The issue isn't offense-taking, it's the piling on. I'm 100% good with people saying, "Hey, what you're calling an innocent joke is actually a really shitty, ugly thing to say to someone." That's a valid complaint whether it's directed at a professional comedian or a friend at a coffee shop. What the internet does is make it very easy for 100,000 other people to come screaming onto the scene purely because they see a chance to kick somebody. They're just there for the conflict, because it's fun to put an asshole "in their place." You want to know how to tell the difference?

It's pretty easy: When the subject apologizes OR if it turns out that the subject never did the thing they were accused of, do the critics admit they were wrong? Or do they just keep right on piling on, using the apology/evidence of innocence as fuel for the fire? ("Oh OF COURSE he denies saying it!!!").

That's where it ruins things for everybody, because when a valid complaint DOES come along, it's easy to dismiss it as, "Oh, it's those PC thugs piling on again." And that bad, because there is tons of shit that's worth calling out. Humanity is still full of just awful attitudes toward the most powerless groups among us. But all of this is why on Cracked we actually try really hard to walk through the reasoning behind our criticism, not just casually calling someone a racist but explaining why seemingly innocuous things can be toxic.

As long as I've known it the majority(not all but a majority) of cracked articles use click bait and have before buzzfeed. In reality cracked started click bait, but with content that is actually entertaining

If she has already agreed to do it then I think it's best I just stay out of the way. Unless there's more than one of them, in which case that seems like a systemic problem.

In the early days of my blog (we're talking late 90s here) my most common running bit was an article that started out normal and then slowly went off the rails, like seeing how long the reader would stick with it before realizing the author was insane. So one Halloween I just had a simple idea to write a campfire story that started out like this very straightforward haunted house thing, then it would slowly get stupider and stupider, until they were being chased around this house by a pile of haunted meat products. It went over so well that the next year I wanted to do it again, but basically set it in the same universe and as a continuation of that story. Around then I started sketching out the larger themes and universe and this continued for about five years, until I had something that was about novel length. But that's why JDATE reads are more episodic than my other books, it was originally a serial and each bit came to what felt like an ending. I think it was in the third year I started calling it "John Dies at the End" as a running joke, like every year they'd come back to find out if John was going to die in that one.

They own every aspect of Cracked, including the library of old magazines that I think they still have in a room somewhere. But it doesn't come up very often because we aren't really using any of the IP from it (like we don't use that blond kid mascot or anything). And none of the staff carried over, that was a couple of companies ago (after the original magazine folded, it got sold and then sold again).

Probably Douglas Adams, just because that was the first time I saw a writer really dedicate himself to working a punchline into every sentence of narration - a character walks through a door, and there's something funny about the door. But I've read more Stephen King than anyone, the little things he does to ground the world (such as, mentioning real brands and TV shows) makes the horror so much scarier. You can see I do that a lot.

Geography. Both of my book, uh, franchises take place in fictional towns, and in fictional buildings. The action depends on characters being in a certain place at a certain time and their reason for being there has to make sense. So I have to keep track of how far away this imaginary building is from that one, and how far away both are from the highway, because there can't be any moments where the reader stops and says, "Wait, how did he get there so fast? I thought the reason they were in danger was because he was like two hours away." So there's this very tedious process of mapping out where everything and everybody is, there's nothing fun or creative about it, but it has to be done, and I have gotten stopped for long stretches because of having backed myself into a corner geographically. Not to compare myself with him, but I think George RR Martin also struggles with this, like you can see instances where it took one character several months to traverse the map, then in another a different character just arrives at their destination as if they flew there. People ask why he takes so long to write a book but I'm amazed he's able to do them at all, the complexity astounds me.

Snake, the movie is only six minutes long and the last five are just of the snake digesting him. It's based on a true story.

No question, it's that one I wrote with Jack about guns: http://www.cracked.com/article_20396_5-mind-blowing-facts-nobody-told-you-about-guns.html There was just so much research to do, and so much of that research is biased or politicized, and we were so obsessed with trying to be balanced in our approach ... it went through a lot of drafts, a lot of scrapped entries, a lot of homework. I thought it turned out well though, got a lot of positive emails about it.

Y'know, John Dies at the End is one of my favourite reads I've experienced and I enjoyed the movie adaptation and this is the first time I've ever seen its acronym. JDATE sounds like one of those themed dating websites.

I would also love to get my hardcovers signed.

We talked about a tour early in the process when we were discussing promotion of this book, and I kind of shot it down just purely because of the time commitment. Remember I have three jobs going right now: 1) working full time at Cracked 2) promoting this new book 3) writing JDATE 3. So taking two weeks of precious vacation time from Cracked to hit the road and sign books would be a lot of fun but it would make life a lot harder for me in the future, due to the amount of piled-up work that would greet me when I got back.

The signed books thing is kind of the same deal - the last time I offered to sign books by mail (and just kind of mentioned it briefly on FB and in the forum) I got more than 250 orders. I don't have a staff, so it's just me signing and buying packing materials and driving back and forth to the post office (and for international orders, filling out that customs form for everyone) and that wound up taking A LOT of time. Remember that a certain number of them are going to get lost, or be wrong, or come back due to a bad address, and once again it's all on me to work through and fix it. Like even if I charged some crazy amount for each one it wouldn't matter - it's not about the money, it's about time.

Cameo, obviously. Word Up.

Sexy Motherfucker by Prince. I try to use a peroxide toothpaste because my gums are always bleeding. I avoid whitening ones, I've been told they actually damage your teeth (health teeth aren't bleach white, BTW)

I don't have a lot of spare time, so I'd hire other people to kill at random for me, I'd call myself the Outsourcer. Or some other name my staff came up with, I'd outsource that part too.

I don't want anyone to misconstrue what I'm about to say - the magic of Cracked is that many of your favorite articles were written by people who had literally never written anything before - we're willing to coach people through that process and watching them grow into writers is what makes this job worthwhile. But in terms of "Standing out" meaning "hey look at that guy" (as opposed to "Hey this pitch looks like it can work") usually it's the ones who have a distinct voice, like when Robert Brockway showed up in 2007 there was no doubt, it was clear he had his own rhythm and voice etc and had been doing it a while. As for me, it was probably after running my own site for a few years, maybe around 2003-04, though there are people who insist they like my early stuff better, so maybe I'm steadily getting worse?

I really don't do that, I mean the moment you finish a book you're immediately greeted with a long series of tasks that have to be done to make sure it isn't a disaster (editing, promotion, etc) so it's always just onto the next thing. But I should say that I enjoy the work itself, I like the process. So offering to send me to Hawaii for two weeks wouldn't be a reward, I'd spend the whole time wishing I was back at work.

I'm just impressed that you're able to tell they're squirrels

I'd have to say (SPOILER!) the penis-shaped crowd from Spiders, only because you spend literally the whole book leading up to that moment. As for the suit, the problem I have is never the suit itself, it's me, and the fact that suits make me so uncomfortable that I don't know how to stand or where to put my arms etc, and you can immediately tell. So I think the suit that would come off best would be one that somehow makes me comfortable wearing it.

Our two most famous ones had babies and for some reason decided that was more important, we still have Kathy Benjamin and Kristi Harrison and some promising new ones like Eden Dranger and Emma Larkins, but yeah we need way more. It doesn't matter how open-minded your writers are, they'll never have the same perspective. But the most important thing is we need writers who are willing to abandon their families.

What does gender have to do with anything? It seems pretty sexist that you would even notice such a thing.

Edit: haha getting down voted for pointing out obvious sexism on Reddit. I never thought I'd see the day...

lol isn't it obvious man?

Rico unfortunately passed away early this year, he got an infection that spread in a matter of hours. We rushed him to the vet in the wee hours of the morning but it was too late, their metabolism runs so fast that you have to catch things as soon as they happen. They are fragile creatures and we knew that when we got him, it's one of the risks. We have another golden retriever now, btw.

I grew up in the word processor era, so there's nothing linear about the way I write (I can't imagine writing with pen and paper) - it's all cut and paste and endless rewrites. Every sentence has been rewritten 20-25 times, etc. I'll jump ahead and write scenes from later in the book, I'll move around conversations ... it's a jumbled mess. If you were to look at the working doc for JDATE 3 you'd think I'd lost my mind.

Yes but I don't want to spoil anything. There's always this meta element where you know you're reading a book with the fictional narrator's name on the cover. You always know "he" is messing with you.

In my experience no author can really answer the "Where do you get your ideas" question, because it's like asking someone "how do you fall asleep?" It sort of just happens. Remember, people don't choose to become writers and then think, "OK I need to get some ideas now." They become writers because they have a bunch of ideas bouncing around inside their head and need to get them out. The ideas come first.

I can't say anything about any upcoming movie or TV stuff, as for the JDATE movie, I knew going in that a movie that held perfectly to my vision of the novel would be a terrible movie - the plot structure would be all wrong for film. So I never had any illusions that they could shoot a scene-by-scene recreation that would be like four movies long, I knew he would have to take what worked about the book and compress it down to about 25% of its size. So understanding that, I thought what he created was miraculous. By the way, I think at this point like ten times as many people have seen the movie as have read the book, I think it still hangs around people's Netflix recommendations if they like horror at all.

I thought Don did a great job writing the screenplay, we talked early about the broad strokes of what elements of the story could be left in or cut, but ultimately he wrote it and then had to make those choices again when editing the movie. I could never have done it - not just because I've never written a screenplay before, but because I'd be too close to it, there's a difference between the lines that are my favorites and the ones that actually do the best job of advancing plot and character (which is paramount in a movie). But he was such a fan of the book that I can guarantee that the cuts were just as painful for him. If it had been possible to do JDATE as a six-part miniseries Game of Thrones style, I'm sure we would have. The audience probably wouldn't have tolerated it though.

Any of Seanbaby's Popsicle Pete comics.

Oh, man, you have NO IDEA how much of those podcast episodes are Jack, and how little of it is me. It's great that you like the parts where I'm talking but we have to balance each other out. It'd be like a Mythbusters where it's just Jamie. You don't realize how depressing he is to listen to until he doesn't have Adam there to liven things up. They each bring something out of each other, and so do we.

Well my book career actually pre-dates Cracked, I was editing the JDATE hardcover when they hired me in 2007 and I got the deal for Spiders shortly after, so there's never been a time when I didn't have a book deadline on the side. But managing my time is the hardest part, all of my vacation time is used to write on the books. The danger isn't taking time away from Cracked to write books, it's that I'm always on the verge of burnout. There's just no downtime.

EDIT: As for a Spiders movie, if there's ever news about that stuff it can't come from me, the studio or whoever would want to release it on their own timeline.

Why an Asian sounding surname specifically?

Why not?

Well it was the same for me, I was raised in a town with just a few thousand people and went to a Pentecostal church every Sunday, my world changed when I met some new friends in high school (it doesn't matter where you live, your people are out there) and then even more when I went away to college. But I also didn't have the internet, because it hadn't been invented yet. It feels like it'd be easier now more than ever to find like-minded people to hang with, even if you're not physically in the same room.

We've been given the all-clear to make more, Alexsch, but I have no idea when, it's an enormous undertaking that eats a huge chunk out of everybody's super-busy schedules.

Depends on what I have planned that day

follow up: How much work goes in to researching topics before you record, or do you only participate in topics you're already well versed in?

It varies but don't worry about that, do whatever is easiest. If you like ebooks that's great, if you have a favorite local book store you want to support, go for it. It all works out in the end, unless you steal it.

Shooting in Vegas was never realistic, but honestly I think even a monster budget version of the movie would have considered restricting the action to the creepy little town instead. Novels can change settings like that but films rarely do, unless they're supposed to be globe trotting spy thrillers or whatever.

It's a ton of fun but discouraging because you find out there are soooo many people doing it, and doing it well. And I've always been more information junkie than comedian, I don't know that I'd have ever broken out if I hadn't branched out into that other format (the first huge one was the article on video game annoyances).

Yeah and I don't think there's any mystery to it, put somebody behind a mask or a wall of anonymity and it is safer to be honest, you don't have to deal with the repercussions. As for the Cracked comments, my best case scenario would be a bunch of moderators who could keep things under control as far as the death threats and gamergate invasions etc. It has always been a staffing issue - that's a thankless task and you can't leave it up to volunteers (we've tried). If that's not possible then the debate is always do you have the comments knowing that while they're mostly good, there is going to be a certain percentage of horrific threats toward writers? Morally it seems hard to justify that, I personally would prefer to make people take their discussion elsewhere than know that I provided a platform for someone to harass the writers or make them feel unsafe. It doesn't take too many sadistic stalkers to spoil the whole thing for everyone. TL;DR: It's better to have no comments than unmoderated comments, but moderated comments are best.

No my writing brain isn't worth a shit early in the morning. Do other writers feel great when they roll out of bed? I've never understood that advice. I get up and spend the first few hours just answering emails and doing administrative Cracked stuff, part of which involves browsing headlines to catch up on what's going on. If you look at my reddit profile, you'll see a lot of my comments here are just me in the morning, half-asleep, browsing r/news. Then I have a series of meetings in the afternoon, then I'm able to settle in and edit articles at about 5-6 pm. That continues until about midnight. I briefly stop for meals, but just long enough to eat. Writing on the books is done on weekends and on vacations. I have an exercise bike with a desk on it so I can ride it in the mornings while checking email, because it's hard to type while pedaling and email doesn't require a lot of typing. I go to bed between 1-2 am, though it's not unheard of to get stuck on an edit and work on it until 5. So it's not very interesting, I guess, just a lot of sitting/standing at a computer.

I'm not as smart as I sound, and was a very average student (I once got a D in English in high school). I have one specific kind of intelligence, which is that I can read about a new subject and gain a surface-level understanding very quickly. I read fast and generally have good instincts about whether or not the source I've chosen is bullshit. That's perfect for Cracked, because I'll edit half a dozen articles a week and each time I have to be knowledgeable about the subject, so on one Saturday night I might have to give myself a crash course in the Bay of Pigs invasion, and two hours later have to rapidly catch up on Japanese vending machines. But I've always been like that, even before the internet came along. I'd hear about some interesting subject and just go diving after it. But I'm also not an expert in any one subject, as a result of that. I'd be a good Jeopardy contestant but I shouldn't be considered an authority on anything.

It's all just Soren in various wigs

It's like 5% different in tone from JDATE, it's not a straight horror novel but if there was no name on the cover it'd take you about ten seconds to realize who wrote it. I'm still me.

It's a combination of the economically depressed area I grew up in, and Carbondale, IL. But don't go looking for specific landmarks or anything (for instance, there's no university in Undisclosed), it's just the general setup and size. I usually mix Wheaties with this brand of dark chocolate granola they sell in the health food aisle.

It's about Dave coming to terms with what he is, and everyone else, too. Not as an abstract thing, but as something that is suddenly in front of them.

Yes, a golden retriever mix named Ginger, she was a rescue. She likes to sleep on the sofa with her feet stuck straight into the air.

Oh, lots of them have families, Stephen King raised at least one kid because he also became a good novelist. People find the time, it can be done. But I think you have to be unselfish to a crazy degree when it comes to your spare time. You don't get any "me" time - even the stuff you do for fun is catching up with someone you've been neglecting.

I really don't juggle them very well, I don't spend enough time with my wife and I only see my best friend about twice a year. I don't read for fun even though that's a prerequisite for writing. I try not to let quality slip but I can say that I'm working in a state of exhaustion sometimes, things that seem brilliant at 4 am often are ... not.

I don't think you can be scared of things you thought of yourself, but I'm sometimes scared of the fact that I thought of them.

I have, but I don't think I got the full benefit of it because I wasn't familiar with the mythology Lewis was referencing.

That's probably not an effective strategy, what is more worth your time is making sure YOU don't have the same opinion about kids once you're older and crankier. But you probably will - your kids will seem like they have it easy (have you heard they may have a pill that mimics the benefits of exercise? Imagine your lazy sons sitting around playing games all day, and they have Brad Pitt's abs) and their slang will grate on your ears. For whatever reason, each generation forgets what it was like to be on the other end of it, saying, "Oh sure we had our flaws, but we were NOTHING like these worthless kids today!"

Just see some of his replies.

Obviously not David Wong but why is this a problem? No one at Cracked is stopping someone from sending in articles or applying for positions. Are they supposed to just look around the street for a black dude and offer him a job?

I'm sorry but this is a problem here I'm South Africa with black economic empowerment. Black people are made CEOs of companies not necessarily because they're the best people for the job, but because it's required, and those companies will get more business if they're seen as BEE compliant.

1 Pay close attention to what others do, how they react to feedback, their work ethic, etc - you're on a team with people who are among the best at what they do in the world. In my opinion, anyway. 2 I always mention Douglas Adams a lot, friends keep recommending Terry Pratchett but I've never read any of his, I'm told they're great though. 4 You have to make yourself do the boring stuff, a lot of stories etc die on the vine because you have written the funny/exciting part, but the next part requires your character to go to Germany and that means doing a bunch of research into, for instance, what the major airports are there. It's tedious because it's not like it's going to pay off in some huge way, but it has to be done. So the whole importance of finishing your stories is knowing that you made yourself power through the difficult parts. 5 You'll find out 6 Touch him, he loves physical contact

Dude, I still slaughter cows every year or so... usually a couple of days after I tell people that "I think I've seen Fred Chu around... didn't he die or something?"

Yeah we were in the same line at Chipotle two years ago, I was the guy who kept screaming "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM" at the cash register guy when he tried to charge me for double meat.

He once farted while having a boner. Anyone's life would change.

Starting school (Kindergarten) and realizing I couldn't relate to the other kids. I didn't understand what they were laughing at or why they thought the way they were playing was fun. That was the first day I felt like an alien and just dedicated myself to sitting in the corner and observing. I didn't know that's what I was doing at age six, obviously, I just knew I didn't want to talk to anybody. So much of comedy is about being able to step outside of the world and see it as someone who isn't necessarily a part of it.

Concerning your edit, there is an older article full of book recommendations that I wanna say Brockway wrote. It's where I found my all time favorite book, Lamb by Christopher Moore. I'll try to dig it up for you later.

It's shameful how little time I have to read these days, I liked 14 by Peter Clines a lot (Lovecraftian horror, but in a very grounded way) and you're going to think I'm just shilling here but The Unnoticeables by Robert Brockway is great, it's horror set in a 1970s punk universe, I've never read anything like it.

As for how I do what I do... I work 80-100 hours a week, depending on the week. I get up at 9 and work until 1-2 AM, I will take a few hours off on the weekends to watch a movie or something with my wife, that's it. I don't go out, I don't have hobbies (I haven't bought a video game since March), I work while the TV is on. I have a laptop on my exercise bike, so I can keep answering email while I work out. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, there's no work/life balance here. But entertainment careers tend to be short and I want to create as much as I can while people are listening. And when it all goes away, I want to know that I did good work while I could.

Well the timeline in Spiders does jump around some, and it's played for humor and/or to knock the reader off kilter, like you saw something happen then you rewind and realize it wasn't what you thought. I think that will always be part of the JDATE series, because part of those stories are about Dave not being at all clear what's going on, and the reader needs to always be just disoriented enough to feel what Dave is feeling. This is one of those cases where confusion on the part of the reader is a feature, not a bug - that's part of what makes it scary, that there's no neat answer to the question, "What's going on?"