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"My life became a sick experiment in performance art dating." (alternet.org)

OldUncleEl51/M/SMF が 投稿

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[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -2ポイント-1ポイント  (33子コメント)

i try to go into every article about online dating with an open mind, but it almost invariably turns out the same way:

self-indulgent white woman is condescending towards platform/userbase after getting her fill of validation

[–]macandsqueeszetus lapetus! 6ポイント7ポイント  (12子コメント)

I didn't get that vibe from this. It was more like "woman who met her husband early and wrapped her life around him learned that deriving her identity solely from romantic connections is unhealthy."

[–]OldUncleEl51/M/SMF[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ooh.

Make that the lament of many dudes whose wives have left them, as well.

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -2ポイント-1ポイント  (10子コメント)

yeah ok let's romanticize this woman who was pretty much spoiled by her husband even while he had cancer as a feminist tale of "overcoming"

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 3ポイント4ポイント  (6子コメント)

How is it romanticized as a tale of overcoming? Literally all she does is realize she doesn't have any friends and that the reason she was obsessed with online dating is that she was trying to fill that void. Is it a great article? No. Is it touting the dogma that you're furiously projecting all over it? Also no.

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -3ポイント-2ポイント  (5子コメント)

sorry i forgot to put on my white privilege/guilt bifocals before reading

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 2ポイント3ポイント  (4子コメント)

Where's her white privilege here? What guilt are you referring to? She's talking about how she used OKC as a way to manage her grief and loneliness, and frankly admits that it wasn't the right thing she needed. There's no "guilt" here, it's just recognizing that different people handle loss differently.

[–]OldUncleEl51/M/SMF[S] 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

Kinda resonated with me that way, and why I posted it.

I kept telling people in here not to date to patch themselves. Which I believe strongly.

I was just blind to the fact that I was doing it all along.

[–]shstew49/f/dfw - what's cookin'? TEXAS, that's what. 1ポイント2ポイント  (2子コメント)

Plus, you are, do,ing commas all wrong. :-P

[–]OldUncleEl51/M/SMF[S] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Goddam oxford got me thinking about it too much.

Ah, I do believe, I found, and edited the, error, so nyah, nyah.

[–]shstew49/f/dfw - what's cookin'? TEXAS, that's what. 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well good, for you!

[–]macandsqueeszetus lapetus! 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

Did I refer to it as a feminist tale of overcoming?

I thought it was a raw slice of someone's life, and I appreciate when people share their pain honestly.

[–]migrate1Iliketocarrymyselfwiththeconfidenceofamediocrewhiteman 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

How are you this bitter

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -2ポイント-1ポイント  (0子コメント)

everything tastes of ash when you've just worked a 16 hour day in the mines

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 4ポイント5ポイント  (17子コメント)

She wasn't condescending towards OKC, if anything, she was most critical of herself as she realized that she was using it to fill a void healthy friendships would have occupied had she not made her husband her whole world.

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -2ポイント-1ポイント  (16子コメント)

if she were truly self-critical her conclusion wouldn't be "i'm desirable even when i'm fucked up but i'll put the bottle down, i guess"

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 1ポイント2ポイント  (15子コメント)

I realized that online dating was not going to take the place of a real support network. I was addicted to having someone to talk to in the evenings, even if it was just a prelude to a meet-up that never happened. When someone was texting with me, I felt wanted, and less lonely...

Most importantly, I learned that it's better to put my efforts into making lasting friendships in the real world.

This was her conclusion. Feeling "wanted" isn't just about feeling desirable, it's craving human connection, which she didn't have because her husband was her everything.

Also, that it helped her deal with her grief in an unconventional way- which she admits may not have been the best way, but it was better than drinking and staying in and not talking to anyone. It wasn't about her feeling desirable, it was about her feeling "socially adept, adaptable and resilient." Or, in other words, what you want to feel as/after you go through a huge tragedy.

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -3ポイント-2ポイント  (14子コメント)

make that white privilege/guilt/knight trifocals

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

Why do I keep making the mistake of thinking that you'll ever try to back your shit up with anything that even approaches logic instead of shitty, nonsensical attempts at insults.

[–]macandsqueeszetus lapetus! 1ポイント2ポイント  (12子コメント)

Why are you trying to make this about race? This isn't about race at all- it's about grief.

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -3ポイント-2ポイント  (11子コメント)

white guilt is an institution that practices affirmative action now; everyone can take part. it's not about race. it's about a narrow perspective that only those with a certain lifestyle can enjoy

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 2ポイント3ポイント  (5子コメント)

Seriously, point out her white privilege and her white guilt in this article. Provide direct quotes and an explanation as to why you've used them as examples.

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -3ポイント-2ポイント  (4子コメント)

Seriously, point out her white privilege and her white guilt in this article. Provide direct quotes and an explanation as to why you've used them as examples.

since your reading comprehension and grasp of metaphor are poor i will put this plainly: you're the one i'm accusing of white privilege/guilt in your reading/interpretation of her article

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

Cool, where's my white privilege and guilt in this context. Provide direct quotes and an explanation as to why you've used them as examples.

[–]macandsqueeszetus lapetus! 1ポイント2ポイント  (4子コメント)

Yeah, I've heard of it. Hey, did you know I'm not white? Because it sounds like you're flinging that at the posters of this thread, not at the OP. And it's equally as nonsensical in this particular instance either way you're trying to argue it.

[–]hotdogwhaleauthor. dreamweaver. visionary. -1ポイント0ポイント  (3子コメント)

you asked my why i was making it about race. i explained how it was not about race. now you're skirting my answer and making it about race

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

White guilt and white privilege is, by definition, about race. Moron.

[–]Cruel_Melodyold/male/surly[🍰] 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

We just had a thread like this yesterday. "OMG the guys I meet are exactly like their profiles! CHANGE FOR ME!"

[–]funwithpseudonymsalmost anonymous 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's not even remotely what this article said.