Summary

Got laid a second time through day game. This post breaks down my process, progress and successes.

Body

Last night I got my second lay through cold approach day game. It’s been about four months since I began practicing day game, and I feel like I’ve gotten to the point where I can begin to share my reflections. Getting laid once this way cold be a fluke, but the second time indicates that I’m actually making progress.

For the past few years, I’ve been in a bit of a monk mode. Didn’t have luck in the job market after undergrad so I moved back home for free living and cheap masters tuition at my local state school. I was also recovering from a lifting injury. Needless to say, this time of my life felt like a big set back. So when I completed my masters program and got a good job in a good city, I lost no time in getting out in to the field to work on my game. I got some new threads, a decent haircut and started working out again.

The first step in my process was to form a habit. I’m naturally a bit of an introvert, and I knew that I would have a difficult time progressing through game if I couldn’t approach anyone. So I dedicated myself to engaging with as many people as I could during the day. I started small, just saying ‘hi’ and making eye contact with people I passed. I would literally go out for 4 hours a day to different malls and stores just to do this. It felt kind of silly, but when I was just starting, the thought of doing a full on approach made my stomach knot up. So I decided that instead of silent introspection, my default mode should be open and engaging. I probably spent about two months doing this on weekends and occasionally after work. Towards the end of this two month period, I went from nervously saying ‘how’s it going’ to high-fiving cute girls I’d pass by.

By this point, I had essentially circumvented approach anxiety. Since it had become a normal habit for me to talk to people, approaching an attractive girl made me about as nervous as making small talk with a little old lady. So I started doing direct approaches. Although the approach didn’t made me nervous, I didn’t have a lot of experience talking to girls this way. Even though I’d approach confidently, my voice would start to shake a bit and I’d run out of things to say half way through. But eventually I got used to this and started to number close. Unfortunately, those numbers were never of much use, since the girl would rarely respond to my follow up message.

Around this time, I read Day Bang by Roosh. It’s absolutely worth a read for those getting into day game. There’s a lot of material there, but my take-away was essentially this: start boring conversations with girls. This felt way less natural than just going up to a girl and telling her that you think she’s sexy. But the idea is that you start with small talk, and then drop interesting bits of information about yourself. This will prompt the girl to ask you about yourself and extend the conversation. For some reason, this approach to day game took me a while to internalize. Expressing interest in a girl was a lot easier than trying to force chit chat. But eventually I started applying the basics, and to my surprise, it worked!

Now when I’d go out to game, I’d walk around stores and start situational conversations. ‘Hey what’s the best laundry detergent?’ ‘Are there any decent smelling candles in this aisle?’ Though these seemed like inane openers to me, the vast majority of times, women would actually respond really well. I’d get into full on conversations with them about completely unrelated topics. I kept practicing, and eventually started number closing. And this time, the numbers were far less flaky!

Once I got numbers, I would try for a drink/coffee/smoothie day two. Here I would do some filtering on my own, ghosting if I wasn’t into the girl. My first lay was actually with one of the first girls that I asked out for drinks. On the day two, we got a little buzzed and chatted a bit before making out in her car. We set up a day 3 which led to a full close.

At this time, I started to get busy with work and other things, so I stopped doing day game quite as much for a while. I was getting my needs met by this girl so I was ok with having just her. Unfortunately, she started to flake on me after a while. This hit me harder than expected. She wasn’t even my type, but when she started blowing me off, I caught some oneitis. This was exactly the kick in the balls I needed to get back out there. I realized that I wouldn’t care as much if I had a couple of other plates spinning so I re-dedicated myself to going out. A conversation about cleaning supplies led to my second lay, in much the same format as the first.

Lessons Learned

Cover the basics: Get yourself sorted out. Get some clothes that fit, work on your hygiene and grooming. Max out your noob gains. Stack the deck in your favor.

Form a habit: If you’re an introvert, force yourself to get used to human interaction. Start small, but make it an ingrained habit. This will help reduce approach anxiety.

Boring is OK: By starting boring, situational conversations, you come across as far more socially adept than when you go up to girls and ask them to touch your ding dong. People are more than happy to talk about boring things!

Build a pipeline: If you get initial success, don’t slack off. If you’re only spinning one plate, get more numbers and try to get a few more plates going as well. This will help avoid oneitis while keeping your game fresh.