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[PA] Falsely accused of stalking (self.legaladvice)

pathrowawayaccused が 投稿

Ok, I'll try to keep a long story short... A year ago I was friends with a girl who worked at a game store. At some point, she started receiving some harassing text messages. She thought I was behind them (even though I was literally sitting across from her eating when she received one of them). I tried asking her about what happened to try to find out what really happened and prove to her that it wasn't me. Bumped into her a few times in town, tried talking to her, and she said she didn't want to tell me what happened each time - that I should already know. At this time, I was also banned by other employees of the game store from coming back. As I frequented this store very often and lost many friends there over this, I was quite upset. I tried asking the other employees about what happened, but they refused to talk. The girl also blocked me on FB. I made another account and tried to ask her one more time to simply tell me what happened, but she refused and said never talk to her or see her again. Am I screwed for this last attempt at communication?

Fast forward to a year later, I thought everything was over, and I haven't had contact with her until recently. She messaged a place I volunteer at telling them I'm some sort of stalker then did the same with my place of work. A few weeks after that, I was taking a walk in the evening. I've been battling depression over all of this, so I've been taking a lot of walks. During this particular one, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she's down the street staring at me. So I try cutting up a side street with the plan of making a circle to see if it really is her/avoid her/see if she's following me. To my surprise when I get to the end of the side street, I catch her red-handed waiting for me. She approaches me, tells me to F off, and walks away back towards where I first saw her.

A few weeks after that, I have just received some letters in the mail from lawyers wanting to defend me from stalking charges. I looked up the case number on one of the letters and it shows that I'm charged with stalking and harassment.

So, I'm freaking out having panic attacks wondering what will happen next? No police have come seen me yet, will they arrest me and put me in jail? Will I have to spend money on a lawyer to defend myself? How hard will it be to defend myself from her claims? She was following me, should I have filed these charges on her? I really don't know what to do next.

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[–]thepatman 183ポイント184ポイント  (9子コメント)

Are you charged with a crime, or has she simply filed for a restraining order? In either case, an attorney is a good idea.

How hard will it be to defend myself from her claims?

We don't know her claims in full. However, even in your version of the story, you come across as very stalker-esque. Even after being told she didn't want you around, you continued to message her and to bother other people to try to get her to talk. When that didn't work, you resorted to creating fake accounts to get her to talk to you. Heck, it was so bad you had to be banned from her place of employment.

[–]pathrowawayaccused[S] 42ポイント43ポイント  (5子コメント)

It looks like I will be charged with stalking from a criminal docket I've found via the letter's info.

I suppose I forgot to add that she quit the store for unrelated reasons around this time. I asked the other workers about what happened after she already no longer worked there. I wasn't asking them to get her to talk, but to figure out who started this mess. My friends and I believe one of them was responsible and they banned me to hide that fact.

[–]chromegreen 155ポイント156ポイント  (4子コメント)

Stop trying to investigate this yourself. Your job is to protect yourself not solve a crime. Every time you talk to her or inquire about her with other people that could be construed as stalking. Stop talking to people about it. If somebody asks you about it say it isn't your fault.

Does the paperwork direct you to info about an actual court date. I wouldn't worry about it unless you have been given a court date or have police contact you. If that happens don't talk to anyone and consult with a lawyer and document anytime she contacts you.

[–]pathrowawayaccused[S] 11ポイント12ポイント  (3子コメント)

With 20/20 hindsight, yeah I should have said it wasn't my fault and ignored the mess. At the time, however, I didn't want to lose a good friend over some simple misunderstanding.

The docket says the case status is inactive and the processing status is awaiting preliminary hearing. There is no court date on it. I'm just worried about what will happen next? Will the cops show up, handcuff me, and take me to jail for this?

[–]chromegreen 48ポイント49ポイント  (2子コメント)

I would call the courthouse and ask what status inactive and awaiting preliminary hearing mean in this context. Say you want to make sure you don't miss a court date.If you are given a court date you need to show up.

Seems like an arrest is unlikely at this point.If you get arrested don't say anything except confirming you identity. The police may say that this just must be a misunderstanding and if you answer a few questions they will sort it out. DON'T DO IT. Say you will consider answering question with your lawyer present.

Edit: Actually it looks like you might get arrested. I misread your original post. I thought some of the documents were from the court but it looks like it was only lawyers aware of upcoming cases.

[–]snkns 26ポイント27ポイント  (1子コメント)

Seems like an arrest is unlikely at this point.

I'd strongly disagree with this. My perspective would be: The case is awaiting prelim. The case is "inactive" because the court doesn't have jurisdiction over OP yet.

I'd bet dollars to donuts there's an arrest warrant for OP.

[–]cordsniper 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Agreed. They are awaiting to arraign him on the charge. He's either going to get a letter telling him he has a court date or they are going to issue an arrest warrant of some kind on the case.

[–]M3g4d37h 91ポイント92ポイント  (2子コメント)

I made another account and tried to ask her one more time to simply tell me what happened

This is where the water gets deep.

No means no. Stay the fuck away from her. Simple as that.

[–]Kytescall 19ポイント20ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah, this is a pretty serious blow to the OP's credibility in the eyes of everyone looking at this. This just looks bad.

[–]martinluther3107 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm thinking this is the basis for the stalking claims, not the text messages.

[–]Hardcoldfact 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

If cops do show up, don't talk to them except to ID yourself. You cannot talk yourself out of being arrested but you can certainly talk yourself into being arrested.

[–]Brad_Wesley 105ポイント106ポイント  (16子コメント)

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she's down the street staring at me. So I try cutting up a side street with the plan of making a circle to see if it really is her/avoid her/see if she's following me.

tl;dr: I stalked the girl who has accused me of stalking her

[–]hackcasual 59ポイント60ポイント  (15子コメント)

When a /r/legaladvice poster declares their innocence in the post title I know there's going to be more to the story.

[–]lostshell 58ポイント59ポイント  (13子コメント)

He admitted on numerous occasions trying to contact her after she specifically accused him of stalking.

Normal person would never contact them again. This guy keeps trying to talk to her to "see what's going on". Either he's an idiot or he's not telling us everything.

[–]JeopardyLeyton 40ポイント41ポイント  (8子コメント)

I don't know, imagine you are really good friends with someone, and then they get some weird messages and think it's form you, but it's not you at all. Of course you would want to explain that it's not you and make sure your friends all know that it wasn't you! If the friend starts blocking you, yeah in theory the best thing to do is to ignore it, but I think a lot of people would feel very wronged in that situation and very confused, and would want to make sure their friends knew they weren't behind it. This happened to a friend of mine and it messed him up for life. Eventually they found out who the real stalker was, but not before he had lost all his friends and been seriously psychologically damaged by the experience.

I'm not sure many people would just shrug and give up all their friends, letting them all think they were responsible for something horrible and creepy that they didn't do.

[–]pathrowawayaccused[S] 14ポイント15ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah, I lost most of my social life and friends in what seemed like an instant. I was really upset and wanted answers. I wanted to show my innocence. It sucked, but I let it all go eventually. And just when I've finally been getting my life back on track, all of sudden this girl reappears. I never wanted to see her again, and certainly tried my best to stay away from her when she last approached me.

[–]TheElderGodsSmile 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's not how it comes across and your initial very immature reaction has exposed you to legal trouble. Contact a lawyer, explain to them the facts without the narrative spin and hope things turn out alright for you.

After that never contact her again and chalk this up to a learning experience

[–]KayBeeToys -5ポイント-4ポイント  (5子コメント)

Who said they were really good friends?

[–]sassycatty 4ポイント5ポイント  (4子コメント)

OP said they were both friends.

[–]Jakeandjosie -3ポイント-2ポイント  (3子コメント)

OP said they were friends, full stop. They weren't "really good friends." Asking us to envision a different scenario isn't much use,

[–]Guvnah-Wyze 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

Heck, I'm doubting they were even friends. From what op is saying,I get the impression she was just a clerk at a store he frequented and he became somewhat infatuated.

Edit: Yeah, they may have "hung out" outside of work... OP hasn't said what they were doing. Being in the same room as somebody else doesn't necessarily mean you're hanging out.

[–]pathrowawayaccused[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

We hung out many times outside of the store as friends.

[–]Guvnah-Wyze -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hey, I'm just a guy on the internet calling it as I see it. Pay me no mind.

[–]bite_down_hard 11ポイント12ポイント  (3子コメント)

I don't know, it's possible I am not "normal" or don't know too many people, but as for myself and most of the people I know, in the situation OP describes, we'd be dying of curiosity to know wtf was going on, discuss it more than a healthy amount and ask anyone we could think of what they made of the situation.

[–]leetdood_shadowban 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

Then you and your friends would seem like obsessed stalkers constantly asking about the person you're stalking. Seriously, that's how it comes off to people who already think you're a stalker. You might think your response is justified, but justification doesn't matter when you're clearly accused of stalking and instead of trying your best to NOT seem like a stalker, you do the exact opposite. It's not smart and it gets you in hot water.

[–]bite_down_hard 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

I would ask, have you ever been in this situation, and how did you handle it? In my experience, accusations of a personal nature, especially when being publicly accused of being some kind of a pervert, generally elicit an emotional response in the accused - and almost reliably so, to the point where such an accusation can even be used to troll or gaslight someone.

People don't generally behave extremely sensibly or intelligently when emotionally outraged, most feel the need to defend themselves at any cost in a situation like that.

Obviously, given the benefit of level headedness, maturity and being well socialized and comfortable around others it's easy to see the "proper" way to respond in that kind of situation, but that doesn't describe many people in general, and it certainly doesn't describe many people who hang out at Gamestop.

[–]leetdood_shadowban 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes I've been in a similar but less severe situation. I responded poorly but that's why you are supposed to learn from it and recognize that you have responded poorly and respond appropriately in the future. OP went too far and responded poorly several times in my opinion. Like circling around to see if it was her, wtf?

[–]Brad_Wesley 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

every time

[–]Kytescall 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

At some point, she started receiving some harassing text messages. She thought I was behind them (even though I was literally sitting across from her eating when she received one of them).

Why did she think it was you? I feel like there must be some important details missing here.

[–]reluctantlydirtyguy 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

get a lawyer, from what you have said it's very easy to see how she would believe you're her stalker

[–]Cuddle_Apocalypse 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

When you say "I haven't had contact with her until recently", who initiated the contact and how often?

[–]pathrowawayaccused[S] 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

The recent contact? All her - contacting where I work, where I volunteer, and approaching me on the street.

[–]ThisIsAnApplePancake 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

You need to get a lawyer and be prepared to get arrested.

[–]cordsniper 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

You seem like you need to explain everything and prove you are innocent. Here's a really important tip: when the cops come arrest you or even just talk to you about these charges, ask for a fucking lawyer. Do not talk to the cops under any set of circumstances, no matter how nice and on your side they sound. They arent. Do not try to explain your way out of this because you suck at it and sound like a total stalker.

[–]bbqlouyo 17ポイント18ポイント  (0子コメント)

She blocked you on Facebook and you made an alt account to message her some more? That's stalking buddy, should've moved on. Everything about this post cries stalker. So, it wasn't you who messaged her yet you were so adamant about proving it wasn't you, even if that meant harassing her even more? Better stop because shit's gettin real for you now. Move on, forget about her.

[–]da_fashion_expert 13ポイント14ポイント  (6子コメント)

What were you banned from the Gamestop for?

[–]princetonwu 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

why did you assume it was Gamestop?

[–]Kytescall 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Perhaps the story reminded him of Chris-chan.

[–]Ziln00bas 3ポイント4ポイント  (3子コメント)

A few different things, numbered just for organization:

  1. Did the text messages not have a phone number other than yours... ?

  2. Harassment's legal threshold is when you are explicitly told "do not contact me further" and you ignore that; from what you said, that never happened until the last time. So, SOCIALLY, you harassed her, but legally you did not (at least by the how the law works in CA last I checked).

  3. You probably should have gotten a restraining order on her once she started sabotaging you, and consulted a Defamation Attorney (WTF is she doing contacting your work?).

  4. What seems obvious to the harsher commentors, but wasn't to you, was to Just Let It/Her Go after you tried once or twice to get answers. LESS IS MORE. Without judgment, I'm curious, are you very introverted? Any anxiety disorders (e.g., OCD) or Autism in your family?

  5. To answer how screwed you are: did you ever text, email, FB or anything after you made the second account and she said to never talk to her again?

[–]pathrowawayaccused[S] 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

The number on them appeared to be fake from what I could tell. Yes I'm introverted. Never diagnosed formally with anything but I've certainly had anxiety and panic attacks in the past. The last message I sent was when she said she'd give me one last chance to get everything I want off my chest. I did that and haven't messaged her since.

[–]Ziln00bas 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Okay, thanks for the answers. Two things: do you now acknowledge and agree that letting it go way sooner would've been best? You can't change the past, but at least for the future you can make sure to avoid repeating the same mistake.

Second, this was critical information missing from your original post: "The last message I sent was when she said she'd give me one last chance to get everything I want off my chest. I did that and haven't messaged her since."

[–]pathrowawayaccused[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, I completely agree I should have said screw her and let it go. I just wasn't thinking straight because I was so frustrated with how everything changed so fast. If someone's gonna accuse me of such bs, they're not worth having as friends. Second, yeah, I'm not thinking very well at the moment either. I've never had any run-ins with the law so I'm freaking out about this.