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[Discussion] lesbian vs queer (self.actuallesbians)

revomer が 投稿

I was speaking to a friend recently about someone and they said, "I was skeptical at first because she identifies as a lesbian!"

I, myself, identify as a butch lesbian so I was a bit offended and asked them what they meant. They assured me that I was queer and then explained that the identifier "lesbian" implies transphobia and racism.

So pardon my ignorance! I went to a southern college with no queer folks or groups and have never ever heard this argument. Can someone educate me? Provide some reading?

Do y'all agree or disagree?

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[–]Amforsythe 17ポイント18ポイント  (1子コメント)

I identify as "lesbian" and I don't think it's transphobic - I mean, it seems more transphobic to say that to date a transwoman you have to be "queer" - like they're not women, too.

I wouldn't doubt that the word lesbian is very "white". I wouldn't mind hearing more opinions on that and what other words people choose instead.

I've used "queer" in the past, but right now it doesn't feel right. To me, it implies more flexibility than I am currently open to. I wouldn't be adverse to meeting someone genderqueer, bigender, et cetera - and it might change how I feel about my kinship with the word "queer". But right now I don't have a desire for that in the way that I have a desire for girls - and using "queer" would seem false to me.

[–]shaedofblue 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

When talking about transphobia, the person might have been referring to people who date nonbinary people and trans men and still call themselves lesbians. Without more context it is hard to say.

[–]aka_nemo_hoes 21ポイント22ポイント  (5子コメント)

I am too old for this new shit. Just be whoever the hell you want to be. You can be a supreme-trans-non-cis-bisexual-binary-housecat, I don't care, but don't get mad when I just call you Janice.

[–]NHDrujParty Pooper -1ポイント0ポイント  (0子コメント)

What does that even mean?

You do realize that in some situations, you actually need to use words to describe things in a little more detail than first names or overly broad categorizations, right? Shallow ideals and vaguely clever one-liners aside, we do live in the real world where might actually need to use language to communicate.

[–]AimItLikeAbbyBe gentle with me ;) -4ポイント-3ポイント  (3子コメント)

Yo dude, calm down. If you are older then why not impart your wisdom instead of your intolerance?

Either you want acceptance in the world, like we do particularly in the lgbtq community or you don't. It's practice in action and words right?

Help out but don't ding someone for wanting to educate themselves. We cool?

[–]aka_nemo_hoes 10ポイント11ポイント  (2子コメント)

Oh no not intolerance at all. It just seems like in the past, equal rights movements for minorities sought to eliminate labels. Lately it also seems that younger people getting into the social justice realm just pile more labels onto everything. In one move, that both destroys the intent of the movement, and makes the enforcer of the labels just as "intolerant" as those they wish to demean. Also, intentionally demeaning people is bad.

[–]ohnoyoudi_int 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I totally agree with you! I was talking to my younger sister just yesterday about this - we've always just said gay or lesbian, pretty simple stuff really. But now I'm supposed to be careful what to say lest I get labeled a bigot or intolerant? and I'm ONE MYSELF ? oh hell no

[–]AimItLikeAbbyBe gentle with me ;) -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Be the change. :)

[–]EJH89 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

The people I know who self identify as "queer" aren't necessarily trans but non-binary. Or they are cis-people in relationships with non-binary people.

I identify as a lesbian although, I do use the term "gay" to describe myself more than I use the term "lesbian." I like to think of it like quadrilaterals: All lesbians are gay but not all gay people are lesbians just like how all squares are quadrilaterals but not all quadrilaterals are squares.

[–]nachaevan 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm with ya on your second paragraph. Totally used the phrase "pretty gay" to describe myself... mostly because I get asked fairly frequently things like, "how gay are you?" Which is odd now I think about it, maybe because I'm more femme? ... stonedstreamofconciousness

[–]NHDrujParty Pooper 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Uhm. I thought many trans ladies identified as lesbian? I mean, if they're women who are just attracted to other women, why wouldn't they? So I don't see how it could be transphobic. Or am I missing something?

I don't identify as queer, myself. I get that some people might want or need a wider term, but "lesbian" describes what I am pretty well, so I just stick with that.

[–]TheHermioneStranger 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

I get the feeling she's only ever encountered a very specific group of lesbians.

[–]sweetris 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I am transgender and call myself gay/lesbian. I identify as a binary gender woman who likes other binary gender women.

If I liked bigender/gender neutral people and/or women/men I would probably identify as queer.

If I liked just men and women I would identify as bi.

If I liked anyone regardless of their gender identity I would identify as pan-sexual.

I really don't think there are any hard and fast rules. I think queer can also be seen as an umbrella term for the whole LGBTQIA community.

[–]sadi89 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

That attitude only perpetuates the myth of the binary. It's possible to choose a label for yourself but not hold yourself to it strictly. Lables aren't stagnant but a constantly evolving thing that can morph with ones own presfrences. Labels can be used as a way to help understand your own world, not just as an identifier for other people. Nor do other people get to critique your own label choices.

[–]ohnoyoudi_int 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

Omg. Reading through these comments is a very obvious age gap going on. I almost feel bad for you younger gay/lesbian folks. All these terms/labels/names you have to keep up with- what the hell is even happening? If, as a gay woman, I can't even keep up with it, I can assure you society (in general) won't. As a matter of fact, the very people you're trying to "educate" are rolling their eyes. the struggle is real, it appears you're adding to it. Time ta chill, enjoy life, relax....you're ok just the way you are (labels aside)

[–]Bird_Tooth 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

A lot of the most transphobic radical feminists identify as lesbian, but the two are not synonymous.

[–]itinidkwi 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Your friend is making untrue and unfair generalizations. I find people who are comfortable making these sorts of generalizations often do so because of ignorance, insecurity, or an isolated previous previous experience.

Queer is just a blanket term from lgbt+

I like to identify as queer because all it tells people is I'm not straight.