Used to be a TRPhead, now trying to distance myself. I'm dating a girl now for the first time and trying really hard not to think in a "Redpill way". Help?

murloclove · 54分前

"You've gone two dates without her spreading her legs? She's clearly just stringing you on! Girls subconsciously want the guy to just bend them over and take them!" "You're not acting alpha enough in your conversations! You gotta space your texts apart so it sounds like you don't care about her!"

All I can say, treat her like you want to be treated. Do you want to feel like she doesn't care about you? If not, don't make her feel like you don't care. Do you want to be respected by her? Then treat her also with respect.

latelythere · 38分前

Girls subconsciously want the guy to just bend them over and take them!

Well for starters I would advocate against sexual assault.

That even if I act normal and be myself, it'll be okay and she won't be turned off by that.

We don't know you and we can't speak for her so none of us can tell you that. But ultimately "yourself" is the only person you can be. Note- that doesn't mean you can't improve yourself, or give you license to treat other people like shit, but does living a life constantly trying to pretend to be "alpha" as dictated by boys on an internet forum seem appealing? I'm guessing not or you wouldn't be here. Try and relax and enjoy getting to know this girl better AND letting her get to know you. In a first relationship, or even if you just really like the person, people have a tendency to project all their relationship hopes onto the other person and be super tense as if the relationship potentially ending would be the end of the world. You've been on two dates. She might turn out to not be someone you're interested in, or vice versa, but try and enjoy yourself as it unfolds. The problem with TRP (or, ONE of the problems) is that they're so damn bitter and scared they are attempting to work out some kind of cheat sheet for human interaction, if they just figure out the right combo of moves all the HB10s will be lining up for them. Unfortunately women are human beings and you'll have to get to know them on a case by case basis. It's scary, but it's life. To be more specific to your situation, I generally wouldn't suggest waiting too too long to respond to texts in the beginning stages of a relationship, as I think most people would interpret that as lack of interest. By all means keep living your life, but there is no need to wait days between texts to seem "alpha."

Level100ProtWarrior · 55分前

My life motto is "what would Fred Rodgers do?"

It's a pretty good baseline.

Atlaffinity75 · 51分前

Maybe I'm being had but a few things...

I wouldn't obsess about being the exact opposite of RedPill. It's not a big deal if you occasionally act cocky or aggressive. As long as you are not treating the relationship like a science experiment, you will be fine.
The bedroom is not the real world. Perhaps she is passive and wants someone to take over in the bed. Or she could be the complete opposite and she wants to be more proactive. Or maybe she's one or the other depending on the time of day. Sometimes sex is great. Sometimes it's awkward. Don't read too much into it.
If things go south with her, don't fall back into all or nothing thinking. That wouldn't mean you did the wrong things or that you need to change. It also wouldn't mean she was flawed somehow.

susiegrapefruit · 35分前

I have been lurking on Reddit for a long time, and I've never posted anything, mostly because I figured if I started, it would consume my life. But this is important, and something I've wanted to post to various people for a long time. So here we go...

People are different. Men are different, women are different, EVERYONE is different. We all want different things for different reasons. One of the many follies of TRP is that it hinges on AWALT. When in reality, some women are bitches, just like some men are dicks. Anyone who teaches that all members of a particular group are the same should be treated with distrust at best.

Try not to focus on what you need to do to get laid, or to keep her, or to retain sufficient aloofness. Focus on the person YOU want to be, in this relationship and outside of it. Do you want to be the guy who ignores her to seem more alluring? Do you want to be the guy who just says and does what he needs to do in order to get at the thing you want from her?

It doesn't sound like you do. And that's the key. Because even if she was the kind of girl who responds to that sort of thing (they exist, because people are different, but I promise they are nowhere close to the majority), that's not who you want to be. Be the person you want to be, and you'll attract the kind of woman who wants to be with that guy. Even if it takes time, it's better than being someone you're not so you can get and keep a woman who isn't looking for the guy you really are. That way lies misery.

Envision the guy you want to wake up as tomorrow, or a year from now. What would that guy do?

It sounds like you have a good thing going with this girl. So stop worrying about what will "work" and just be a guy you can be proud of. If she's looking for that guy, and it seems like she is, then you hit the jackpot!

ultrahedgehog · 49分前

My two cents is that, even though you are romantically involved with her, don't treat every single interaction as having some sort of romantic goal, per se. There can be openly flirtatious conversations, but there can also be normal conversations where you're just chatting, and in those you should try to think about your "intentions" as little as possible.

Big_Gay_Ganondorf · 46分前

Just relax. Don't try to suppress your thoughts - that could make them worse. Instead, take time to think about them. Do you really think she's leading you on after considering it? Do you want to text her now, rather than wait because some randomer on the net told you to? Soon, you should easily find you can dismiss these worries making you insecure.

Also, it's totally normal to feel nervous at first. You're not weak, or 'beta', for feeling that way. Embrace it.

Last of all, have fun. If you don't want to introduce the conflict like dread or holding frame that twerps peddle, then don't. You'll have a much better time.

DameTwinkleToes · 36分前

So, no one here (or anywhere) can provide you with a magic formula on how to guarantee success in your new relationship. Women are just human beings with their own unique desires and preferences. It is advisable to be yourself because who wants to end up in a relationship where they have to put up and maintain a facade in order to keep the other person interested? If being yourself doesn't work out, that doesn't mean it was the wrong thing to do - it simply means the two of you aren't compatible. That is a GOOD thing to find out EARLY on before either of you becomes heavily invested in the relationship.

Treat her the way you want to be treated. Be respectful and sincere. Assuming she is a stable and emotionally healthy individual, she will appreciate these things.

Best of luck to you.

imhereforthemeta · 20分前

Hey, so I can probably give you a lot of advice, but please keep some stuff in mind in general.

You have no experience with women. Theres no reason to get super pushy about sex (even in your own mind). People usually only say this to girls, but if you are a virgin, that's relevant to your dating life. Think about that and communicate too. It's probably good that whoever your first partner is knows that.
You've been on 2 dates with this girl. It could go great, it also might not. Most folks end up on a lot of dates with a lot of people before they get into a relationship. Most people have been in the game longer than you. I just want to re assure you that if things don't go your way, it's not a good reason to go back to TRP. Again, it's a matter of respecting your own lack of experience..which is OKAY.

Beyond that, I bring this up every so often, but my boyfriend is a sweet, sensitive, gentle, feminine dude and I am insanely sexually attracted to him. My sex life with guys way more masculine than him pretty much went into the toilet after a few months and I have lost interest in those types of guys. It's not about projection, it's about substance in the end.

"alpha" isn't some key to the pussy. You are on the right track. If you get rejected, it's probably just because it's not a great match to begin with. There are billions of people in the world, and the amount of people who are a good match to you will always be small in comparison. Don't even give up.

barcode1555 · 39分前

You like her. Don't try to game it. The texting you mentioned is a great example - reply if you feel like replying, rather than putting it off to seem distant.

Good luck!

UsernameSnatcher · 34分前

The comments in this post have great advice (As well as the post in general). https://archive.is/pkco4

I'll use this quote from the post as advice I'd give you myself:

You don't need to establish dominance, you just need to find somebody that's willing to actively pursue your happiness alongside their own; and you need to be willing to do the same for them.

Relationships aren't powerplays and never should be; you should feel happy and relaxed around people you love, not constantly on guard for "shit test" nonsense.

tomkitty · 6分前

I really think you should just be yourself. Don't put on a front or pretend to be something you're not. Just treat her the way you want to be treated. To be honest, when I see a guy "bro-up" and do the whole alpha show thing, it really turns me off and I think it makes guys come off as more insecure than anything else. So just be you!

likeahurricane · 1分前

It's hard to give general advice on how to succeed, but let me offer some on two specific points you brought up.

On text messaging, my rule is pretty simple. If she texts, respond. If you text and she doesn't respond, don't send her another one until you hear back or a good amount of time has gone by. I've found lack of response from text message generally to be a good indicator of lack of interest - don't convey that to her by ignoring her messages.

Don't worry about sleeping with her. You've gone a long time so what does it matter waiting a few more days? People seem to think there is a 3 date golden rule or something. My current girlfriend is one of the most fulfilling relationships in the bedroom I've ever had and it took her seven dates to sleep with me. It never would have happened if I made it a big deal.

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