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Has anyone painstakingly improved their fitness/physique and *not* noticed an increase in attention from the opposite sex? (self.Fitness)

MrRedTRex が 投稿

Or am I just irredeemably ugly?

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[–]Embryo557 204ポイント205ポイント  (5子コメント)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/10/06/1412581113106_wps_1_Gym_ad_jpg.jpg

[–]I_Love_Voyboy 542ポイント543ポイント  (34子コメント)

Or am I just irredeemably ugly?

Well you said it, not us..

[–]Bean_Boy 115ポイント116ポイント  (20子コメント)

Well maybe your socially awkward and it takes time to improve. My guess is that sometimes people who are socially awkward who go work out like mad and become super fit may still be socially awkward. "yea i go to the gym 7 days a week, no big deal." "you want 2 tickets to the gun show" "Yea I've been really trying to focus on improving myself to be the best version of me I can be"

I'm not saying you're any of these things, just playing devils advocate for you. good luck buddy. No humble bragging, work on personality too (watch comedy, read, etc.).

Edit: also, HOW improved? Maybe you got more to go or you have acne....lol im an asshole..

[–]morelikebigpoor 42ポイント43ポイント  (5子コメント)

Yeah, I have no idea about OP, but I knew a guy who was in INCREDIBLE shape. He still has some of the most bizarre mannerisms of anyone I've ever met.

[–]CochinBrahmaLover 30ポイント31ポイント  (2子コメント)

I know a dude who is a fucking god. My lord, is he attractive, and fit. Just them arms.

Weird. As. Hell

I think the only reason he's not completely shunned is cause he's really nice, and of course, hot.

[–]Flechair 36ポイント37ポイント  (0子コメント)

One of my coworkers is extremely fit but he mumbles and almost never talks first. I can understand why he is single.

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    [–]snickles [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

    Related to the humble bragging: I work as a cashier at a grocery store and there's an extremely fit guy who comes through my line every once in a while. He's always wearing tight work out clothes and is clearly on the way home from the gym. Every time he buys like 6 pieces of sushi and a cliff bar and says "I just finished teaching a class and I'm having a cheat day, don't judge me!"

    Don't do that.

    [–]MC57 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

    I'm confused. Are those quotes examples of what socially awkward people say?

    [–]HerrXRDS 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

    Can confirm. Few years back I was the fat, funny guy. Girls were never an issue, most of my GFs were way out of my league. Then I moved to another country, got fit and a lot more attractive from what my old friends told me. The problem is, in the new language I have to speak, even though I speak fluently , I'm awkward as fuck, can't find a girl if my life depends on it.

    [–]Circ-Le-Jerk 14ポイント15ポイント  (3子コメント)

    I think we live on different planets. I've seen objectively regular attractive guys who happen to work out a lot, get women just by being there. You see the same exact things you see with skinny attractive chicks... The dude just has to exist and talk and girls will laugh at his stupid and uninteresting jokes.

    I think OP's problem is that he either is 1) Not actually in shape, or 2) completely socially oblivious.

    [–]_expat_ 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Wow, that sounds exactly like my ex who was, in retrospect, incredibly socially awkward.

    [–]kinetic_psyops 2ポイント3ポイント  (2子コメント)

    So as someone who has said that third one more than once, honestly, is that socially awkward and I'm just so retarded I didn't realize it?

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      [–]ToastySnack111Cricket 12ポイント13ポイント  (5子コメント)

      Op may be onto something

      [–]BossnianWeightlifting 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

      To be fair, we were all thinking it...

      [–]McLovenYou 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

      Open may be on to something

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        [–]Icameheretosaythis2u 221ポイント222ポイント  (32子コメント)

        Lost 30 pounds, still ugly. Source: I am an expert

        [–]MovingOnward2089 73ポイント74ポイント  (28子コメント)

        losing weight is the easy part, gaining it back in a sexy way is not.

        [–]Icameheretosaythis2u 39ポイント40ポイント  (27子コメント)

        Step 1: be attractive

        [–]drucifer0 49ポイント50ポイント  (26子コメント)

        Step two: don't be unattractive.

        [–]Icameheretosaythis2u 16ポイント17ポイント  (4子コメント)

        Shit! That's my problem I always forget rule #2.

        [–]uhtt1 9ポイント10ポイント  (19子コメント)

        I hate this meme because it implies that attractiveness is something that is entirely hereditary and out of your control. But it's not. So often I see people of the other sex and think, they would be really cute if they only ...

        [–]drgreen818 43ポイント44ポイント  (0子コメント)

        The point still remains, they're cute enough already that you think they could be cuter. If you ugly, yous ugly.

        [–]2gig 6ポイント7ポイント  (15子コメント)

        Rule #2 is almost entirely genetics. Sometimes you're just born with a jacked-up face and lack of curves/height (depending on sex).

        [–]kaizen-apprentice 5ポイント6ポイント  (7子コメント)

        My husband is fairly short. Like 5'6" or 5'7". But he gets plenty of attention from women, especially when he works out regularly. Uunf.

        He's got a weird face, too. Huge nose, otherwise delicate features... can cross dress fairly convincingly. Really pale, large asymmetric facial moles, wicked widow's peak and under eye bags. When he frowns in a certain way he looks like this guy: http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/supermarioglitchy4/images/b/b5/NO_Rage_Face.png/revision/latest?cb=20150326171100

        But damn, I could never get enough of looking at him. It's not just me, either, like I said he gets flirted with a lot. My sister once saw a picture of him and was like "You have a crush on that guy? Ok..." Then she met him and an hour later I got a text message "You were right. He's really cute, in a weird sort of way. I don't get why, but whoah. Go get him."

        Moral of the story: It's not entirely genetics. That man's a knockout, and nobody knows why.

        [–]2gig 4ポイント5ポイント  (5子コメント)

        I'd wager on pheromones, especially since your sister, who shares a lot of genes with you, found him attractive only after meeting. That shit's effectively random. Confidence also goes a long way, of course. Also 5'6"/5'7" really isn't that short; I'd say being moderately fit cancels it out (although individuals' preferences are a huge factor, of course).

        [–]kaizen-apprentice 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

        Could be. But attraction is effectively random by that metric anyway; a good portion of the people I meet are going to be attracted to my husband, but not everyone. And that's gonna be the same no matter who you are. It does seem like there's a lot more women who throw my husband googly eyes than I would expect, writing him down on paper, and it's not just my family that's noticed that fact.

        My point is that genetics is a factor, but personality and charisma is WAY more important, whether your male or female. In my experience, at least.

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          [–]imperabo 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

          That's a vividly comical picture you painted.

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                  [–]hercule2015 385ポイント386ポイント  (106子コメント)

                  Women are attracted to 'confidence' more than 'looks' in my admittedly limited expeience..

                  [–]dendroidarchitecture 121ポイント122ポイント  (7子コメント)

                  "Can fifteen years of imaginary training really be put to use?"

                  [–]hercule2015 24ポイント25ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Yes! It's true! There's someone out there looking for exactly you! ... And 10 million others looking for a slight variation of you. So, just shoot for the latter as your odds are better ;)

                  [–]vth0mas 22ポイント23ポイント  (2子コメント)

                  Oldboy is tied for my favorite foreign film. That hallway fight scene was the best.

                  [–]JoseWolf32 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Oldboy reference....very nice.

                  [–]splicerslicer 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  sick korean film reference breh

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                    [–]Sparkly_Pegasusss 43ポイント44ポイント  (20子コメント)

                    Am woman. Somewhat agree. Don't confuse confidence and cocky-ness. We like dick, not dicks.

                    [–]KingEnemyOne 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

                    Ayyyee

                    [–]qasimq [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                    Bam ! http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa78/fear_free/Zapp-Brannigan-futurama-3153956-1024-768_zpsqnajewfm.jpg

                    [–]mylord420 1ポイント2ポイント  (3子コメント)

                    Actually many dicks are very successful. You know the hot girls who go from boyfriend to boyfriend every 3-4 months? Those boyfriends are the dicks. Dicks are confident. The giels leave them after a few months, but that is still months of recking hot girls and moving on to a new one

                    [–]Sparkly_Pegasusss 4ポイント5ポイント  (2子コメント)

                    For what I've seen, a vast majority of those girls are a tad bit crazy. So whatever floats your boat dude.

                    [–]mylord420 [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

                    They are. Im just making a point. Those assholes get in through the door and into vagina, because many girls mistake their assholeyness for confidence until their relationship falls apart and they hate them months later

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                      [–]NewSwiss 21ポイント22ポイント  (31子コメント)

                      Also, style and humor. Being confident but still looking like a slob and having nothing to say won't get you very far.

                      [–]JuicyFuckingMeme 38ポイント39ポイント  (27子コメント)

                      -Confidence

                      -Looks

                      -Humor

                      Have at least 2.

                      [–]showcase25 39ポイント40ポイント  (23子コメント)

                      Money.

                      Why is it not in this list?

                      Please do not say money doesn't matter, because it does.

                      [–]Nahbruh123 12ポイント13ポイント  (5子コメント)

                      Honestly it depends on how old you are. I'm 21 and in grad school and money isn't really that big of a deal because its just assumed that everyone is a broke college student or broke 20something trying to figure their shit out. If you happen to bag a guy who's rich its definitely a perk but by no means a requirement. Its also not really that impressive because its probably their parents money. However, once you get out of your late twenties I can see money mattering a lot more to people in the dating pool because I guess you're sort of expected to have your life together by that point.

                      [–]PrimeIntellect 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

                      The divide definitely gets bigger later, especially in bigger cities, when some people are living in crappy apartments in bad areas, vs having a nice house and money to eat well and do cool shit

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                        [–]El_Generico_Orphan 10ポイント11ポイント  (6子コメント)

                        Cause we are talking about getting attention based off looks and what not and unless your walking around with a sign saying you have money people generally have no clue?

                        [–]CombativeAccount 14ポイント15ポイント  (5子コメント)

                        I believe the assumption is that possessing status symbols like nice cars and expensive clothes is where the border of 'looks' and 'money' meet.

                        I don't necessarily agree with the 'women love money' angle but I do also think that money and appearance intermix somewhat.

                        [–]Areign 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

                        I also think money and confidence intersect quite often.

                        [–]wh173 2ポイント3ポイント  (3子コメント)

                        Yeah, a Bentley or ferrari exales "confidence" in the womens perspective.

                        [–]hibryan 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                        Money can make a man confidence and stylish if you think about it.

                        [–]PoggiPoge [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                        Because if you have money you probably don't need this list

                        [–]PlaysWithIdeas -1ポイント0ポイント  (4子コメント)

                        Every survey of women ranks money or some synonym of money like stability or security as the #1 desired trait in a partner. Seems kinda shallow but you cant really fault em though. One gender evolved doing a hunting and providing role, and the other evolved to nest and suck up resources to take care of their offspring. In today's world that means money. Just female nature doing what female nature does.

                        [–]CombativeAccount 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

                        I moooooooore or less agree with your evolutionary psychology spiel, but I do think it's patently false to imply that women evolved to 'suck up resources.' Women evolved to do plenty of shit that benefited the group, such as an evolved ability to forage (linking this would take a long time but the evidence is most certainly out there) and innate abilities of hand-and-eye dexterity for the creation of tools, clothing, and materials.

                        While yes, there is a certain intersection between the need to nurture and the need to be provided for, even a very-pregnant or just-delivered woman would be very busy in her daily life in an age before this one. And hell, in countries without maternity leave, lots of women are back to work and providing for the family again regardless of the status of their pregnancy. Let's not mix our evolutionary psychology with misconceptions about the behavior of women the world over.

                        [–]CochinBrahmaLover 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                        Seriously dude?

                        Women didn't just 'nest and suck up resources' my goodness, what do you think "hunter and gatherer" group means?

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                                [–]pamaci 5ポイント6ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                This is true. Confidence and personality makes all of the difference in the world. I'm really into the bodybuilding community and I spend a lot of time with competitors, so my friends and family always expect me to go for the biggest, leanest dudes. Don't get me wrong, I definitely love muscle, but when it comes down to it I care far more about the guy who is confident, kind, and down to earth than how shredded his abs are.

                                [–]hercule2015 19ポイント20ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                *experience.. Also, I realize that I made the assumption that OP was male.. Not sure why

                                [–]brightspace 24ポイント25ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                Maybe because his name is Mr. Red T Rex?

                                I think you're correct in confidence being more attractive than looks. Losing weight and gaining muscle is more about getting you to feel better about yourself. I chose to start lifting because I wouldn't date myself (becuase of my weight).

                                [–]mrkrabscrabs 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                That's so weird. That is exactly how I feel. Chicks are willing but I feel like shit on the inside. It's been such good motivation to lose weight. Especially visualizing the end result.

                                I've been getting attention but still feel shitty. Wish I could speed up the process to be honest. At this point failure doesn't even feel possible. This is just a journey I'm taking.

                                [–]RedPillProphet [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                                "Not sure why"

                                Because a woman never has to try this hard to get the opposite gender's attention.

                                [–]TheCowgirlCrusher 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                Even ugly chicks will get action if they're in good shape.

                                [–]fh3131 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                Even ugly chicks will get action if they're putting out

                                ftfy

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                                  [–]elbji 12ポイント13ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                  Good looking people tend to be confident... In my limited experience

                                  [–]mwait [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                                  This. Confidence typically stems from other qualities that are appealing to women. Like being attractive. Or rich... That is why it works. Being confident and ugly won't get you very far.

                                  [–]Macadu 11ポイント12ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                  Can confirm. I have lost weight, but what really helped me was being more confident in myself and my appearance.

                                  [–]JuicyFuckingMeme 7ポイント8ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                  Yea, confidence for me came with getting in shape. I used to dread even going out in public when I was a skinny, pale, nerd in high school, but now I like to take walks around downtown just for fun.

                                  [–]Macadu 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                  Exactly, after losing weight and gaining muscle, I was never that afraid of just walking over and saying hi to pretty girls.

                                  [–]bigmansam45 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                  I think this is extremely common and is the reason people make the link "in shape = attractive" rather than the fuller "in shape = more confident (generally) and more confident = more attractive"

                                  [–]Trying_To_Contribute 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                  I've been on a bad 4-6 month stretch of poor eating habits and no working out due to a few nagging injuries.

                                  Put on a few pounds, have a little more fuck it in my system.

                                  I've received more attention and attraction now then anytime in my life, it's slightly annoying.

                                  [–]two_if_by_sea 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                  Both count for a lot.

                                  [–]Lykiard 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                  More like physique is much less important than face and height, which women certainly do care about.

                                  [–]Brakkio 1ポイント2ポイント  (14子コメント)

                                  Is gaining confidence as easy as gaining muscle? how do you do it.

                                  [–]dropitlikeitshot 7ポイント8ポイント  (9子コメント)

                                  Confidence is easy. Just stop caring if people like you and just be you liking yourself. That's all there is to it. You'll become a magnet for those worth your time and affection.

                                  [–]n00py 6ポイント7ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                  This is bad advice. What if you are an insufferable dork?

                                  [–]nanobot001 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                  Absolutely true. You can still be arrogant, uncaring, and mean. In fact, psychopaths don't care if people like them and they are happy to be themselves.

                                  [–]rotfaceModeling 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                  You'll become king of the dorks. Which is fine if you like the girls who share your interests.

                                  [–]dropitlikeitshot 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                  Then be that dork. If you are actually happy with yourself and legitimately don't care if anyone else likes you, that's all there is to it. There will be someone out there that will see that and be drawn in. When I don't feel good about myself or care too much about what others think of me, no one wants me either. I'm not spectacular to gaze upon, and I can be very awkward and dorky as well. It's not magic, it's just like exercise. You've got to start small and practice. You've got to focus on the bad feelings you have about yourself and let them go. Start small but start. When you can let go enough to truly not care if you're single the rest of your life, and still be happy with you, you'll find her. I guarantee it.

                                  Make it a brief morning mantra or something. Stick with it for a week or month or whatever, see how it goes. Do you think it could seriously make it worse?

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                                    [–]Freddy_Fedora 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                    Achieving goals you set for yourself.

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                                      [–]trowawufei 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                      Not an either-or question. Looks are still an important plus factor.

                                      [–]SlimyScrotum 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                      Yup this is it. Personally after becoming better looking, I gained tons of confidence. They go hand in hand. OP should definitely try talking to more girls.

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                                        [–]AK10 96ポイント97ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                        Yeah I dropped 72 lbs over the course of about 10 months. I was overweight so it needed to be done. No real increase in my sex life, but hey I'm glad I did it anyway. I'd rather be healthy than fat and headed for obesity and heart disease. So now I'm assuming the issue is my personality or my general ineptitude at talking to girls. I'll figure it out though, and I'm sure you will too.

                                        [–]Ghibli_Guy 111ポイント112ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                        Sounds like you might need to up your hygiene or personal style regimen then. Good luck man!

                                        [–]IfeelsodaGoot 34ポイント35ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                        This right hur. A little style and moderate confidence goes a long way.

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                                          [–]Ser_Rodrick_Cassel 79ポイント80ポイント  (11子コメント)

                                          yeh I'm fit af and still can't figure out how to behave like a normal social person. zero positive attention from girls when I was fat, zero positive attention from them now. I'm either:

                                          • shutting in and talking to no one for days.

                                          • getting drunk and picking fights.

                                          I don't have a "middle" setting it seems. I'm an all around pretty terrible person actually

                                          [–]idlestone 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                          Seems like it's time to up your mind /r/fitness too. Work on it and I'm sure you'll succeed!

                                          [–]d-crow 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                          hey me too

                                          [–]Peckerdick 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                          We should hang out. Or better yet, let's talk about hanging out but never actually get around to doing it.

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                                            [–]Bhiim[🍰] 48ポイント49ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                            Bruh. Don't do even a fraction of it for the opposite sex. Do it 100% just for yourself. Seeking attention and validation are some of the most self-destructive paths you can take.

                                            Source: Got in great shape in hopes of getting laid/gf. Nothing panned out, got depressed, put on even more than I started with.

                                            [–]falconianbostonian [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                                            Should he ignore all of the other stories of people who got in shape for the opposite sex and succeeded?

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                                              [–]a_dollar_sign_texas 13ポイント14ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                              I just finished reading a great book called Models: Attract Women Through Honesty. In it, the author describes his journey of self-discovery from being a wussy nice-guy into a confident, well-adjusted man.

                                              Let me be clear that this is not a book about PUA technique or how to be a douche bag to get people to like you. It's about how to be attractive by being assertive and honest and vulnerable with people you interact with. The author was a part of the PUA community when he was younger, but has since realized the immaturity present in trying to put on a show just to get someone to sleep with you.

                                              The title of the book comes from the intro where the author talks about how men today don't have many positive and masculine role models. This book is meant to be a model of male behavior, and I have to say there's a lot of good info in there. Not a perfect book by any means, but if you're looking to be a better person, a better man, and specifically be more attractive to women, then I highly recommend you pick up this book.

                                              [–]USOutpost31 3ポイント4ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                              There's a problem with this : being a 'real man' will put you outside the scope of a lot of attractive women. Does the book talk about that? Women go thru their dumbass phase too, they totally don't see, not a 'nice guy', but a healthy man, healthy emotionally and mentally. At a young age, perhaps most women. So you can be a good looking healthy man, and be totally ignored by a lot of attractive women.

                                              Maybe that's why the author drifted out of the PUA community.

                                              As a guy, you think the social girl with the banging body is what to go for, and a lot of them are reptiles. A girl sees the assertive, athletic guy and she's swooning. Well, he's a sociopath.

                                              [–]a_dollar_sign_texas [スコア非表示]  (1子コメント)

                                              I think you make a good point. I believe the book does talk about not trying to attract every single woman out there. There's so many different types of people that regardless of how you behave some percentage of the population won't like you. Male or female. If you focus on becoming the person you want to be, you'll attract people who "like you for you".

                                              Specifically, there's a whole section on demographics and hobbies/interests. It states very clearly that you won't be able to connect with certain people, even if you're super hot, even if you know all the best lines, even if you're just putting on a show regardless of who you try to be. The point is not to attract every single woman -- hot or otherwise -- it's to attract the kinds of people you want to spend time with. By focusing on quality relationships you focus on your own happiness first, not just banging hot chicks.

                                              The author tells a story where he is chatting up a very attractive woman, and she sort of mentions off-handedly "Thanks for not being ugly. I've been hit on by ugly guys all night and I can't stand them" or something to that effect. The author then very clearly states to this woman his belief that being repulsed by someone simply because of their appearance is extremely unattractive and IIRC that she's ugly on the inside for thinking as much. For this honest assertion of his feelings she throws her drink in his face. That's probably a good thing that he found out sooner rather than later that this woman was not the kind of person he wanted to be with. I wouldn't want to attract or be with a woman like that and I assume most people wouldn't either.

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                                                [–]Not-Ned-Flanders 46ポイント47ポイント  (10子コメント)

                                                Post a pic, we will judge you.

                                                [–]padawan117 15ポイント16ポイント  (9子コメント)

                                                /r/rateme

                                                [–]serialaccountkillerWeight Lifting 7ポイント8ポイント  (8子コメント)

                                                On my throwaway I got higher than I expected, but the attention I receive (0) is not near my rating of (7). At 7 you'd think I'd at least not having girls rushing by me to avoid having to say hello.

                                                I guess muscles + acne scars = 7, but girls only see the scars :'(

                                                [–]AdrenolineLove 10ポイント11ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                YOU think girls only see the scars. Bruh. You can be ugly as fuck and still pull tail, its all about the mouth game. Talk them up.

                                                [–]Kamigawa 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                Mouth game comes after the interest, unless you're posting from prison

                                                [–]kingmufasa420 [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                                                Depends. If you wait for women to show interest in you before talking to them, you're gonna be waiting a while. Talking to them first is what creates interest.

                                                [–]USOutpost31 2ポイント3ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                                I wonder. There are plenty of guys who have acne scars who do very well.

                                                [–]CombativeAccount 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                Seal got it bad, and he married Heidi freakin' Klum.

                                                [–]serialaccountkillerWeight Lifting 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                I forgot to mention I'm short. Thats the deal breaker.

                                                コメントをもっと表示する (1 返事)

                                                  [–]gaboon 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                  Go see a dermatologist who does cosmetic procedures if it's something you think about often. There are some incredible new non-surgical laser treatments that more or less eliminate the majority of acne scars.

                                                  [–]noweight2heavy 25ポイント26ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                  Sorry OP. But you're ugly.

                                                  Just kidding.

                                                  Girls care about cars and bodies in the same way. Not terrible and above average is good enough.

                                                  When you drive a Ferrari, you get guys talking to you not girls. Not a beater and somewhat nice and its good enough.

                                                  When you bench 315, you get guys talking to you not girls. Not fat and somewhat in shape and its good enough.

                                                  [–]Dudewheresmybeard 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                  When you drive a Ferrari, you get guys talking to you not girls. Not a beater and somewhat nice and its good enough. When you bench 315, you get guys talking to you not girls. Not fat and somewhat in shape and its good enough.

                                                  http://i.imgur.com/OpSBcwl.jpg

                                                  [–]nilshasskills 35ポイント36ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                  you noticing another person noticing you is very situational and not an accurate measure of success. if you think you look better, other people probably think you look twice as good. unless of course you're irredeemably ugly.

                                                  [–]AnalgesicSex 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                  unless of course you're irredeemably ugly.

                                                  Shit I had such high hopes up until here.

                                                  [–]soap_on_a_lanyard 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                  Assuming you're a guy, I'm in the same boat as you. I was a sloppy mess of a fat guy, and now I run and lift and have abs etc. I really think it's different for guys. We're just not evaluated as visually as women are, which can be a blessing and a curse, depending on your circumstances. At times I feel like I can look back at my life before I got in shape and notice a few differences, but for the most part men are evaluated on their personality more than looks, although the self-confidence boost of being fit can help there quite a bit.

                                                  [–]wehadtosaydickety 41ポイント42ポイント  (13子コメント)

                                                  I moved to Asia for work, and as a tall white American guy this increased my attractiveness level by a factor of 10.

                                                  I can tell you that being more attractive to the opposite sex doesn't mean anything if you take no steps to act on it. You really have to start to test your limits, you'll be surprised the response you get.

                                                  As an example, I sort of played the field when I first got here. Then I settled down with a girlfriend so I wasn't aware of my attractiveness beyond how she treated me. At work I work with beautiful women and it 'felt' like I got no attention because I didn't flirt with them and kept to myself, out of respect to my (now ex) girlfriend. As far as I was concerned there was no difference in if I was fat and ugly or Brad Pitt, because I wasn't playing the game.

                                                  I hope this is a relevant example, just shows how you can jump up the scale and not see any results if you don't want to.

                                                  [–]Zenpig 14ポイント15ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                                  Brb moving to Asia for work

                                                  [–]babbylifts 11ポイント12ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                                  I agree with you. Women often compliment me or find reasons to flirt with me but that's as far as it goes. I just miss my ex-wife. I can't seem to find interest in anyone else. I may look strong and healthy but I'm broken on the inside.

                                                  [–]Muchos_Frijoles[🍰] 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                  Sometimes the heaviest things we lift are our feels. :'(

                                                  [–]Ragnarr_ck 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                  I'm there if you feel the need to talk bud

                                                  [–]babbylifts 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                  My anecdata is that lifting and being fit won't find you love.

                                                  コメントをもっと表示する (1 返事)

                                                    [–]imadethistopostnoodi 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                    You might just be oblivious to certain hints if you're anything like me. A friend of mine swears that the occasional girl is staring at me. I'm still convinced most of them are just waiting for me to get off the squat rack.

                                                    [–]firegato 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    And the constant judging

                                                    [–]raptoricus 11ポイント12ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                    I haven't. I'm also gay, though, so that might not be the input you're looking for =)

                                                    Seriously, though, I wonder what you're wearing; if you're still wearing your clothes from when you were overweight, then that's definitely not helping. You might stop by /r/malefashionadvice and see if they have any suggestions.

                                                    [–]sansonnet 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    You do get attention, you just don't notice it because girls still wait for you to approach them first. Girls are just as afraid of rejection as guys.

                                                    By working out and having a good body, you already unlock a lot of gates. None of the time you spent at the gym is wasted, I guarantee it.

                                                    Now, you have to become more aware of your surroundings, learn how to go up to girls, and get better at noticing when girls seem interested. Don't worry about sounding dumb, just be genuinely interested and get the girl talking about herself. Have your chest face her direction and have an open body language. To be honest it's not really what you say, it's how you say it (tone, body language, etc) and how you make her feel. And then ask to hang out with her some time, girls dig that shit.

                                                    [–]Make_Me_The_Villian 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    I have gotten a few nods and smiles here and there. I also dress well too, even when i don't have to. Personal style and hygiene is important. You can have a good physique but if you don't take care of your "look" you went get that attention it seems like you want.

                                                    [–]BilingualBloodFest 10ポイント11ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Built up a bunch of muscle, then lost weight (60 lbs so far). Little to no difference. I think we're just ugly man.

                                                    [–]firegato 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Have you tried getting your bank account swoll? A vascular and well toned bank account is sure to have the ladies swooning.

                                                    [–]billandteds69 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Try dressing for your new body shape. It'll help you look and feel better. I doubt you are irredeemably ugly. Try a new haircut too.

                                                    [–]MonkeyMannnn 5ポイント6ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                                    The fact that you're even asking this question tells me it's probably not an appearance thing. I'm gonna assume you're a dude. What attracts women is confidence. The only people who care about your muscles are you and other dudes. It's just a nice bonus to women. Stop worrying about it. So long as you're happy with your body, then most women will be too.

                                                    [–]alwayscallsmom 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                                    Okay, this isn't true. I know women, and they straight up tell me muscles are great. I don't have muscles so its really a motivator to hit the gym.

                                                    [–]Conman93Burden Bear 4ポイント5ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                    You're going to find out how little muscles play into the equation. Confidence is seriously the key man, hopefully the muscles give you that.

                                                    [–]ElectronicDrugModeling 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Confidence is key. Muscles and aesthetics help get that. If you're awkward no matter what, well, maybe try a dating site.

                                                    [–]morelikebigpoor 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    I too, know women. In fact, most people know women. Yes, of course they like muscles. People like fit people. Many people like large breasts. These things are true, but that does not make the confidence thing untrue. There is a difference between what is fun to look at and what is fun to be in a relationship with (or even just spend the night with).

                                                    [–]B-Knight 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Getting fit doesn't necessarily make you attractive to the other gender. It shouldn't be like that.

                                                    It's just, a plus if you like ;P

                                                    [–]CrackaAssCracka 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                    Try being funny.

                                                    [–]Kinetic_Card 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Failing that, get a funny hat.

                                                    [–]Kinetic_Card 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                    Make sure you get new clothes that fit, too, unlike Penn Gillette.

                                                    [–]morelikebigpoor 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    I don't know about Penn, but I think Kevin Smith is the all-time best example of this. Dude lost like a hundred pounds or something? Still wears his XXXL jerseys and shorts, he looks like a little kid playing dress up

                                                    [–]Wolfir 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Or am I just irredeemably ugly?

                                                    There is a subreddit for that question

                                                    [–]peetss 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    How's your posture?

                                                    [–]DJBobbyCGeneral Fitness 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Leaned out a lot and get compliments but still no sex... I was told there would be sex

                                                    [–]marsinfurs 10ポイント11ポイント  (5子コメント)

                                                    When you see a babe what do you do? You probably think, damn she's hot and look a little longer. Girls do the same but even less probably, it's hard to notice unless you are really looking for it. I have noticed that people are generally nicer to me all the time - when I'm buying something for example and a girl is working the register they will more often ask more questions to learn about me - like how I'm doing or what I'm up to for the day. Lots of girls don't compliment outright.

                                                    [–]TheRoyalFortune 3ポイント4ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                    Plus, women have great peripheral vision. So we can check people put without really looking like we are.

                                                    [–]ElvisIsReal 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Yep. I get an immediate better reaction in situations like "rounding the aisle at the store at the same time." Girls used to just sort of shuffle past me, but now they stop and smile or say "good morning" or something. It's fleeting but you can see it if you're looking for it.

                                                    コメントをもっと表示する (2 返事)

                                                      [–]Strantin 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Fitness is neither necessary nor sufficient for getting attention from females.

                                                      [–]tdog93 5ポイント6ポイント  (5子コメント)

                                                      Working out can't fix a face :/

                                                      [–]cthulu0 12ポイント13ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                                      Not sure if you're being sarcastic, but it sure as hell can fix some faces: removal of double chin, make jawline more angular and pronounced, etc.

                                                      If your eyes are too widely space apart, then yeah working out cannot fix that.

                                                      [–]PatchAdamski 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I've dropped about 45 pounds in the last year and have noticed a few second glances, even with an extra hundred pounds to lose. I think that's more down to actually starting to feel human and dressing better than anything to do with looking any thinner or more in shape.

                                                      [–]Velociraperz 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I've always fluctuated heavily between out of shape and in shape. It has never affected how I perform with the ladies. In all honesty, when I am in less shape it means I'm out drinking more and my humor is more on point which leads to more girls. Just be confident and make a girl laugh, 90% of them would rather have a funny guy than an in shape guy.

                                                      [–]Gaygod 1ポイント2ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                      I have not noticed an increase in attention from the opposite sex AT ALL. Yes, I am gay (hence username), but I still think I would notice if they were paying more attention. I get looks like never before from other men of any orientation all the time.

                                                      [–]Actuary_420 2ポイント3ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Are you obviously gay? Dress, hairstyle, etc.? That might be why they're not checking you out.

                                                      [–]stonecats 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      clothes and hair matter - last time i went from 210 to 180 i had to buy a new wardrobe.
                                                      shop with a hot friend so you don't make the same fashion mistakes you did while fat.
                                                      i keep my hair super short now - easier to maintain and the ladies seem to like it.

                                                      [–]UOUPv2Weightlifting 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Never have I had more female attention than when I was a fat 300 lb tub of lard. Girls are weird.

                                                      [–]Mittelschmoo 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Just wanted to share...that guys think muscles maketh the poon present itself mystifies me!

                                                      When I see a muscly 'gym' guy I think a few things:

                                                      1. He'll need to keep going to the gym to maintain that, probably after work, which means not so much snuggles and movies.

                                                      2. I can't compete with that. He'll probably expect the same standards from me.

                                                      3. If we make it to kids, he won't be able to sustain it, it will turn to flab: bigger muscles, more flab.

                                                      4. I'm always suspicious of men who end up muscly through force, rather than as a bi-product of his job or lifestyle: why does he need these here muscles? When younger I experienced many slaps and punches from guys like these.

                                                      5. Having spent alot of time around gymers and builders, I know that this type of fitness doesn't necessarily equal health. Seriously, the 'food' that gets eaten, the protein shake poops! The horror! This also means regidity around eating so, eating out is limited...not so fun.

                                                      A final note: I've been out with some truly beautiful, fit men and mostly, they're usually awkward or boring socially and it's so disappointing. My best boyfriends were confident, fun, usually average or even outright odd looking and not preoccupied with this stuff. Personality trumps all!

                                                      As occupants of ever changing bodies, women are much less concerned about these things; we just want to have fun, laugh, and feel free!

                                                      [–]MidDayGamer 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I'm doing it for me and not anyway else.

                                                      [–]BlueVentureatWork 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      No one knows what you look like. Also, maybe when you open your mouth to members of the opposite sex, you only say dumb things or spit a lot. Or maybe you have bad breath. I don't know.

                                                      [–]AndyBennett 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      My time to shine. I'm 5'7" and went from 215lbs to about 165 with a bit of muscle tone. When overweight, I had girlfriends consistently. After losing the weight, I'm nearing the 4th year of my dry spell. I'm constantly self-improving. Between fitness, violin lessons, volunteering, college, and church activities, I never manage to go past acquaintances with anyone.

                                                      [–]SpiderTurtle 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I get more attention from the same sex......guess it's better than nothing.

                                                      [–]gaboon [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                                                      Take a longer look in the gym mirrors next time you lift and relish in your yoked bod. AKA use those muscle gains to make some major confidence and self-esteem gains, that's what is most attractive to others.

                                                      [–]jmslobodsky [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                                                      The uptick totally came from the gain in muscle as opposed to the loss in fat. My theory is that this change helped my self-confidence, and therefore made me more attractive. Good luck man!

                                                      [–]KelVarnsenStudios [スコア非表示]  (0子コメント)

                                                      I have an amazingly god-like physique with an equally god-like personality.

                                                      Girls are of course aware of this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

                                                      [–]Gyuudon 2ポイント3ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                                      My fatass forehead and receding hair on the temples will always make me ugly.

                                                      idgf, not doing fitness for the women.

                                                      ...or men.

                                                      ......or otherkin.

                                                      [–]clownschooldropout 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      You open to shaving your head? 1. Bald, fit guys are hot, 2. Added possibility that you won't be able to tell where the baldness begins and the forehead ends, so that wouldn't be a problem either.

                                                      [–]elemental_1_1 1ポイント2ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                                      Shave man. Seriously. It looks way better.

                                                      [–]zombies8mypi 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Yes, I've lost 75lbs, nothing :\

                                                      [–]buttsbuttsbutts7 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I think I'd have to know more about your life/situation/appearance. Do you make an effort to interact with the opposite gender? Do you make an effort in terms of hygiene/basic appearance?

                                                      [–]F-A-T-E 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      How you present yourself goes a loooooong way

                                                      Edit:spelling

                                                      [–]VitaAeterna 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I lost 150 pounds a few years back, and there was a definite Increase in attention, mainly little subtle things, that in turn boosted my confidence.

                                                      However, since then ive put 80 lbs back on and it has definitely dropped.

                                                      A lot of it comes down to confidence, but looks and confidence go hand in hand in my experience.

                                                      I just now consider myself off the market for repairs, as I go through the weight loss journey once more.

                                                      [–]Curi0us_Yellow 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I think when you feel good about your physique you're also more open to acknowledging certain things as attention from the opposite sex.

                                                      E.g: When you feel like crap because you're out of shape and a girl smiles at you, you look over your shoulder for Brad Pitt. You who's been working out will think "oh yeah, how yooo doin'?"

                                                      Things like grooming and dressing well go a long way. You feel better when you think you look better. Your physique is just one part of the puzzle.

                                                      Unless you're a professional banana hammock model.

                                                      [–]LaDuquesaDeAfrica 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I live in a culture that prefers larger women to smaller ones so when I was slightly overweight men loved me. I lost the weight and I'm now a size 8 or 10 and while men still love me, they don't go crazy anymore. I'm no longer a "thickaz".

                                                      [–]Unit1224 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Nah i'm the same. Girls notice if i run shirtless, but otherwise it's the same as it's always been. Just means we're average looking with killer bodies. Gotta work that personality! Really not much of a curse.

                                                      [–]kesht17 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      nah you aint alone

                                                      [–]Wingineer 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      After I went from fat to lean and lightly muscled, I noticed considerably more attention. After getting fat again and going full strong fat, I've found women have been far less impressed.

                                                      [–]Mike 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Confidence, attitude, and personality gets the girls. The nice bod is just a ridiculously powerful bonus. Unless you're at a hot-level that gets girls looking; those looks can get definitely be a first-line of attack to get the ladies.

                                                      [–]Lemon_Destroyer 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Girls seem to complement it in a way where it's an open opinion that they're not scared of saying. It's like a guy saying "I like girls who have long blonde hair", it doesn't mean the next long blonde haired girl we see we will ask out.

                                                      Guys at my workplace compliment me far more than any girl anyway.

                                                      TL/DR: It's attention, but not the kind of attention that sparks dates. Just open opinions as if complimenting ones hair cut.

                                                      [–]UnReAl0 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy!

                                                      [–]Rigby_Danger_Flex 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Okay okay, maybe women like confidence in a man, but to say that your physical appearance means nothing to them is ridiculous. Of course muscles play a big role in their attraction to you, they ALSO want to feel like you can protect them, and yourself, if need be. I know plenty of super confident guys (smart/funny/charming/etc.) who dont put the time in for physical fitness, and they downright do not attract women.

                                                      [–]djstizzle 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      For some, they might not notice. They're only looking for increased positive reactions from the same sex.

                                                      [–]Medi-Saiyan 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      In early college, after about a year of working out I was at the height of my physical fitness. This included washboard abs,ability to do one handed pull-ups and bench almost 200% my body weight. If I found the chance to have my shirt off, which I did as frequently as possible, girls that wouldn't have noticed me before got caught 'miring the gain train.
                                                      That being said, I only got laid once during that entire stretch of fitness and ended up getting way more girls my senior year. Now my fitness level isn't bad but I'm no where near as buff as I was then and I am 100% confident in saying I am much more attractive now than I ever was back then.

                                                      [–]nononostopstopstop 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Mark Rippetoe has the answer

                                                      https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/3kfk8g/i_am_mark_rippetoe_author_of_starting_strength/cuwzo4i

                                                      [–]theodorusrex 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I found that the increase in interest from the opposite sex didn't increase in line with my fitness. Rather my fitness would improve gradually, and once I passed some kind of milestone that I'm not aware of, I started getting more looks. The number of looks doesn't change until I hit the next milestone, but then there's a definite increase all of a sudden. You may be getting fitter, but haven't reached one of those milestones just yet.

                                                      [–]Pit_of_DeathWeightlifting 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I'm 6'2" 210, solidly built with a full head of hair, and I'm in my 30s so I like to think I'm reasonably mature (jury is still out on that one).

                                                      I'm very average-looking otherwise though and I've got shit confidence with women from a wealth of experience in rejection, missed opportunities and being outdone by my more charismatic, charming and confident friends. Moral of the story, unless your confidence is almost entirely due to a change in your fitness and physique (which doesn't apply to me anyways), you still end up at the same point you're always were unless you change the other important stuff.

                                                      [–]MrBeeyoutyfull 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I haven't, but I'm into the same sex so I guess I just don't notice it

                                                      [–]CanadianSully 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Carrot Top....

                                                      [–]badtradesguy 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      just remember, you could have been stephen hawkings physical equivalent....he had a wife. although hes super smart and rich, im sure youre in a decent position compared to him.

                                                      [–]BruiseLeet 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      How do you know if they give you attention?

                                                      [–]WildBilll33t 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Yes. What worked for the opposite sex was painstakingly improving my social skills.

                                                      [–]kniselydone 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      Yep. Though I was already getting moderate attention from the opposite sex before the fitness improvements. It just kind of stayed the same.

                                                      Maybe you just became a different 'type' and get the same level of attention simply from different people?

                                                      [–]justforpics111 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I suppose if you are really tall and socially awkward you could now be Scaring women with the addition of your new muscles.

                                                      [–]Hookdunfonix 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                      I have yes, woman aren't always outward with their thoughts and they more so prefer to be approached rather than approaching. Your good. Keep up the good work and keep moving forward.

                                                      コメントをもっと表示する (112 返事)