For it was when I was diagnosed with ADHD, actually about 6 months afterwards. Till that time I tried my old thoughts scheme so hard, I tried to be a normal guy, ok there is something I can't mention what I believed I had to do. I thought I have to conquer women, to sleep with them. I tried so hard, but actually I hated women as I hated my mother.

Long story short: 6 months after starting medication I said 'fuck it, I can't get it work' and I dismissed and stopped being compeled to do things I actually didn't want to do.

I started doing what I wanted. Slowly, with many mistakes and fears. It wasn't so easy as it might sound now. I was fucking courageous. Ooo man, I really was. Thank you previous me! You did it great the past me.

This is important, it doesn't have to be easy, because I was discovering something new situations and haven't been in before. Or I trusted myself to act differently. Like I cut contact with a friend of mine for 3 months and after this time she still wanted again to talk with me. For me it was like an Einsicht - revelation? Check Einsicht from German to englisch please.

Hereby I paste some of the reddit posts that inspired me somehow. This girl gets it by andoooooo in niceguys [–]MidtownDork 8 points 1 day ago Disappointment (maybe even a lot of it) is natural, but rejection shouldn't be all that shitty. One of the core concepts in cognitive behavioral therapy is that events don't lead directly to emotions. It's event -> thoughts about event -> emotions. Most people forget about that part in the middle. So say your car battery dies the day before a big road trip. You could think, "Great, more shit to deal with - this always happens to me. Fuck my life." Or you could think, "Wow, it's a good thing this happened today so I can get it fixed. How much would it have sucked if this happened during the trip? I'm lucky as hell." Same event, but those two thoughts are going to lead to two very different emotions. Likewise, if someone tells you your farts cause cancer, you're not going to feel bad about it. You're going to look at what you know about the world, realize that's nonsense, and resume living your life. But if someone calls you ugly, that might touch on some insecurities (thoughts you have about yourself) and lead to negative feelings. Notice that they're not making you feel bad in that case - you are. No one else has the power to hurt you. If rejection is leading to really strong negative emotions, I'd look into how you're thinking about it. Is it, "Oh, I guess we're not a match. I'm glad she let me know instead of dragging it out and giving me the wrong idea." Or is it, "Man, I guess I'm not very attractive or interesting. I need to figure this shit out or I'm never getting into a relationship. I have no chance with someone like her..." Pretty much anytime I try to be social by gondor333 in funny [–]drei_affen 87 points an hour ago* Wrong because it's obvious and awkward for all. Instead - and this is advise for ALL kinds of potentially awkward situations: Go with it! Play it up! In this example, wave even more enthusiastically. By all means, don't stop at exactly the moment that indicates "this is awkward" - because THAT is what makes it so, not the situation itself! (Most) awkward situations exist because you think they do and do everything for it to become true in your effort to avoid them. It's a variant of the phenomenon that you go/drive/fly/ski where you look. If you stare at the obstacle that IS the place you are going to end up at. In my long ago pre-military education skydiving days (round military parachutes, slightly maneuverable) we had one jump where of 12 people 5 ended up almost on a tree - the only tree within 300m of the landing zone. Because they kept staring at it "must avoid the tree must avoid the ftree must avoid the tree", and the only reason they didn't end up IN the tree was because of the bad maneuverability of their chutes. So don't stare at the obstacle thinking "Must avoid awkward situation must avoid....", because that is exactly where you end up. Okay, the last part of my post doesn't sound like the best analogy but it's a good anecdote... the rest is 100% true though. It's harder in the category "disgusting stuff". For example, when you fart loudly in a business meeting with a client my advice won't help all that much. But it does help with the kind of experiences discussed here thus far. As for the "being kept out of conversations", well, that's going to happen A LOT to you in all of life, and to most people. I know people in the top 0.01% of "social", the kind of guys who during high-school and university never had to make sleeping arrangements because wherever they went they found a (beautiful!) girl and lots of people all around them. Still, they spent and spend a lot of time not being in the middle. it just isn't possible for all to get an "equal share of airtime". Especially not if everyone forms one big group instead of several small ones. It's best to get comfortable, lean back, think/dream/listen - and learn PATIENCE. I've experienced this a lot: All the impatient "I MUST make connections, I MUST be social" people left after a few hours, nobody was comfortable with their behavior (how is it called when somebody has the air of "too much effort"? Trying too hard? Is there one word?), and the relaxed people remained and after 5 hours of being on the side talking very little really good conversations started among those who were left. And you need 1:1 conversations especially when you are not (yet?) comfortable and feel you are missing out in social situations. Being in a 1 of 5 group and the others are all comfortable with one another and you are new is a sure way to become more depressed and learn nothing Greatness is found beyond our comfort zone. We know this and yet we find it difficult to take the step. It’s not easy, we want to feel ready before we do it, but this works as a contradiction. It’s like not wanting to exercise until you have strong muscles; what you need to do is exercise to make your muscles strong.

The analogy works for stepping out of our comfort zone. We are waiting to have the strength to take action, but it’s taking action that builds our strength. At the same time, we want to make the process as painless as possible by reducing anxiety and taking small calculated risks. Here are the three easy steps to successfully get out of our comfort zone. –]melodramaticnewguy 1468 points 21 hours ago Form a positive view of yourself. I called my mom when I was in the dumps and she told me to make it a habit, when I had a bad thought, to explain why that thought isn't true and what is good about me and what I have going for me. I feel like a million bucks these days just full of confidence. permalinksavereportgive goldreply [–]GeneralMillss 440 points 19 hours ago That's actually a common element of therapy for people struggling with depression. Write down what you are thinking, and what is making you feel unwell. And then evaluate why those things are true or not. Often times, exposing your feelings in this way and logically evaluating them leads you to realize that they aren't true, or are at least, irrational. permalinksaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]invitroveritas 222 points 17 hours ago Until you realize that it's completely irrational, yet you can't help thinking it. I'm kind of stuck on that level. permalinksaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]donteatmenooo 123 points 16 hours ago So I haven't been able to conquer these thoughts yet, but what my therapist told me to do was at first recognize these "automatic" thoughts - basically my irrational response to things, and then try to form a habit of correcting them as soon as I recognize them. For instance, as soon as I think, "Wow, I messed up again, I'm a failure", even if truly believe it, I just instantly tell myself that I'm not a failure, that it happens to everyone, and I need to move on. My therapist says eventually this habit of correcting yourself becomes automatic to the point that you basically don't even have the initial, stupid thoughts anymore. permalinksaveparentreportgive goldreply [–]book_girl 17 points 15 hours ago It does eventually become a habit. It's like one day you wake up and you realize you didn't have the self-defeating thought you always had, even when the trigger was right there. There's a great deal of satisfaction in that moment. It's always a work in progress though. You have to keep it up, even when you don't feel like it or it doesn't seem to go anywhere. That's when it really helps to have the therapist reinforcing from a different angle.

[–]nardpuncher 8 points 11 hours ago The fact that life has,frequently been unfair in your favor.

[–]AgentOmega[S] 1 point 11 hours ago that is interesting, I sort of see what you mean, would you be willing to expand on that?

[–]nardpuncher 4 points 11 hours ago It's sort of like realizing things you got out of luck or just because you were somewhere at the right time or because someone else took a shine to you and other things that we may take for granted and not realize we didn't get completely fairly.

When things suck, that doesn't really mean things will continue to suck. The future in its totality still holds a lot of potential for joy, because sometimes things just get better with no explanation

And then I also read one book of Ms Luise Hay with life affirmations. The most important is 'life loves me'.

And then I felt really loved for the first time as one grand aunt of me I haven't meet for first time in my life this year. First she did she umarmed - hugs - me so lovely and so real and then I started to feel loved and I know or more I feel it will not be taken back. There is /was someone who was really happy about me. Thank you my lovely grand aunt. I love you too.

Good luck with you.