypes that color your opinions of others.

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    2 quotes I’ve read recently:

    1. ‘Work on finding gratitude without tragedy triggering it’ ~ Someone on Instagram, probably.

    2. ‘Thank you is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.’ ~ Alice Walker

    I’ve written these down as a little reminder of how important ‘thank you’s/gratitude can be, both for the giver and the receiver.

    Thank you, autostraddle!

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