So, just got back from the lunch date with the pregnant chick.
Before I got there, I had basically had pre-decided that her and I had no future together as a couple, at least for now, because this is a just a shitstorm of emotion and drama and there's no way this can be a good time to start a hopefully stable long-term relationship. Thanks for all the comments, gave me a lot to think about and even with all the snark you guys were really helpful. I didn't cancel it because it was just lunch, I wanted to shake off my OKC first date rust and I wanted to spare her feelings.
So, I arrive at Panera Bread. Pre-date texts confirmed we were still on. She is five minutes late without warning and I am getting more pissed. I start to imagine the baby's father came back to her and she just blew me off rather than cancel. Finally, she walks in... with a friend. I'm slightly annoyed she's late without a heads up and now there's a tag-a-long. She (my date) definitely is pregnant and even with a coat on you can tell that baby bump and the sight of it makes the hair on my neck stand up. I wish I had canceled the date at this point. They come over to me, we all shake hands. I get introduced to the friend, who then tells us to "have fun" and leaves. Whew.
We stand in line at Panera and wait to order and make small talk about the weather. There's no chemistry. She seems shy and I really don't have any energy to start a convo and now I really wish I had canceled this fucking thing.
We order our food and sit down at a table with our drinks. She leaves her coat on, I wonder if she's embarrassed about her pregnant stomach or what. I ask her what she does for a living. She says "Oh, you know stuff," and then proceeded to not offer any more information. She said it with a smirk so I don't know if she was trying to be flirty but it was pissing me off.
I started talking about my work (engineering). Kind of a dull subject but it loosened us up and the conversation started flowing pretty smooth. It turned to sports, we started talking about baseball (both fans). A reference to drinking beer at baseball games was made and she took the opportunity to segue into her pregnancy, saying "Well obviously I can't get drunk for about four more months," and then like holding her stomach. There's a super tense moment and I don't know what to say.
Our food is ready! I run up and grab it. I come back, she's taking off her coat. She was wearing like this tight grey long sleeve shirt and gotta say (and I always thought pregnant women were a little sexy), she was kind of rocking the look. We sort out the food and start eating and I ask (trying not to sound uncomfortable) "How's the pregnancy thing going?"
She says good and tells me about her last doctor's appointment and she had her first ultrasound done. She reveals she is a nurse and her OB/GYN is in a building attached to the hospital where she works. I say that must be convenient. Finally, I have to know, so I try to ask as casually as possible "So, the father is out of the picture?"
She acted kind of shocked by the question, then said yes. She explained that she was in a long-term relationship and went through her (then) boyfriend's Facebook messages and found he was sending sexy shit to some 'trashy girl.' He left her for 'trashy girl,' and now lives in a town about 30 min away from us. Then she found out she was knocked up. He demanded she get rid of it and she refused. At this point, I wonder if it's rude to discuss abortion in the middle of a crowded Panera Bread on a Saturday at noon. Anyway, her ex said he would never pay child support so she said her plan is to get him to sign away his parental rights, freeing him of child support obligations. She reiterated he was gone forever and would have no involvement in the baby's life. I'm not so sure.
Anyway, this is when the "dad interview" part of the date started and it made me hella uncomfortable. She said "So, you said when you answered your OKCupid questions you want kids?" She basically pressed me to open up about my own family ambitions and I said "Yeah, I want kids someday." I was hella uncomfortable and she said "Yeah, I've always wanted kids which is why I'm keeping the baby. I probably want a few more." She then asked if I had a big family - lots of cousins and nieces and nephews? I'm sure to her she was being smooth but obvious she was trying to feel out my history with kids.
I hella awkwardly segued the conversation into music and then movies and TV shows. We have a lot of the same tastes in stuff. I mentioned the movie "The Ghost Writer" (which is fucking awesome BTW) and told her she should see it and that I have it at home on Blu-Ray. She said "Maybe I'll have to come over and watch it sometime." I was uncomfortable by the implications but said "Yeah, sure." Thinking back, I think I unintentionally made the implication first by telling her she should see it and then mentioning I own it. I'm too nice a guy to let people down easily although it would be more fucking humane.
Some more small talk about local restaurants and crap and finally I said "Well, this was really fun." We wrapped the date up. She gave me a really long 'friendly' hug with lots of body contact. She told me I smelled good and said we should hang out again sometime. I said "Yeah, let's keep in touch." She said sounds good and we said good bye.
Walking out to our cars. We parked about 12 cars apart. Her friend is standing by the car in fucking 50 degree and windy Wisconsin fall weather with a Jamba Juice or something. Her friend drove her or something and proceeded to stand outside for the whole lunch? Who knows. They see me looking at them so we exchange waves before I get the hell outta there.
Got home like an hour ago and started writing this (reddit must know how the date went) and she just texted me reiterating she really had fun and she wants to grab dinner sometime. Despite it being super uncomfortable at certain points, I really like her and think we hit it off but shit. She's pregnant with somebody else's kid - bottom line. I don't know if she would take the father back if he came back. I don't know if I'm ready to be (basically) a stepfather. I don't know how can be in Lemaze classes and the delivery room with a chick I just met. Not to bash adoption or whatever but I don't want to raise somebody else's kid either. Right person, worst possible time. FML. I guess I'll try the slow fade or maybe just be honest with her and tell her what my apprehensions are? I don't know.