I googled and googled and nowhere, in all the hubbub over the new Steve Jobs biopic did I see one mention of the fact that yet another person of color is being played by a white guy. Steve Jobs may have dressed like Dieter from Sprockets, but he wasn’t a German. In fact, his father was Abdulfattah Jandali, a Syrian immigrant. Aaron Sorkin, one of Hollywood’s top liberals who’s sensitive to all kinds of liberal things, must not have read that part of Walter Isaacson’s epic biography of Jobs, because he cast based on the mock turtleneck instead of actual fact. Michael Fassbender is playing Jobs in the new movie, due out next month.

Job’s was light skinned, but his elegant nose, almond eyes an bushy eyebrows pretty clearly revealed his Mediterranean roots. Michael Fassbender, on the other hand, is German/Irish something or other. US Weekly calls Fassbender’s transformation in Jobs “shocking”. Shocking how? In that he looks just like he normally does and not like Jobs at all? They didn’t even cover his blue eyes with brown contacts. With those round glasses on he looks like a member of the Stasi, for Christ’s sake. Maybe he could have played Big Brother in Apple’s 1984 commercial, but Jobs himself? Look at these two guys next to each other. It’s a fucking joke!

I guess Jobs was just too successful to be an Arab. A country that jails a Muslim kid for doing extracurricular science projects just could never accept that a brown guy helped make the devices in your pocket and on your desk. Hell, he changed the entire face of consumer electronics more times than I can count. How dare we think he’s anything but white? Only white people are capable of succeeding. Anyone else must have got there through some kind of affirmative action program. Jobs was all garages and bootstraps! And fuck if we’re going to let little brown kids have anyone like them to look up to. That’s crazy talk!

BTW, I hear Sorkin is writing the Obama biography as we speak. He’s casting Ryan Gosling in the main role. It’ll be great!