College/University Admissions Officers of Reddit: what's the dumbest thing you've seen on an application or essay?

Starsy · 9時間前

I've seen two essays written by parents. Not just essays where you could tell from the writing that it was written by an adult, but essays by mothers written in first person about their sons.

Needless to say, neither got in - and one probably would have otherwise since he had the grades.

abhikavi · 8時間前

My aunt works in college admissions, and complains about the kids who attach 'bribe money'-- usually a $5 or a $20, sometimes jokingly, sometimes serious. She said she rejects those applications without looking at them.

She also complains about the helicopter parents who call in and want exact detail on their kid's admission status, how well the application looked, what they thought of the essay, etc.

ProfessorJRV · 6時間前

i had a student tell me she was applying because it was her dream to study under Professor Emeritus. She had read all of his papers and follower Prof Emeritus' work for years. She asked me if he preferred to be addressed as Dr. Emeritus.

mrkoffers · 8時間前

I used to be an administrator in an admissions office and would read applications before passing them on to the people who make the actual decisions. My favourites included:

Someone's personal statement that said "I think so far outside the box, there is no box."
The person that included a copy of their Pleasure Boat driving licence.
The "Prince of Maths" who included a 45 minute DVD of himself solving equations interspersed with dance routines.
The guy that submitted his personal statement showing the tracked changes, including comments such as "THEY CAN NEVER SAY NO TO YOU" and "Summon the Tiger within"
and the many, many people who offered me bribes despite explaining until I was blue in the face that I had no effect on the decision. And also it was illegal.

Edit: I almost forgot one of the best. A guy applying for a post-grad course who had fantastic grades up until his last semester, submitted extensive documentation about how his grandfather had been ill and how this had affected his performance. One of the documents was a breakdown of what was in his grandfather's poo.

Edit 2: I should state the "Prince of Maths" was self-proclaimed. I presume his father was the King but didn't check...

kw13 · 8時間前

This American Life has an episode "How I got into college" (well worth a listen)

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/504/how-i-got-into-college

favourite quote:

"I've chosen to apply early decision to Georgia Tech, because I believe Duke is the ideal university for me."

gagghahha · 9時間前

He submitted an exact copy of a Samuel Johnson esasy.

Yeah nice try.. no 18-year old writes that well.

HeloRising · 5時間前

I work with adults with special needs and we had one person participating in the program who had what we would have referred to as Asperger's Syndrome. Nice guy, very sharp. He was writing an essay for admission and he asked me to read it over.

He started it with "I am qualified to be a part of your institution because I survived."

I was ready to roll my eyes but I read on and damn, this kid rolled four 1's for every stat during character creation; he'd been hit by a car, electrocuted, nearly drowned, and been hospitalized six or seven times for various infections over the years. He wasn't stupid and his family weren't monsters, he was just possessed of a preternatural ability to attract bad events and then to survive them. The universe had tried very, very hard to kill this kid and he somehow managed to dodge the overwhelming majority of it.

I told him not to change a word. He got in.

UnoriginalTitle · 7時間前

So a few days ago, someone from the CSU system came to my high school to talk about essays. One example was a girl who apparently decided her topic was on a Korean boy band.

Or more specifically, how obsessed she was with it.

She pulled all-nighters to make some fan-website that became popular to the point of the band noticing, went as far as to learn Korean because screw english translations, and said that despite seeming really crazy, it was proof that she was very dedicated to whatever she did.

The admission guy said he approved her.

EDIT: It was a UC, not a CSU. CSU's don't need an essay.

EDIT 2: I don't know the band, the guy never said which. Google has failed me here.

gambitgrl · 6時間前

I processed applications for a grad school admissions office when I first started working at my university, and until a few years ago a lot of paper application materials were still being mailed in so I opened some doozies.

Math Ph.D. applicant's essay literally said "I LIKE MATH" in red crayon. I think he figured his 4.0 GPA and awesome GRE quant score was all he needed. He didn't get in.
International applicant sent in a photo of them conducting a military band in a chicken suit. I have no clue why. It went up on the Wall of WTF in our office.
My favorite. A disturbed, paranoid woman applied to Ph.D. in Psychology in person by coming to the admissions office and hand filling out one of the rare few paper applications we still had lying around, then promptly pulled a letter from a recommender form her pocket that was on a folded up piece of paper, not in a sealed envelope or anything. We explained to her it's customary for such documents to be in a sealed envelope with a signature across the seal to show it hasn't hasn't been interfered with by the applicant. She demanded an envelope, which she shoved the letter in, licked, sealed, then wrote her name across the seam. She came by a handful of times after that to hand deliver documents for her application as she didn't trust the US postal service and said it would deliberately lose her letters because the governement doesn't want people of her race to get higher education. My favorite was when a letter of recommendation arrived for her, this time in the mail in a sealed envelop sent by the recommender himself. It said, and I quote. "The only way X should be admitted to the graduate program in psychology is as a patient." The recommender was a pastor. And when she finally received her inevitable rejection from the Psych program she mailed the graduate school an itemized bill for her application and GRE fees, gas for all her trips to the university, and stamps (for things she never mailed us through the racist USPS) because she wanted us to reimburse her.

EDIT: Just to clarify I was a staffer in the admissions office who opened the mail, read it to determine which applicant it belonged to, sorted it into individual files to be sent out to the department for their graduate faculty committees to review and render decisions on, and processed the accepts/rejects. I didn't make any admissions decisions.

mrs-morris · 4時間前

I got into my selective college based on my essay and ACT score because my HS grades were shit.

Anyway, my essay was called "Romancing the Secretary" and it was about all the school secretaries I knew growing up and going through school. I was a weird kid with a host of issues, so I spent a lot of time in the school offices, getting to know the secretaries. They were lovely women who got to know me and protected me from bullies and some of the teachers who hated me. Whenever I couldn't deal with class or was having a bad time, I'd go see the secretaries and they'd cheer me up, excuse me from class, and make me feel like a valued human being instead of like a worthless piece of shit. I didn't really have friends in high school, but I had the secretaries and also the janitors, and they protected me and kept me sane. They were the only people to ever acknowledge my birthdays or even sign my yearbooks.

I met the guy who read my essay and he said it made him cry, cause he was the weird kid once, too. He said he put my application on the top of the stack and knew that I had to go to that college, because he knew I would find my people there, and sure enough I did.

TorinoCobra070 · 9時間前

My friend wrote one about how he invented penicillin. He got accepted...

tingwong · 8時間前

The reasons that I have for wishing to go to Harvard are several. I feel that Harvard can give me a better background and a better liberal education than any other university. I have always wanted to go there, as I have felt that it is not just another college, but is a university with something definite to offer. Then too, I would like to go to the same college as my father. To be a "Harvard man" is an enviable distinction, and one that I sincerely hope I shall attain.

April 23, 1935

John F. Kennedy

iammandalore · 7時間前

This may not be exactly what you're looking for, but I used to intern in the admissions office. There was a policy that if you didn't bring in ACT scores, you had to take a placement test. Not an entrance exam, just a placement test. Community college. If you did bring in ACT scores and had at least a 12 in each section (for those unfamiliar, highest possible score is 36, very rare), you could start out in standard classes. Below that you had to take the placement test and potentially take remedial courses.

This girl comes in one day and plops down her application and everything. I run through it all and inform her she'll have to take the placement test.

"But I thought if I brought in my ACT scores I wouldn't have to take the placement test.

"You don't have to take the placement test if you score a 12 or above in each section."

"Well I didn't really look at it, what did I make?"

look again to make sure I read it right "Overall? 6"

"Oh. Is that bad?"

"It means you have to take the placement test. Here are the forms you need."

Federigo824 · 5時間前

They application asked about residency status (I.e. International, US citizen, permanent resident...). The applicant checked visa and wrote in 'master card' next to it.

nonnativetexan · 6時間前

In my tenth year working professionally in college admissions.

The dumbest thing is the sheer number of parents who blatantly admit, out loud, in actual words to us, that they are the ones filling out their students' college admissions and scholarship applications.

No shame or even a hint that there might be something wrong with this.

Shaeve · 8時間前

I got accepted into Cornell University by writing an essay about how much I hate Cilantro.

DanceWithEverything · 9時間前

My sister wrote her MIT essay about how she games a large department store's pricing inconsistencies to turn a profit. (Buy on sale, return at regular price, etc.) She had a pretty complicated system going.

She essentially wrote about how she steals from department stores.

She got in.

She also discussed the ethics of it, and at the time we were pretty poor, but yeah.

boxmaan · 8時間前

My essay was so awful that my principal got mad at me for disrespecting the school.

max-peck · 9時間前

My friend worked admissions for a fairly prestigious school. He once got an essay from a brony about his love of My Little Pony. Kid had great grades and had extracurriculars but didn't get in because of that essay.

EDIT: To people saying that it isn't fair he didn't get in because he has great grades and extracurriculars - when you write a college essay that is part of your admission. Now, if the school is large and isn't harsh on essay writers he probably would have gotten in. This school wasn't, it's small school that accepts around 300 people a year and gets 1000+ applications. An essay about how you run a My Little Pony messaging board isn't going to cut it. It sucks for him for sure, but you should understand why someone would be rejected for that.

TheKrouton · 8時間前

For my essay for the university of Chicago I explained that I really didn't feel like writing an essay about anything they asked me to write about and so I was just going to write short answers instead. I then wrote really sarcastic answers to each of them, and didn't even answer one. I got in.

Chronoblivion · 7時間前

Not me but my wife, and not admissions but she's on the exceptions committee for students requesting readmittance after being dismissed, so closeenough.jpg. She's a lurker so she let me ~~reap the karma~~ post these on her behalf.

When a student is dismissed for poor grades, they're usually given a second chance if they ask for it, often with some sort of probation/limit on credit hours. If they still can't get their GPA up to their college's minimum requirement they're encouraged to do a semester or two at a community college until they get their GPA up. So this kid sends a readmission essay saying "please let me back in, here's an unofficial copy of my transcript, look at all these As and Bs." Looks good on paper, so they tell him he's all set as soon as the other college sends the official copy of the transcript. But when they get it? Fs across the board. Like, did you really think that would work?

Not quite as bold as this, though. A young woman says her grandma died mid-semester, and the hardship on her and her family caused her to fail classes and drop out. She attached a copy of the obituary with the date as proof. These things happen, so the committee shows sympathy and readmits her. But next semester her sister is also applying for readmission, claiming that the sudden and recent death of her grandmother caused her to fail her classes. And wouldn't you know it, she attached a copy of the obituary. But some of the committee members recognized the picture, so they went back into the files to look at the other one and found out the dates didn't match. Somehow (probably Google) one of the committee members found out the grandma had died years prior and both girls altered the dates on the obituary photocopies. The second request was denied and the first sister was dismissed.

LucaTurilli · 8時間前

Not an admissions officer, but once I apparently dropped several curse words in a scholarship essay. The award covered about 50% of tuition every semester. I was accepted, and was later told "while some of the reviewers were offended, we appreciated your honesty". Always proofread, y'all.

ShutTheFuckUpBryan · 8時間前

This year I'm submitting an essay about what is like having an actual helicopter as a parent. An actual physical helicopter, not an analogy. Hope it works

Edit: Some of you PM'd me asking to read the essay, I had it posted for a bit, but sorry I still want to use it and posting it might get me in trouble for plagiarism. I originally edited that you could PM for the essay, but even that is risky. If you PM me I'll jot down your username and send it to you after I apply.

Sorry for the confusion, I got in over my head. Thanks for the advice and I'm glad so many of you liked my essay!

Edit: this might be my only chance to say this: My name is no Bryan, I am female

farts1111111 · 6時間前

I worked at a university that did not require admissions essays unless they were specifically asked for. This meant you were waitlisted, for example, or something worrying stood out on your application (the rest of the essays were only read by the data entry crew). One student had an extremely large amount of absences in his/her high school career and was asked to explain why. The student said he/she had an intense fear of worms, and because he/she walked to school, was unable to attend when it had recently rained, as the sidewalks would be covered in worms.

BandWarrior · 8時間前

Obligatory "not an admissions officer" but am willing to share a rather interesting comparison.

I wrote about my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I wrote about how it helped define not just myself, but my own values (loyalty, courage, etc.) and how I would tackle problems (whack it until it dies). I got in with scholarship.

My neighbor applied the year after me. He wrote to the same school about his love for Magic the Gathering. Not how it defined him or how it helped him through life. Just... Magic. The rules, the nuances, the tournaments, and how hot the elves or whatever on the artwork were.

He didn't get in.

katiedid05 · 7時間前

When I applied to grad school my entire first paragraph was a story about the time I manipulated several classmates into whistling the theme song from "The Andy Griffith Show" I got in.

GeeZiz · 7時間前

The writing prompt for my top choice college when I applied was: what would you do with an industrial sized jar of mustard?

princessleah96 · 8時間前

I go to Rice and my entire common app essay was about Lisa Simpson.

gingerdg · 7時間前

A girl who applied to Duke was so nervous about her application that she had 87 letters of recommendation along with her application.

She didn't get in.

ornerycumquats · 6時間前

When I was applying to Claremont McKenna college, one of the essay questions was asking if we could act as the official advisor to anyone from any time in history, real or fictional, who would it be and how would we advise them to act.

I wrote that, as Voldemort's official advisor, I would adamantly encourage him to get a nose job. I then went on to list 4 or 5 reasons with supporting evidence from the books as to why this decision would be beneficial. Luckily, Claremont is a really liberal school, and my essay earned me an acceptance letter.

Gable31 · 6時間前

My son is applying to colleges, here is a prompt from UVa that was not submitted.

What is your favorite word and why?

FUCK! It assaults and insults. It shocks and angers. No word is more universally scorned. The refined and educated think it is the course word of the underclass, but use it daily. It can change my mother from a caring and doting person, to a rage filled berserker. It describes what I want to do as a freshman at UVa.

CapSteveRogers · 8時間前

There was this one kid on College Confidential who said he accidentally typed "clam farts" as one of his hobbies for his application to Yale. His friend was standing behind him and watching him intently, so he decided to type something funny. He started freaking out about it, but he eventually got in.

Goomoonryoung · 4時間前

"I am not an applicant. I am an appli-CAN."

GiraffeBread · 7時間前

This is the one thing that had always confused me - the concept of having to write an essay in order to be admitted to university.

Here (Australia), at the end of Year 12 you submit a list of which courses you want to study at which universities, in order of preference.

At the end of the year you receive your exam results along with your ATAR (Australian Tertiary Admissions Rank) score. If your ATAR is high enough, and you've studied the prerequisite Year 12 subjects your course wants to a good enough level, then bang - you're pretty much guaranteed acceptance to your first choice of study, if not your second or third.

SpammityCalamity · 8時間前

I reviewed residency applications for a residency program. I had someone forget to copy paste the name of my hospital into their essay, leaving the name of a nearby rival hospital's residency program. Needless to say... They were not invited to interview.

bedknobsandbroomstix · 5時間前

Ugh, I remember applying to a Japanese summer school that was supposed to be really prestigious. I wrote in my essay about how interested I was in the " Japaneze" culture, and how much I had studied the "Japaneze" culture. In my defense, this was on a typewriter (before spell check), and I wrote it on zero sleep. But yeah, I didn't get in.

kiwimelons · 5時間前

A little late to the party, but oh well!

Former college admissions counselor. If the student was ever suspended or expelled from high school, they had to put why on the application. One girl said she accidentally showed up drunk to school and she was only suspended because her teacher tattled on her. She said that she learned her lesson though.

Except for the next sentence, she said she accidentally ended up drunk again her sophomore year, but she didn't show up drunk. She was just drunk by the end of the day.

There are some essays that you can tell are written by the parents. Usually these are obvious because the parents won't usually let you speak with the student on the phone. This either is done in the form of the parent just not letting you speak to the student or, in some cases, the parent pretending to be the student. You can also tell sometimes if the student really doesn't want to come to your college, but the parent is really into the student coming to your college. The student expresses that they will not apply, but suddenly an application appears on your desk...And the essay mentions how passionate they are about wanting to attend your college.

Dyssomniac · 6時間前

"Qualifications or Certifications:

I'm ordained and can marry people in Minnesota."

Turns out he wasn't fucking with us. Seen a few years back when I was still working for admissions.

thencaapawardgoesto · 4時間前

The last time this question was asked about admissions essays I shared the story of my favourite english teacher marking provincial exams and coming across some gem students. Quoting because lazy:

My favourite teacher in high school used to grade provincial English exams. Basically they put you in a room and you rate essays out of 5 all day. You have to do one paper every 5-10 minutes. And you're supposed to do it in absolutely stone cold silence.

He's in the middle of grading a pretty blasé paper and he can just sense the guy beside him losing his shit. He's practically convulsing he's trying so hard not to laugh. He cracks and is openly howling and people start to get up and gather around to see what's funny.

The kid ended every single sentence in exclamation marks.

We went to the mall today!! The mall was really packed!! We went to buy shoes!! The kind I wanted weren't there!! I was sad but then I bought another pair of shoes!!!! They're okay! I like my new shoes!!

Who does that?!

Bryfliesme · 7時間前

I am an admissions officer and the dumbest thing I've seen is a hand written essay that looked like the dog ate it.

booknerd98 · 8時間前

I'm going through this whole college app process right now and I hate it so so so much....

mgoreddit · 5時間前

I had a student who never had their application matched up with their other materials (test scores, transcripts, etc.) because the social security numbers didn't match. That's because their mother had filled out the application and written in her SSN instead.

DDozar · 7時間前

I work in admissions at an online college (we work in a physical office) and you'd better believe we get plenty of crazy things funneling through.

One of my favorites was an application we received for a 27ish year old student who was applying for a graduate degree. She had worked in her field for several years with a bachelors. A few weeks after receiving this application we started getting calls from her mother demanding day-day progress reports on the status of the application. Helicopter parents are crazy.

We also get plenty of people who opt to write things such as 'Is this really necessary?', and 'I don't have time for this with my busy work schedule' where they are supposed to attach a resume. Needless to say, if you don't have time to update your own damn resume you probably don't have time to take on a full college workload.

Edit: Don't type an application in all caps. And the only time I want to see anything remotely resembling an 'artsy' resume is if you are applying to an art degree.

Working at a college aimed primarily at adults does have its perks though, the employers of our students tend to send all sorts of treats like fancy chocolates, baked good, and buffets of panera/chipotle/five guys. We eat like royalty.

Eltrain1983 · 4時間前

Second hand info, but I had a buddy that was an admissions counselor out in California. He got Rick rolled by an applicant that put a link in a digital application that took him to the Rick Astley video. The kid had the credentials, but my buddy let him in on having the stones to Rick roll someone on the application.

PinguWithAnM · 8時間前

As the opening line of his personal statement; "I don't like sports. I love sports".

Mind you, maybe it wasn't that dumb since he was going for a sports science degree.

Jslowb · 6時間前

This isn't too bad, but makes me laugh every time I remember it. An applicant's contact email was slappedwithawetfish@[something].com

Also - and this isn't dumb, just a cultural difference I guess - lots of Indian applicants would send full, A4, cheesy photoshoot-style photos of themselves with their application. This would be for courses like business management, finance, IT...nothing related to drama or whatever where you might expect it.

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