Am I Slut Shaming?

SoRaiseYourGlass · 18時間前

I don't think you are wrong. You expressed an opinion about how this hookup culture makes people percieve you. Which is true. Some of my friends think I do drugs (I havne't touched any of it) Or I have wild orgys all the time (Also not true). Purely on the fact because I am gay.

People are jumping into this whole "slut shamming is bad" bandwagon too quickly. Don't let a few students who probably use tumblr to do all their activisim make you feel like your uncomfortable feelings towards hookup culture are wrong. You are you. You are entitled to feel that way.

Reraizure · 15時間前

As part of my university's liberal arts core...

This is the issue here. University is a time when young people discover a broader world and new outlooks, yet still lack some of the fundamental perspective and maturity required to handle the new philosophies they encounter with equilibrium and wisdom. So, young (meaning early-mid 20s) students often express moral outrage based on concepts they think they have a full grasp of without taking the time to critically reflect on their true understanding of said concepts. It's a bandwagon.

I'm an older university student, and myself and the other elder students witness this trigger-happy moral outrage every single day (today it happened in a professional ethics lecture). We used to be those students. We've noticed it significantly subsides once a student has gained a little real world experience. I'm sure that must make us sound arrogant and condescending, and perhaps we are, but it doesn't make the situation any less true.

You are not slut shaming. Your classmates are the ones treating you unethically by attempting to disallow your legitimate expression of your independent viewpoint, which as you state does not involve you judging the behaviour of others in any way.

Thirdatarian · 12時間前

By nature of the fact that sexual attraction is the defining point on which the gay movement is based, it makes sense that it's what is most prevalent from our culture. For what it's worth, I agree with you that hypersexualization of gay culture is problematic because it creates the "right" way to be gay. If you aren't "sexually liberated", you're repressing your sexuality and a prude. Gay culture is synonymous with hypermasculinity and promiscuity because it tries to distance itself from hyperfeminine stereotypes and repressed adolescence/religious intolerance (in general, in my opinion). This is all sorta related to your post, but suffice it to say that I don't think not fitting into a super sexualized culture means you are slut shaming.

madmaxfury · 3時間前

No, you're not slut shaming. You're totally fine.

sweetmatter · 17時間前

You have a right to your feelings of uncomfortability. Those are valid feelings. Classes like these are opportunities to use post-modern thought and ask yourself Why? Why do you feel uncomfortable next to sexualized gayness? I'm not going to tell you the answer to that question, but do some soul-searching and deep thinking and meta analysis. The answer to that question is the reason why the class you're in exists.

John2Nhoj · 16時間前

No, not at all.

It sounds like you're dealing with a hypersensitive, militant PC crowd, who are often like (no mind of their own) members of a zealot group-think cult.

Many members of the gay community are like this too, believing there is only one way to be gay and they are in charge of dictating the correct way to be gay to everyone else and if you're not exactly like them then you are self loathing with internalized homophobia lol!

Ignore that bullshit and don't allow anyone to ever hijack your right to think and do for yourself.

sjgrunewald · 10時間前

I don't care if someone goes out and barebacks every dude at the bathhouse every night of the week, I just personally wouldn't do it, and the thought of myself in that kind of situation makes me uncomfortable.

This is not slut-shaming

I also don't see how it's slut-shaming to be critical of the fact that the image of the gay community tends to be hypersexual and, frankly, bordering on pornographic.

This is a little, tiny bit slut-shamey. Gay male sexuality is often demonised and ridiculed in a way that straight male sexuality isn't and never would be. But I wouldn't have made a big deal out of it, just chalk it up to typical college overreaction and move on.

avian_buddha · 6時間前

You're allowed to be uncomfortable with the hypersexualized gay community. I don't know why 'slut-shaming' is seen as bad when nearly 1/5 gay men have HIV. There have been good societal reasons for 'slut-shaming', such as to decrease incidence of childbirth out of wedlock and to prevent the spread of STDs, or to foster the formation of long-term emotional attachments, and these reasons are still valid.

victoriasbitter · 16時間前

I just don't see how something you have no part in can bother you.

I mean if you don't like the idea of hook ups, just don't have one!

Sorry you were attacked like that, but I guess that's something to be expected in a class that probably consists of a lot of our old mates over at /r/tumblrinaction

youarejustanasshole · 15時間前

critical of the fact that the image of the gay community tends to be hypersexual and, frankly, bordering on pornographic.

Can you link to what you would consider typical hypersexualized gay images? What images are you basing this statement off of?

_kore_ · 9時間前

I don't think you're slut-shaming, but you sure are making a statement about other people's lives and what you think of their behaviors. Is that a bad thing? Not really, especially since you were in an open discussion about the topic.

However, don't assume that only hetero normative, monogamous relationships are valid. Lots of straight, gay, bi couples have non-monogamous relationships and if that works for them great.

I'll echo some other posters here - this attitude reigns supreme during ages 18-25 in the gay community. I found myself saying these same things when I was starting University. As I grew older, I realized that my understanding of love and relationships had to evolve.

BrobearBerbil · 5時間前

Being fast to attack an opinion is an early college trait. As you progress, you'll see that the smart students are patient and reason through things without thinking they know the right answer first. I think it has something to do with high school training people to just know all the right answers instead of being critical thinkers.

pat-mcgroin-1970 · 2時間前

You're half and half, in my opinion. You're right to say that you're allowed to be uncomfortable with some aspect. That's a personal choice, and yours to make.

The moment you use the word 'critical' of the subjectively hypersexual community is where you start to morph into the shame nun, just a bit.

It's one thing to opt out. Nobody is forcing you to be a slut. It's another to be critical of others.

I also don't necessarily agree that gay culture is over sexualized, more so than any culture that doesn't involve kids. That's changing a bit, as gays are increasingly allowed to adopt and have kids, but you put a group of adults together in an enclosed space for any amount of time, and it's going to get randy and horny. Even a group of straight men are overtly sexualized, just in a straight way. So, this also might be a source of backlash when you single out one group as being hypersexualized, when not recognizing the same or similar in other groups. Plus, the media doesn't help persuade the public opinion much. It's probably undeniable and quantifiable how hypersexualized the gay media is, but that's not necessarily an accurate representation of reality. Just like the extreme standards of beauty are not real as represented in teen girl and women's magazines.

weendogtownandzboys · 31分前

Voicing your value judgment of hook up culture is textbook slut shaming. You are welcome to those thoughts but when you voice them in public to people participating in that then you are shaming them.

Daydreamerjt · 17分前

Is it bad to have laughed? I think you're okay. We have the same opinion pretty much.

karnim · 18時間前

I would actually say that in the context of the course, you were slightly in the wrong. There is no issue with you not wanting to do it or being uncomfortable thinking about yourself doing it, but it is something you need to be able to discuss in the course (since it came up). I would certainly be uncomfortable cutting someone open to perform surgery myself, but I would need to be able to discuss it academically (ignoring my personal feelings) were I in an anatomy class.

It gets difficult in the social sciences, particularly when you are studying your own group. By speaking about your own experiences within the culture, you're tainting your study of the culture.

Isimagen · 17時間前

Are you slut shaming? Not directly, perhaps not at all. I think it's an easy trap to fall into though. I hope, in a good class anyway, they will learn they shouldn't jump down your throat so easily and perhaps you'll expand your horizons and understandings as well.

My issue is this: We have room for ALL types in our community (Our community being gays, men, humans, etc. whatever you want it to be.) The gay community has for a very long time been unable to have traditional-style pairing relationships safely in most of the world. As rights movements have gained momentum that has been more acceptable by society in general. But during those times where pairing and long-term relationships were unable to be safely experienced, men still had urges. So they acted on those urges when they had the chance to do so. Sometimes just finding another man to have sex with was all that mattered, the guy himself didn't even matter to some because you couldn't be picky.

So now, we're here and there is pressure for us to conform to "traditional" (re: conservative) models of relationships or sexuality. This is good and bad like most everything. Where it goes wrong is when you have people in the community that start to exercise intolerance towards those that helped them gain rights in the past. (Again, not black and white.) We have been raised to believe that life is man + woman + 2.5 kids + pets + picket fenced home. Many wanted that because they were taught that's the "best" way to live. This has confounded huge numbers of straight people too. How many women have lived with issues because they didn't want children? How many men just wanted to be single and sleep around but couldn't due to society? The "gays" didn't have to worry about that until recently.

For me personally, I don't slut shame though I do tend to judge behaviors by how I'd react if these people were in my life. An example: If you're someone who barebacks non-stop without any precautions or thought towards diseases, I don't condone shaming you as such but I think you're really misguided and I have huge issues with you being so careless because the rest of us pick up the bill for your treatment via insurance or walk-in healthcare costs. If you could sign a waiver of accepting no funds from the rest of us, I'd say have at it.

If you sleep around because you enjoy sex and are careful, take precautions, and make a best effort to find out about STIs and such beforehand, I have no problem with that as you're making an informed decision with responsibility. People may not LIKE that but I think we shouldn't be so quick to condemn it. Sex, especially in the USA, has become something rather shameful. A huge part of this is part of the fabric of the country and our roots. We were made up by a bunch of very, very conservative people who were so conservative that they felt persecuted and came here. So of course that lingers. This is why much of the world chuckles at us being so violent and accepting violence without question while we hold congressional hearings when a nipple is shown on tv.

So, rambling and perhaps making no sense, I just suggest that you consider why you feel the way you do in order to get the answer to your topic question here. Why are you uncomfortable with the sexuality of others? Is it different when it's straight people doing the same things you dislike in our community? Do you have the same issues with similarly charged topics?

amelie_poulain_ · 12時間前

the fact that you made a post here asking if you were in the wrong makes me believe you're a perfectly rational human being with a preference, not a "slut-shamer"

Firecrotch2014 · 18時間前

I dont think you were in the wrong. Yup i know this is going to get downvoted but i think the gay community needs to be more self aware of how their sexual encounters makes the rest of the gay community look. If a homophobe knows of gay guys who sleep around alot theyll hold that up as yet another reason to hate gay people. Theyre infintely more apt to tell all their friends about the slut guy who sleeps with a different man every night than the man who comes home to his boyfriend every night. If we show that we as a community can hold monogamous relationships then maybe they will see us as not too different from themselves.

TS_Venture_PHD · 17時間前

You can't really get mad at the "community" as a whole because people want to generalize and stereotype. Same gender relations have always been stigmatized as some form of deviancy. So I suppose it's understandable that gay folks would continue to be seen as not fitting in with the hetero-normative paradigm of monogamy, commitment, 2.5 kids and a dog. However, the thing is most straight people don't do a great job of prescribing to that paradigm either. That image is just granted to them because they have a wife and a kid although their marriage is a wreck and the cheat on each other constantly. Or the straight single guy who is a complete man-whore just "hasn't found the right girl yet." No one seems to care what he or she's up to as long as they can live in a dillusion where the world is or will be how they want it to be in their mind because the bias exist regardless of how you or I act. I don't know why they aren't demonized for it as much as gays, I suppose it has something to do with what I mentioned above.

As far as slut shaming is concerned I don't know how we ended up in a place where we are some how obligated to condone the behaviors of everyone else. You certainly shouldn't treat someone disparagingly simply because you do not agree with their values or lifestyle. But, you don't have to march in the parade they throw for themselves to justify their choices either. They are who they are, you are who you are. We are all different in our own unique way, that includes the way we think about things and how that affects how we act. So slut shaming, because you don't agree and voiced that opinion, I vote, no.

ikonoclasm · 17時間前

Here's the thing about opinions: until you've experienced something, you can hold an opinion, but it's not worth much. You don't know first-hand what you're talking about. You were raised with the societal mores inflicted on Western by such delightfully irrational religious groups as the Puritans and Catholics. You hold those opinions because that is how you were raised, not because you have any real world experience to back up the claim. You were raised to believe that open expressions of sexuality are hypersexualized and pornographic, with your connotations clearly being negative. That right there should be a big tip-off that you're slut-shaming when you consider either pornographic or hypersexualized to be de facto negative qualities.

If you had a mile long list of guys you'd fucked and weren't able to find someone to settle down with, your opinion would be worth considering as you'd have experienced the hypersexualized hook-up culture that puts low priority on intimacy and emotional connections. You've made it clear that you do not, so your opinion comes from a position of ignorance and rote recitation of the values you were raised with, which do slut-shame.

Anconia80 · 16時間前

I don't care if someone goes out and barebacks every dude at the bathhouse every night of the week...

Maybe you weren't slut shaming, but your statement makes it pretty clear that you would of given half the chance. I've never "barebacked" anyone but my husband and would never condone it, but your statement drips with self-loathing and hate of sexuality.

somekook · 18時間前

You're not slut shaming, you're just a boring, cliche conservative young gay man who doesn't understand that we secured our right to settle down and have families by publicly proclaiming our right to be unabashedly sexual.

everyone-is-a-victim · 13時間前

Yup, that's why you wanna avoid anything to do with the LGBT community. Everyone's an over sensitive butthurt. The LGBT community pretty much goes hand in hand with the age of the feminazi.

askgaybros

調停者