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Red Pill TheoryWomen cheating vs Men cheating (self.TheRedPill)

MagneticJohnson が 投稿

TL;DR: A woman having a sex only affair is the equivalent of a man having a second girlfriend. A man having a sex only affair is the equivalent to a woman having a beta orbiter.

I saw a thread were a bunch of women hamstered on about why they’ve cheated in the past, and it got me thinking about something: Cheating for women vs cheating for men.

It seems like the general consensus for this is that they are equally bad. Even several posters here seems to think this.

My view on this is, is that’s completely wrong. It’s one of those beliefs were you watch everything through a pair of glasses were nothing makes any sense.

The reason for this comes back to what we’re after in relationships. Guys want monopoly on her pussy and her ovaries. Girls want monopoly on his assets and security.

So where does cheating come into play here? If a guy cheats on his girl with some skank, his assets are not threatened. If he starts an affair with a cute girl, who demands his time and effort, his assets are threatened. But it’s not the sex that’s the main issue, it’s where his emotions lays. A wife doesn’t need to worry about a girl who gives sex without commitment. But if it gets sort of serious and the side chick is a quality girl, that’s a different story.

And if you switch it around, what are men worried about? It’s the opposite for us. A beta orbiter isn’t that threatening. If a guy is willing to almost commit to a girl he’s not getting any sex from, your girl is probably not very attracted to him. Her ovaries are still yours. But any hint of attraction to anyone else is a deal breaker. It’s emasculating. Then you’re essentially taking care of someone who’s willing to spend her most valuable thing (pussy) on someone else. That’s not fun.

(That's why the ridiculous idea of "poly" doesn't work - the relationship is completely out of balance. He doesn’t «need to get laid», he would need a second girlfriend to balance it out. Him jizzing on some random hoe’s face doesn’t balance out that his gf is being jizzed on. The man isn’t coming home with white, sticky souvenirs in his hair.)

Society seems to have landed on this conclusion that cheating is equally bad for men and women. But the truth is, a man cheating is only giving a very cheap part of himself away (his dick), and the woman is giving her most valuable part away (her pussy). It’s really not the same thing.

The equivalent to a woman having one night stands is if her man goes and gets himself a second girlfriend. And likewise, a man having one night stands with sluts is equivalent to his girlfriend getting a nice, beta orbiter who can give her attention. It’s equally threatening.

Lessons learned: Don’t buy that the alpha dude she cheated with = the slut he cheated with. One is a threat, the other is not. This line of thinking is hugely inaccurate, and completely favors women. Take off those dusty old glasses and see this from a more accurate point of view.

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[–]Endorsed ContributorScholarInRed 14ポイント15ポイント  (7子コメント)

I see your point and it is valid unto itself.

What you have completely sidestepped is the issue of trust and integrity. If you say you're monogamous and then cheat, that's a breach of trust. No matter the details, broken trust is universally painful and has a negative impact on interpersonal relationships.

So what you're saying doesn't change much. Either you're a man who is honest with his women or you aren't. If you're the latter kind, this will just make it easier for you. If you're the former, it doesn't matter because it's not the reason you don't cheat.

[–]Simon_the_Neckbeard 4ポイント5ポイント  (2子コメント)

If you say you're monogamous and then cheat, that's a breach of trust.

Only because women have a stranglehold on the definition of monogamy, and they've chosen to define it in a way that favors them. They've rigged the game, so to speak. The only way to win is not to play.

OP is right: A woman with beta orbiters = a man with plates. The problem here isn't cheating, it's the fact that natural male behavior has been labeled as cheating to control men. And the equivalent female behavior is not only acceptable, it's commonplace. Do you know any woman in a LTR who doesn't have beta orbiters? She'd have to be a fugly beast or never leave the house.

Edit: I probably should've said "exclusivity" instead of monogamy, since the latter is a technical term and never comes up in real life relationship conversations. When a woman promises you exclusivity, that should mean no orbiters. But since women get to have their cake and eat it too, they get your commitment and as many friend-zoned betas as they want.

[–]Endorsed ContributorScholarInRed 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Only because women have a stranglehold on the definition of monogamy, and they've chosen to define it in a way that favors them.

Not really. They can try to redefine it all they like but when two people make an agreement, it's only unclear if they are themselves unclear. I have a 100% solid, clearly defined idea of monogamy. If and when I get into an LTR, I will hand this definition to the woman involved and if she breaches it, then she has cheated. As a result, she is permanently cut out of my life. I would expect her to do the same with me also.

If she cheated and came back at me with "Well according to the dictionary..." my exact response would be "I don't give a fuck about the dictionary. My definition is the only relevant definition, and it says you're out. End of."

OP is right: A woman with beta orbiters = a man with plates.

In drawing that similarity, yes. And that is why I will include orbiters in my definition of monogamy - if she knows that a man is orbiting, she has to tell me. If I find out she's got one, then it's entirely up to me to judge whether or not she could tell he was thirsty for her.

If I think she did, that's the end of the LTR. Each couple creates arbitrary definitions and they live by them.

Edit: I just realise that I agree with OP, if his driving point is that we ought to expand our definitions of cheating to include orbiters.

[–]Simon_the_Neckbeard 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Edit: I just realise that I agree with OP, if his driving point is that we ought to expand our definitions of cheating to include orbiters.

Why not expand monogamy to include plates instead?

[–]1whatsazipper 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Women are relationship lawyers. They ensure that you play into their relationship word games.

While you are technically right, they play the game without any real integrity themselves, and count on us as men not to violate the circumstances we've agreed to, even if it sabotages our sexual strategy at zero cost to theirs.

[–]MagneticJohnson[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

I guess my post was just about clarifying a few things. It's not about whether it's right to cheat or not.

People have a very warped view on what's right or wrong in a relationship. I'd say it's just as bad if the girl (in a ltr) has a bunch of orbiters on her Facebook/Instagram, than if the guy has a one night stand. But in the modern world, she's strange if she's not on instagram. So she can always be a few clicks on her phone away from a branch swing. And that's completely ok.

So my point is, some of the things that it's completely ok for a girl to do in a relationships, are actually not that ok. Even if it "breached the trust" I'd have no qualms about cheating on a chick who spends hours on social media every day. Cheating isn't that bad in comparison imo.

Trust is important, but balance is more important. I see young men entering relationships hearing that it's completely fine that their girlfriend is going clubbing ("look dude, you can go clubbing to"). I hear about guys entering "poly" relationships under the perfect logic that "they both can sleep with other people yay!". And all of those little things are fucking young men in the ass every single day.

"Clubbing/getting drunk while in a relationship is ok", "Posting beach pics on social media is ok", "women cheating is no worse than men cheating" are all basically established truths now. And they all have one thing in common: they favor women and they favor branch swinging. She's never completely off the market.

So not saying men should cheat, but I see a lot of girls' behavior as worse than if their guy cheated. If they are going to be that close to a branch swing, you owe them neither trust or fidelity. She can have that when she's worthy.

[–]Redrocketz 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

I agree with you, but a guy needs to set his own boundries. If your girl likes to go clubbing and get shitfaced all the time, then post half naked selfies for her orbiters to drool over, then maybe you've got the wrong girl. The best way to snuff this behavior out is to decide it's undesirable and picka different girl. Social darwinism, in a way, if i am applying that concept correctly....

Now if only males as a collective gender would stop tripping over themselves everytime a bitch shows her tits on instagram...

[–]Endorsed ContributorScholarInRed 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dude, I absolutely get your point. I know you are not commenting either way on the morality of cheating. Nor am I.

What I am saying is that the breach of trust should be a dealbreaker to any self-respecting human, man or woman. If you respect yourself, you cut a cheater out of your life permanently. End of. Zero negotiation.

It's just that simple. Bearing this in mind, questions of degree really don't come into the decision making process. Your point is utterly valid but only of academic interest; it doesn't affect any decision. At least not from my perspective.

[–]throwaway49274927 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

Yep, this happened to me. I got cheated on and it was just about "sex." Of course I was pissed, but I was too much of a bitch back then to cut her out of my life.

When we got back together, I eventually cheated on her. But the thing that was interesting about it wasn't that she was even that mad that I slept with another girl, it was the fact I was giving the girl I slept with emotional attention.

[–]KartagoPill 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

She's getting mad that you cheated like her. She practically said you can cheat when she cheated.

[–]MagneticJohnson[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Exactly. If you pass the shit test, she doesn't really care if you cheated.

[–]cesarfd 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

  1. Women are serial monogamists. That means as long as the guy motivates her enough, the woman won't feel any special need to fuck any other Chad. Remember that for women, the amount of lays or the notch count are not important as they have it guaranteed already, plus it's not a direct part of their sexual strategy.

  2. Men are polygamous. No matter how good things are with his current LTR, he always needs to fuck other women and he would do it without any problems. For a man to fuck is an end in itself and the feelings he has for his partner will be the same before and after fucking a FB on the side. I repeat: a man needs a good amount of sex and sexual variety. Always.

On this basis we see how events unfold in a standard LTR.

The basic idea is that for women what really matters is not that the "relationship" remains monogamous, but that he does. Why? Control.

For a woman is going to be much easier to stay monogamous than for a man. Actually she does not make any effort, he is the only one making a real effort not fuck other people. It is he who suffers for the lack of variety.

And most important: she becomes the only way for him to get sex. Inevitably, she'll use this to her advantage. How? Rationing sex to make it a currency. If she is the only one who can fuck him, she inevitably will put him in a state of continuous scarcity. He'll never get not even half of the sex he would want, so that every decent lay is almost like a "reward" instead of what it should be: normal.

Man loses quantity and variety, just what he needs the most.

She also fucks him and only him? Yes, but remember that for a woman is much easier as quantity and variety are not a big deal for them, they don't care nowhere as much.

It is "assumed" that she can't cheat too but beware: they are serial monogamists. That means as soon as her boyfriend does not motivate her enough, she'll automatically search for the next, she will start fucking him and do the usual branch swinging when ready. All of this with no remorse.

The guy has not fucked anyone but her, he increasingly had less sex and has remained faithful ... for nothing.

That is the problem with sexual monogamy: it only benefits women. And of course this system is the socially accepted way. All promiscuous behavior by him is wrong and he has to "grow up" but if she does the same then she's empowered and "she needed that".

They know very well that if the let the guy fuck other women they'll have much less control and influence over him. She does not want to fuck enough? Okay, he has other choices. She does not do A or B in bed? Okay, Jessy and Marion do. She wants him to do or not to dos this or that? She can not give more or less sex, more or less quality to him as a reward or punishment.

The man would gain a lot of power, control and ability to go drama free.

The problem? You need to be very alpha to be "allowed" to fuck other women on the side.

[–]1popthatpill 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good points. You should turn that into a post.

(This is the sort of quality stuff that used to be common here before this place got turned into a hovel of shitposting midwits.)

[–]MadChestHairYuKnight 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

Cheating in a relationship is bad regardless if you're a man or a woman.

There are no real explanations.

[–]MagneticJohnson[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

Depends. I would never judge a man who cheats on a girl with a number count of 30+. (Yes, even if he got in a committed relationship with her.)

Also, some relationships need that amount of dread to get back to the honeymoon days. The man having an affair is the best cure for a dead bedroom.

[–]gecq53 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I man who was going to cheat shouldn't be in a relationship with a woman regardless.

[–]1whatsazipper 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's quite different for the sexes, though. If your woman cheats on you, your relationship is toast. Yet it's not uncommon to see women who stick with men who cheat on them.

While I'm not advocating anyone cheat, we still must recognize there's something fundamentally different going on. Related is how preselection with other women improves your chances with women, but a woman being actively desired by other men only causes a man problems, not increased interest.

[–]Screenp2 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

the more accurate view.. where you use morals.

No need for those here

[–]permashred -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

You know how on the sidebar it says "Sexual Strategy is amoral"?

[–]RememberingAlpha 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Though written somewhat crudely, this is one of the most concise and accurate articles I've read here. Gold star.

We all knew that its more emotionally damaging when a woman cheats, but I think that this is the first time that the proper contextual analogy has been utilized.

Gold star again.

[–]StuffaYouFace 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Another example that might help to understand is if my wife/ltr cheated on me with another women. I would feel less threatened, less jealous and maybe even able to move past. Another woman is less of a threat and less emasculating than another man.

[–]Sherlock--Holmes 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Cheating hurts and damages the other person. Period.

If a guy cheats on his girl with some skank, his assets are not threatened. If he starts an affair with a cute girl, who demands his time and effort, his assets are threatened.

[–]permashred 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sexual strategy is amoral, it says it on the sidebar.