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Regarding Shit Tests (self.marriedredpill)

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If I were to deal with them like I do sometimes with my kids, would it work?

Sometimes my daughter who's 4 will make a feeble attempt to trick me. Or just say something obnoxious to get a reaction. I tend to just ignore her completely and walk away to do something else. Then she will pursue it harder or give up on that idea.

If she pursues it, I just escalate my disinterest in what she's doing. With my kid this works because she wants validation from me.

My wife seems to not care about validation. At least mine. Wife just runs off and tries to ignore me the same as I ignore her bullshit. Essentially devolving into a game of hide and seek where I don't care enough to go look for her.

Sometimes I fear this tactic is a result of low energy, instead of the wise approach. Will my wife ever seek validation from me? I've made a lot of changes but I've got a long road of lifting and running ahead.

Unplugging so far has been easy in its theory. It makes complete sense, but visualizing a future that's different than the last 5 years is the toughest part. I'm not crying or whining, I'm just wondering when all these changes will feel more normal.

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[–]TrainingTheBrainMarried- MRP APPROVED 3ポイント4ポイント  (9子コメント)

Do you enjoy your wife? On an other than you like to fuck her level, do you enjoy her company and what she brings (of value) to your life?

[–][deleted] 4ポイント5ポイント  (8子コメント)

When she's warm and in a good mood it's great. And our connectedness regarding our mutual love for the kids. When I get her out in the woods in the RV away from bills, social media, and work bullshit, she becomes my favorite person. When we kayak, shoot guns, and she comes to BJJ class I feel satisfied.

When I try to get my dick in her, she turns into a horrible cunty human being.

[–]TrainingTheBrainMarried- MRP APPROVED 6ポイント7ポイント  (7子コメント)

When I try to get my dick in her, she turns into a horrible cunty human being.

Do you talk to her on deep matters or just superficial shit?

I ask because some 'men' don't ever really talk to their wives. It's just "What's on TV, how was your day, want to fuck?, etc." or some rehashed version of the same thing.

Talk to your wife about what she wants from her life and that of your kids. Remind her of how short life is and the joy that comes from experiences over the accumulation of things.

Tell her about how her happiness is in her control and that if she wants to get the most from her life and marriage, then she needs to recognize that she'll have to break from the mold modern day society has placed her in.

She needs to embrace her feminine biology. Be a chick who loves life and has fun, letting the burden of existence fall on her Man, as that's his job.

At the same time, maybe it's you. Maybe you aren't as suave or in shape as you think. I have no idea, just throwing it out there that maybe you're one of those guys who is always crass and has no coothe when it comes to dealing with sexuality.

EDIT

The point of talking to her is that you need to get her to recognize that these opportunities to fuck and be together aren't guaranteed. Removing the bullshit distractions and replacing them with quality time and actions together will lead to a connection on a deeper level and ultimately a better relationship.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 4ポイント5ポイント  (3子コメント)

This is not bad advice for THIS guy but others take note, this is usually NOT good advice.

This guy is into BJJ, he has a DNGAF attitude and is describing a cool, even cold wife who is not reacting to him which suggests he may be a bit to much "Alpha" and his wife is avoiding him. In most cases, the guy is to "Beta" and he needs to double down on his cool, aloof behavior.

I agree this guy needs a different approach than most.

[–]TrainingTheBrainMarried- MRP APPROVED 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I try to advise on an individual basis as each situation is unique.

I could just see some weaksauce fuck reading this saying, "See?! I told you I had to talk more".

Glad you added the disclaimer.

[–][deleted] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

She started becoming a lot more cold likely due to me punting her Shit tests out of the arena once I figured out red pill theory. It was immediately, "so I don't have to put up with this annoying bullshit?" And I almost kind of reverted to my old before her self.

[–]itstartstoday123Unplugging 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't see you saying anything regarding comfort tests. It seems like although you are unplugging and handling shit tests you are approaching everything as a shit test. That's the too much alpha part that BPP was referring to. If you are handling shit tests and you have missed the transition into comfort tests then she may think you just hate Her.

At some point when she sees you as strong enough where your resist all of her shit tests, women seem to move more toward comfort tests. If you treat a comfort test like a shit test then it comes across as Just not caring about her. Maybe you don't, it happened to me when I freshly unplugged. When you start recognizing comfort tests then she starts to move toward you again and makes efforts to bring you back to her. Not necessarily trying to make you a BB again, but it's Her realizing she has to try to please you, not just exist and have you be happy with that.

"a wife is a reflection if her husband"

If you are cold and uncaring then that may be why she seems the same.

Look for the comfort tests. Go over them again.

[–][deleted] 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

As far as having meaningful conversations, yeah that happens a lot. But sometimes I feel like I'm just talking at her because she's not engaged. When this happens I usually stop mid sentence and go silent for a while. Before I would've just kept talking until I was done with my point. Now I just cut it off and it seems to work as some form of dread. Then if really wants to know what I was about to say I might get into it but I'll be much more aloof at that point, not really seeming to give a crap anymore about explaining anything to her.

[–]TrainingTheBrainMarried- MRP APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'd make an attempt to break her from the majority of drones out there. Show her that you have a vision and that you're going to get everyone there provided they all are onboard.

Then again, she's not your mission. Make the attempt t ohelp her as she's stuck in the 'sheep mentality' doing what others are doing because she thinks that's what 'living' is.

Ultimately, you make sure that you're good to go and enjoying the fuck out of this life, if she's not onboard, someone else can fill the role.

[–]alphabeta49MRP-APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm gonna agree with TTB. The MRP advice is to talk less because most guys talk too much in a beta way. There is much to be said for verbally hashing out what you want out of life, what she wants out of life, how you'll raise your kids, etc. As long as you have a strong frame, you absolutely should share your vision and ask for hers.

Your dread tactic for when she's not engaged sounds good - does it work? Does she come around? Dread is technically designed to get sex, not conversational engagement, so you might need to be more overt and explain to her that you want more engagement. Or take a more therapeutic tack and ask her why she's disengaged, let her explain or vent or whatever she needs to do, then lay out your expectations for meaningful conversations.

[–]Redneck001MRP-APPROVED 1ポイント2ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ive got a long road of lifting and running ahead

That's the answer. As you get closer to your fitness goals, everything else on point, then you'll see the change in her attitude toward you. And if she doesn't, you'll be able to replace her by Friday night.

[–]SepeanMRP-APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

It sounds like your SMV is not high and your banter is only at the STFU level (miles ahead of blue pill DEERing, but still).

Raise your SMV. Lift, diet, dress well, groom, learn to approach other girls and apply some dread, lead your household, pass shit tests with solid A&A and amused mastery, fuck her SGM style.

At that point she will be seeking validation from you and withdrawing affection will affect her.

[–]Rasalom72Married 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

You're wife doesn't see you as the prize. Her hamster is still telling her that she "could" do better by branch swinging to someone more alpha.

You are failing when you think your wife doesn't care about validation... she wants it from other women... women in general don't care about male validation. Take her out and hit on the cute waitress, or the coat check girl. Make sure she notices you getting attention from other women.

[–]stonepimpletilistsMRP-APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Maybe applicable, but normally, I'd see someone unaffected by your disinterest doesn't fear, or care about your removal.

I'm assuming she cares, but most likely doens't believe you'll follow through. I like /u/trainingthebrains advice, giving her vision might pre empt all the shit tests.

But in the meantime, treating her like a 4 year old is a great way to internalize your frame over hers. Unless you let your 4 year old run roughshod over you, in which case, try a 2 year old.

[–][deleted] 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

My 4 year old obeys just about anything I say. Its mom she steamrolls on the regular.

[–]bogeyd6Married 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

I'm just wondering when all these changes will feel more normal.

It's going to be awhile. You are changing personalities and of course that's not normal. The vast majority of people cannot change. You may never change, you just find these MRP qualities to be merely coping mechanisms that work extremely well.

If I were to deal with them like I do sometimes with my kids, would it work?

Yes, women love it when you don't take them seriously. Reading NMMNG will teach you that you can easily only care about yourself and take no one seriously.

Will my wife ever seek validation from me?

Not that you should care. This is your life and your way of living. Pass enough shit tests and they will devolve into comfort tests. Eventually she will see you looking really good and she will notice other women taking an interest. Even if you do not. Once the SMV tide starts to turn in your favor, prepare your jimmies.

[–][deleted] 2ポイント3ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah changing personalities is a good way to put it. I've always been the introspective type, but I have to take care not to become disassociated from myself as I seem to slip between the me I am building and the former me I am trying to tear down.

[–]bogeyd6Married 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

There are some big words in this reply. Maybe you are at the proverbial cross roads. There comes a time in this MRP road that a man has to choose a path for himself. Can you ride the middle the rest of your life? Maybe, Maybe not. You can choose to have a better life using the tactics that you know work. Maybe dissociating from the "myself" to the "new you" is exactly what is called for. Step up, make your choice, and the slips will be less frequent.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR 1ポイント2ポイント  (11子コメント)

If I were to deal with them like I do sometimes with my kids, would it work?

Yes, they are the same thing.

My wife seems to not care about validation.

This is an important observation. Women feed off of validation. If she is not seeking her validation from you that is a problem. She does not see you as the prize. I would definitely start on Dread level 3- begin to build a life outside your wife but I would not ignore chances to build emotional intimacy with her so long as you keep the IDGAF attitude.

I would also read MMSL, SGM, Bang, Day Bang, and The Natural and start to seduce your wife (Dread level 6). You need to start doing this WITHOUT the expectation of sex and just work on seduction. If you get a hard denial you are out the door doing something fun. Try again the next day. If you get the Starfish pull it out, zip up and tell her you don't seem into it, I am going....

[–][deleted] 1ポイント2ポイント  (10子コメント)

I have the deck stacked against me though. Her being a master degree professor and me being in service work with no college education. Her being naturally thin and me literally having severe sugar addiction issues to the point where I just eat a ketogenic diet to avoid the temptation. As I embrace this new me it becomes easier.

I try to pretend like life is a video game. I completely fucked up my first character. So I'm starting from scratch.

[–]theultmatecadMarried- HARD CORE RED 0ポイント1ポイント  (8子コメント)

How close are you to ideal weight? Lifting how long? Does she actually think you would LEAVE? and if so, does she think you are capable of pulling in other women?

[–][deleted] 0ポイント1ポイント  (7子コメント)

Well, she married me when I was superbeast obese. Like 300lbs at 6ft. Went up to 350lbs. I'm like 50lbs away from my ideal weight as of now.

I can pull less attractive women easily since I learned game. I work a service job and try out my moves on bored housewives all day. The results are super positive. But I can't shit where I eat so I keep it playful. But if I wanted to make some bad choices itd be really easy.

[–]theultmatecadMarried- HARD CORE RED 0ポイント1ポイント  (6子コメント)

You are on the right track so keep trucking. I think when you have a 6 pack you can expect better treatment no?

How about the "service job"? Can you raise game here too?

If I am offending you, then you havent figured out yet how unremarkably UNspecial you ( and me) are.

[–][deleted] 0ポイント1ポイント  (5子コメント)

I'm sure I'd get more attention yeah. Might have loose skin but that can be fixed.

I game at work non-stop. And I see it as that. A fun game. I'm married so I don't feel devastated at rejection.

If I ever feel offended at someone's advice then I use introspection to find out why its bothering me and patch up that hole in my game.

(i remember arguing with you as a blue pill fuck a year or so back, but now I see the merits of your approach. Thanks for trying back then. I just wasn't quite ready to unplug. Or you might have brought me here from deadbedrooms. I can't really remember but who cares I'm here now.)

[–]theultmatecadMarried- HARD CORE RED 0ポイント1ポイント  (4子コメント)

Haha,,, I dont recall arguing but it happens all the time. Generally, one gets upset when forced to admit flaws in previous thinking.

Bro.. I dont want to nail some bitch who is 50 pounds overweight so why the fuck would your wife want to fuck you? You are not her special someone. You are a man that the parasitic cunt is exploiting for all sorts of reasons. Drop the weight, get your career pointed north, and be a fucking smug outlaw

[–][deleted] 0ポイント1ポイント  (3子コメント)

I wouldn't say she's a parasite at all. She makes way more money then I do. And I generally spend my own money however I want.

So are you playing a character, trolling for weakness, or do you enjoy just injecting a touch of negativity or "shock" into everything you post?

Just curious.

[–]theultmatecadMarried- HARD CORE RED 0ポイント1ポイント  (2子コメント)

Not sure an endorsed contributor on the main sub can be a troll. Its intriguing that a man working his way out of dead bedrooms may think so. It makes sense too.

Your woman isnt giving you what you want and need. You want to be desired and have a woman lust for you. Yet you dont see her as a parasite because of money?

She controls sex sure, all women do. In this case she controls pursestrings.

So.where doesn that leave you? Your commitment.

The commitment of a quality man is the elusive holy grail. When she feels that she cant or won't do better then you, and she sees your boundaries then she will absolutely submit.

Isnt that why you are here?

[–][deleted] 0ポイント1ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah that's why I'm here.

[–]alphabeta49MRP-APPROVED 0ポイント1ポイント  (0子コメント)

Her being a master degree professor and me being in service work with no college education

Dude, you have a great option here. You can have her disqualifying her higher education to you.

Academic/career achievement is highly regarded as a self-improvement trope around RP circles, but if you don't find yourself immediately able to work on that (can you take night classes or learn coding in your down time?), then think more positively of your current situation. Instead of the under-educated loser, you're the rebellious, fit, adventurous guy who don't give a damn about traditional education and instead pursues unconventional learning in the form of hobbies, adventure sports, etc. Pursue activities that don't require an education. Make the most of your situation. Shit like

I have the deck stacked against me though

needs to be cut out of your vocabulary. Seriously. Fucking stop using that language.

You're not AS educated as her. So what? That can easily turn into a beta-provider quality anyway, so enjoy living a simple life and relish in the fact that you're not pursuing some rat-race education just to drudge along in some rat-race career. Your current service-related job is the means to your end of an awesome, fun-filled life.

And listen to u/bogeyd.