9 things that really do make you a better feminist than everybody else

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Why read Bustle, you might ask? Well, naturally, for hilarious listicles like one published yesterday, entitled, “9 things that don’t make you a better feminist than everybody else.” I’ll save you a few minutes better wasted staring at your pores or Instagramming your cat and summarize it for you: Everything you do is feminist and everyone is a feminist and also feminism is whatever you say it is #blessed.

Feel better? Oh good perfect. I’m looking forward to their next listicle, “11 things that don’t make Marx a better communist than you.” Do you own the means of production? So what. Don’t let anyone gatekeep your communism #communismisforeveryone. Born bougie but always felt more working class on the inside? No problem. Taking on a proletariat identity is a great way to subvert the class binary.

I digress. The bright side of Bustle’s listicle is that it inspired me to create one of my own. Here are nine actual things that really do make you a better feminist than everybody else:

1) Being a woman

You can be a very powerful ally to feminists even if you are male, but you’re never fully going to get the female experience. Because women are the group of humans who are oppressed under patriarchy, as a class, and men are the dominant group of humans in that system, women are the ones who must lead the movement towards their own liberation. Being a women is central to being a feminist because feminism is a movement that is by and for women. While men are also impacted negatively by patriarchy (masculinity sucks too), in the end it is men who have always benefited from it and women who have suffered under it (at the hands of men). The best way to support the feminist movement, as a man, is to challenge other men, male privilege, male entitlement, and male violence. In fact, this is a great help and saves us the time of having to constantly be explaining to every single man we meet why we are not actually sex toys. You can do all this without calling yourself a feminist. Show don’t tell, boys.

2) Understanding that feminism is not a feeling or an identity, but a political movement

Feminism is not about wearing a t-shirt that says you’re a feminist. It isn’t about saying you’re a feminist just for the sake of saying it, even if you have no interest in liberating women from patriarchal oppression. It’s ok to be new to feminism and to be learning — you don’t have to know everything about the movement in order to join, but you do have to understand that it is not a malleable word, a logo, or a marketable product. No one would ever say “Socialism is whatever you make of it! You do you, bro.” Because that is stupid and also factually incorrect.

If you think that objectifying women or street harassment or male entitlement or gender stereotypes or sexualizing violence against women is good and ok, you aren’t a feminist. Taking a selfie or getting married or wearing stilettos or making a bunch of money does not equate to feminism (yet feminists are allowed to do these things! See how that works?) because feminism isn’t about you as an individual feeling personally “good” or empowered in the moment. You can feel empowered, but that doesn’t necessary produce feminism. Similarly, feeling “good” does not equate to empowerment. Empowerment, in the context of feminism, means social empowerment for a group of marginalized people (in this case, women). This is why, for example, posing nude and feeling sexy in a fashion or porn magazine might feel good for the individual doing it (they will receive positive reinforcement, feel attractive, profit financially, etc.) but does not constitute “empowerment” as it does not lift up women as a class.

3) Cutting out this anti-intellectualist bullshit

OMG you guys! Thinking is not a bad thing. Of course you don’t need a degree to do feminism, sheesh. But, by the same token, all this “Fuck yer ivory tower ideology fuck theory fuck yeah” stuff is counterproductive and ignorant.

There is no activism without ideology. Ideology is the body of ideas that frames a political movement. We need that, otherwise how the fuck do we know what we’re doing? (What’s that? We’re just taking selfies and shouting intersectionality at each other on Twitter? Good then. Fuck ideology. Fuck movements. Fuck yeah.)

Likewise, understanding the history of this movement is a good thing. It ensures we don’t reinvent the wheel over and over again. It ensures we don’t rewrite history, effectively erasing the work and activism of thousands and thousands of women who fought for the rights we enjoy today.

Understanding how to think critically, understanding feminist ideology, understanding feminist history — these things are not for snobbish elites, these are things that are foundational. Otherwise we achieve nothing, and are left blindly screaming Slutpower! into the virtual abyss. Education and academia are not bad things, they are good things that have been made inaccessible to many people throughout the world and/or have left many of us with crippling debt. But education is not the problem, the system is. (Free post-secondary school is a feminist issue. Hashtag it.)

4) Understanding that feminism is not about being politically correct

Please don’t misunderstand me on this one — being a feminist means one must be thoughtful about one’s words and actions. Saying and doing whatever the fuck we want whenever we want is selfish, irresponsible, and juvenile. But our efforts to avoid being self-indulgent, offensive, teenagers need not lead to political correctness.

Being a feminist means you think critically about the world around you. You take nothing at face value and you question the status quo. You tell the truth, even if that truth makes people uncomfortable. Change makes people uncomfortable. Questioning dominant ideology makes people uncomfortable. Being politically correct means making sure you don’t piss anyone off and it means you toe the party line. That party line might well be a “progressive” or “liberal” party line. It might even be a party line that some have deemed “feminist,” but it’s still a party line. The moment you stop thinking for yourself, start repeating mantras your peers repeat without thinking about whether or not that mantra actually makes sense, stop being brave, stop questioning the ideology and messages behind popular discourse, is the moment you become not an agent of change, but a lemming.

So many feminists today are scared to say anything controversial and it’s depressing as fuck. Young feminists are afraid to speak out or question popular discourse lest they be labelled bigots or some version of “phobe.” Instead of pushing back, we’ve become pushovers. Dissent is a good thing. Your ability to think for yourself and to question ideas that are assumed to be correct is critical. Fuck being politically correct.

5) Not being ageist

At what point did ageism become acceptable in feminism? Oh right. The third wave… Ok, so we understand that rebellious teenagers want to “Your not my real mom!” *slams door* their elders, but we are not rebellious teenagers. We are adults. And if you are a feminist it is unacceptable to make “second wave” an insult. That is some woman-hating, anti-feminist, ageist garbage and if you want to pull that shit, congratulations, you’re doing patriarchy. Keep your ignorance and keep perpetuating sexist notions that women who are no longer youthful are silly, old-fashioned, prudish fuddy-duddies, clutching their pearls all the way to the old folks home, where they can stick to Bingo, but know that you’re no feminist. Older movement women know more than you do and we aren’t going anywhere without them.

6) Not accusing feminists of hating sex and men like it’s a bad thing

Women are allowed to hate men and sex. Hating men and sex is perfectly natural. Men and sex with men has been a source of trauma for countless women, over centuries. It is also perfectly natural to love particular men and to enjoy having sex. None of these realities are things that should be used by feminists to insult, attack, or dismiss other feminists. By accusing feminists who challenge male violence of “hating sex” or “hating men” you are reinforcing heteronormative garbage and feeding into stereotypes that say feminists are just angry because they aren’t getting fucked enough. These tropes are connected to rape culture — it is the idea that men can fuck women into passivity or fuck them straight. It is the idea that only fuckable women are “real” women. It is the idea that women need men in order to be whole beings and to matter — that they only exist in relation to men. These are anti-feminist ideas.

Whether or not a woman likes men or sex has no bearing on her worth or whether or not her life, ideas, words, or activism has meaning. What feminism fights against is the very idea that women’s relationships to men are what make them visible and valuable as humans. It’s similar to attacking a woman by saying she’s ugly. Women don’t exist to be looked at or to fuck men. They get to exist all on their own! Take your lesbophobic sexism back to the MRA forum. They’ll love you there.

7) Not being an MRA

Speaking of MRAs, you know what definitely makes you a better feminist than everyone else? Fighting for women’s rights, not men’s rights. And by that I mean, rather than fighting for the rights of men who want to pay for blow jobs, try fighting for women’s human rights, which include the ability to pay rent and feed themselves without having to provide men with blowjobs. An often overlooked, but pivotal, aspect of feminism is the idea that women are human. That’s right! We’re radical like that. And because we are human we deserve things like food and water and housing and we should have access to these things without having to fuck strange men or be subjected to abuse.

If you think men are entitled to sex, you’re doing it wrong. Nobody is entitled to sex. It is not a human right. Your fetish for Asian women, schoolgirl porn, anal, or calling women whores while you pull their hair and choke them is not some innate part of your kinky sexuality. It just means you’re turned on by dehumanizing women. Bye Felicia.

8) Understanding that objectification and nudity are not the same thing

Feminists do not hate women’s naked bodies. We love women’s bodies. We have them. We use them every day for things like eating and walking and snuggling with puppies. We’d love it if those bodies belonged to us, for our own use and enjoyment, rather than to the male population.

Our bodies don’t exist to be admired or sexualized or fucked. They exist for us to live in. Our culture has melded sex and sexuality to such an extent that we think they are one in the same. But they are not. Objectification can feel sexy because we’ve learned to sexualize objectification. We’ve learned to perform sexuality rather than to feel it. The reason why female nudity is so fraught is not because feminists are afraid of their own skin, but because female nudity is not allowed to exist without being pornified. This is why people freak the fuck out when women breastfeed in public. Because we think the only reason a boob should be out is so that men can ogle it. Stop turning our bodies into jack off material and maybe society’s “prudishness” will fall away.

9) For the love of god, stop trying to make feminism cool

Popularizing feminism doesn’t work. Not because I don’t think feminism should be popular, but because in order to sell it to today’s masses, it needs to be watered down to the point that it loses all meaning. (See: the original listicle). We don’t need to sell out. We shouldn’t have to sell out. We can keep our values and still bring women on board. If people don’t want to get on board with actual feminism because they don’t like actual feminism, maybe they need a little more time to think. Or maybe they’re just not feminists. I’m all for educating people, but lets educate them right. Making feminism sexy and digestible for people who don’t think patriarchy is a problem isn’t going to help feminism.

Being a feminist doesn’t mean you can’t be cool and fun or even attractive, but actual feminism isn’t about being cool and fun and attractive. It’s just not really that cool or fun or attractive. Sorrynotsorry. I mean, what we’re fighting are things like domestic abuse, rape, sexual slavery, incest, pedophilia, and femicide. It’s not cool and fun and sexy. That’s not the point. Feminism is not a fucking fashion trend.

Meghan Murphy

Meghan Murphy, founder and editor of Feminist Current, is a freelance writer and journalist. She completed a Masters degree in the department of Gender, Sexuality and Women’s Studies at Simon Fraser University in 2012 and lives in Vancouver, B.C. with her dog. Follow her @meghanemurphy

Huffy Snappy

Kick-ass! Thank you Meghan.

I think I need a T-shirt – or maybe a coffee mug – that says:

Feminist Current
(Dandelion logo)
Critical thinking and plain speaking about patriarchy.
FUCK YEAH!
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Ha! Totally!
- sarelynn
  
  i’d buy one of those!
  - Helen Staniland
    
    Me too. Meghan, seriously you think about it.
https://purplesagefem.wordpress.com/ purple sage

Really well written Meghan! Fantastic! Thank you so much for this!
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Thanks!
Huffy Snappy

Or maybe thats:

“Thinking critically and speaking plainly about patriarchy since 2012. FUCK YEAH.”
martindufresne

Aaaaaah awesome. Jumpingupanddownandshouting (but still not above pointing out a key missing word: “By accusing feminists who challenge male violence of “hating sex” or “hating men” you are reinforcing heteronormative garbage and feeding into stereotypes that say feminists are just angry because they are *not* getting fucked enough.”)
This sentence also seems a bit wonky: “Similarly, feeling “good” *is* not equate to empowerment.”
At ease: I love you, you’re my journalism mentor…
- Meghan Murphy
  
  thanks Martin!
- isis1769
  
  We don’t hate sex, we hate being dominated via sex (or anything else) and we hate enforced heterosexuality and the equation of PIV (penis in vagina) with “sex”.
rips into labels

Wow, this is a really smart list. Really smart. I’m impressed. I didn’t know women could be so smart :p~~~~~~ Seriously, this is, like, everything in a nutshell. Should be posted on every women’s washroom door in the country.
S.K.Law

Like others thanks for the list. I have always been gobsmacked by the tendency to water down feminism to make it more palatable for the masses. And have never been impressed by the ‘cool’ factor.
- isis1769
  
  Yes, because “watered down” means “less helpful to women”/”benefiting men” and “cool” means “in line with patriarchal beliefs.”
- http://www.mancheeze.wordpress.com/ Mancheeze
  
  You can thank Queer Theory, aka Man Theory for that.
John-Thomas

Clarifying question to the author. You mention rough sex/BDSM and anal sex as things that aren’t innate to men’s sexuality. Is it also your position that when (some) women enjoy these acts, it isn’t innate to their sexuality either?
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Ya no.
  - John-Thomas
    
    Not debating. I genuinely am curious how you were framing it.
    - Melanie
      
      I thought it was very clear how Meghan was framing it. Just because you like or choose something doesn’t necessarily make it feminist. That was the entire point of the article.
      
      Also, I highly doubt that people are born with an innate desire to dress up in leather, tie people up and treat them like shit.
      - John-Thomas
        
        The question that I was interested in was not whether that’s feminist, but whether it’s not sexual for women either; since the author said it’s not part of men’s sexuality. If this is not an appropriate space to ask general questions on the topic, I understand.
      - Meghan Murphy
        
        It can be part of a person’s ‘sexuality’ without being an innate part of ‘sexuality.’ I mean, our sexualities are impacted and shaped enormously by culture/socialization. It makes sense, in our culture, that people would be turned on by domination/subordination.
    - Sabine
      
      Yeah, of course you are. Yaaaaaaaaaaaawn.
- Tired feminist
  
  “Oh but they LIKE IT!” is the favorite excuse of all kinds of abusers. Stop buying it.
  - John-Thomas
    
    Very true. I’m not interested in supporting abuse — just in better understanding some of the author’s message.
- http://liberalfeministtropes.blogspot.com.au/2015/07/inside-out-versus-liberalism.html Independent Radical
  
  Translation: I really like sadomasochism and anal sex. I found some sexy women who will let me practice such things on them and I think that makes it okay for me to do so. Don’t you think what I am doing is okay because the women are just so sexy and submissive?
  
  Seriously, even if it is innate, we can change people’s DNA or do you think it is imbedded in your magical soul or something? It isn’t.
  - John-Thomas
    
    As I wrote to the author, I’m not debating her points — simply trying to better understand them in the context of her message. I apologize if my comments made you feel attacked.
    - http://liberalfeministtropes.blogspot.com.au/2015/07/inside-out-versus-liberalism.html Independent Radical
      
      I did not feel attacked. I just happen to have a pretty good bullshit detector.
    - will
      
      Nobody appears to “feel attacked” in this thread. I think some people probably feel irritated that you are repeatedly asking a question that is answered in the article and then was answered directly to you after you asked it. Sadism, humiliation and pain are not “innate” to human sexuality. Stated in the article. Stated in the comment thread. Stated in the moment thread again. And now again.
      
      Why do you keep asking? There’s no “context” that is hidden from you. Read the blog post again. If you are confused, read more of Meghan’s writing and the writing of other contributors here. Read some of the discussion threads. If after that you still feel the need to project defensiveness or seek out a more comforting answer to your question, or validation from someone who calls themselves “feminist” that sex that degrades women is not really degrading because some women say they are into it, then maybe try Jezebel or Bustle.
      - John-Thomas
        
        will, I haven’t disagreed with the author and I still am not. I asked a genuine question that I didn’t think was clearly explained — maybe because of my own misunderstandings –, she responded, and now my question is answered. That’s all. I promise you, I asked out of curiosity, not out of disagreement. I don’t have anything to be defensive about because I didn’t write to be offensive, and I still don’t.
- http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
  
  Wanting to get beaten up isn’t innate to human beings, period. Why would it be? Being beaten up damages the body. Even simulating a beating is going to put that fight-or-flight stress response into action, and doing that on a chronic basis is not good for you. It will literally change how your organs work, separately and together, and cause your health to decline.
  
  Anal sex also damages you. Most people who try anal don’t do it “right” and in the best-case scenario you’re tearing skin and mucus membranes and causing discomfort and possibly also dirtying your sheets and yourself. It also spreads disease more easily than PIV sex and if you’re *too* enthusiastic you can cause incontinence in your receptive partner.
  
  There are toys you can use for anal-related sensation play that don’t do those things to a person’s body. Try that rather than being selfish. It’s a start.
Bronwyn Williams

This is fabulous! I’ll send it to the university women’s group that wants to ban my 60 year old TERF arse because I don’t agree that trans women are genetically female. Don’t know how they’ll take it, but I love it!
will

Absolutely brilliant! At 5 and 6 I was applauding and cheering my computer screen.
marv

Extraordinarily convincing, except for those with immovable impediments to the opening of consciousness – stopped ears and eyes tightly shut.
Elenita

Amazing! Thank you!
Zainab

Thank you for improving my understanding by putting it in such a concise and articulate manner. It does feel so awesom when you are able to make sense of so many things which you know are wrong and happen everyday and challenge them and recognise the beast.
esuth

Thank you Meghan! This is amazing
http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley

You don’t have to separate men off as ‘feminist ally’s instead of feminists, men should be just as involved as women in the movement and suggestions that this isn’t true casts shadow over a lot of male issues that are important. Of course women are the more oppressed group in most cases but we are working towards equality. Giving feminist men a different title brings about the idea that it’s an exclusive club and ignores large groups of people e.g. trans people, gender fluid people etc. you don’t need to ‘get what it means to be female’ to believe in and work towards equal rights. Rest of the article is amazing though xxx
- Laura
  
  I think you may be missing the point here…feminism exists to benefit women.
  - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
    
    It doesn’t exist just to benefit women, and that view is part of the reason it has such bad press. its about equality so it needs to involve and help all genders. also if you are saying that, what about gender fulid people, how female do you think you have to be to get to be a feminist. It’s supposed to be all inclusive
    - Meghan Murphy
      
      Hmm no…. The literal point of feminism is to liberate women from patriarchal oppression. If it were simply about “equality” it would a movement for “equality” and not “feminism.”
      - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
        
        :/ what is this? I haven’t experienced any bad shit like this related to feminism before. Men have a place in feminism, have you never heard oh heforshe, I’m not suggesting women shouldn’t come first, but men have a part to play. I can’t beleive how shitty you guys are being about my comment. Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough, here is a blog post I wrote about it ages ago
        http://theclotheshose.blogspot.nl/2015/04/oh-my-god-are-you-serious.html
        I didn’t mean to offend anyone, I just think that when we stop looking at the world like ‘men fucked women over, now fuck them lets be liberated’ and more like, we are all people, lets ensure everyone is treated with respect and given the same rights and opportunities and sure that means helping women out the most because we’ve been oppressed for so long but lets work on it together.
        I’ve never seen this side to feminism before, i thought it was a lovely community that respects its people, guh,
        
        and i know you’ve probably already dismissed me from your day… but have a nice day x
      - caroza
        
        Kimberley, coming in a bit late. We know the argument for equality and inclusivity well; we don’t happen to agree with it. I’m not sure you get the difference between liberal and radical feminism though. I don’t think you’re intentionally trolling, but you *are* coming at this from a liberal feminist point of view, much of which is just about feel-good “choices”; liberal feminists often think that anything a woman “chooses” to do is feminist, regardless of whether it benefits women as a group or class, and regardless of whether she really had choices or was effectively coerced into whatever it was she did. And this allows a moral cop-out, like not taking a stand against the terrible harms women suffer in prostitution because a few “sex workers” “chose” to do this, for example.
        
        Equality with men is very much a goal of liberal feminism, and the hidden assumption here is that the society we live in is a given, the “natural order” of things, so that equality is the best thing we can aspire to. Radical feminism says that that is not the case, and that society is inherently patriarchal and misogynistic, and oppressive to women. With that understanding, then the only thing equality offers us is the opportunity to be fake males in a society which is fundamentally inimical to us; this is exactly what is happening with the hyper-sexualisation of women, normalisation of porn, online misogyny, staggeringly high levels of violence and sexual assault against women etc., as well increasing militarism, economic inequality and environmental degradation. So what radical feminism says is that we should be striving for liberation from that system, even if it means destroying it, because patriarchy is not the natural order of things or the only way to organise society.
        
        The best analogy for this I have ever read is in Gerda Lerner’s introduction to her book “The Creation of Patriarchy” – apologies for the length but it’s worth it: “Finally, another image. Men and women live on a stage, on which they act out their assigned roles, equal in importance. The play cannot go on without both kinds of performers. Neither of them “contributes” more or less to the whole; neither is marginal or dispensable. But the stage set is conceived, defined, painted by men. Men have written the play, have directed the show, interpreted the meanings of the action. They have assigned themselves the most interesting, most heroic parts, giving women the supporting roles.
        
        As the women become aware of the difference in the way they fit into the play, they ask for more equality in the role assignments. They upstage the men at times, at other times they pinch-hit for a missing male performer. The women finally, after considerable struggle, win the right of access to equal role assignment, but first they must ‘qualify’. The terms of their ‘qualifications’ are again set by the men; men are the judges of how women measure up; men grant or deny admission. They give preference to docile women and to those who fit their job description accurately. Men punish, by ridicule, exclusion, or ostracism, any woman who assumes the right to interpret her own role or – worst of all sins – the right to rewrite the script.
        
        It takes considerable time for the women to understand that getting ‘equal’ parts will not make them equal, as long as the script, the props, the stage setting, and the direction are firmly held by men. When the women begin to realize that and cluster together between the acts, or even during the performance, to discuss what to do about it, this play comes to an end.
        
        …
        
        What women must do, what feminists are now doing is to point to that stage, its sets, its props, its director, and its scriptwriter, as did the child in the fairy tale who discovered that the emperor was naked, and say, the basic inequality between us lies within this framework. And then they must tear it down.”
        
        Men usually do not even begin to see the role they play in propping up this system – I think a great deal of misogyny is unconscious – and often expect to be accepted and applauded by feminists just for behaving decently (i.e. not committing crimes against women) and paying lip service to feminism, telling us how to do feminism and expecting to lead the movement, or even complaining about their perceived oppression and demanding that women focus on their ‘inequality’ too. There is no structural oppression of men, by women, anywhere; this is like asking blacks to focus on white rights to ensure that everybody is ‘equal’. Women are supposed to be everybody’s nurturer and tea-maker, and if we let ourselves be sucked into equality feminism then we lose our focus and boundaries completely and start fighting other people’s battles for them, and those battles usually result in us increasing our own oppression.
        
        So no. We need to be crystal clear that feminism is a movement for women, run by women, that women define what being a woman means, and that we are fighting for liberation from a murderous set of cultural norms (known as gender) which oppress us based on our biology. Woman is not an identity and we don’t have the option of taking it off when it doesn’t suit us (unlike “genderfluid” men). It is a biological reality which is the basis of patriarchal oppression. We should not be fighting for men’s rights or trans rights any more than, say, Palestinian activists should be fighting for climate action – they are *not our movement*. There is exactly one role for feminist allies, and that is to help us fight oppression of women, by calling out other men or intervening when they are violent or abusive to women, and by campaigning against the power structures that keep the whole thing going.
        
        That isn’t popular feminism and it’s why radfems are vilified and hated so much; but I would venture to suggest that if men approve of your brand of feminism, then you’re probably not doing it properly.
        
        Hope that helps.
      - Anon
        
        great comment
    - Tired feminist
      
      I smell troll-breath…
      - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
        
        Nope, I’m just a person, I’m sorry if I offended you, I’ve wrote a blog post about this issue a while ago and maybe I wasn’t clear above, so take a look and if you still hate me that’s fine
        
        http://theclotheshose.blogspot.nl/2015/04/oh-my-god-are-you-serious.html
    - Laura
      
      Women should come first in their own social movement. Does something about that idea offend you? Why?
      I think Mint Tea put it very well in her comment above.
      - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
        
        I didn’t say women shouldn’t come first, I just think men have a part too.
        I’m sorry if I offended you, I really didn’t mean to. I just think that feminism that is purely ‘liberate women’ leaves some people out
        http://theclotheshose.blogspot.nl/2015/04/oh-my-god-are-you-serious.html
    - http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
      
      Feminism has bad press because men hate women. Wanting to benefit women gets bad press because men hate women. Stop coddling men.
      
      “Gender fluid” women and feminine women are the exact same amount of female because female is not an identity.
      - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
        
        Female is sometimes an identity, I just think that saying “‘only women can do feminism’leaves people out that need it too. I really didn’t mean to offend anyone, I thought the idea of feminism is about equality. Maybe I didn’t explain enough;
        
        http://theclotheshose.blogspot.nl/2015/04/oh-my-god-are-you-serious.html
- Mint Tea
  
  “we are working towards equality”
  
  There can be no equality under patriarchy. You can’t have equality with an oppressor class (because men’s status as an oppressor class requires a class to oppress i.e. women).
  
  Men can’t be feminists for the reasons Meghan outlined in the article. Identifying as genderfluid or transgender doesn’t change whether or not you are male or female (as female/woman are not identities, but biological realities).
  
  On less radical sites, and in real life, I can’t even have a conversation about feminism without someone saying ‘what about the men?!’ or ‘but men face issues too!’. People try to prevent women from being centered in the one movement that exists solely for women’s liberation. Females are my (and a lot of other radical feminist’s) priority, and I’m not going to drain myself of energy by trying to solve the issues men face, because it was men who created patriarchy in the first place, and to expect women to help men solve their own problems (as part of a movement by and for women!) is to expect women to be nurturing and coddle men, like they’re trained to from birth. This is a sexist expectation.
  - http://www.mancheeze.wordpress.com/ Mancheeze
    
    Exactly.
  - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
    
    I agree that the patriarchy opposes feminism. I know all about gender and sex and stuff but I think that the gender you present has an affect on how you are treated just as much as the chromosomes and genitals you have, and people that present as female are treated accordingly. In terms of pandering to men, I’m not about that, but I do think that feminism has a place for people of all genders, not the women of feminism solving the problems of men, but the people who are feminists seeing how shitty the system is and trying to derail it to make everything better for everyone. Maybe I’m idealistic but I think that while feminism has to focus on women, we are all people constrained by gender roles and the patriarchy and I see no reason why men can’t be involved in the solution to the problem their gender caused in the start
- Denise Denning
  
  The post-modernist concept of gender fluidity ignores the biological reality that we are all (with the exception of a tiny number of intersex people) either males or females, and the oppression of women is biologically based, rooted in our role in reproduction.
  - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
    
    I realize that, but I just don’t think of gender as a binary thing and i don’t think gender bias exists only on female born xx individuals. and yes women should come first in the movement, we have had a shit deal for most of history, but I don’t see any reason to leave men out of the solution. I wrote a post on this a while ago, I really think people of other genders have a part in feminism too
    
    http://theclotheshose.blogspot.nl/2015/04/oh-my-god-are-you-serious.html
- http://www.mancheeze.wordpress.com/ Mancheeze
  
  No. We are working towards liberation. Equality is just a buzzword for being like men and living in the structures they created, for us. We want new structure, not the old one. Men are not feminists. They can be allies but that’s it. The second we start finger wagging at other women about putting men first you lose feminism. Wanna know how I know? Look at the mra subreddit sometime.
  - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
    
    equality in opportunities, rights and freedoms, to me, means i can choose to do anything with my life and my gender and sex don’t affect my road there. I don’t want to be like a man, I just want the same rights and pay and chances and stuff. If equality is a word that is too overused im sorry. besides I don’t really relate to the word liberation, maybe i havent done enough reading into the subject, I really truly am sorry (don’t read this with a sarcastic voice, because I am) feminism means alot to me.
- http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
  
  If men and trans people ONLY didn’t “get what it means to be female” it might be one thing, but they don’t stop at ignorance. I’d rather not have every single one of my feminist efforts EVER being derailed by mansplaining and maninadress-splaining. “Gender fluid” is a meaningless term. I can put pants on and be gender fluid. BFD.
  - http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley
    
    I’m not a man, or a man in a dress, I’m a female feminist, and I’m not trying to explain anything or ‘derail your arguments, I’m trying to express my view, and i think ‘female only feminism’as it is presented in the article (men can be feminist ally”s) leaves some people out. Thats all, I’m sorry if i offended you, truly, because i’m used to people shitting on feminism to me as well
lapis

Great. Refreshing to read after seeing too many not-really-feminist-but-pretending-to-be articles like the Bustle one.
http://liberalfeministtropes.blogspot.com.au/2015/07/inside-out-versus-liberalism.html Independent Radical

I scored 8.5/9 on this. I guess I am pretty damn good, at least by Meghan’s standards, but there are actually some pretty important elements that I feel are missing from list.

1. Actually doing something that help women. Volunteer at a domestic violence shelter or a rape crisis shelter, escort women into abortion clinics in places where reactionaries are protesting them, protest in favour of women’s rights, etc. And yes, I put this criteria on the list even though I do not actually adhere to it.

2. Do not watch pornography (or other violent misogynist media), except to criticise it. This is essential for maintaining one’s sense that women are human beings deserving of respect. Watching pornography will erode this notion (whether you are a man or a woman).

3. Boldly expressing feminist views in public, not just on the internet where there are no real consequences for expressing such views. This also includes putting up posters related to feminism.

4. Avoid beauty practice, especially leg shaving. Yes, I said it. Having the guts to go out in public with a healthy bodies which will be viciously mocked due to its failure to adhere to prettiness norms makes you a better feminist and a kick ass woman. I am not going to fail to praise women with those kinds of guts, just because a few femininity conforming women might get offended.

In response to all the leg shaving women that will no doubt go nuts in response to this comment (because they know they do not have the guts to reject beauty practices themselves), bare in my mind that your lifestyle choice is not the one that gets you treated like crap, in fact it is basically mandatory for women, so it is definitely not equally impressive to the opposite choice. It is ridiculous for leg shaving women to complain about being persecuted by feminists when 99.9999% of women make the same choice as they do and society as a whole completely endorses the choice and in fact despises those who do not make it.

I am saying leg shavers cannot be feminists? No (though ideological defenders of beauty practices are not feminists and I deliberately said “are not”, not “cannot”, because the statement is descriptive, not prescriptive), but they simply are not as awesome as the women who refuse to prettify themselves. Anyone can become that awesome though. Feminism should be open to anyone, but that does not mean everyone will have the courage to practice it.

And as much as ideology matters, we cannot forget the importance of real, visible political activism (including protests, volunteering in shelters, expressing beliefs in public and rejecting beauty practices). Feminism is not just a set of ideas. It is a movement and that means the people in it have to actually do things in the real world to the real world.
- Trudy Penland
  
  I love not shaving my legs anymore. I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks either.
  - http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
    
    I’ve stopped shaving everything but my upper lip. At my age (41), and already being brunette, the lip hair shows. I’m already middle-aged and fat and plain-looking. I don’t need one more reason for people to give me crap. OK, it is not overt crap at this point, but I’m invisible for a reason.
- isis1769
  
  Well, I shave my legs to avoid painful harassment and the very real potential for harm that some men might bring upon me if I tried to explain my decision.
  - http://liberalfeministtropes.blogspot.com.au/2015/07/inside-out-versus-liberalism.html Independent Radical
    
    That is totally understandable of course. You would have to be quite a gutsy, badass to not shave in this culture, which was of course my point, to praise women who reject beauty practices rather than to condemn those that do not. Of course, I am implying that rejecting beauty practices is the better (more courageous) decision and I have no problem implying that because I am not a liberal.
- Anon
  
  I do not think leg shaving prohibits women from doing anything in the real world. It is a waste of time to fixate on appearances, all the while claiming women are so much more than their appearance. Let’s focus on things that matter only.
Learn_To_Swim

Great article.
I wish I could be more wordy at times.
I blame Twitter.
oneclickboedicea

Once again, straight between the eyes. Feminism made simples …
Daughter of Achelous

INTERSECTIONALITY=FEMINISM DOESN’T MATTER, FUCK THE 2ND WAVE RACIST SCUM. WORSHIP 3RD WAVE REINCARNATION OF FEMINISM WITH MOAR ACCEPTANCE OV SHITTY THINGS.
- Anon
  
  ???!
Neighbor

Something that bothered me from the linked list: I’ve heard this same argument in interviews with Muslim student leaders at my uni, and it always comes off as a veiled insult to other students when dressing modestly is explained as a symbol of respect for oneself
- http://liberalfeministtropes.blogspot.com.au/2015/07/inside-out-versus-liberalism.html Independent Radical
  
  Liberals just do not understand that most of the world does not think like them. Most cultures dob (or at least did) believe that their practices are better in some way to those of other cultures (and they sometimes have good reasons to). Being part of a particular culture often means believing in this superiority, often implicitly. Muslims (and other religious people who dress modestly, because Muslims are not the only ones who dress this way) have every right to argue in favour of modest dressing, but I would prefer it if they made actual arguments instead of just saying “it’s my religion” and expecting their religious choices to be blindly endorsed.
  
  Personally, I do not think it is feminist to wear things which encourage others to focus on how you look instead of on your humanity (fancy, expensive clothes that are not particularly sexualising fall in this category) and I do not think it is feminist to wear things which restrict your physical movement or breathing (as some overly modest clothing does). Women should dress comfortably in a way that suggests that they value their bodies for their physical capabilities rather than their appearances. *Braces for angry accusation from liberals*.
  - http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
    
    Muslims do make arguments besides “it’s my religion” for how they dress. You just won’t hear that from younger people as much because they haven’t gotten the hang of formulating arguments yet. We see the same thing in feminism, twentysomething women making dumb fauxminist arguments.
- marv
  
  What if your identity, faith and culture are patriarchal founded and maintained? Respecting these things is sexist.
  - Neighbor
    
    Mostly agree. I can understand it to a certain degree, when it’s worded more like “feel closer to my religion or culture” because that really can be an ethnic thing (eg cultural Jew or Catholic) but that specific comment, it’s like they have taken something as you say is demanded by patriarchy, and pulls it out in to the general secular realm talking about her self-respect with little awareness of where it came from. It comes off as a judgement, as if the other students lack modesty and respect. Other times they’ve said “I don’t want to be looked at as a sex object” which implies other girls on campus do and that boys/young men are looking at the other young women students that that way. These statements (in interviews, published in the uni’s paper) are never challenged. It took me a while to figure out why they bothered me..
    - balletomane
      
      That kind of reasoning bothers me too, but I can understand why women use it (and I’ve heard women of all political and religious stripes using it, including secular women). By saying “I dress like this because I don’t want to be seen as a sex object”, they are trying to persuade themselves that they actually have some degree of control over how men see them….even though they haven’t. There are men who fetishize women who wear a full niqab (face veil), so it obviously doesn’t matter how much you do or don’t cover yourself, objectification is still going to happen – and on one level most women know this. But admitting it to themselves can be tough because the belief that you have the power to repel harassment and objectification just through a few simple wardrobe choices is very appealing.
    - S.K.Law
      
      And whose rules about modesty are pre-eminent? There are Mennonite rules about modesty, Amish (no colour, covered head), evangelical Christians of certain types. Why should we accept that modesty is good in the first place? I think feeling comfortable and wearing clothing that facilitates that is most important. But I do admit that people who claim that they are modest and I am not (when wearing loose fitting jeans and a long sleeved shirt, for example). What about the use of makeup? I have seen many women who wear the hijab with lots of makeup and high-heeled shoes. According to certain Christian groups the use of makeup is immodest. Why are all of these groups being allowed to determine what is modest and why is modesty good? I don’t like flashy or revealing clothing never have. Even as a nine year old I didn’t like wearing a short sleeved leotard (body suit) in gym class (required for girls and you had to buy it from the school) given that boys could wear shorts and a t-shirt. I have never liked an exposed neckline, even as a child. But do I think that preference is a marker of my modesty? – not really. I am tired of everyone’s eyes judging XX people regardless of what they wear. If you wear too much, you ‘lack confidence’. Too little, you show poor taste. I don’t think there is a culture whose standards of modesty I could endorse because I think the standard is wrong, in most contexts. The workplace will continue to be an exception because to a certain extent what is worn is dictated by the environment in which you work. For example, military, laboratory (lab coat, no open-toed shoes, etc.).
    - http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
      
      Boys/young men DO look at other young women students as sex objects. Actually, they likely look at Muslimahs as sex objects as well, but their whole mode of interaction has to change since there isn’t as much to leer at.
- Kesh Meshi
  
  The fundamental origin of the Muslim directive to stay covered, especially for women, is body shaming. I’d argue that defending Muslim women’s (or any woman’s) right to cover themselves or not is a feminist issue. Forcing women to be uncovered is as unfeminist as forcing women to stay covered, but the choice of wearing hijab and modest clothing, in itself, is not feminist, especially when the origin is patriarchal.
- http://www.mancheeze.wordpress.com/ Mancheeze
  
  There’s an instant litmus test for whether the hijab or niqab is sexist. Ask women if they can go without wearing it without getting fined or told by men she has to wear it. If she can go without it, it’s cool. If she has to wear it, it’s fucking patriarchy.
  - Tired feminist
    
    Even if she can go without it, it’s still patriarchal because of its patriarchal origin. We’re free to walk around without high heels or make-up and those things are still patriarchal. (I was tempted to include shaving here, but you’ll surely get a bunch of people telling you you should shave and/or looking at you with disgust.) Some women might even genuinely enjoy to wear such things, but it doesn’t erase their patriarchal nature. At the very least they aren’t “feminist” at all.
    - http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
      
      I think of it more as a coping strategy against patriarchy. When a guy can’t see your boobs or your butt and can’t even be distracted by your hair, he’s forced to pay more attention to your face and your words and actions. It’s also a very clear signal to a man that a woman so dressed neither is related to him nor wants to fuck him. Guys claim they are more visually oriented than women and they claim we give mixed signals, and hijab and niqab solve both problems. As long as they are not legally enforced.
      
      I mean come on, it’s not like we’re going to educate men out of seeing us as dumb slabs of meat any time soon. I’m not about to go out and take up the veil, I get really uncomfortable when I’m overdressed, but I understand why some women do.
      - Tired feminist
        
        I agree that the purpose of covering yourself to escape the male gaze (e.g. with a hijab) is diametrically opposite to the purpose of performing to the male gaze (by shaving, wearing heels and make-up etc). What I meant was that these are two sides of the same patriarchal coin (the decent woman vs. the whore) and therefore neither of them can be called feminist, no matter how opposite they are.
        
        Even when we choose to cover ourselves in an attempt to avoid harassment – i.e. in our own interest -, we’re playing the game to the rules created by men. (Not to mention that it works poorly or not at all, because even women in burqas still get harassed and raped.) But I don’t mean to imply that women shouldn’t do it. We should wear whatever makes us feel a bit safer.
      - http://thismagpie.com/ Magpie
        
        Debunked: http://www.theguardian.com/world/iran-blog/2015/sep/15/iran-hijab-backfired-sexual-harassment 😀
    - pjwhite
      
      Nope. Sorry. Malala wears hijab, and she took a bullet to the head for education and kept standing. That is BAD ASS. She’s a lot more liberated that the little twerps I see running around in short-shorts and push up bra’s. Also, some of those hijabs are very decorative and flattering without playing to the male gaze. I’d wear one myself, but I’m afraid of being accused of cultural appropriation (so you see, I’m kind of oppressing myself by NOT wearing hijab). Anyway, I prefer to focus my criticism on oppressive men rather than on the women they oppress.
      - Tired feminist
        
        You’re missing our point. Criticizing the hijab isn’t the same as criticizing the women who wear it.
  - Bee Bette
    
    It is sexist. It’s saying that in the eyes of god, that a woman showing her head and all of her face is not pleasing to god, while a man is totally okay as he is. It’s saying that women are not totally okay in the head area while men ARE totally okay. And it gives them the freedom to wear the current styles, which only requires that women pay the price of it in the workplace and other places, not only for discrimination but for the slutness of disobedience if they don’t. So what if it hurts them in any way? Only men are supposed to earn a lot, have ambition and have freedom to go unadorned on the head. Women? They should marry.
    
    It’s saying that not only is this a rule by their religious leaders to show respect (Of course you can be disrespectful!), but that their god believes women are second class too because he is “pleased” by such women. Funny how all people can go to Vatican City without wearing a cross, yet women traveling to the middle east must wear one, even if it is not their religion. In the case of the head scarf, the cross is not equal to it in terms of persecution of those who do and do not wear it.
    
    Of course, didn’t mention, also…you can get stoned or prosecuted for not doing so in many countries and shunned and mocked by your family for the shame you bring on for not doing so.
- andeväsen
  
  “My hijab has nothing to do with oppression. It’s a feminist statement” is an oxymoron. If it has nothing to do with oppression, then it has nothing to do with feminism.
- http://thismagpie.com/ Magpie
  
  I remember first seeing one of the non-binary caucus posting that because I distinctly remember having to summon every bit of self control in my body to stop myself from explaining why the video is such reactionary shite and why “they” are a vacuous moron, devaluing my degree for imagining it is remotely liberating… Honestly, I am totally “triggered” just thinking of that moment again…. *shudder*
  
  The whole idea you can’t criticise a religion is so ridiculous I am offended by it. If the so-called left had taken that attitude towards the church, we’d not have abortion because well “I want to carry this foetus to term because it’s liberating to serve as an incubator” or “i feel totally free to feel guilty all the time because my imaginary friend is watching me think about sex”…When will the recurring nightmare end?
  
  http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/video/2015/jun/24/hijab-not-oppression-feminist-statement-video
Rachel

I love this! So perfectly said, and once again, helped me (and I’m sure many others) feel less “crazy”, and “irrational” and “sensitive” when having a weak moment.

I especially loved the first point about not having to explain to every guy that women aren’t actually fuck toys. It really is like that! Same with the giving blowjobs for a living- men don’t seem to understand that this is not a nice job! They’ve really got the idea from porn that women love doing that. I’m not saying all women hate doing it, but it’s different doing it when you want with whom you want, than it is having to do it with some pig that stinks and treats you like crap, just to make a living. I guess that’s the same for porn – men like to protect their boners and orgasms by denying the fact that women in porn are abused and most likely want to get out. If they don’t “want” to get out consciously it’s likely because they are so used to being abused that they know no different (much like domestic violence – there were times I didn’t want to leave, yet I didn’t actually enjoy the abuse). I did enjoy the admiration, shows of love and affection AFTER the abusive incident. Much like porn stars probably enjoy the money, and knowledge that billions of men are “admiring” them from their computer screens daily. Depending on how desperate one is to be loved and accepted, it’s easy to deny your own abusive situation to make yourself feel like your in control. Men hate to hear that. A common one I hear now is how Belle Knox and Sasha Grey always talk about their love for porn. I was directed to a Belle Knox scene (through an educational video) and it was CLEAR she was in immense pain in that scene. Even if that was the only abusive scene (highly doubt that though) it doesn’t justify her EVER having to go through that. Also, she has self harm scars on her body. Sure, they may be from the past, but that tells me that even though she came from a wealthy, stable family and was educated – there were some serious issues that young woman had been trying to sort through. That doesn’t ring true as a healthy choice to me. Same with Sasha Grey – she’s the poster women for lib fems and men as the ’empowered porn star’ but yet she comes across as so empty and sad to me in interviews. Sure that could be me projecting. But then recently she’s had a VRO granted against her former boyfriend that’s she’s had since she was 17, who was highly abusive… Seems like a cycle to me.

I love the part about not being
I also love that you point out nudity and sexualisation aren’t the same thing. Ugh. Since when did the naked body (read: female body) even become so fetishised that people think sex as soon as they see it. Women and young girls can’t even go out wearing shorts without it being some erotic display for men! Men are so hyper vigilant with skin around…it’s like kids in a candy store – omg! Legs, butts, boobs! Everywhere! How as a man can I possibly contain my excitement.

I also love the fact that you pointed out that women can hate sex and men, and it’s often due to trauma that they’ve experienced. Thanks so much for this. We endure traumatic experiences, often multiple times, and are expected to do some “self work” and just get the hell over it. But it doesn’t work that way. And when we are jaded, we are made to feel weak for not just ‘moving on’. Often people will minimise traumatic experiences, but even something as “small” as a woman discovering her partner watches porn, can be traumatic and seriously affect her ability to enjoy sex and trust men again.

Oh and I like the ageism point too.

Heck, I love the whole thing.
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Thanks Rachel!
- isis1769
  
  I agree. Being sickened that your husband watched porn is just like a black person being sickened that her white friend enjoys watching videos of blacks being forced to pick cotton on a plantation. It signifies his ATTITUDES towards her, and those attitudes are one of hatred, even if he never lays a finger on her.
- http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
  
  Years ago I happened to run across the homepage of a woman who used to be in porn and I had remembered her from the 90s, possibly from a couple of videos I watched with my then-husband. She has a pretty distinct name for a porn star so you’d remember it if you ever heard it. Well, her site wasn’t all about that, she wrote about her life instead, so I read some of it and moved on. Found out more recently (again by accident) that she’s on Facebook. When I’d first found her, her husband had just died in an accident. Now her kids are older and… she’s not coping. She got busted for drunk driving and has come out and admitted she’s an alcoholic. Financially she’s not doing so awesome either since they have downsized from a really nice house to an apartment–she can still take the kids on occasional vacations but the house had to go. This is a former porn star who has never criticized the industry in any meaningful way and insists it’s what she wanted to do, never mind she’s smart enough for MENSA and could have gotten SO far along on her own if she’d just tried a little harder. Aaand, I would have expected her to be dating again by now, but it doesn’t sound like she’s doing that either. So it’s *possible* the alcoholism is related to grief for her husband. But it’s equally possible that she was out of place defending her former industry and is now finding that having that “job” history is getting in the way of her getting on with her life. I mean, I cannot imagine, for example, that she is not occasionally sexually harassed by random guys she meets who recognize her. (As with her name, her looks are pretty distinct–she’s biracial.) Could you imagine that happening at work, if she got a straight job? And I cannot even imagine the potential bedroom situations she’d run into. These people defending the “sex industry” don’t even stop to think about that. Or about what happens if your dad or other relatives see you naked, or worse, because you didn’t warn them. Or what happens if you do warn them… what will they think of you and what yucky situations will ensue just from that? And on and on it goes. Society, and especially “sex industry” consumers, act like women are islands, that we are affected by and affect no one else. And that’s all part of the dehumanization process.
Learn_To_Swim

“it’s depressing as fuck.”

Yes it is, yes it is.

Hardly anyone tries to take a stand.

And when they do, granted not nicely at times (points finger at self), they are ignored and/or attacked.

Huxley and Orwell observed us well.
Zuzanna Smith

Oh my god this list is so perfect! Thank you! Especially the it’s ok to hate sex and men part. I mean what’s wrong with hating sex? Society is always making people feel bad that if they’re not having it then there is something very very wrong with them, screw that. I remember in high school my friends always asking me when I was going to lose my virginity. I wasn’t in any hurry, but it made me feel bad. I didn’t lose it till I was 19 and that was a mistake anyway. I don’t hate sex or men, but it’s ok to, dammit!
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Totally. I don’t hate sex or men either but seriously, like who CARES if a woman doesn’t like sex? Why should she? Why does she have to? It’s wholly and solely a misogynist argument.
  - Zuzanna Smith
    
    Exactly. It’s the misogynist sentiment that women were solely created for sex, for men. Nope.
http://mkhajdin.jux.com/ M. K. Hajdin

Re: 7. MRAs don’t want to pay for blow jobs. They want them for free.
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Ah, my point was that if you advocate for men’s rights to buy sex/advocate in favour of the sex industry, you are advocating for men’s rights, not women’s rights…
- http://www.danaseilhan.com Dana
  
  I wish that were true. Some of them want BJs for free, but some are quite willing to pay if it means they can be as rough as they want and/or demand all sorts of other things they don’t want to or dare to ask of their girlfriend or wife back home. (That tired old virgin/whore splitting thing that far too many men do.)
Sabine

Absolutely blazing post! SPOT ON!!!!!!!!! Meghan, this is superb.
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Thank you!
james berad

Hating all men for being men is a bad thing though. It’s extremely hypocritical to want people to stop judging women for being women and then to turn around and do the same thing to men. The mainstream will never understand it and continue to point this out. Radical feminism might be more legitimate to the masses if there wasn’t this “hating men is ok” thing going on. My wife was a part (before giving up on) of a black feminist group in college who denied white women to join and there was a lot of anti-white rhetoric. She was harassed by these members for dating me(a white guy). Hating based on ethnicity, gender, or sexual preference is ugly no matter how you put it.
- Tired feminist
  
  Feminists who hate men do so based in overwhelming empirical evidence.
  - Katie Progress
    
    Yes.
- :Ɗiana
  
  Hi! Look, if someone actually says they hate men you better believe they have a reason to do it. Most rape and sexual abuse victims will feel this way and there isn’t much they can do about it. While it’s true these feelings are destructive it is not your position to judge nor preach about how bad it is. Yes, it is ugly and hopefully each man-hating white-hating person will release themselves from that anger for their own sake… but it is incredibly insensitive of you not to understand why those feelings exist and worse try to slash them, deny their legitimacy and importance. I hope you realize by now that your words and perspective are very privileged ones. Yes, there are feminists who are indeed man-haters, and they have every right and reason to feel that way. It is not your place to judge them.
http://theclotheshose.blogger.co.uk Kimberly Malone Crossley

Hey, I just wanted to say that I really like this article and I don’t want the issues I had with it to overshadow that. All I wanted to say was that I think all genders have a place in feminism. But you are amazing
Lucia Lolita

I know this is a serious article, but I couldn’t help but laugh at some very spot-on, clear as day points that should boggle the mind they are needed to be stated. So true about breast feeding. Just there for ogling, not for providing sustenance for the human race. Put those away, madame, have you no sense of proper objectification decorum? Tsk, tsk.
Filosofiskstein

Thank you.
Bee Bette

For another thing, it is being a better feminist to speak out against religions that do not value women equally and require women to change their clothing to be truly reverent, yet men can wear whatever is the current wear. The religions that say you must be a “surrendered wife” or that you do not have the right to choose whether your body will be pregnant or not. That you do not have the right to divorce freely, have the right to own equally as a man and to inherit all upon a husband’s death, instead of it going to sons. The religions that allow a man to select multiple wives, and when god tells him that, how can an existing wife object? The religions that do not believe in the full value of a woman who does not marry or the right she has to hold any job. The religions that do not allow women to study as far or to be leaders on all levels of their church. It is a better feminist to speak out against any imposed sign or signal required of women that they are not equal to men. A better feminist doesn’t hide behind “cultural respect” to speak out against genital mutilation or anything that goes against a girl and woman’s right to be as important and valuable and powerful as a boy or man.
dcw

Look, if your first point about Being the Best Feminist or whatever is “Being a Woman” then like hi you’ve not only missed the point but simultaneously reinforced the binary by erasing non-binary and genderqueer folks and threw trans men under the bus in the process. Additionally this whole “Second Wave as an insult is bad!” is total bullshit. I’m sorry if you’re hard and fast still dedicated to upholding the anti-trans Janice Raymond bullshit from the 70’s-90’s then you have literally no fucking place in feminism. Learn to adapt or get out. I can fix this whole article and in one point: “Learn what interesctionality is, work within an intersectional framework, and uplift the voices and presence of the oppressed and less-privileged while being careful to not step on the toes of or talking over them.”
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Honest question: Are you male?
  - dcw
    
    I’m a cis woman and I find it pretty telling that because someone is calling you out on your bullshit that you are questioning whether or not they are a man.
    - Meghan Murphy
      
      Hmm… You haven’t ‘called me out’ on anything. You’re just aggressively throwing around illogical, anti-feminist words and arguments you found on the internet. It’s the kind of behaviour we see often from misogynist trolls (i.e. men). But women are fully capable of hating feminism, too, I suppose. It’s just a little harder to comprehend.
- leila bu
  
  I’d return the suggestion to you. Learn what intersectionality is, since you’re doing the classic liberal feminist mindless parroting and twisting of it to suit your argument without reading the foundational text of the word.
  If you think simply describing feminism as being a woman’s centered movement is ”throwing men under the bus” , but want to throw millions of women out of the movement for their rights because they’ve got a different outlook on politics than Bustle and Buzzfeed, then it’s too ironic to even adress further.
mimi

Great article, keep it up! I enjoyed reading it, really good points.
Anon

Another excellent column. Thanks!
Katie Progress

Meghan Murphy, I love your mind!
- Meghan Murphy
  
  Thank you!
Sula

I love this. And, rather bizarrely (bizarre in the ‘you’ve read my mind’ sense), you’ve managed to articulate several issues I’ve been considering writing about so it’s reassuring to have my thoughts validated.
Neighbor

Yeah I guess there’s no good way to say “I dress this way to signal that I respect myself” or whatever without to some extent implying the alternative state in other people.