Hi, I'm Bhavini. I have lurked a while with a few posts. I am a grandmother but after reading I feel it's not too late for me to become feminist and I have been learning a lot over here to improve my life.

My husband was always very traditional so I understand about the patriarchy because our marriage was under his rule of law. Now things have turned a corner because he is in a wheelchair and is finally dependent on me. This is hard because I have to bathe him and feed him but he can still see and hear. It is so much work, like having a child. But I have never had this freedom before to do what I like.

He has a hard time complaining about the changes I am bringing about but my real problem is our children. So for example: My husband always liked watching football and movies with Charles Bronson and James Bond. He had the entire James Bond series. I have had enough now of that. My son in law comes over and asks where are those DVDs so he can put one on for dad to watch. I told him those went to the trash where they belong because of violence against women and he is also not allowed football anymore. He got very agitated and went right to the store to buy some more similar movies. I don't care I say, because when you leave I am taking the movie out and it goes to the trash. During this he is getting my husband very upset and by now my husband is sobbing because of my son in law's petty squabbling. So I just take the DVD out and snap it. Now he calls up one of my sons and works behind the scenes to get the family against me. I told him he cannot make that phone call from my phone but he got around me by using his cell phone.

They are also upset that I choose to manage his skin care as I see fit. He has had ongoing problems with skin fungus which requires me to daily lotion and cream his skin and I am allergic to talc and I also react to the chemicals in his antifungal creams. Enough of this. So I keep the house warm and dehumidified and I leave him in the chair in a small undergarment near the window so his skin can stay dry and get sun. Next my son calls me up and complains that the grandchildren should not see him like that. I have had it with this agitating. I am in charge now and I will not go back to being the one bossed around.

I hope my other children are smarter. I do much of the babysitting of the grandchildren and now I am managing the finances too. It is very disappointing they resent my finally having a voice in this family and preferred to see me under my husband's thumb.