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Why Your Team Sucks 2015: New England Patriots (deadspin.com)

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[–]BearsTaco2uesday 285ポイント286ポイント  (50子コメント)

Holy shit, I forgot about that tweet.

[–]VikingsBig_booty_ho 48ポイント49ポイント  (47子コメント)

Did that actually happen or was it photoshopped ?

[–]PatriotsMichelanvalo 256ポイント257ポイント  (37子コメント)

Actually happened.

The Pats had a bot up that would automatically put the twitter handle on the back of a jersey and tweet it out.

Obviously, this being the internet, things happened.

[–]VikingsBig_booty_ho 130ポイント131ポイント  (33子コメント)

Ahhhh. My black ass will file this one under another reason to rage hate the pats. Lol.

[–]NFLsocdude 215ポイント216ポイント  (19子コメント)

my black ass

big_booty_ho username

Well that makes sense I guess

minnesota

Now I don't know what to think

[–]RaidersTroubleshootenSOB 148ポイント149ポイント  (3子コメント)

Now I don't know what to think

Prince

[–]VikingsBig_booty_ho 51ポイント52ポイント  (13子コメント)

Lol. It's ok . If I had a penny for every time I got called out for being "some skinny white guy" on r/nfl even after having post after post indicating otherwise; I would have enough money to actually be some skinny white guy.... Anyway, Minnesota is the shit.

[–]NFLsocdude 30ポイント31ポイント  (5子コメント)

Why do you get called out for being "some skinny white guy"? Do you also post on /r/nba, /r/sneakers and /r/hiphopheads and speak exclusively in slang on Reddit?

Because that pretty much confirms you're skinny and white.

[–]VikingsBig_booty_ho 27ポイント28ポイント  (3子コメント)

You forgot /r/blackpeopletwitter ... Also everyone knows everyone on reddit is white and everyone on /r/nfl is a guy. Double whammy.

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    [–]Goodellhasatinycock 7ポイント8ポイント  (4子コメント)

    you seem to be super overcompensating at the fact that you're a black guy.

    ....probably just some skinny white guy...

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            [–]RamsIcyEnergy 23ポイント24ポイント  (4子コメント)

            It was real. It was an automated tweet for their 1 million milestone. Someone must have lost their job.

            [–]PatriotsTheMostCuriousThing 10ポイント11ポイント  (2子コメント)

            Bear in mind that's a lowercase "l", not an "I". A good filtering system should equate "l" and "I", but I don't necessarily think that's job loss worthy?

            [–]PatriotsMathemagicland 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

            The person who should lose their job is whoever thought it was necessary or wise to put a robot in charge of PR. They're not tweeting in high enough volume to justify automation, so there's no excuse for not having a human being to review all tweets before they're posted, no matter how good you think your profanity filter is.

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              [–]Coltsuntface 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

              It was up there for about an hour too before it finally got taken down.

              [–]PatriotsEByrne 19ポイント20ポイント  (0子コメント)

              It definitely happened. They really should have known better, but I guess some organizations still haven't realized that if you give the internet a chance to broadcast racist shit... it's gonna broadcast racist shit.

              [–]GiantsRutawitz 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

              No it happened

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                  [–]ChiefsMisspel 144ポイント145ポイント  (8子コメント)

                  There were 25 asterisk marks used in the article*

                  [–]DolphinsNuclearTacos 142ポイント143ポイント  (2子コメント)

                  Not enough.

                  [–]ChiefsMisspel 22ポイント23ポイント  (1子コメント)

                  As of 2:19pm EST, there are also 25 asterisk marks in this comment section

                  [–]Eaglesjgeotrees 13ポイント14ポイント  (0子コメント)

                  Not enough*

                  [–]Buccaneers19O1 10ポイント11ポイント  (1子コメント)

                  "can you believe they only think we cheated 25 times?"

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                    [–]Saintsaksoileau 69ポイント70ポイント  (14子コメント)

                    Can Ben Affleck play Tom Brady in a Lifetime movie?

                    [–]RamsYji 188ポイント189ポイント  (63子コメント)

                    I wish I was Edelman.

                    [–]Saintsaksoileau 31ポイント32ポイント  (9子コメント)

                    Who doesn't want to be Julian Edelman.

                    [–]Patriotsmanslayer22 101ポイント102ポイント  (5子コメント)

                    Tom Brady probably.

                    [–]Saintsaksoileau 59ポイント60ポイント  (3子コメント)

                    I don't know. Brady's lone highlight of the offseason was surfing Edelman's instagram.

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                        [–]EaglesPM_ME_FOODPORN_PLZ 101ポイント102ポイント  (41子コメント)

                        That makes me so angry when people do that. The Vine-outing, not the sex.

                        [–]Bengalsd_wilson123 295ポイント296ポイント  (27子コメント)

                        When you pick up chicks exclusively because of who you are don't be shocked when they tell everyone they had sex with you simply because of who you are

                        [–]Bengalswongo 59ポイント60ポイント  (6子コメント)

                        yea I doubt he was mad about that

                        [–]PainfulPeanutBlender 15ポイント16ポイント  (5子コメント)

                        IIRC that girl got a ton of shit for doing that, wasn't allowed in certain bars or clubs, pretty much forced to make a public apology to Edelman etc.

                        Now having said that, I don't recall Edelman saying anything about it one way or another so I don't know if it was him being pissed or the town being pissed about it

                        [–]EaglesApollo_Screed 10ポイント11ポイント  (2子コメント)

                        IIRC that girl got a ton of shit for doing that, wasn't allowed in certain bars or clubs, pretty much forced to make a public apology to Edelman etc.

                        But you can't even be happy for that, because Boston wasn't like "Hey, that's a privacy violation. Not cool." - they were like "HOW DARE YOU GET EDELMAN INTO TROUBLE YOU SLUT."

                        [–]PatriotskayGrim 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                        It was all the town being pissed from what I heard.

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                          [–]Washbag 27ポイント28ポイント  (1子コメント)

                          When you pick up chicks exclusively because of who you are

                          how else do you pick up chicks that aren't prostitutes?

                          [–]Patriotslost_my_khakis 50ポイント51ポイント  (9子コメント)

                          Are you implying that women only have sex with this man because he is a famous football player?

                          [–]Midas-Whale 18ポイント19ポイント  (3子コメント)

                          Doubt it was exclusively because of who he is. He's a good looking guy, I'm sure he'd get laid often if he was a stock broker or something too.

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                            [–]PatriotsMichelanvalo 46ポイント47ポイント  (12子コメント)

                            Apparently that girl was a major groupie for the Pats and slept with a bunch of them. After she did this, they all blackballed her (har har) and she's been a social outcast ever since.

                            At least that's what the dirt rag the Boston Herald "reported."

                            [–]BrownsLobotomistCircu 80ポイント81ポイント  (9子コメント)

                            I'm sure it's this way for every single major sports team, but I've heard the Pats are pretty notorious for going to Boston clubs and just drowning in starfucker pussy. A friend of mine once got propositioned by Gronk, who quickly moved on when she told him she doesn't follow football.

                            Long story short there's a reason Bianca Wilfork went to every game, home and away.

                            [–]JetsEasterling 47ポイント48ポイント  (3子コメント)

                            Wilfork is another story, I heared stories of him and his family being super united and being an example for the whole Bostonian (?) comunity

                            [–]PatriotsBootsk8 11ポイント12ポイント  (0子コメント)

                            Vince and Bianca probably have the best "celebrity" relationship I've ever seen. You know damn well Vince is scared of that woman, and for a good reason too.

                            [–]Patriots2busy2blizzy 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

                            They were already married when Vince was drafted (same for Malcom Brown btw crosses fingers).

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                              [–]Eaglessk1ttlebrau 25ポイント26ポイント  (0子コメント)

                              there's a reason Bianca Wilfork went to every game, home and away.

                              Smart woman.

                              [–]Patriotsweeba 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                              She also sends notes to the locker room with comments on his play from the first half.

                              wilforkgate

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                                  [–]Coltsestear 57ポイント58ポイント  (9子コメント)

                                  seriously what's not to like about the guy. He was even on Reddit! https://i.imgur.com/n6RuKTD.jpg

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                                    [–]BroncosJux_ 154ポイント155ポイント  (68子コメント)

                                    That fucking jersey gets me every time

                                    [–]Cowboystreygreen13 243ポイント244ポイント  (12子コメント)

                                    God forbid the rest of the universe spend ONE FUCKING SECOND not talking about your shitty teams.

                                    More accurate than Aaron Rodgers.

                                    [–]ChiefsCount_Frackula 15ポイント16ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                    No kidding. Chiefs could win the super bowl and we'd still be hearing about the sandwich Tom fucking Brady ate that day.

                                    [–]LionsJohnnylights69 40ポイント41ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                    *More accurate than Aaron Rodgers.

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                                      [–]Bengalsthe_glutton 290ポイント291ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                      About 90% of my fellow fans have been nailing themselves to a cross along with Brady this offseason.

                                      Perfect.

                                      [–]EaglesPM_ME_FOODPORN_PLZ 162ポイント163ポイント  (75子コメント)

                                      How do you get a Pats fan to shut up? Ask them their favorite player pre-2002 (Bledsoe excluded)

                                      I think that would get me punched just as quickly.

                                      [–]Patriotsloencn 54ポイント55ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                      DOUG FLUTIE!!!!!!

                                      [–]Coltsmoviescriptlife 17ポイント18ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                      A guy who had 11 TDs and 14 INTs in 3 years was your favorite player? God, you guys sucked as bad as we did in the 90's.

                                      [–]PatriotsGisbourne 57ポイント58ポイント  (27子コメント)

                                      My biggest problem with this is that anyone in their early 20s likely doesn't have a favorite player pre-2002, or at least not one they feel as strongly about as more recent stars. You could get a lot of people on every fan base that way.

                                      [–]Steelersnotjimbelushi 70ポイント71ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                      Not us. Steelers fans in their 20s just say Joe Greene or Jack Lambert and pretend that they're NFL historians because they listened to their dad drunkenly ramble about the "pussy-ass modern NFL" and watched that episode of A Football Life that one time.

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                                        [–]Patriotsstarthirteen 36ポイント37ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                        Ben Coates!

                                        [–]Patriotsbigkat52 26ポイント27ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                        lawyer milloy!

                                        [–]PatriotsVinnys_Magic_Grits 4ポイント5ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                        Terry Glenn son!

                                        [–]PatriotsBadAssachusetts 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                        Easy. Terry Glenn. Boom! In your face. I did it. D.I.D. Did.

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                                          [–]NFChiphopdowntheblock 212ポイント213ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                          No one, not even Nick Saban, looks more awkward being happy than this man. I’m creeped out just looking at him attempt to smile. I really am. It sends bad vibes all through my house. I remain firmly convinced that, despite the victory* over Seattle, Belichick’s favorite moment from last season was spite-benching Jonas Gray, just to be a cock.

                                          The truth

                                          [–]NFLsportsmcgee 66ポイント67ポイント  (21子コメント)

                                          With one more Super Bowl win, Belichick will have more Super Bowl victories than any other head coach, and will likely cement his legacy* as the greatest coach in NFL history*. Also, he adores long walks and standing next to lighthouses.

                                          In case you were wondering, there is a child being murdered off camera. That’s why he’s looking away and smiling. No one, not even Nick Saban, looks more awkward being happy than this man. I’m creeped out just looking at him attempt to smile. I really am. It sends bad vibes all through my house. I remain firmly convinced that, despite the victory* over Seattle, Belichick’s favorite moment from last season was spite-benching Jonas Gray, just to be a cock.

                                          He's right, it is weird seeing BB smile.

                                          [–]GiantsJaiOhBe 143ポイント144ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                          If Belichick is such a genius, how could he let Eli Manning and his bag of magic beans snooker him out of two SB victories?

                                          Eli Manning and his bag of magic beans. That's freaking hilarious.

                                          [–]Ravensreedsgrayhair 18ポイント19ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                          by magic beans he means Strahan, Tuck, Umeniyora and that dank pass rush those couple years.

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                                            [–]Giantsgreysfordays 61ポイント62ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                            "WAHHHHH I WISH WE HAD WON THIS FACKIN’ SUPAH BOWL AT FENWAY!"

                                            Oh my god this is fantastic.

                                            [–]Saintsplatypuspracticus 26ポイント27ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                            Anyone else have trouble finding the footnotes for this article?

                                            [–]JetsGraphicNovelty 519ポイント520ポイント  (173子コメント)

                                            No, I’m congratulating you because, at long last, you and the NFL conspired to figure out a way for you sorry, miserable, LOATHESOME bags of shit to remain in the sports world spotlight in perpetuity. God forbid the rest of the universe spend ONE FUCKING SECOND not talking about your shitty teams. All those titles* are irrelevant now that you’ve secured the ultimate Boston nocturnal emission: a chance to wallow in your own self-victimization for time eternal. Great fucking job. You are now the worst, forever.

                                            /r/nfl in a nutshell

                                            [–]49ersSportsOnly 51ポイント52ポイント  (21子コメント)

                                            Don't want this series to end.

                                            [–]ColtsWeed_O_Whirler 103ポイント104ポイント  (20子コメント)

                                            Oh the best is yet to come. When they publish all the angriest emails Drew gets from fans who are pissed about the articles.

                                            [–]PatriotsSenatorIncitatus[S] 32ポイント33ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                            http://deadspin.com/this-woman-does-not-like-us-making-fun-of-the-texans-1724891701

                                            [–]Texansmattyisphtty 6ポイント7ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                            Shes a doll. I would love to know what her opinions are on some other hard hitting subjects like the middle east.

                                            [–]EaglesTommah 14ポイント15ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                            She's against it.

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                                              [–]Vikingsdakerson1234 34ポイント35ポイント  (8子コメント)

                                              I'm sure the Patriots fans will have some well thought out responses, and as always, The Raiders fans will have the most spelling errors.

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                                                [–]BroncosChubbin 89ポイント90ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                You fucking dirty cheating lying scumbag racist asswipe fuckface toilet people. Forget the stupid ballboy sneaking footballs into the shitter just so Brady could have a saggy tit to throw around against the Colts.

                                                I fucking love it.

                                                [–]RavensSuperSaiyanSandwich 106ポイント107ポイント  (23子コメント)

                                                What Sucks: You fucking dirty cheating lying scumbag racist asswipe fuckface toilet people.

                                                Harsh.

                                                [–]Cardinalsbeer_down 778ポイント779ポイント  (26子コメント)

                                                You can win as many titles* as you like. I will never believe they were won legitimately, because you all SUCK and don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. When confronted with raw evidence of your team’s shitbaggery, you alternate between pathetic gloating, outright paranoia, and Chris Brown-levels of comical defensiveness. Even if there was no air of scandal around this putrid franchise, you would STILL find a way to bitch about your titles anyway. WAHHHHH I WISH WE HAD WON THIS FACKIN’ SUPAH BOWL AT FENWAY!

                                                Well, I certainly can't disagree with that

                                                [–]EaglesMikeTysonChicken 302ポイント303ポイント  (9子コメント)

                                                Because the fans have a persecution complex that would make fundamentalist Christians blush.

                                                That was from one of the readers emails. Pretty good shit

                                                [–]Ravensrob_var 38ポイント39ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                About 90% of my fellow fans have been nailing themselves to a cross along with Brady this offseason.

                                                Personal favorite I started imagining patriot fans in a line with a cross on their side ready to be nailed right next to Tom Brady

                                                [–]Vikingsadmvp 50ポイント51ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                Pretty accurate shit, too

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                                                  [–]VikingsBig_booty_ho 134ポイント135ポイント  (9子コメント)

                                                  Watching the karma roller coaster on this comment is really amusing.

                                                  [–]Patriotslukeinfamous 52ポイント53ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                  I couldn't stop laughing at the last sentence, I loved this piece.

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                                                    [–]PatriotsEvadableMoxie 107ポイント108ポイント  (9子コメント)

                                                    Was actually pretty funny, I laughed out loud at the Belichick stuff.

                                                    and this one:

                                                    People react to my fandom like I’m actively trying to molest their children.

                                                    Best line.

                                                    [–]PatriotsCableAHVB 30ポイント31ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                                    I wore my Pats t-shirt to my new duty station in Japan. The guy picking me up looked me up and down and told me to go fuck myself. I had to walk to my command. I was his boss.

                                                    I was in Iowa this summer, visiting my parents. Went to a Madden tournament at a local video rental store. Wearing my Pats jersey, every time I sat down, people called me names and remarked that they better check the balls before the game.

                                                    [–]Patriotszebula234 17ポイント18ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                                    Seriously. I haven't lived in New England in a dozen years, every time I point out my teams people get this aghast look like "well, I thought we could be friends until you mentioned that".

                                                    [–]VikingsBig_booty_ho 94ポイント95ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                                    I will spend all my afternoon refreshing this thread and I will be entertained .

                                                    [–]Giantsdisarm2514 20ポイント21ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                    Yup, I've been waiting for this thread all day. Might make some popcorn.

                                                    [–]Jetsyrthegoodnamestaken 57ポイント58ポイント  (5子コメント)

                                                    I'm pretty sure it's illegal to be this erect at work.

                                                    [–]BillsSeanJuan 192ポイント193ポイント  (48子コメント)

                                                    "The worst part of this whole Ballghazi debacle as how idiot Pats fans like Bill Simmons have put on their little detective beanies and truthered the whole affair to the point of comedy. Oh yeah, I’m sure Tommy from Quinzee’s careful parsing of all the legal documents will crack the case against Goodell wide open. IT WAS A FACKIN’ CONSPIRACY! COUNT THE RINGS! God, you discount Wahlbergs just make it impossible for anyone to ever like you. No one is coming with you on your little quest for vengeance."

                                                    Ahem.

                                                    [–]DolphinsMG87 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    Lost it at "Discount Whalbergs"

                                                    [–]Patriotseaglessoar 34ポイント35ポイント  (34子コメント)

                                                    Spelling of Quinzee is spot on too

                                                    [–]Lionsthrowawaybeh69 23ポイント24ポイント  (33子コメント)

                                                    I'm from Weymouth, I didn't even realize Quincy could be pronounced any other way until my cousins came to visit several years ago and said they drove through 'Quin-sea'. They also pronounced Scituate 'Skit-two-ate' shudders

                                                    [–]Ravenspapajim22 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                    My parents (and entire family) are from Weymouth. When I was younger I thought they were saying "Social Plaza" instead of "South Shore Plaza."

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                                                      [–]Eaglesadebisi_ 8ポイント9ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                      look at the "boycott espn" thread on their sub for a perfect example of this

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                                                        [–]PatriotsKiernanstrat 77ポイント78ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                        Brady, if that's his real name

                                                        LOL

                                                        [–]CowboysJaypegg 29ポイント30ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                        http://i.imgur.com/S7EYADx.gif

                                                        [–]Patriotsbrowndudeman 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                        "In case you're wondering, there's a child being murdered off camera"

                                                        [–]EaglesWunderOwl 43ポイント44ポイント  (7子コメント)

                                                        A group of about 15 of my friends were watching the Super Bowl at a friend’s house. During the brawl in the fourth quarter this group of about 14 Sullys proceeded to yell every racial slur imaginable at the TV. Did I mention I’m half black?

                                                        Wow, I thought this was reserved for scoring playoff goals against the Bruins.

                                                        [–]JetsI_Said 392ポイント393ポイント  (75子コメント)

                                                        They are the John Cena of the NFL. No matter the odds, these shitstains get a win. What compounds my hatred is their pouty bitch of a headcoach, a man who's entire adult wardrobe for work is built around "WAAHHHHH! I don't wanna wear that!".

                                                        I don't even care, specifically, about deflategate. Or spygate anymore. But this franchise has a shit history of being dicks.

                                                        Imagine it wasn't the NFL. Imagine it was Monopoly, and every year at your table of 4 this hobo sits down, reeking of gin in a stained hoodie, fondling his best friends gf, and every year this bag of shit pulls out another obscure rule (or gets caught cheating-after-the-fact) that results in him owning Boardwalk and Park Place. That's life in the AFC East. Dealing with a fanbase that actually mocks the Seahawks for being "Johnny-come-lately's" without a hint of irony, an owner basically noogies Goodell into submission annually, a coach who's probably fucking your wife right now, and a QB who won't even have the decency to give me a valid reason to hate him.

                                                        Fuck the lot of them.

                                                        [–]Patriotsfatchicksunited 303ポイント304ポイント  (19子コメント)

                                                        It's Belichick you're talking about. He's not going to pull out the rulebook for Boardwalk and Park Place, he's going to grab all the railroads. Then he's going to trade to your five year-old niece the purple properties (her favorite color) for the orange properties (his "favorite" color).

                                                        He's probably also that guy who builds twenty houses all over the map and doesn't upgrade to hotels just so nobody else can build more houses.

                                                        [–]EaglesCrapFrancis 180ポイント181ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                        In this scenario the niece is the buccaneers right?

                                                        [–]Bengalsd_wilson123 9ポイント10ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                        I showed my wife one of those "How to win at Monopoly" posts because she hates Monopoly and loses every time. So she purchased the high value tiles, made a ton of houses. I was trying to let her win so I bought the shitty properties and made hotels on Park Place & Boardwalk. Wouldn't you know I didn't land on a single Marvin Gardens or a Rail the entire game and she landed on my super upgraded Park Place like 4 turns in a row? Haven't played the game since :(

                                                        [–]PackersSCRIZZLEnetwork 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                        Does it really matter? Everything you get is half hers anyway, so she got 2nd place and 1/2 of 1st place, she wins.

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                                                            [–]GiantsDr_Medic345 18ポイント19ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                                            My friends installed this clause in monopoly where they didn't have to pay each other on their properties due to a deal.

                                                            And that is why monopoly is never played again.

                                                            [–]Coltsdarcys_beard 7ポイント8ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                            I've been to some wild parties in my time, but you guys...

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                                                              [–]PatriotsWKWA 128ポイント129ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                              Imagine it wasn't the NFL. Imagine it was Monopoly, and every year at your table of 4 this hobo sits down, reeking of gin in a stained hoodie, fondling his best friends gf, and every year this bag of shit pulls out another obscure rule (or gets caught cheating-after-the-fact) that results in him owning Boardwalk and Park Place. That's life in the AFC East.

                                                              A+ analogy.

                                                              [–]VikingsLackofOriginality 21ポイント22ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                              They are the John Cena of the NFL.

                                                              ...so they're getting squashed by Suh-Plex City this year?

                                                              I'm alright with that.

                                                              [–]PatriotsSenatorIncitatus[S] 45ポイント46ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                                              FIND OUT WHO'S CHAMP THIS THURSDAY NIGHT DOOOO DO DODODO

                                                              [–]Saintsplatypuspracticus 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                              that results in him owning Boardwalk and Park Place.

                                                              Everyone knows that you never go for Boardwalk and Park Place. Waste of money and they aren't landed on that frequently.

                                                              Wanna know why you're losing to a hobo? Because you think Boardwalk and Park Place has value whilst he's getting way more mileage out of cheap properties.

                                                              And that actually some what applies to Pats/Jets, too....somehow. If you really stretch it.

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                                                                [–]PatriotsI_Enjoy_Taffy 85ポイント86ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                                Here’s a list of CBs the Patriots drafted and developed into reliable contributors under current secondary coach Josh Boyer:

                                                                Oh God that was too good.

                                                                [–]PatriotsFiendish-DoctorWu 198ポイント199ポイント  (46子コメント)

                                                                We cut all corners to win this season.

                                                                [–]BrownsWaffylesYay 152ポイント153ポイント  (24子コメント)

                                                                takes notes frantically Any other tips you could throw our way?

                                                                [–]PatriotsSMc-Twelve 50ポイント51ポイント  (7子コメント)

                                                                Get yourself a fall guy.

                                                                You know the difference between Robert Kraft and Arthur Blank? Arthur Blank had a fall guy, who was summarily thrown under the bus at the first possible opportunity.

                                                                He's also got a first round pick next year, and $650,000 more money in his pocket.

                                                                [–]Patriots2busy2blizzy 93ポイント94ポイント  (8子コメント)

                                                                There's an article up on ESPN right now...

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                                                                  [–]EaglesPeteJones6969 13ポイント14ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                                  I hope you guys come out tomorrow night to the N.W.O. Black and White theme.

                                                                  [–]EagleswhenitsTimeyoullknow 3ポイント4ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                  Cut enough corners off of a square and it takes the shape of a ring.

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                                                                    [–]BuccaneersZephyrkills 48ポイント49ポイント  (5子コメント)

                                                                    *

                                                                    [–]PatriotsRogueInteger 37ポイント38ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                                                    "Advanced stage of dadbod at 19."

                                                                    Ugh. That one hit close to home.

                                                                    [–]Ravensreedsgrayhair 5ポイント6ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                                    its ok, dadbod is in nowadays. At least with the sorostitute crowd I hear.

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                                                                      [–]LionsNiceSasquatch 9ポイント10ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                                      gotta say, that was pretty funny.

                                                                      I'm referring to the 15 different reddit posts with this same link. too bad our mods happened to be awake for it.

                                                                      [–]Patriotshouseonaboat 25ポイント26ポイント  (4子コメント)

                                                                      See, at least Cleveland fans are miserable about being miserable. Fucking Boston fans want misery. We need something to complain about. If Deflategate had never happened, we would have spent a summer and a half calling for Farrell's head ("CANCER'S NOT THAT BAD GUYS") and for the Bruins to relocate to Connecticut.

                                                                      [–]CowboysGoingPole2Pole 50ポイント51ポイント  (23子コメント)

                                                                      You win

                                                                      Edit: Holy karma race Batman.

                                                                      [–]VikingsAn_Lochlannach 31ポイント32ポイント  (5子コメント)

                                                                      I'm convinced people spend hours pressing f5 on certain sites, waiting for these things to come up, and have the title pre-prepared.

                                                                      These things get posted barely seconds after they've been published.

                                                                      [–]PatriotsSenatorIncitatus[S] 21ポイント22ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                                                      Okay to be fair I was refreshing Deadspin because I enjoy the series and they're generally posted a little before 2PM.

                                                                      However reddit will copy the titles of most websites so all you really have to do is paste the link and click "suggest title" and Bob's your uncle.

                                                                      There you go, karma-whoring 101.

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                                                                        [–]Eaglesdwaters11 10ポイント11ポイント  (6子コメント)

                                                                        and you win beating me to this comment, damn you.

                                                                        http://i.imgur.com/Ofi8V1r.png

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                                                                          [–]Steelerssitrepped 74ポイント75ポイント  (31子コメント)

                                                                          Also: fuck Gronk. Gronk is over. It was fun back when he was a jolly idiot and didn’t KNOW he was a jolly idiot. But now he’s like Charlie Sheen after realizing that people thought tiger blood rants were amusing. Football was better off when Gronk had ebola in his forearm.

                                                                          That was a very entertaining read aside from this. Did all of these articles have shit like that in them?

                                                                          [–]Patriotsnottoodrunk 173ポイント174ポイント  (88子コメント)

                                                                          • Cheaters? Check.

                                                                          • Asterisks? Check.*

                                                                          • Boston fans are assholes with enormous victim complexes? Check.

                                                                          • Belichick is a Satanic mass murderer? Check.

                                                                          Think we hit them all.

                                                                          [–]PatriotsAwesomeTed 81ポイント82ポイント  (77子コメント)

                                                                          You forgot we're all racist.

                                                                          EDIT: Never mind, I didn't read the blurbs at the end. We're good.

                                                                          [–]PatriotsEByrne 30ポイント31ポイント  (3子コメント)

                                                                          Honestly, I was kinda hoping for more. Seemed like kind of a draw-by-numbers of a standard "make fun of the Pats and Boston" piece. Maybe it's because I've lived in LA for almost a decade, but that stuff has no punch anymore.

                                                                          The few parts where he deviated from that script--mostly about Belichick--were definitely the highlights. Belichick may be low-hanging fruit, but he definitely knocked it out of the park.

                                                                          [–]PatriotsPM_ME_YOUR_DARKNESS 9ポイント10ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                          Yeah, I was a little disappointed. I thought there would be a little more to it than run of the mill "Pats cheat, all your wins are suspect."

                                                                          The bits about Belichick were pretty funny.

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                                                                              [–]Cowboysyouliftbrah 21ポイント22ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                              The Patriots are the only team that can make winning a Super Bowl as joyless as they have.

                                                                              Accurate.

                                                                              [–]Coltsbantha_poodoo 25ポイント26ポイント  (10子コメント)

                                                                              This was straight up hateful

                                                                              [–]PatriotsDCMurphy 39ポイント40ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                                              Lost it at

                                                                              suspiciously preventing fumbles, racketeering, cooked books, cut brakes, arson, pipe bombs, booby traps, bear traps, trap doors, illegal formations, secret fuck dungeons, satellite reconnaissance, visitor’s room glory hole cameras, x-ray playsheet analysis, Clomid planted in Robert Mathis’s glove box, MURDER. Tell me a way in which the Patriots have engaged in deliberate subterfuge, and I will believe it.

                                                                              Also:

                                                                              We refer to our owner as “Mr. Kraft”, coincidentally the same thing his current 19 year old girlfriend calls him.

                                                                              Fucking GOLD.

                                                                              edit the second:

                                                                              And nobody brought up how during the playoffs we were all getting hyped to Josie aka "I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love" by The Outfield, which is literally a song about cheating.

                                                                              [–]Patriotsssnomar 26ポイント27ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                              Even if there was no air of scandal around this putrid franchise, you would STILL find a way to bitch about your titles anyway. WAHHHHH I WISH WE HAD WON THIS FACKIN’ SUPAH BOWL AT FENWAY!

                                                                              OMG we coulda had this SUPAH BOWL AT FACKIN' FENWAY PAHK!?!?!

                                                                              FACKIN' GOODELL MOVING THE GAME FROM FENWAY!!! IT'S A FACKIN' CONSPIRACY!!!

                                                                              [–]Texansbellsofwar3 6ポイント7ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                              One reason would be lack of film.

                                                                              [–]PatriotsSenatorIncitatus[S] 61ポイント62ポイント  (48子コメント)

                                                                              Of course fucking Connecticut doesn't side with the rest of New England.

                                                                              [–]Giantsvarcas 63ポイント64ポイント  (9子コメント)

                                                                              Because we hate that the Patriots claimed 6 states.

                                                                              [–]PatriotsSquints753 22ポイント23ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                                              I live in Connecticut, and it's probably the shittiest sports state.

                                                                              Cowboy/Yankees fans...

                                                                              Patriots/Yankees fans...

                                                                              I work with a Bills fan and a Jets fan, and they both asked aloud, in all seriousness, if it was possible for their games to be cancelled against the Patriots because of all of their cheating.

                                                                              Could be worse. I used to work with a Giants fan who was a Hillary backer, but when she lost to Obama he became a truther Republican. Totally nothing to do about race!

                                                                              [–]PatriotsSixchr 45ポイント46ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                                              Connecticut attaches itself to whatever is most popular because it doesn't have an identity of its own. New York can keep it.

                                                                              [–]NFLihateconnecticut 16ポイント17ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                              Yeah, tell me about it.

                                                                              Source: name

                                                                              [–]Patriotsjprovoj2 27ポイント28ポイント  (28子コメント)

                                                                              The only good thing about CT is mystic aquarium. Other than that, they can go bang ankles.

                                                                              Edit; forgot about foxwoods. Thats it though

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                                                                                [–]Patriotseaglessoar 19ポイント20ポイント  (15子コメント)

                                                                                How do you get a Pats fan to shut up? Ask them their favorite player pre-2002 (Bledsoe excluded).

                                                                                Got me there, then again I wasn't really watching football at that age, but that is solid. Does Brady count as pre-2002?

                                                                                [–]RaidersSharks77 15ポイント16ポイント  (2子コメント)

                                                                                God damn, guys

                                                                                [–]PanthersSpiralyst 8ポイント9ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                                I found the comments section at the end enlightening. While all the other people replying to the articles for the other teams seem to have picked up the baton and continued the roast of their team, most of the Patriots fans just use the space to rub their shit-eating grins in everyone's face, doubling down on the burns the writers doled out in the article itself.

                                                                                It was an excellent end to a great series.

                                                                                [–]CowboysSlayer1791 5ポイント6ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                                I've been looking forward to this one.

                                                                                [–]Jaguarsicechalk 4ポイント5ポイント  (0子コメント)

                                                                                I remain firmly convinced that, despite the victory* over Seattle, Belichick’s favorite moment from last season was spite-benching Jonas Gray, just to be a cock.

                                                                                While I'm sure Bill has even more evil and elaborate plans in the works, this is absolutely my favorite bit.

                                                                                [–]PatriotsWhiteMaleSportsFan 27ポイント28ポイント  (13子コメント)

                                                                                the article this series was meant for. i honestly felt like, other than the steelers and the texans, this year was a little weaker than the 2014 version, but now i know why. drew had to save his vitriol for us. i'm honored.

                                                                                [–]Patriotsdennishamburglar 15ポイント16ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                                                ODD TIMING THAT THIS COMES OUT. THANKS ROGER

                                                                                [–]Broncostaotechill 7ポイント8ポイント  (1子コメント)

                                                                                And fuck Josh McDaniels.

                                                                                Amen.

                                                                                [–]JetsCatfishHugo 29ポイント30ポイント  (5子コメント)

                                                                                When confronted with raw evidence of your team’s shitbaggery, you alternate between pathetic gloating, outright paranoia, and Chris Brown-levels of comical defensiveness.

                                                                                Perfect description right there.

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