It’s not your fault. It’s the ratio.
To all the young, college-educated women out there who feel like Donald Trump will probably become president before they find a decent, eligible man, take comfort.
According to author Jon Birger, you’re not imagining things. In “Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game,” out today, Birger, a former writer for Fortune and Money magazines, crunched demographic, census and other data to show that it really is historically rough out there for the ladies.
After noticing that his single gal pals were always complaining that “guys were ignoring them or were toying with them,” Birger decided to investigate. Based on his research, here are eight reasons why women can’t find a man — and strategies for increasing their odds.
You’re looking in Manhattan
The island is great for, say, watching a cheesy musical or spending $300 on a bottle of vodka. But for dating? Not so much.
“Because women have been graduating from college in 30-plus percent greater numbers than men for years, there are now four women for every three men nationally in the marriage-age, college-educated dating market,” Birger says.
In Manhattan, the numbers are even more dire, with 38 percent more young female college grads than male. Birger says the imbalance is also exacerbated by New York’s large population of gay males. Some 9 to 12 percent of men in Manhattan are gay, according to Gary Gates, a demographics expert at UCLA’s Williams Institute.
Other cities especially brutal for single women are Houston; Providence, RI; and Raleigh, NC. Better options include Silicon Valley, San Francisco, San Diego and Columbus, Ohio. The Bay Area, for example, attracts programmers, computer scientists and engineers — fields that are disproportionately male.
You went to the wrong college
“Facebook did a study a few years ago on how couples met, and it turned out that 25 percent met their significant others in college or grad school,” Birger says. “What was interesting is that the men who met their wives in college were not the ones who attended colleges that were disproportionately female. They attended colleges that were majority male.”
Want to increase your chances of getting hitched? Head to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (72 percent male) or Georgia Tech (66 percent), two institutions with way more guys than girls.
The men are playing you
“There’s a lot of social science showing that men behave differently in different relationship markets,” Birger says.
When faced with an oversupply of women, guys are more likely to delay marriage and play the field. Or, in other words, to act like guys.
Just finished DATE-ONOMICS by @jonbirger1 and it is life-affirming as a single woman in NYC. Also I’m moving.
— Rachel Manwill (@rachelmanwill) July 11, 2015
And as reported by numerous publications, dating is out with young people and hookup culture is in. No need to wine and dine a potential mate when you can just swipe right. With the gender imbalance on college campuses, men are having a field day, and they may see no need to end their winning streak by settling down.
For women, however, the longer a girl settles for casual sex as opposed to a long-term relationship, the more chance she has of ending up alone.
You’re not issuing an ultimatum
“Ultimatums work in business and politics,” Birger says. “This notion that the only area of life you shouldn’t issue an ultimatum in is romance doesn’t make sense.”
Researcher John Molloy interviewed 3,000 couples right after they got their marriage licenses and found that 60 percent of the women were prepared to walk away if their guy suddenly declared he wasn’t ready.
If you are a single, 20-something college grad career woman, do not read Dateonomics. Spoiler alert: the stats are bleak. @marybeth0104
— Lauren France (@franzia86) June 26, 2015
You’re not making the first move
The aggressive women are the ones more likely to get the guy.
“I was talking about this with my rabbi, and he does premarital counseling,” Birger says. “Of the nine couples he had in counseling, seven of them shared a similar story: The guys all had several options, but they married the women who pursued them the most.”
And ladies, don’t worry about turning off guys by being too pushy.
“It’s a myth that men enjoy the chase,” Birger says.
You’re working in the wrong job
Slaving away in p.r., education, nursing, event planning or other female-dominant fields? Time to get a new job.
“Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld reports that 10 percent of Americans meet their future spouses at work,” Birger says.
Some careers to consider: mechanical engineering (93 percent male), computer network administration (83 percent) and financial advising (74 percent).
You’re too religious
“People who leave organized religion are disproportionately male,” Birger says. “Atheists and agnostics are also disproportionately male. An atheist meet-up would be a really good place to meet men.”
You’re too picky
He likens it to a game of musical chairs. In the first round, fresh into the dating market, nearly every woman gets a chair. By the final round, the chances of losing soar to 50 percent.
For example, some 20 years ago a recent college-grad female confronted a dating market that had 117 recent college-grad men for every 100 women. Today that same woman, now 40, if still unmarried, faces a market in which nearly two-thirds of those formerly single men are hitched, and there are just 33 eligible men for every 50 women — 52 percent more women than men.
“None of this would matter if we were open-minded about who we dated,” Birger says. “The problem is, Americans — both men and women — have become more rigid about dating across socioeconomic boundaries.”
To find a mate, college-educated women should consider dating working-class men.
“In the future, we’re going to see more of what I call ‘mixed collar’ marriages,” Birger says.
Is it too hard to find love in 2015?
I don't understand why girls don't like losers. Which is why I'm still single....alone....ETERNALLY ALOOOOONEEEE...it's probably feminism. And periods. Or cause of the friend zone. And all handsome confident guys are philandering jerks.
WHY SO A LONELYYY!
How about "you wrecked marriage by making it too dangerous for men to marry?"
"To find a mate, college-educated women should consider dating working-class men." - This is the surest way to ruin a relationship - Traditionally, men married women who were socially under them, flash to today, women want to marry a man who has equal or greater status/ economic standing/social standing/ etc . If they have to settle, they remind their mate often and build up resentment - soon to be followed by divorce because she "deserves better" - Hope she enjoys her cats.
I know where all the eligible, intelligent and successful men are. In the "friend zone", right where you left them.
I don't get this article at all. I guess it must have been meant for a much younger demographic because I - a healthy, fit, smart, attractive (if I do say so myself), six-figure earning male of 48 - cannot buy a date and haven't had a girlfriend (or sex) in years.
Online dating? Useless. Networking? No dice. Women my age appear to have no interest at all in even "dating for fun", let alone a more serious, monogamous, partnership-oriented and feminism-supporting relationship.
I'm not kidding when I ask this: Where should *I* move to in order to find even a hope of a chance at mid-life love?
@--Geo I hear ya, buddy. I am a 48 year old six-figure income guy and I couldn't buy a date for $1,000. Women my age want young men, they're called Cougars, and young women want young men, they're called normal. So, I've hung up my hat, no more trying for me and to tell you the truth, I've never been happier.
@Perri @--Geo
That is crazy, b/c you sound like exactly what I'm looking for (b/c I'm experiencing the same frustration) and I've been thinking of moving overseas for exactly this reason. See you at the gate? On a more serious note: What you're looking for exists. I exist and so do my girlfriends who feel the same way. Let's hope we can all find the love and partnership we seek.
If the statistics are true men are waiting to settle down and are probably marrying younger women if they want children. I would like to know if the number of marriages with much older men is increasing. No one has studied it.
Why no guys to marry? One word...Tinder. Sex with a swipe. Why commit when it is that damn easy and plentiful. And yes women, you are complicit.
To the bitter, sexist commenters below: the article makes NO MENTION of politics. It purely addresses physical location where heterosexual people can meet each other. It fails to address online dating and its ability to bring people together who don't move in the same work, neighborhood or organizational circles, despite the fact that 1 in 3 marriages has now been reported to start with online dating.
Finishing a college education is the single most important thing someone can do to move into or remain in the middle class. This is obviously a sensible choice for most people capable of performing the academic work. You can't criticize women for making smart educational and financial choices (e.g. going to college) and then also criticize them for being dependent golddiggers. Most families require two incomes to stay afloat, so partnering/marrying a smart woman who's capable of supporting herself is really a win/win.
There are many single women who identify as feminist, and many who don't, who would like to get married. Companionship, emotional intimacy and sex are thought of by 99% of people as good things. I feel sorry for you that you're such rotten people that you can't be happy for the many other people in the world of all skin colors, body types, educational levels and cultural persuasions who have found someone to love and cherish.
@Diana Tortolini I am happy for people who have found someone to love and cherish. I sometimes envy them 'a tiny bit' around 11:59 pm on December 31. Unfortunately, the system today is stacked so heavily against men that it's probably best for guys to go it alone. This may sound overly simplistic; but it's 'just far too scary' to ever consider marriage.
@Diana Tortolini lmao the only one sounding bitter is you sweetheart.
@Diana Tortolini Seeing as how one of the goals of feminism is the destruction of the family, any man who bothers with a feminist is only asking for trouble.
@Diana Tortolini
You are correct, the article makes no direct mention of politics. It tiptoes around them at all cost like a giant elephant sitting in the room. It mentions everything but politics, even going so far as to tell your (presumably) devout religious women to go find an atheist. Why does it not mention politics? because that elephant in the room has bright red hair and a tattoo of a fist inside a female symbol. To actively attack Feminism in the current culture is professional suicide for a journalist. To even suggest that the politics have anything to do with the situation would be attacking feminism, so to an author it's best not to touch it at all.
The truth of the matter is that the politics actually have a bearing on some of it whether it's acceptable (through a feminist lens) to admit them or not. Politics is one of the primary reasons that men are lagging in education. We have given every advantage to females in the educational system from day 1, so it's no surprise that men are falling behind. At the current pace it's going to get much worse before it gets better, as both public schools and colleges are becoming an increasingly unfriendly environment for men, which drives them out en masse. Take the educational disparity that is becoming more pronounced with each passing year, which is ultimately political in origin, and you are left with 60 women competing for 40 men. Add in the theory of hypergamy, (which feminists will say is a construct of the patriarchy as they apply it to their mate selections), that is that women will date across and up and men will date across and down in status. Hypergamous behavior removes another chunk of the 40 men that are "desirable" from the dating pool. Then there is the MGTOW movement that removes men from the dating pool because they find it to be dangerous and pointless. This is almost purely political in nature, because it is political situations that create such a toxic environment as to make young hormonal men so afraid of the relationship scene that they ignore the primary human motivator of reproduction. At every step of the process eligible college educated men are removed from the dating pool, often winnowed out by the very women who will be seeking their companionship later.
And the reason that men will reject that particular political/cultural 'persuasion' is because overall it has shown itself to be a movement of hatred as it chants loudly that its definition is "about equality for everyone" Except males. White males. Cis white males. Cis white religious males. Because they need to check their patriarchy privilege.
Women should definitely be more aggressive and pursue a man they may like. It's nice to know if a woman is interested.
@John Riley Only if you're a high valued and man since women embody plausible deniability.
"To find a mate, college-educated women should consider dating working-class men"
Translation: Working class men are working, so since your college degree is basically useless, go date a working man, to get that money, honey!
SMH
This article seems to be saying that women should choose the city they live in, the school they go to, and their career based on the male to female ratio. Should we now contact high school guidance counselors and tell them to start informing young women to make sure they pick a school and career path with enough men in it? Mr. Tucker, it's 2015. Women don't go to school for our MRS degree anymore.
Some of the commenters here seem to think that feminism is synonymous with misandry, and that’s not the case. When a man comes along who will support my dreams and treat me with respect, I will do the same for him. I want a loving, stable, happy relationship and a family. I don't want money; I've got my own. I'm not looking for alimony; I've got too much pride to ever accept alimony. I don't want anyone's house or savings; I'd be happy to sign a prenup. I simply want a life partner.
And I fully support MGTOW. Men should go their own way. Women should also go their own way. The idea is for a mature man and a mature woman to come together, realize that their "own ways" are in line with one another, and then go those ways together in a loving and supportive relationship.
@Christina No this article is saying that if a woman having a hard time to find Mr. Right in NYC, then it may be because of the reasons listed in the piece. It says so right in the first sentence. Reading comprehension? Don't twist words to fit your own agenda.
@Christina In all fairness they should write an article like this for men. It seems like these articles are always geared towards women, as though women are the only people seeking a partner or marriage. As a man with no college degree, it's no walk in the park for us either despite what the article says. Where I live, the majority of women are college educated, have better careers and are making more money than I am. Quite a few of these women only want a man that's as educated or more educated than she is.
"census and other data to show that it really is historically rough out there for the ladies."
80% of females and only 40% of males have passed on their DNA. So how exactly have women had it harder? Women are the "choosers" when it comes to dating, sex and reproduction, so maybe it's women that need to start looking at what they are doing and who they are choosing.
Where have all the good men gone? Across the fields and around the bend; through the piney woods and over the little bridge along the meandering stream. The walking path leads to my log home on the sunny hillside .. as I go my own way. Cheers.
When did San Francisco become a good place to find a straight, single man?
If there is such a shortage of men in NYC, why is it that every time I go to a bar, club, lounge, etc. there seems to be way more men than women. Even when there is a cover charge for men and free admission for women the men are still in greater numbers. Am I going to the wrong places? Where are all of these single women going in the evening if they aren't out enjoying the NYC nightlife?
@Tom LaValle Feminist cat conventions probably
@Tom LaValle Women are staying in and having their every needs met online.
@Tom LaValle Good question. I browse the free personals sites and Match.com with my inactive profile and despite all these wonderful hobbies all these women supposedly have, the only women I ever see at a museum, skydiving venture, gun range or you name it...are either young enough to hold a parent's hand or with a guy.
I guess Mr Right is just supposed to knock on doors until a women who likes him answers?
That sounds pretty creepy and a waste of time to me.
Women limiting themselves to college educated men is pretty silly. Many blue collar jobs pay way better than anything you can find on a B.A. I went to 2 years of college and 2 years of tech training and make more than most of the college educated people I know. some with multiple degrees. Technical and skilled trades work is way underrated.
Anyway, shouldn't women be empowered and not have to rely on a guy to get by? I'm teaching that to my daughter!
i think i just got stupid reading this
We're supposed to feel sorry because women are artificially limiting themselves to an unfavorable dating pool? Would we feel sorry if 90% of the girls in a high school were all limiting themselves to the top 5% of the guys? Would we feel sorry if guys complained that there are only 15-20 fit/skinny women for every 100 guys?
Nowhere in the USA do unmarried women outnumber unmarried men -- look it up on your own through the Census statistics. In fact in the 20s to mid 30s age range there are nearly 4 million single males for whom no unmarried counterpart exists in the entire country.
men and women in manhattan are very high aspiring people and so, they apply same thing in dating life too. They want show off their partners to their peers like men compete men in cars, electronics, etc and women compete women in dress, make up, hand bags, etc ............ it's all comes to demand vs supply.
supply increases, then demand decreases. that's what happened with women. supply decreases, then demand increases, that's what happened with men.
Historically, there were more men than women in manhattan and so it was tough for men to find a girl. the advantage men have is that they wait for longer time to find girl. but, now there are more women than men and its becoming tough for women to compete with other women. On the flip side, time and age is against women. the longer women wait, they likely to lose the battle. I pity what these women going through. Thank god, i don't have a sister and she is not working in manhattan.
May god help all these women to find love and happiness in near future !!
You know a good friend once told me "NYC, where there are two girls for every 1 guy and half the guys are FABULUS!" I thought he has lost his mind......but I've always been very impressed by how down to earth and how nice and friendly women in NYC were to me...I've never gotten any lip or any attitude when asking if a seat were taken or simply asking a lady at the bar how the special was.....mean while here in NJ....well...how can I say this....a few of our ladies believe that though their skin looks like an alligator handbag and their voice is deep and burned out due to years of smoking that I should bend over backwards for their attention....
Turns out it's not just happenstance and coincidence.
You can thank the feminist for this one. They wanted more Women in College. So that will displace a guy. And for sure, that freshly minted college chick will not marry a non college educated guy..right?
So as more chicks go to college...more guys are displaced...and the options for those gals decreases....thanks to feminism.
So guys are just checking out...giving up...and chicks are complaining....boohoo.
The alpha males are having a field day....and why should they marry.
Finally, all these college chicks, once they start working it hits them...WORKING SUCKS! No Chit!
But guys are programmed for this Chicks are not...so if they are good looking maybe they can marry a guy and check out. Problem is, that spot in College they occupied was wasted...it could have gone to a guy who would have worked to the end. See the problem folks.
What is one of the largest demographic of individuals claiming mental disability......take a guess folks...it aint men...yep single/divorced women +40yrs. Why...because chicks are not capable of working all those years without support...ie a man a family.
Feminism...destroying America completely.
@Emi Briet @Ronald Tirado EXACTLY ! , and look at the woman's response , they call you NAMES, no facts no feedback, just infantile name calling
cause it is the truth, how many woman have to work till the end? very very few, how many men ?
@Ronald Tirado - wow, what an amazingly sexist comment!
@Ronald Tirado Can you cite the source from which you derived the conclusion that women entering the college world displaced men? I would have thought the supply of college education would have increased as demand increased. My source for that conclusion is: Mankiw, N. (2012). Principles of macroeconomics (Seventh ed.).
So all those women working in sweatyshops till they drop dead overseas so you can sit at home in sweatpants scracthing yourself as you type weirdo statements online about all the "Chicks" on planet Earth - did they work till the end?
@Christina @Ronald Tirado Do you really believe that colleges have unlimited spaces available for everyone?
Really?
Women are the bulk of graduates now, at least by enough of a margin to offset their lag in STEM fields.
if 60% issued an ultimatum then the man didnt want to marry you.
you forced him to
and he will remember that you forced him to
and onto ashley madison he will go
@Sara Kleinberg I agree, I think the ultimatum is a bad idea.
The blonde model is hot. Unfortunately she is not looking for a gentleman and instead wants Chad Thundercock to treat her like garbage.
@gored1982
Bro, she can always pay for some big 'uns! Better a flat chick with a pretty face than a 36-D that makes you put on the beer-goggles.
@Brad Thundercock If she's so hot, where are her boobs? How can a flat-chested woman like that be described as hot?
@gored1982 @Brad Thundercock Tits just get in the way... instead of her trying to hold on to her giant tits to keep them from flapping around while I'm fking her, she can be using her hands for other things. A mouthful is all you need anyway.
1) It is not men in Manhattan because Manhattan men came from all parts of the world so if it is not the men it is you.
2) There are plenty of men in NYU that are straight. If you didn't get the straight men from NYU there is the PolyTechnic Engineering division of NYU where there are 92% men. Go across the Brooklyn Bridge and find your soulmate there.
3) Women tend to be biased towards tall AND rich men. If they all want the same types of men then they all share the same small pool of "alpha-males" and they deserve to be played by these men because they have the pick of the litter.
4) Ultimatums? Seriously? You treat love and marriage like a business or a defense treaty. No wonder men avoid you because you are belligerent.
5) This one I agree with. Women should make the first move or at least be less subtle if they like the guy. Men have no clue if you like them or not, so SHOW him interest please!
6) Us guys in male dominated Engineering or Finance jobs are STARVING for women. Come down to our jobs and find us instead of looking for a guy in a women or gay male dominated industry.
7) Yep, no one wants a prude.
8) Agree with this one 100%. WOMEN in New York ARE too picky. When they are on dating websites they pick only guys that are 6 feet tall with a job. Even if you have a job you won't get picked. Also shorter guys tend to get "friendzoned" often.
So there you have it women. Get a clue instead of get a cat. Also if there is such a shortage of men, then why is there three men in the background of the Time Square picture behind that one girl?
@JD Can you cite the source from which you derived the conclusion that all women want the same type of men?
@JD Good response. You forgot one point. Most women in NYC gravitate toward white males. So the minority men have a harder time getting women even of their own race. White women rarely even gives minority men a glance which makes up of 47% of men in Manhattan. Don't go crying about a shortage of men when you don't even give half of the available ones out there a chance!
Okcupid did a study of their members and a whooping 80% of the women said only 20% of the men were desirable! This is a well known study and I did not even need it to confirm what I already knew and the reason I stopped dating altogether. It is also shown in the same study I think that almost 90% of responses on the site went to men who put a 6 figure income on their profile. Several of my friends have done this just to see what would happen. They went from almost no responses to half of the women they sent messages to responded after we saw this study to confirm.
It is so bad now that despite sites like plenty of fish and okcupid now asking you a little over a yr ago if you prefer not to see profiles of women that put "BBW" or "a few extra pounds" in the profile it is not uncommon to see overweight women flat out say men need to be 6' and athletic to date them! Again this is despite the fact that so many men complained about the amount of overweight women on their sites they actually tried to screen them out to keep the men interested in the site and the big girls still demanded the too males! This speaks volumes. My overweight male.friends had issues getting big girls to.date them because a lot.of.them won't date fat men or basically men on their level
of course there alldead from the stupidwars thanks rep
Why on Earth would anyone want to start a relationship with a person who can ditch you, and will be empowered by law to rob you of your kids, and take you for all you have, whenever she feels like it?
@Angelica Perduta Can you cite the legislation to which you refer?
@Angelica Perduta Your name is really Angelica?
Alimony laws which men are the payor around 96% of the time. If I can not pay you while you most likely work I can go to jail. I can even lose up to 70%/of my assets when you decide to cash out ooops I meant divorce. Also laws like VAWA that flat out state I need not hit you or even make a threat. All you need to do is call boys in blue and say "I'm scared of him" and I can be ordered by force out of the home and a judge will then order me to stay away from that home but continue to pay for that home or go to jail. I am not exaggerating about this. "Intimidating looks" now are considered to be a possible act of domestic violence. The legal and financial risk is not worth it.