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[–]GMNightmare 6 points7 points8 points  (29 children)
You were NOT FORCED. You made the choice to have sex. What do you not get about this?
But... but, she might have left you? Tough. I'm sure real rape victims totally associate with you on that. Them being forced into sex, and you, you not wanting to hurt your relationship.
Sorry, I'm making light of your ordeal a bit, just like you're making light of real rape victims. Thinking that you, voluntarily having sex and regretting it, is the same as rape.
Why must you call this rape? You feeling bad about your actions doesn't justify this. You need to accept that you made a decision, a decision you may have regretted, but a decision you made nonetheless.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored 0 points1 point2 points  (10 children)
It sounds like you have no idea what an emotionally abusive relationship is like. In a way, I'm glad, because that means you haven't experienced it yourself, and I wouldn't want you to.
[–]GMNightmare 4 points5 points6 points  (9 children)
No, I've been in one. Not likely in the same way, because no two relationships are the same, but sorry, you don't get that as an out, claiming I just "don't know". Same type of BS attempt like OP.
If we wanted to go along those lines, it's more like you don't have apparently any idea what rape is like.
Every single real rape victim would take your situation, where you had a choice, over theirs, where they didn't.
At the end of the day, you had a choice. Rape victims, didn't. And your regret over that choice does not close that gap.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (8 children)
The exact definition of “rape,” “sexual assault,” “sexual abuse” and similar terms differs by state. The wording can get confusing, since states often use different words to mean the same thing or use the same words to describe different things.
The "real" rape victims have had nothing but empathy for me. I've never been told "I was really raped, and it was way worse than your situation." I've only been told that kind of stuff by people who haven't been raped by any definition of the word.... What does that say, you think?
[–]GMNightmare 5 points6 points7 points  (7 children)
Nothing you quoted changes anything here. I didn't say they didn't have empathy with you. I didn't even say I don't have empathy with you. You shouldn't need to be directly told that.
I said they would rather take your situation, where you weren't raped, over theirs, where they were.
You weren't raped. By any definition, in any way, or anything close thereof.
You made a choice.
You made a choice.
You made a choice.
You want to label it as something negative, well, pick something other than rape because rape is not what you went through.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (6 children)
Look, it's not like I'm saying I don't take any responsibility. I take partial responsibility.
But she also made a choice. She chose to continue to harass me into having sex with her. She chose to be upset when I didn't want to give it to her. She chose to emotionally and psychologically abuse me for a year and a half before this incident even occurred.
The fault may lie partially with my choice, but it lies primarily in her, with her choice.
She's the aggressor. If she didn't make her choice first, I wouldn't have had to make mine.
[–]GMNightmare 4 points5 points6 points  (5 children)
When you try to call it rape, you are not taking responsibility for your actions. The partial responsibility on your part, is the part that makes it not rape.
Her being abusive in your relationship with her is not something positive that you need to make worse than what it is. It does not give you room to just claim rape. You were abused, you weren't raped. You don't need to pretend it was rape.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (4 children)
I was indeed abused... emotionally, and sexually. I was sexually abused.
Curious, do you think that women who are raped wearing short skirts, or who get drunk at raves... do you think they are to blame for getting raped?
[–]GMNightmare 3 points4 points5 points  (3 children)
You mean people who are forced into sex without any choice in the matter? No.
YOU WEREN'T RAPED. Stop trying to pretend you're case is the same as others who had no choice in the matter.
This isn't "blaming" you, how is identifying you consented blaming you in any way, shape, or form? How does that play out in your mind? Holy cow.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (2 children)
It plays out like this:
I gave disingenuous consent. My mouth said "OK," but my neither my heart nor mind were okay with it. I gave her legal consent to have sex with me, so legally speaking, this isn't rape. On that, I agree with you 100%.
But legal definitions and social definitions often differ, such as with the term "insanity." In fact, the FBI legal definition doesn't even include vagina-on-rape at all. That means no matter the circumstances, even if I were tied down and fed viagra, it wouldn't constitute as rape. To me, that means we need to rethink our definitions.
You seem to assume that disingenuous consent is the same thing as genuine consent. Obviously, that makes perfect sense to you.
I've been through very different circumstances than you, and I see things differently.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (17 children)
I realize there is a stigma attached to it, which is why I never went through with reporting it. Even though she did something horrendous to me, I didn't want to ruin her life, so I didn't.
Why must you call this rape?
Hey man, it's my experience. Believe it or not, I know more about my experience than you. I'm here because I'm defending my experience, but why are you still here? Did you have someone you know destroyed by the label "rapist" or something?
[–]GMNightmare 3 points4 points5 points  (16 children)
I know more about my experience than you
That doesn't mean you get to call something rape. Because you've clearly identified you made a choice. Get it? It's not rape. And while you claim to take responsibility for your actions on this, you clearly are not since you keep trying to claim it's rape, and that you were forced into sex instead of understanding you made a choice.
"But I want to call it rape" is exactly the primary issue that is plaguing the whole thing today. Somebody has sex and regrets it? WHY RAPE! Diluting the term, making it harder for victims to come forward, making it harder in general to prosecute for it. People thinking they can retroactively remove consent, all of this makes for serious societal issues when calling rape on somebody ruins lives!
The answer is no. The answer is I know actual rape victims. The answer is that I've personally witnessed how hard it is for them to get their rapist in jail, specifically, because of how many people try to call rape because they regret their choices. And you, are propagating that view, that you should be able to call something rape just because you want to.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (15 children)
Woah, you still think this was a decision I merely regretted later? Wow, you must be pretty biased to be holding onto that assumption.
[–]GMNightmare 3 points4 points5 points  (14 children)
You've already come out and clearly stated you gave consent. Disingenuously, but consent nonetheless. This was your decision, and you regretted it. It is the decision that makes this not rape.
I mean, you just a few posts ago said you aren't trying to avoid taking any responsibility for your actions. But here you are, trying to shirk them.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (13 children)
It's true I later regretted giving consent, not going to deny that. But I never wanted the sex itself, had clearly stated I had no interest in sex, and hated the experience of the sex itself. In a sense, I regretted the sex before, during and after.
A few posts ago, I said I take some of the blame, but she takes most of it. That hasn't changed.
To you, it's like I don't take any responsibility (though I take some). To me, it's like you don't know what emotionally abusive relationships are, or what manipulation is.
[–]GMNightmare 3 points4 points5 points  (11 children)
Your thoughts does not override you giving consent. Regret before, during, and after does not make rape.
You're not taking any of the blame, if you can't understand it's not rape because you gave consent, no matter how much you regret giving consent.
That's completely trying to ignore your actions.
And again, I've been in an abusive relationship before, and if we're talking like that, you don't know what rape is or what it's like.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -2 points-1 points0 points  (10 children)
So you assume that "rape" is 100% the fault of the aggressor?
[–]GMNightmare 2 points3 points4 points  (9 children)
Yes, rape tends to be the 100% fault of the rapist. That's why it's called rape. That's not an assumption, that's the definition of rape, which is, forcing sex against another's will.
So you're now saying that you think rape is partly the fault of the victim? Do you not see that you're now saying things like she deserved it because she wore a short skirt?
This is exactly why it's harmful for people like you going around muddying the term rape because you don't like that you gave consent.
[–]My_Life_Uncensored -1 points0 points1 point  (8 children)
Yes, rape tends to be the 100% fault of the rapist.
tends
Even you can't say it's 100% the aggressor's fault, 100% of the time.
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