Untitled.
When I was six years old, I gave my first blowjob.
“It’s a game”, said He. “Don’t you want to play?”
It was too big, and I threw up on him.
He said I’d do better the next time.
When I was seven years old, I watched a group of fellow second graders cheer as a boy in my class tried to kiss me. He hugged me from behind, giggling all the while.
I threw sand in his eyes, and was sent to the Principal.
When I was eight years old, I had an elderly teacher ask me to stay behind in class. He carried me on his shoulders, and called me pretty.
“Teacher’s Pet!” my friends declared, the envy visible on their faces.
They ignored me at lunch that day.
When I was nine years old, an older girl on the school bus would ask me to lift my skirt up for her. She was pretty and kind, and told me that I could only be her friend if I did what she said.
I wanted to be her friend.
When I was ten years old, a relative demanded that he get a kiss on the cheek every time we met. He was large and loud, and I proceeded to hide under my bed whenever I learnt that he was visiting.
I was known as a rude child.
When I was eleven, my auto-man told me that we would only leave if I gave him a hug every day.
He smelled like cheap soap and cigarettes.
When I was twelve years old, I watched as a man on the street touched my mother’s breast as he passed us. She slapped him amidst the shouts of onlookers telling her to calm down.
She didn’t calm down.
When I was thirteen years old, I exited a restaurant only to see a man visibly masturbating as he walked towards me. As he passed, he winked lasciviously.
My friends and I shifted our gazes down, aghast.
When I was fourteen, a young man in an expensive car followed me home as I walked back from an evening class. I ignored his offer to give me a ride, and I panicked when he got out, only to buy me a box of chocolate that I refused. He parked at the end of my road, and didn’t go away for an hour.
“It turns me on to see you so scared.”
When I was fifteen, I was groped on a bus. It was with a heart full of shame that I confided in a friend, only to be met with his anger and disappointment that I had not shouted at the molester at the time when it happened. My soft protests of being afraid and alone were drowned out as he berated my inaction. To him, my passiveness and silence were the reasons why things like this continue to happen.
He did not wait for my response.
When I was sixteen, I discovered that Facebook had a section of inbox messages named ‘others’, which contained those mails received from strangers, automatically stored as spam. Curious, I opened it to find numerous messages from men I had never seen before. I was propositioned, called sexy, asked for nudes, and insulted.
Delete message.
When I was seventeen, I called for help as a drunken man tried to sexually harass me in a crowded street.
The people around me seemed to walk by quicker.
At eighteen, I was told that sexism doesn’t exist in modern society.
I was told that harassment couldn’t be as bad as us women make it out to be.
That I should watch what I wear.
Never mind you were six, never mind you were wearing pink pajamas.
That I should be louder.
But not too loud, a lady must be polite.
That I should always ask for help.
But stop overreacting, there’s a difference.
That I should stay in at night, because it isn’t safe.
You can’t get harassed in broad daylight.
That I should always travel with no less than two boys with me.
You need to be protected.
That it can’t be that hard to be a girl.
I am now nineteen years old.
I am now tired.
(This poem was anonymously submitted to Glasnost.)
Oh my god. This is the gruesome truth of today.
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Not just today. When I told my mom 18 years ago what had happened to me 10 years before that, she told me what happened to her 15-20 years before that. This has been going on for centuries.
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Reblogged this on Randomness and Beyond.. and commented:
Exceptional writing!
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This couldn’t be more perfect.
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This is shockingly alarming, yet quite expected.
I don’t think the author could have put it any better. Frankly, I am not surprised that this is coming from NLU-D, the reputation of whose boys precedes it itself.
It is unfathomable how as a society we have regressed so deep down amidst our race for “progress” as a society.
Kudos to the author for writing this. Refreshingly accurate, yet disgustingly true..
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Wow. A poignant poem about an entire gamut of traumatic struggles and the first thing on your mind is institution bashing. Well done. It’s a societal problem. Broaden your view a little.
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Speaking like that doesn’t make you seem smart, it makes it so that nobody understands what you’re saying except those willing to look up definitions, and proves that you’re willing to spend the time to learn these words for the sole purpose of making yourself seem educated… I’m not just trying to be a dick because I disagree with you (which I do), there is just no point in using this vocabulary in a casual setting… You’re not talking to a bunch of intellectuals, you’re talking to a bunch of people who think six year olds giving blowjobs and people walking by when teenagers are getting sexually assaulted on the street are real problems.
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Just learn the vocab & state your disagreement. I understood him and thought it was a good point.
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You are a tool.
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What in the world man. If you have the ability to type that comment, you should also have the basic knowledge to read it. Why are you complaining for
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Pingback: | Glasnost on WordPress.com | power of words!
wow…
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So harsh. So powerful. And so heartbreakingly true.
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True, over time you heal… but never forget.
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This is a terrible thing lurking silently in our society…I can’t think of a solution when even educated men are degenerated to do this..
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unfortunately truth of the society right from top to botton. :-(
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Oh, that’s so sad and so real. such an unfortunate thing of being born a girl. :(
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Reblogged this on Words from the heart.
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Truth told cold!
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The bitter truth of Indian society..
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Reblogged this on The Thinking of Life.
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It is that difficult to be a female in India,Bangladesh,Pakistan,Afghanistan,Sri Lanka,Africa(an entire continent),middle east, Latin America and let us not forget,parts of each state! Poem pricks!
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Reblogged this on CHRONICLED.
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Sometimes you feel there is no more fight left in you.
Sometimes you feel it’s time to let it all go.
Sometimes you feel you should stop reacting
But when your fellow beings go through the same thing again and again
You feel it’s not that time yet.
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Pingback: I am Nineteen Year Old, And I am tired! | Idea Uncle
The unfortunate and the bitter truth of your, our society. This needs to be changed.
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Reblogged this on sarahslittlespace and commented:
Such truth.
Such shame.
A shame we carry together.
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Reblogged this on Bicycle for Hope.
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The stark truth….. What writing!!
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Wow this girl must be exceptionally unfortunate but i get it, since we must use exaggeration to sell the idea. Point put across. Nice. However its sad to know that there isnt an immediate cure because the only thing that will fully solve such an issue is a new set of morals to go by since laws will never be enough. Developing such a conscious awareness about right and wrong could take time and a lot of social engineering.
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Hey Kevin,
As the author of this piece, thank you for your support.
I have chosen to reply to your comment solely because I saw something in your response that had caused me to write this poem in the first place. With regards to your usage of the word “exaggeration”, a lot of times we women are told that our accounts of harassment couldn’t have been “that bad”, or that we’re unnecessarily emphasising the story in order to gain attention or sympathy. This is extremely problematic, and has led many people to hide their accounts lest they be considered as one of the “overly dramatic girls” that popular culture loves to portray. I’m sure you can see how this is just adding to the stereotypes we continually face.
Everything in this account is extremely personal, and unfortunately true.
However, if I have somehow misunderstood your statement, feel free to get back to me.
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Hats off to you dear writer for having the courage to give a voice to your experiences. Having gone through abuse and molestation I can relate to your post, and I understand the silence for it echoed in my heart as well. It takes great courage to admit and a greater grit to write so poignantly and express oneself. I wish you all the very best. I know life has been hard, but I hope you learn to fly! Lots of love and regards. Take care! :)
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This did not happen to you, you are an attention seeking liar. If you would like for me to explain why I am almost certain I am right about this, we could have a conversation about it, if you would rather delete my comment and bathe in support from people who believe you for no reason, then go for it.
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You are almost certain that you are right that somebody else’s experiences which they chose to express are all lies which were concocted to seek attention in an anonymous submission? Pray, tell. No need to wait for the author. We’d all like to know how you’re almost certain that you’re right about this.
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While I’m just as curious as to how he derived his conclusion, you on the other hand simply demonstrated your naivety in believing anything you see and hear on the net. Congrats
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“If you would like for me to explain why I am almost certain I am right about this, we could have a conversation about it.”
Let’s have a conversation about it. Why are you so sure that an anonymous stranger’s poem is a lie? HOW are you so sure that an anonymous stranger’s poem is a lie? Pray, do tell.
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“What are you sure that an anonymous strangers’ poem is the truth?”
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Where did tkainaz assert that he/she believed the author’s account?
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Perhaps you missed out on the convo I had with her below.
Another thing, check up the definition on Inference ;)
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Hi Anon/Author,
First of all,being a male & on behalf of all men who condemn such behavior,I would like to say – SORRY.
A big sorry to you & all the women who have been unfortunate to have come in contact with such
pathetic ‘things’, who believe they are MEN.
I can only imagine, how traumatic such experiences can be.
However,I’m sure, you would agree, that just as not all girls/women face such situations not all men are capable of such monstrosity.
The reason I’m posting my comment/reply here is because Kevin/Above has written about ‘social engineering ‘.
The real & probably the only solution to this problem lies with us,the youth(Once again). The new & wannabe parents to be precise.
I’ve always observed that it’s the girls who are taught a thousand things about public behavior & decency.The things that they should & should not do,especially around boys/men.
But,unfortunately,the young boys are hardly,if ever,taught about the right kind of attitude/behavior towards the girls/females.
It’s high time that they are nurtured with the right kind of upbringing, that girls/women are equal partners in society.They are much more than just the body.
The future mothers.The hands that rule the world.
Regards.
(loveoverlust75@twitter)
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Saying “not all men” commit violence against women is an odd response since no one has claimed they have. I would encourage you to consider how, by bringing the focus back to men, you have participated in marginalizing this one woman’s story.
In short, yeah, not all men abuse women this way but yes, all women have to navigate a culture that blames them for the regular abuse they experience at the hands of (some) men.
Consider: http://www.slate.com/blogs/bad_astronomy/2014/05/27/not_all_men_how_discussing_women_s_issues_gets_derailed.html
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She’s not exceptionally unfortunate this is at least 90% fabrication that serves no purpose but to feed into the narrative of self victimization that many feminist bloggers are so deeply entrenched in. These things do not happen, plain and simple, besides maybe 1 or 2 of them. And even if they did happen in very rare isolated incidents (which I’m sure many of them have happened a few times, certainly not all to the same girl), society does not accept ANY of these. “When I was seventeen, I called for help as a drunken man tried to sexually harass me in a crowded street. The people around me seemed to walk by quicker.” This would never happen. “I was told that harassment couldn’t be as bad as us women make it out to be.” If you really don’t want to be told that, don’t make up a bunch of shit that never happens to any young woman and pass it off as some kind of ultimate truth about the sexism deeply ingrained in our society. If you want to talk about sexism, talk about it honestly, talk about things that have some empirical basis, do not talk about a bunch of things that would suck, if they actually happened.
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If you don’t agree, do not bash on others’ experiences. Many people go through more than you think. So, be aware that society is not what you think it is at all times. Some people are fortunate to have nothing happen to them, others have too many things happen to them. You have no idea if this is true or not, so why comment?
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“You have no idea if this is true or not, so why comment?”
Neither do you and yet here you are, defending a nameless entity by commenting. Ironic much?
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You should meet the guy above you, you both seem to have a lot in common. Then again, given your telepathic knowledge of the experience of other people, I’m sure you both have connected at some point.
So. Doesn’t happen, eh? “Plain and simple.” And that’s that. I’m sorry to be the one to have to break this to you – actually, I’m not, its an unfortunate but important burden upon all of us more aware of the world we live in to educate those such as yourself who seem to live in naive and blind ignorance of it – but ALL of this happens. Even your crowded street denial. I’m afraid you seem to hold society to the same standard that you hold yourself, and while you would not stand any of it or let it happen in your presence, you’re holding society to a higher standard than it’s comfortable with right now. I know what you’re thinking, I didn’t think your standard was particularly high either, but what you gonna do, you know? All of it happens. And society stands idly by while all of it happens. Well, I’d like to think we’re in the process of change right now. Hopefully I’ll be alive to look back at now and think that I was correct about it changing. But right now – society stinks. Many of my friends have faced some of it. And they all told me about it independently before this was published. Ask your friends, I’m sure they have as well.
Unless .. wait .. you don’t think that these girls possess the same telepathic abilities that you and upstairs person seem to possess and have colluded to spread this? Anonymous doesn’t hide telepathic connections, amiright?
So yeah. It does happen. And it does suck. You can be the jerk claiming to know that its false (I gotta know. Are you the same jerk as upstairs jerk or is that a different jerk?), or you can start realizing that some shit has gots to change around here for women to feel comfortable.
Also, I have to ask, even assuming you’re correct about the 90% fabrication, which 10% of what she’s said here doesn’t qualify as extremely unfortunate?
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Absolutely pathetic of you to undermine someone’s experiences that they were brave enough to share. I urge you to learn a bit more about the gender you’re discrediting before you spout bullshit like this in the future.
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You are an entitled prick who has eyes but perhaps has never opened them to see what’s happening around. Walk up to your sister, mother, best friend, girlfriend, wife, or daughter – whosoever you hold dear to yourself in your life, and ask.
I have no idea who this woman is. I read the poem five minutes back. I am 25, an emancipated working class woman. But THESE have happened to me at different points in life –
1. Cajoled into being fondled and kissed by an elder cousin – Age 8
2. Violated while I was sleeping on the middle berth, between my parents – Age 9
3. Masturbated at by a stranger loony on the street. Age 11
4. Masturbated at by an auto driver. Age 18
5. Ass pinched on the first (and last) ride of Delhi Green Bus – Age 21
I am not even talking about the innumerable times I’ve been objectified. Screw all the eve teasing and the catcalls and the normalized discriminatory practices.
I am just trying to recall the many instances of being “molested” in some way, and sure as hell my fuzzy 25 year old brain is missing a few events.
So now, PRAY TELL ME douchebag, what empirical evidence do you need? How do I convince your cynical highness that this narrative is as frighteningly real as it gets?
Actually, I don’t care to. Just don’t dare utter such preposterous nonsense on a real forum with women physically present. You will walk away with a broken jaw, which I surprisingly look forward to, in your case.
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Oh I would that what you say is true. But since I know of these things happening to women……and I’m talking in the US……you are wrong. Pure and simple. These things happen. I wish they didn’t.
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I’d love to know how you came to this conclusion. Clearly, you possess telepathic powers that allow you to see past the veil of anonymity and into a person’s mind to divine whether or not they are telling the truth.
“Society does not accept any of these”. No, society just accepts making women strip down naked and walk amongst a crowd, or khap panchayat decrees that order that they be raped.
“If you really don’t want to be told that, don’t make up a bunch of shit that never happens to any young woman.” Because you, in your capacity as anonymous commenter on a random post on the Internet, would be so qualified to come to that conclusion. You’re talking about “things that have some empirical basis” – do go through the hundreds and hundreds of studies that detail the harassment and abuse that women face on a daily basis, and come to an empirical conclusion of your own.
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So sad, hugs from Belgium :'(
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fuck this world. Best for u!
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Your words rang true for me. So many of them rang true. I cried.
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How can this change . turn ugly n fat. Or wear loose clothing
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FYI, “ugly and fat” women are subjected to as much harassment as those whom you might consider more conventionally beautiful. Also, loose clothing does shit to prevent someone from harassing you. The idea isn’t that a man gets “provoked” by tight clothing; it’s that the woman’s body is fair game for anyone, no matter if they’re wearing a crop top or a burqa.
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Its truth of our day but it seems that it was not fully done 😐
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Heartbreaking
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This is one of the least accurate descriptions of modern gender relations I could possibly conceive. Six year olds dont ask each other for blowjobs, and if some little kid actually did convince her to do this (somehow, which is a stretch) she would tell her parents about it. Maybe she gets sent to the principal after throwing sand in his eyes, but after she explained what happened the boy would get into huge trouble, I don’t care if your in a San Francisco school or a private christian school in Alabama… Pedophile teachers don’t stay teachers for long, if she told her parents about the incident after school the teacher would be investigated and likely fired. If you havent learned not to show your private parts to people by the time you’re nine, even after all these ridiculous sexual incidents that supposedly happened to her in the first 8 years of her life, then you are in serious need of help. Almost all of these are just insane scenarios that are not serious issues facing us today, but women (and people in general, but in this instance women) want so badly to victimize themselves that they read this and just agree right away because it’s convenient for them… Maybe one or two of these things are actually issues that affect a significant (like >1%) amount of young females in modern western society… Most of it is easily and unambiguously identifiable as complete bullshit that didn’t happen to this author and doesn’t happen to anyone…
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Please note that this happened in India. Have you ever been there? Also, the six-year-old comment – read it again. It is regarding an older man who asked this of the six-year-old.
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I’m Indian, does my comment hold water?
“…women (and people in general, but in this instance women) want so badly to victimize themselves that they read this and just agree right away because it’s convenient for them…”
The amount of shares and likes by users above only serve to prove his point. Then again, everyone loves a little attention even if it meant falsifying (albeit partially) an engaging article for the masses, wouldn’t they?
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It’s because of posts like these that women of india trail women from other countries as far as development, broad – mindedness and other aspects in their personality are concerned -which make us mammals humans….it’s indeed inhumane to put anyone through all the trauma mentioned above – be it man/woman…..but to make a heroic post derived out of that trauma (and of course exaggerated) and self – victimise themselves is completely derogatory and a loud cry for attention…i would like to end this post by going as far as to say that the ones sharing this post have a fetish for self – victimising themselves and will in the longer run miss out on the wonderful journey of life…lost in fake adolescent rebellion and the fake glory of being a woman (which they never deserved)
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With all due respect, you are blabbering quite incoherently.
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Let me speak stupid so you can understand better:
TLDR;
– The post almost gave him cancer
– Don’t make an exaggerated mountain out of a molehill (no matter how much it rang true, stick to the truth)
– World’s huge, stop wallowing in self pity and go enjoy
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Reblogged this on I Love Travelling and Exploring New Places and commented:
Though my Blog is all about travelling and nature… I could not stop myself from sharing it after reading this… Exceptionally beautiful piece of writing explaining the bitter truth of life
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Yooooo that’s nasty for giving a blowjob at 6.. You were a fetus
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Reblogged this on Empire of electrons.
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seems like u were always der to get molested…..u r strange….
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Now now, let’s not jump to name calling.
We can simply settle that it’s just convenient to craft her peudo-fairy tale…
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*psuedo
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*Pseudo
Sigh my keyboard
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Reblogged this on An Account of my Forays into Game Development and commented:
A thought provoking piece.
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You are very brave, and thank you for sharing some of your personal life with us, strangers. There is a lot still wrong with society, but making your voice loud inspires many who have silenced for years.
We need to fight hard so this happens to no one. You need to understand that even if it is not often, it happens to boys too, and no human being should live through this. Let’s fight all, together, against monstrosity.
Hope you find on each comment, some strength to go on, and fight for your happiness. You can count on all of them, you can count on me. Always.
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this is fucking beautiful
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Yes, it is unfortunate to see such ignorance, but what can we expect from humanity? We are obviously not yet living in a harmonious world. Some people may not realize it, but some of the comments on here exemplify the scorn, misunderstanding, and ignorance that the author is talking about. We are so used to this dog-eat-dog world that we repeat the behavior that hurt us, and close our hearts and minds to the truth.
We need clear communication to address the problems in society, not attacking and discrediting eachother. The problem with sexual and other abuse is not entirely the fault of men either. All I can say now is, there are evil influences and expectations in society that have trained the minds of young boys to behave and think a certain way around women and girls, and sometimes we never heal or develop further than that.
But as a man I can say to you that I, and many of us, want to bring about a transformation to he divine masculine in ourselves, work to heal our brothers and sisters, and work together as one.
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Reblogged this on The Lucky Duckling.
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I can’t imagine that people believe that these thing don’t happen, ask your mothers and sisters and female friends about their experiences. I have been harassed multiple times even with my partner present, often when there are groups of men and just me and my husband. Those situations are scary because when your husband tries to stick up for you all of a sudden multiple men are wanting to fight, so they are double cowardly. Only two weeks ago I was followed by a man twice my age off the street into a restaurant to tell me I was pretty and ask if he could buy me dinner or a drink, it was predatory not flattering. Seeing him hanging around outside and having to walk to my car was intimidating. I have had a man sit down next to me to talk to me in a public place and I was not rude to him as i am a friendly person, he asked if he could show me a picture of his children and then got out a bunch of pornographic pictures of women. My mother tells me stories of being flashed often as a teenager and when babysitting being called into rooms where the husband was masturbating or watching porn. Men masturbating outside women’s houses. All things that happen all the time… So how can people deny that these things go on every day? That is two incidences from a lifetime of things like this! I have many worse stories that I don’t want to share but those are examples of everyday for us. I see that many people on here are from India but I am from Australia and it happens here too so I am sure it happens in every country. Ask the women in China about the public transport! I do all of the ‘right things’ i dress relatively conservatively, don’t go out alone at night AT ALL, I don’t attention seek, I am not a ‘meek’ woman and yet I still find myself having to downcast my eyes when I walk past groups of men because they feel the need to comment on me or get the idea that I want to talk to them.
I am in no way saying that all men are like this, there are fantastic men out there and I have many great male friends who have never put me in an uncomfortable situations. I think people just need to understand how it feels to live with a constant fear/lingering threat.
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Reblogged this on here / there.
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Today on things that may not entirely have happened (Not all of it at least?)
You have my sympathy, what with the trauma you’ve undergone but I’m definitely taking this post with a pinch of salt. Here’s hoping nothing unfortunate befall on you ever again less you take it upon yourself in coming up with five other scenarios to garner pity/attention.
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The post was anonymous. And people like you are the problem, the entire point of this article was to tell people to stop brushing away our experiences as fake
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Like one of my replies above, unless you can prove its authenticity, try not to treat post like these as gospel.
Admittedly, intentions maybe genuine, but exaggerating stories (if she did) only serves to place you on the same moral ground as those you so despise.
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Did you even read her comment? Also acknowledge the many people who relate to her with numerous similar experiences.
You’re literally just brushing of her instances of rape and harassment because you don’t think it could possibly be true. Wake up. We go through this every day.
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Dude, did you even read my comment?
In which instance did I ever question her experiences? I said SOME parts are EXAGGERATED. My claim is that not all her points mentioned are true, and yes this is me after taking in to account numerous experiences by others.
Shudder to think what the future holds with you lawyers to be believing everything at face value.
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Ah. You. You must be that very special douchebag who tells women not to overreact. You have to be one of those ‘chill out yaar, itna bhadak kyun rahi hai.’ I know you. I’ve met you.
I told you to fuck off.
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I see logic evades many here, so let me spell it out to you this time:
Neither did I dismiss the fact that SOME of these unfortunate events occurred nor have I told her not to overreact (which you’ve so clearly insinuated). And again, she has my sympathies.
It is her (very possibly exaggerated) story that led me to stark disbelieve. I mean come on, annually from 6 – 18 she was harassed consecutively? You’d think she wise up and travel around with a buddy by now, but then again, there’s a nice ring to it yes?
It is highly probably that some parts of it were made up to craft a more engaging story, which in this case, you and some others above are the actual idiots that gobble this shit up without questioning its authenticity. This brings me about to the next point (mentioned above). IF you’re going to falsely make up certain parts of a true story (just like some reporters would) in order to grab the attention of readers or merely to “raise awareness”, you lose all credibility to your cause you’re fighting for.
Case in point: Look at the Syrian boy Aylan who drowned and his family’s plight.
So once again, before you actually overreact, think twice on what I wrote and reflect upon them, especially before you graduate from the institute. One less reckless lawyer running around the better.
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“You’d think she’d wise up and travel around with a buddy by now.”
1) Having someone else around often does nothing to stave off sexual harassment.
2) So the onus is on the woman to find someone else to accompany her in order to ensure that she doesn’t get harassed?
Also, most women are harassed far more often than once a year. The fact that she chose to highlight these particular events – one from each year – doesn’t mean that harassment didn’t take place far more often.
But let’s for a moment assume that this poem is, in fact, fictional. Let’s assume that it’s intended to talk about the general plight of women. Do you really think that these things don’t happen on a daily basis? How does the poem’s veracity in any way affect the overarching truth – that women, all women, are subjected to harassment at some point in their lives? That most of the time, this kind of harassment is persistent and occurs frequently? That there are “certain areas of town” that we are told to avoid in order to prevent such incidents from happening to us?
Is the onus not on the people who take part in such harassment to stop harassing rather than the woman to ensure that she isn’t harassed?
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Finally, some common sense in the reply, sure I’ll entertain.
1) It sure as hell reduces your chances though.
2) It is and always the aggressor’s responsibility to be educated in the issues of modesty. -> Leading to your final sentence “Is the onus not on the people who take part in such harassment to stop harassing rather than the woman to ensure that she isn’t harassed?” Having said that however, it takes time to cultivate such a huge behavioral/social change in the society (Not that I’m blaming anyone).
“Also, most women are harassed far more often than once a year. The fact that she chose to highlight these particular events – one from each year – doesn’t mean that harassment didn’t take place far more often.” – Really? Debatable. The rapid globalization of India has no doubt brought about Westernized ideals unto the country and with the assistance of social media (and with it, shaming), one would be inclined to think that aggressors tend to be more careful not to overstep their boundaries. I could even provide case study examples but I’m not going to waste my time.
“Do you really think that these things don’t happen on a daily basis.” – Daily? Sure…only with a larger sample size of women, not to a single female in that frequency though. See, here you’re just generalizing.
As for the rest of your argument, you completely missed my point. I specifically said, IF her article is partially made up just so to rouse the emotions of the reader, she has already lost the moral high ground. You’re essentially using a lie (be it partial) to combat another transgression and you know what they say about 2 wrongs. The danger of condoning a behavior such as lying for one’s cause would certainly lead you down the rabbit hole and if you’re begging for equality, you’d best not cast the first stone.
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1) I should not be obliged to find a male (or female) companion whenever I step outside my campus. Telling women to find a companion in order to stave of harassment is both sexist and impractical. Besides, as a woman, I’ve faced harassment regardless of whether there’s a male or female companion with me, and I know that many others have faced the same. The “companion” argument assumes that both people will speak out at the time of harassment, which is often impossible, keeping in mind that the situation is often one involving aggression and intimidation.
2) Refer to above.
Please, do provide case study examples, because this shaming culture doesn’t seem to have stopped male aggression. Brought it into the limelight, certainly, but the objectification and commodification of women ensures that men still feel comfortable sexually harassing women on the streets, on modes of transport, and elsewhere.
With regard to these incidents happening on a daily basis – you missed my point there. I was trying to point out that women, as a whole, face sexual harassment on a daily basis, and repeatedly. The same person may indeed be harassed once each year, as illustrated in this poem, but it is far more likely that the incidents will occur with far greater frequency (especially if you factor in street harassment).
Assuming that this poem (not an article) is, in fact, fictional – which it has the right to be, given artistic license – that does not take away from its ability to illustrate the kind of abuse faced by women as a whole over their lifetime.
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Almost every woman I know has at least one similar story to tell. When I was fifteen I was chased through the city by seven men in a yellow van. My parents wouldn’t let me come back home after 10.
My grandmother was attacked by a neighbour. She wanted to rape her. She managed to escape. After that he was always saying “Good morning” as if nothing happened.
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I adore this poem. Thank you for writing it.
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The context is disgusting, but there is a strong undeniable message which speaks to this society.
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@tkainaz
I couldn’t add another thread so I’m replying here.
1) Yeah yeah yeah, the same old “I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT” bs. Google the definition of deterrent and while you’re at it, you can probably write a paper on why our country places so much emphasis on its military strength and blue water navy. And btw, having a companion by your side sure beats being alone in terms of calling for help/dialing for assistance/ganging up on the aggressor/bide for time/harass/distract and the list goes on.
2) …you’re seriously going to make me do all the work aren’t you: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=indian+man+shamed+for+rape
Like I mentioned, these things take time and which many are beginning to feel the effects if they haven’t already. You don’t expect to reap your harvest overnight do you?
And as to your last point, no I didn’t misunderstand you, vice versa more like. No offence, you really need to step up your comprehension game. In essence, you’re justifying the glorification of victimization based on “artistic license”. You’re kidding right? There are certainly other avenues to voice out and make changes if one is really determined. Using this board as an a platform and excuse to “reach out to the masses” isn’t really a strong argument. You want change? Be the change!
So bringing everything back to my point, one simple doesn’t rely on made-up sob stories in little outreach forums like this to bring about awareness. It only serves to invite “likes” to oneself, if you’re into the whole emo-momo self-pitying subculture that is.
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Yeah, it’s the “I can do whatever I want” BS. Because “You need someone else to go with you.” doesn’t cut it anymore. This country shouldn’t be in a situation where I can’t go to the local store alone. How do you not see something wrong with that?
You’re going to make the old “change is gradual” point again? Newsflash: There is almost no change. Your link talks about an isolated incident where an individual is shamed for being a rapist. I can link a dozen more where “educated” people, members of “civil society”, and the people who are supposed to represent us in Parliament talk about why girls deserve to get raped. Where people talk about how eating chowmein leads to rape, wearing short skirts leads to rape, wearing jeans leads to rape and what not. Want me to link those? There is an ingrained culture of victim-blaming in our society, and pointing out the uncomfortable truth, that women are harassed on a daily basis, isn’t “wallowing in self-pity” or “sob stories”.
Let’s talk about reality. Where women change the way they reach places or the way they do certain things in order to prevent being ogled, harassed, and essentially, avoid the possibility of sexual harassment. The reason they don’t ride in general compartments in metros. Why they rarely go to the market alone. (BTW, if you go through the poem once again, you can see that one of the parts deals with a man publicly masturbating while the author and her friends were all present. Because other people were clearly such a deterrent.)
Let’s talk about other avenues of engagement. Like this one. Where people like you take the opportunity to (anonymously) belittle other people who talk about their personal experiences. Does that make you feel better about your life? Congratulations! You are now an internet warrior. You’ve earned your golden badge. Are you happy now?
Why can we not have a conversation about sexual harassment and rape culture without having a dozen different people telling us about how we don’t have it so bad? Please stop projecting your own expectations of feminity upon other people who have to go through this on a daily basis. Your ideas about the “victim” narrative are so grossly misplaced that I can’t even begin to address them. Here’s another newsflash: this stuff does happen to people everyday. You aren’t “looking for likes” if you acknowledge it and speak out about it. People like you, who roll their eyes every time someone else dares to talk about their personal experiences, don’t help contribute to this other narrative that you so desperately want.
Let’s talk about deterrents. Let’s talk about pepper spray, and the reason it was invented and why it’s become so popular. Or anti-rape nail polish. Yeah, that’s a thing. They literally had to invent something so that women could check their drinks at bars to ensure that they weren’t going to be drugged and raped. How do you not see something wrong with that? Again, why is the onus always on the woman to ensure that she isn’t going to be raped?
Yeah, I want change. I’m tired of the good old “it’s a slow process” argument. There is no progress. No matter what, you will always find someone there who will be willing to roll their eyes and blame you, or make another patronizing remark about how you could have avoided harassment if you’d just done this one extra thing. Congratulations, anonymous Internet warrior. You’ve won. I no longer have the energy for this conversation.
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I didn’t say there isn’t anything wrong with rape culture. Read my comments above, all of them were condemning this notion. What you don’t seem to understand is I also condemn resorting to half-truths like this post in view of change.
Yeah, because cherry-picking isolated incidents is such a credible argument huh. For crying out loud, how about some credible/sourced articles to back up your claim. Here are some for instance, on the positive changes globalization has had on the country’s well-being of rape:
– Thomson Reuters Foundation speaks out against Rape (Not just in India)
– Emergency helplines for tourists
– Growing feminist movement in India
– General growing awareness/outrage and protests against rape cases (For instance: Sisters of brother eloped; Bollywood speaking out; MARD movement; 2012 Delhi incident; Saudi Diplomat)
– Wide media reports and coverage (Not just locally, worldwide)
– Expanding laws on the subject matter (And btw, India has a high conviction for such cases)
“No” change there.
Reality – So let me pose you a question. What happened to those fathers/brothers/sons/relatives of the women who got raped? As victims of this damning culture, do they not condemn the actions of rapists as well? See this is what I meant by positive changes and how it takes time for the society to adapt. Just because it isn’t visible doesn’t mean it isn’t taking place (Like climate change for instance). And as for the masturbating individual: I’m a male and EVEN if a woman were to do it in front of me, I’d honestly think she is a loony and walk away/ignore whatever (Unless you’re begging for him to get shot/beaten, then you’re really not looking for Justice, that’s Revenge and I’d suggest a change in career).
Avenues of Engagement – You do realize that by insinuating that I am an internet warrior, you are very well becoming one yourself (if not already)? And yeah, me shattering the myth that is your “truth” this article held does not equate to me belittling one’s experience. It only goes to show I value honesty, which is more than what I can say for you. You’d probably get into bed (pardon the pun) with a crook just to get rid of a rapist.
You’re not hearing me, I didn’t say we can’t have a conversation on rape but nice Strawman fallacy you have there. I’m sticking to caps this time less you misunderstand again. TALK ABOUT RAPE BUT DON’T LIE ABOUT IT. And nah you aren’t looking for “Likes”, you’re looking for affirmation of love/TLC/pity because your life sucks boohoo. Pathetic much?
Deterrence – You do know that the whole reason pepper spray/toothed female condoms and other stuff you mentioned didn’t originate from India right? You do realize that rape culture persists everywhere else too right? Stop putting yourself atop a pedestal and broaden your perspective. Change needs to happen at a larger scale, refer to the above mentioned.
“There is no progress.” – Whoa there, sources? Refer to my above examples. Need more ideas? Organize talks and events in our campus, start small, play a part instead of just complaining.
Basically, you want change but you’re not willing to volunteer and step up for it. You want change but you want it to be handed in a silver platter. You want change but you want it RIGHT NOW. You want change and you’d blame everyone else. You want change and you’re willing to lie for it. That sums it up yes? Oh and uh, not one reader/commentor here could debunk my claim that the post is a lie (Which it probably is to make up for a not-so-engaging story). Sigh…
I must admit our conversation shed some light on your character too. Ready for the hard truth? You have a myopic view on things and you’d probably just complain about anything that isn’t going your way behind the safety of your computer screen instead of going out there and fight for it. You fail, and you fail hard.
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Open a newspaper. Go to the “Nation” section of said newspaper (even “City” will do). Observe how many cases of sexual assault are reported everyday. Reflect on the fact that this is not even close to the number of sexual assaults reported to the police everyday, and the number that are still unreported.
If you want, I can actually link you to multiple articles from today’s newspaper. Do let me know.
“Cherry picking isolated incidents” – these are not isolated incidents. This is reality. This is what happens everyday, not just in this country but across the world. The instances that you mentioned? Those are isolated incidents. Learn the difference.
Yeah, there’s no change. A few organisations mobilizing and talking about rape certainly mean that there’s an impetus towards change, but that doesn’t mean larger societal change, which is what I believe you were referring to earlier. Sorry if I got that wrong; I thought you were talking about actual change than a few press releases.
“What happened to those fathers/brothers/sons/relatives of the women who got raped? As victims of this damning culture, do they not condemn the actions of rapists as well?” This is just confusing, kindly explain. How are the fathers/brothers/sons/relatives of the women who get raped victims of this damning culture? By being associated to the person who was raped?
You talk about rape culture being a worldwide phenomenon. I wholeheartedly agree. It’s not as though it isn’t present in other parts of the world. I was focussing on India because it’s where I live and where I’ve experienced the worst parts of a culture that seems geared towards telling women that they’re inferior and worth less at every turn. But don’t forget about one other special feature of the global south: honour killings! Where women are killed and lashed for the crime of getting raped. Fun.
“And as for the masturbating individual: I’m a male and EVEN if a woman were to do it in front of me…” Publicly masturbating individuals are rather touched in the head. Do tell me, though – how many times has a woman publicly masturbated before you? How many times have you encountered a story where a woman publicly masturbates in the news? And how many times do men publicly masturbate in order to make women uncomfortable? Let’s reflect on that, too, while we’re on this spree of examining stuff.
I don’t want a publicly masturbating person to get shot/beaten. I want him to stop. I want him to have never masturbated in the first place, and to never ever think that he’s entitled to do so. Is that really too much to ask?
“You’d probably get into bed with a crook just to get rid of a rapist.” Wow. Just wow.
You’re not hearing me, either. I’m saying that IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THIS POEM IS FALSE. (See, I have the CapsLock key, too!). Kudos on being so stuck on that presumption, by the way. It doesn’t matter if the poem is false, because it reflects the reality that women collectively have to face every day. I don’t know how many more times I’ll have to type out this particular sentence before you’re ready to engage with it.
Have you ever considered that this person might just want to share their story? Or, better yet, might just want to acknowledge that their gender faces harassment on a daily basis? But then there’re people like you who crawl out of the woodwork in an attempt to rationalise this by insisting that it’s for likes or shares or for whatever else you think up. It doesn’t even matter if they want acknowledgement; why shouldn’t they want acknowledgement? What’s wrong with acknowledgement? How does that in any way take away from what they’re saying?
Also, no, we don’t want your pity. We want you to start acknowledging the fact that we’re human beings who’re subject to a different standard than you are, and that your precious little comments do nothing but reinforce that divide.
Also, about the Internet warrior thing – Yeah, sure. But at least I’m trying to make a difference. Maybe I’m also doing something off-screen to help make a difference – come up to me and we’ll have a conversation about it. But guess what? Every time that I respond to one of your asinine comments, my name is right up there. At least I’m acknowledging who I am. Nice going there, “Yawn”. Anonymity is so much fun, amirite?
“Need more ideas? Organize talks and events in our campus, start small, play a part instead of just complaining.” That’s funny, because when people (*cough* Gender Circle, PLPDG, and Insaaf *cough*) actually try to organise talks and events, other people cue up to complain about them. Refer to Insaaf’s poster campaign and the entire conversation about whether people should be subject to the content of those posters.
“You do realize that rape culture persists everywhere else too right? Stop putting yourself atop a pedestal and broaden your perspective. Change needs to happen at a larger scale.” I absolutely agree. Rape culture is a global problem. Sexism is a global problem. Again, as I said above, I’m referring to the Indian context because that’s what I’m familiar with.
“I must admit our conversation shed some light on your character too. Ready for the hard truth? You have a myopic view on things and you’d probably just complain about anything that isn’t going your way behind the safety of your computer screen instead of going out there and fight for it. You fail, and you fail hard.”
Shedding light on my character, really? Yes, a conversation held over the anonymity of your keyboard has revealed all of my secrets to your enlightened mind. I probably do have a myopic view on things – I’ll be the first person to admit that I don’t know nearly enough about this topic. But guess what? Neither do you. We’re in the same boat, my friend. You’re complaining about anything that isn’t going your way behind the safety of your computer screen instead of going out there, too. If I’m the one who’s failing, I’m not the only one.
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I’m going to try to limit my replies to each para w/ just 1 sentence if possible because
if you’re going to be adamant about your myopic views, I can’t help it either. I’m also really tired of this back and forth when clearly you’re just skirting the topic by shoving the scarecrow on me.
1st – Extreme example but works nonetheless: Were such reports available/permitted a decade or two earlier?
2nd – Yes, because there’s an organization of rapist out there ready to pounce on innocent helpless girls like you.
3rd – Learn to read, the examples referenced clearly stated the culprit were arrested and dealt with accordingly largely due to societal pressure.
4th – Male relatives clearly taking the stand with the victim e.g. MARD (I live in India too, if you’ve missed that out)
5th – I’m no biologists but I’m sure male hormones clearly outweigh females’ so try consulting a doctor on this one.
6th – AND MY STAND IS IT MATTERS THAT IT’S FALSE, OTHERWISE YOU’RE BUILDING A CLAIM BASED ON A LIE. And it DOESN’T reflect what a single woman faces EVERYDAY, that’s an EXAGGERATION. (Sorry can’t help on this one)
7th – Sharing her FALSIFIED story to bring about awareness? Yeah I got that but isn’t it tantamount to bearing false witness in the eyes of the court? Think on that.
8th – If you read my comments and understood my stand, you’ll be inclined to believe that I share the same view on rapists actually except the lying part which you’re still stubbornly defending?
9th – Because tkainaz is such an exclusive name that I can search online for?
10th – Yeah, and Gandhi’s views were understood and praised overnight.
11th – Again, I’m local.
12th & 13th – You’re trying really hard to regurgitate facts here but you can’t hide the fact that you’re impatient for change and you admit to your short-sightedness. Need I go on?
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Reblogged this on daughter of atlas.
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Reblogged this on + Solemn Solitude +.
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Reblogged this on Rani Lane – Las Vegas Ebony Escort.
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Reblogged this on Preston Perfect and commented:
Exceptional writing, sad truths.
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This was beautifully tragic. Reblogged on Preston Perfect. https://prestonperfect.wordpress.com/
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