Scared to get naked.

TheBigO420 · 7時間前

Ok so here's the thing. Just this last weekend a girl I met on OKC and I got physical for the first time. She had some "loose skin" like you're describing from weight loss.

I didn't give a fuck at all. In fact, being as how I was fat when I was young as well it made me appreciate her even more.

We spent the next 24 hours in a wine fueled sex and NetFlix marathon. Best weekend I've had in a looooooooooong time.

We're having dinner Thursday and then going to the zoo on Monday.

Moral of the story is, if the guy is worth a fuck he will not only look past your insecurities but come to appreciate them as a piece of a fantastic whole.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out for you both.

EunathFile · 8時間前

I know lots of women who have this in some form or another (some from pregnancy, others from weight loss). They seem to do just fine.

It's up to you on how much more comfortable you would be if you mentioned it ahead of time. Would it make you more comfortable or are you trying to give the guy permission to reject you before you get naked?

scotch_please · 8時間前

I like to think the opposite sex has things they're equally worried about (e.g., penis size and not having six pack abs).

Don't warn a guy of anything to do with your body (barring something shocking like major scars). I think that comes off as insecure and makes it sound like you feel the need to apologize for what you look like. And you absolutely don't. Unless he's an asshole he'll probably not even notice anything because his blood flow will be directed under the belt and he'll be ecstatic to be getting naked with a lady.

I was a fat kid/teenager until I got in shape in college. At my lightest I was 13 pounds under what I am now so I kind of rollercoastered from being overweight to the best shape of my life to my current "healthy but not perfect" body. It takes time to accept yourself sometimes but I've learned I don't want to be sleeping with anyone who treats a little cellulite as some transmittable rash.

You're perfect the way you are and consider how far you've come from any point you were previously uncomfortable with your weight gain, or whatever. You've conquered that part so why get hung up on a new set of insecurities?

tossthisoneaway4ever · 3時間前

I'm kind of a superficial jerk and have normally only had sex with fit women. I was always secretly concerned about how I would fare getting older and having sex with older bodies with some extra and some sag.

I had sex with a woman who had had a baby and had lost weight afterward and had some loose skin and jiggle from weight loss and childbirth.

She was pretty and funny and generally great so really the only thing I noticed was that she was concerned about it and trying to conceal it as best as possible. In spite of my concerns about my own superficiality, I didn't even really notice.

Also, the sex was really good so that helps. Just make the sex good and don't worry too much about your body. If things are progressing he must be into you. People are usually less shallow than they even give themselves credit for.

PeachMead · 8時間前

I don't think you need to say anything ahead of time. If you're concerned about him judging you then just wait a bit until you get a better feel of how he feels about you. If he actually likes you, he most likely won't care and shouldn't care. He's getting to see you naked and that's usually pretty awesome. Bodies are cool.

PolishTea · 5時間前

I'm going to channel Dan Savage here:

Congratulations, you now have a super power!!!!!!!!!

From now on, you have a super power, and that super power is, you don't have to have sex with anyone who's superficial and not at all worth your time ever again. Be confident, be happy, and pull your top off when it's time to get down and dirty. If he's into you with your top on, he'll be into you when you take it off and the rest will sort themselves out right then and there.

Fuinir · 7時間前

As someone with a similar issue, you just have to own it. It's your battle scar from your personal triumph. It speaks positively about your character.

throwaway_okc_ · 7時間前

Since there is not much you can do about your loose skin, your goal should be to find a partner who either likes it or doesn't care. You don't have to warn people about it because it's not a horrible defect that you have to apologize for, but if you're worried that some guys won't be into it then the only thing you can do is be brave, let down your guard, and see what happens when he sees it.

Most likely, many people won't care. Some people might, but they shouldn't be your priority.

gjallerhorn · 4時間前

It took a bit over two weeks for my gf to let me see her naked. Sex was always with the lights off, under covers. She's in a similar boat. Recent weight loss, but there's still a bit more she wants to go.

Of course now she just straight up strips down as soon as she's in the door. So you might get over it pretty quickly. Once you are comfortable

captainsaveabro · 7時間前

I have loose skin from weight loss and I've never had a single man say anything about it. In the beginning I kept a tank top on and learned to love lingerie. Now it's been so long that I just don't care, you can't even tell when I'm laying down.

somethrowell · 7時間前

Just be confident. Fake it 'til you make it.

castleborg · 5時間前

The optimal solution is really to have a date at the beach or by the pool or some other pretext to reveal your tummy.

That way you don't have to do frightening things like communicate verbally about it, it's out in the open before sex, and it won't be clogging up your mind and messing with your flow the first time you have sex.

stonerism · 4時間前

He's seeing you naked. If he isn't excited for that, he ain't worth your time.

OG-buddha · 3時間前

Don't worry about it.

I am superficial, I know it, I shouldn't be but I am.

Long story short, I started dating this girl I met off of Snapchat (long, long story), she would never post pictures if herself, not even face only pictures. After about 4 months and multiple snap streaks we met. She's not as hot as the normal girls I go for, but she interests me otherwise, and that's all that should matter.

Forty44Four · 8時間前

Everyone has something, it may seem like a huge deal to you and be null to the men you're dating. Personally, it's a good sign that you DID lose the weight, and that you care about your health. I mean unless it's so bad your stomach skin is being a flopping goalie in front of your vagina I doubt its as big an issue as you think.

Would you really want to date someone who would prefer you not be healthy?

VitaminNigga · 7時間前

Question for you: is your "ruined stomach" a medical condition? If the answer is yes, you should def consider plastic surgery. A friend of mine used to be overweight. He lost a lot of fat very quickly. He paid for surgery and now he has no loose skin.

somesillynerd · 7時間前

Don't worry about it.

Really.

If you feel like you want to mention it, feel free. But don't emphasis it. Everyone has issues. Few people have a perfect body.

I briefly dated a guy who refused to wear shorts because he hated his calves. It was so stupid. WAY more stupid than just having thin legs.

Another guy had lost a lot of weight and didn't want to take his shirt off. So silly. Zero fucks given by me. Bigger turn off him being so insecure than any sort of imperfections.

My body isn't perfect. I'm very insecure. But I'm better than I used to be, and well, as long as he likes me the way I look - well, I should get over it.

applebound · 6時間前

The overall feeling of this thread is "bodies are cool" and that's encouraging but not everyone thinks that way. Then, there are people who are specifically picky about skin or fat, or whatever, in ways that override their attraction despite their best efforts.

I wouldn't "warn" the guy per se, but I'd definitely mention it to him to try to avoid a potentially difficult situation after being naked like being walked out on, faded on, etc. Those things happen, and I see no reason no to mention this.

It's funny how so many people are keen on encouraging others to be comfortable with their bodies and exposing them, but not with exposing what's on their minds.

flamingmetalicclouds · 8時間前

Everyone has quirks and differences... my best advice would be to care less about whether you will be rejected and place more emphasis on enjoying the nekkid time if it happens.

If he doesn't want to be with you over that, keep looking. Keep being good to your body, and be good to yourself.

On a lighter note, even if you didn't have issues with your belly, you may after you have a child or two, so if he doesn't like it now its best to know... rather than after popping out a couple children with him.

El-ahrairah-okc · 7時間前

At my age we're both forgiving. I got my physical issues, she has hers.

Count backwards, as age is younger, perfect body pressure is higher.

rawlingstones · 5時間前

The reality is that 95% of people are just going to be happy that they are with a naked person. The other 5% are people you wouldn't want to be involved with anyway, and it reflects worse on them than it does on you.

Fuck 'em, and good on you for losing the weight. That extra skin isn't something to be ashamed of, it's something to be proud of. You did something really difficult.

Dont_Be_A_Creeper · 5時間前

You can't hide it forever, but at the same time I understand why you wouldn't want to reveal your insecurities early on. If it really bothers you (to the point where it would impact the enjoyment of your sexual experience), it wouldn't hurt to mention it. This would also allow you to prevent any surprises and gauge his response, if for some reason he has a problem with it. Congratulations on the weight loss.

quettlequorn · 5時間前

I'm a dude in the same boat. The advice I've gotten so far has generally been to just let things reveal naturally, so that's what I'm doing.

If you're super concerned, slow things down so they become more attached to you as a person; hopefully they'll see the skin and weight loss as a sign of strength and character and be more attracted to you. If they don't see it that way, you can and should do better.

trybincatchaway · 2時間前

Just get nude. I say this as someone with similar body issues. Whatever you look like naked, I can guarantee that you look way less hot when you're not as naked as he is and when you're not confident about who you are. If you're nervous, ask for the lights dimmed, and pass it off as normal shyness with new dudes. No big. I'll also say men with decent sex histories will generally not bat at eyelash as they've seen more than one body type.

My only concern is that (and ugh sorry to mention this). . . if you do feel these issues about yourself, just think about how you'll handle it if indeed, you don't see him again. It's a fairly normal thing, it happens to all of us, but not all of us have the same self-consciousness as you do. I know that if you're feeling self-conscious, your mind is going to latch onto whatever makes you feel the worst and assume that's the reason he slept with you then faded, you know? So I think just try to remember that the fuck&fade is the cost of doing business, regardless of what you look like.

StreetwalkinCheetah · 1時間前

I've lost a lot of weight. Wound up dating someone who had had WLS years ago, lost significantly more weight than me. It was strange, it made me extremely comfortable but for some reason she wasn't. She got really into working out after we started seeing each other and always got dressed immediately after sex. It was kinda sad because I liked her for who she was. A lot. If I didn't I wouldn't have bothered.

Have you told him you've lost weight at all? If he knows that he should be prepared to move forward. I'm guessing it won't be as big of a deal as you think though.

Salty_Old_Dog · 1時間前

I dated a woman who had these same concerns. She asked if the lights could be off, and I obliged. I just acted as if there was no issue, because there wasn't. She didn't mind the lights as much once she realized I wasn't going to make a big deal about it, which I think adding positive reinforcement would have done in this case.

If anything, they may appreciate the work you did to earn that loose skin. If they don't, they can piss off and you're better off without them.

ceilingtitty · 19分前

I guarantee you that anyone who gets to see you naked doesn't give a single shit about the things that concern you. Just remind yourself that getting to see you naked is a goddamn privilege, and there is nothing sexier than someone who is confident in what they have and who knows how to work it.

GrandEthos · 6時間前

If you get to that point, he doesn't care.

And alternatively, if he cared, you wouldn't have gotten to that point.

And fer fuck sakes don't dwell on it yourself.

-savasana- · 8時間前

Lights off!

But really, you never have to "warn" someone about your appearance. I mean, I would think mentioning that you're self-conscious about something is a fine thing to discuss so you can figure out what would make you feel most comfortable (positions and such).

Cruel_Melody · 8時間前

Everybody sags eventually. Even supermodels don't actually look like supermodels.

YouBecame · 6時間前

Something I've come to learn recently is that any concerns about how I look feel or "am", when naked, is all a me problem that I need to get over. So few people that you choose to be undressed around are there to make you feel bad about how you look in that condition that you should instead be happy you are comfortable enough to share it with someone :).

Oddly learned by having a nudist beach near my house. Ended up there on a date. Life is weird.

cocksparrow · 4時間前

His inner thought process: "doesn't matter, had sex."

Moira__ · 8時間前

cocoa butter

your lack of confidence will be more of a turnoff than your tummy

or maybe not idk how gross your stomach is

PM_ME_UR_PLANTS · 7時間前

I'll admit that when a friend of mine with this condition was running, I preferred to look elsewhere. It wasn't an issue otherwise. It was subconscious, like the way some people will always be freaked out by spiders even if they like knowing that spiders catch mosquitoes. I doubt he'll judge you, but he may still have an involuntary reaction if he's surprised.

I think the skin should still tighten some over time. You might be able to ask a doctor.

dimitrifromparis · 5時間前

I wouldn't worry. His most likely thought "Whoa, boobs! For me!"

wont_tell_i_refuse · 7時間前

Just do the fat girl thing and slide up your skirt/slide down your shirt to cover your belly.

Post	Day
Story Time Sunday	Sunday
Pick-a-Pic	Tuesday
General Discussion	Friday
Fashion Friday	Friday

OkCupid

▼ Rules

▼ FAQ & Common Posts

▼ Critiques & Advice

▼ Calendar

▼ Chat

New to the subreddit? Looking for critiques or advice? Questions about meetups? Click here!

調停者