58
59

Husband was thoughtless (self.bisexual)

laineedee が 投稿

He often compliments other women, which I don't mind because I love women too, but tonight he was just damn thoughtless. I'm really heartbroken. He complimented another woman at the bar (not realising she was behind him apparently) by saying "well if I had a wife that looked like [woman's name] I wouldn't be out getting drunk"

Cue him turning around and seeing her there and blushing etc. Then I came up to tell him I had to get our children and could feel the awkward so asked what happened and his friends quickly filled me in. I get it. I'm fat. She's not. I'm alternative, she's more traditional beauty. I'm just hurt.

全 38 件のコメント
並べ替え:
ベスト
トップ新着論争中古い順Q&A

[–]ageeksgirl08 90ポイント91ポイント  (2子コメント)

No. That isn't being thoughtless. That's being a complete asshat. My husband also compliments other women, but NEVER in a way that disrespects me or my appearance.

I was going to say that maybe he was just trying to be "cool" in front of his friends, but after reading your other comments, I don't think that's the case at all. It sounds like you're letting him walk all over you. And that's not right! You need to stand up for yourself and tell him that he's being an ass. Remember, you are beautiful and worth something to the world. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

[–]laineedee[S] 14ポイント15ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thank you. I guess I was just afraid of overreacting or blowing things out of proportion.

[–]qolace 24ポイント25ポイント  (0子コメント)

What? Does he actually say that to you? Don't EVER let him make you feel like you're being "too sensitive" and are "overreacting" just because he doesn't have the fucking guts to own up to the fact that he disrespected you, hurt you, and invalidated your feelings when you brought it up. That is a form of gaslighting and that's NOT okay. If this is a reoccurring thing, no disrespect, but he needs to grow the fuck up and you two need to have a talk about how you two respect each other.

[–]DrEmerson 35ポイント36ポイント  (0子コメント)

Make sure you mention how hurt you are after you cool down a little. It's not okay to say things like that just because you weren't around to hear it. That's really shitty and maybe you two should have a talk about some feelings he's having.

Being in a relationship doesn't make you blind to attractive people, but it also doesn't make it okay to say such awful things. Maybe he doesn't deserve a wife at all.

[–]bearded_warrior_ 32ポイント33ポイント  (1子コメント)

Not cool. Hope you feel better soon

[–]BlueBerryJazzbi poly female 24ポイント25ポイント  (0子コメント)

For him to say that in front of other people is really cruel. Your partner should have your back in public.

If you're mad, it's okay to be mad.

[–]flyingwolf 21ポイント22ポイント  (1子コメント)

In your other post you stated after you went home you passive aggressively pushed him out of the bed by having your two young children sleep in it with you and letting the cat in, I assume he doesn't like the cat in the room.

Then to top it off took a hand full of sleeping pills followed by rum.

Get help. This sounds like you guys are in shit relationship and showing contempt for eachother instead of speaking honestly with each other.

I would also like to note I am glad you are losing weight, but do it for yourself, because its healthy, because you want to, because it's your decision, not to please someone else.

Otherwise every time you get pissed at him you will stop your dieting and gain weight solely to spite him because the weight loss was for him and not for your.

Finally, you heard from his friends what was said, but did you speak to him at all?

[–]Krullenhoofd 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is possibly the most important post in this thread. Well bloody written

[–]__seripha__ 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

If he doesn't want to be with you, then he should leave, not insult you in front of other people. That is a nasty and immature thing to do. If he doesn't like you how you are that is his problem, not yours. If you want to lose weight because you want it for yourself then okay, but fuck his opinion about it. You have every right to be hurt and if he invalidates and dismisses your feelings regarding that tell him straight up that he is doing so.

[–]btvsrcks 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

that is not very nice at all. I hope he apologizes profusely. Also you guys should probably get some counseling.
You have ever right to be hurt. That was an absolutely horrible thing for him to say. What a douche your husband was being.

[–]paradoxasauruser 3ポイント4ポイント  (7子コメント)

Do you think you can explain to him how much that hurt you?

[–]laineedee[S] 7ポイント8ポイント  (6子コメント)

It seems pretty pointless. He often just says "oh I didn't mean it" or "I just always say the wrong thing."

I have such a crappy time trying to get him to understand how I feel about my sexuality.

He organised 2 FFM experiences to "help me" because I'd "never go for it if (i) was asked"

I question his reasons behind it all really. I'm just hurt right now.

[–]paradoxasauruser 8ポイント9ポイント  (4子コメント)

That's pretty shitty. Do you feel like you guys connect and communicate well outside of this?

[–]laineedee[S] 9ポイント10ポイント  (3子コメント)

Yep. We've been seeing a marriage counsellor for like 3? Years now. Making great progress. .. and then he goes and says something like this and I wonder why I bother since he clearly wants something I'm not.

[–]paradoxasauruser 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

Good for you for sticking to it, and counseling was what I was going to suggest so I think you're pushing in the right direction. Can you reference this incident specifically at your next session?

[–]laineedee[S] 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yup. Will do. If it was an isolated incident I'd let it go but it's not the first time. :)

[–]paradoxasauruser 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah, good on you for standing up for yourself and I hope he starts understanding :)

[–]Tiervexx 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

It seems pretty pointless. He often just says "oh I didn't mean it" or "I just always say the wrong thing."

If he's going to be that thoughtless and block the basic communication that is supposed to fix these things, it makes sense to leave him.

[–]mariacoarse 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

What an asshole. No one deserves that.

[–]nolearnsnoprobs 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

What he said (and the fact he said it knowing you were around) was super fucked up. You have every right to be hurt and feeling low. But, do you really want to stay in a relationship where you feel the need to heavily medicate to avoid your SO? I am concerned for you and your kidlets...

[–]MisoPlas 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

That wasn't thoughtless at all, that was downright hurtful. You didn't deserve that and I'm really sorry.

[–]FancyLadyOfCornwood 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

So, he says a lot of things like this? And then he avoids responsibility by saying "I didn't mean it like that" or "I always say the wrong thing"? That is gaslighting. At best it is immature and annoying, at worst it is abusive. And either way, it is completely unacceptable.

[–]SldnH -3ポイント-2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dont care too much about someone, even your husband