“I’m afraid I’ll lose friends if they think I agree with you – but I wanted you to know privately that I do.”
“I refuse to speak up after seeing others jump down their throats and tell them they don’t support women.”
“She assumed the only way I could have that opinion is if I had been abused by a man.”
“Please don’t mention my name. I don’t want any drama.”
These are completely genuine quotes from private messages I’ve received recently. They’re all from women who are afraid to speak their mind in fear of being ridiculed, attacked, or in some cases, rejected by their friends. For doing what, you might wonder?
Two instances recently come to mind. You may know about the high school girl band who came in 3rd place in Battle of The Bands, and was given a critique that they could have been more “sultry”.
Depending on who you ask, this proved to be a very bad thing. The textbook definition of sultry is “sexy”. So, telling 14 year old girls they need to be sexier is pretty weird. Right?
But then you talk to some musicians. They’ll tell you that “sultry” is a style of singing that has nothing to do with sexiness. It’s about passion. And as one journalist friend of mine pointed it after watching the performance…passion was pretty well absent.
Intent is important. But if you want to argue about textbook definitions, “rape culture” doesn’t exist in Western civilization. Remember that.
Point being, this friend of mine dared to suggest that the girls came in 3rd place for the simple reason that the other two bands were just better.
AW, HELL NO. Cue the self-proclaimed feminists immensely on the defence.
“is this satire? It has to be satire.”
“Fuck you. Just…fuck you.”
She was also called a misogynist, for making such a horrible claim.
She also referenced an interview in which Mercedes Arn-Horn, a well established musician and very vocal feminist, told her story of how she hasn’t used the instances where being a woman in the music industry has hindered her as a crutch, but a stepping stool to rise above and overcome the sexism she faces. This was also dismissed, with one commenter going so far as to say she “…maybe isn’t a feminist, she might even be anti-feminist…”.
So what is being said here, is that it’s anti-feminist to overcome any sexism you face with determination and pride. It’s anti-feminist to focus on proving yourself not only as a female musician, but a musician in general.
What is being said here, is that you can only be a “real” feminist if you are faced with sexism and you do nothing but complain about it online.
Because that will surely show those that doubted you that you have the skill and determination to be taken seriously.
And that’s only two things that have happened. In the past month.
Personally, I have been attacked, and blocked more times than I care to remember, by more “feminists” (I will be referring to them as ‘these feminists’ moving forward, as I have several feminist friends in my life who I love and respect and they would never behave in the way I describe) than literally anyone else online. I had a 90 (yes, ninety) page forum thread on everyone’s favourite forum, SomethingAwful, dedicated to making fun of me, and it didn’t upset me as much as some women have. I recognize the difference between intentional trolling, and someone genuinely wanting to upset you. If you anger these feminists, prepare for the latter. Your character as a person is immediately targeted. You are ganged up on and laughed at, treated as less of a person, let alone less of a woman, simply for having a different opinion. Which, if you have any common sense, is nowhere near the same as someone with an egg as their Twitter icon saying “lol shut up bitch”.
Not to mention, you certainly can’t think for yourself. Dissenting opinion? INTERNALIZED MISOGYNY!
Because if you question these feminists for any hypocritical, cruel, or straight up abhorrent behaviour, it’s clearly because you hate women. Not because you actually believe instigating an online hate mob because a man wore a shirt one time, or putting someone in jail for tweeting indirectly at you, makes you kind of an asshole. Not because you point out glaring plotholes in their narrative about “equality”, but because you are only saying and thinking what you are because YOU WANT MEN TO LIKE YOU MORE.
Yup. If you don’t agree with third wave feminists and their shitty tactics, as a woman, it’s simply because you are incapable of thinking for yourself.
Question something that is being claimed as fact? Blocked.
Ask someone why they are pushing a witch hunt on a man, when a woman has been proven to be doing the same thing, yet the woman is being praised? Responded to with a bot calling you a troll/asshole/etc.
Think for yourself…but only if those thoughts are what WE want you to have.
Silly me.
I guess I should be letting these feminists think for me instead of thinking for myself APPEALING TO THE PATRIARCHY.
Sticking to your convictions and principals despite being attacked for them isn’t internalized misogyny. Claiming otherwise, is so say that some women are so weak minded that they need the validation of men.
I’d rather have the validation of someone who respects that we won’t all always agree, rather than someone who says if I don’t agree with them it’s because I can’t think for myself.
I’m going to be writing quite a bit more on this topic, as well as taking guest posts from friends who have asked for a platform. If you want to write something, hit me up on Twitter or shoot me an e-mail.
I actually encourage discussion. Talk with me.
Also, if you like what you read, and feel like helping out with a few bucks while I get back on my own little wagon, that’s nice too.
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